Amera_Mee
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Amera_Mee1dAntwortet auf 6BigBoneMeat9Aura,
Ryan's brain and body had received so much of a shock that he instinctively erased the source of the trauma.- Amera_Mee6dKommentiertCh 2 chapter 2. Fear
- Amera_Mee6dKommentiert
Demeaning
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Amera_Mee6dKommentiert
Eyes 2 times.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Amera_Mee7dKommentiertCh 1 chapter 1. she felt maimed
- Amera_Mee7dKommentiert
Savouring her anxiety, he took hold of her arms, firmly, and removed her top.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Amera_Mee7dKommentiert
emphasized isn't the right word. Try something more descriptive. also from, Luiza gave a cheeky litt... should be in a separate paragraph.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Amera_Mee7dKommentiert
Her eyes squinted into a crescent moon, slowing... also, better to break the paragraph into 2.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen. - Amera_Mee7dKommentiert
Let's Read.
chapter 1. she felt maimed - Amera_Mee7dAntwortet auf Air_AceCh 1 Her novel
- Amera_Mee10dAntwortet auf Air_AceCh 1 Her novel
- Amera_Mee13dKommentiert
Aight, chapters was good, thank you for baring with my nitpicking and poor grammar, and all, a piece of advice tho, avoid using the same word twice in the same paragraph, if you can't think of anything , you can always look for synonyms in Google and such, imma write the rest later, as of now TcFT and good luck. You can ask the rest in discord.
Ch 1 The End of a Life - Amera_Mee13dKommentiert
Suddenly, two gunshots resounded from Ray's behind and the bullets pierced through his ribs. Staggering from the sudden numbness and pain, his pursuit halted and he crashed head first on the ground. He moved his face bearing the pain and through his paralyzed body, and uncontrollable agony, he saw numerous people donned in black suits appearing from every possible corner of the house.
Suddenly, two gunshots resounded from Ray's back and the bullets pierced through his back. Staggering from the sudden numbness and pain, his pursuit halted and he crashed on the ground. He moved his face bearing the pain and he saw numerous people donned in black suits appearing from every corner of the house. - Amera_Mee13dKommentiert
Recognizing the owner of the voice, Ray's face spun to it direction of the voice which had just echoed from behind. And there, standing at the gate was a face he was all too familiar with, it as none other then Sam, a devilish grin plastered on his below avrage face, clearly confessing himself as the cause of this tragedy.
Recognizing the owner of the voice, Ray's face spun to the direction of the voice which had just sounded from behind him. And their standing at the gate was Sam, his face plastered with a devilish grin, clearly confessing himself as the cause of this tragedy. - Amera_Mee13dKommentiert
"Would you look at that, I think this is the first time I've seen you cry." A sarcastic voice pierced through the silence which was previously dominated by the sound of tears falling on the cold hard floor of the entrance.
"Would you look at that, I think this is the first time I've seen you cry." A sarcastic voice pierced through the silence which was previously, only a sound of tears falling on the cold hard floor of the entrance. - Amera_Mee13dKommentiert
Lying in front of him were here his two little daughters and wife. Also it would be better to split paragraph into 3 for app users.
Alas, what greeted Ray was a sight of bloodshed that made his, even for a man of his caliber who had been through countless ordeals and rivers of bloodshed, insides churn with disgust and making him want to vomit at the sight. His eyes finally depicted emotions but, they were contrary to what he was expecting. Lying there in front of him were here his two little daughters and wife. Their faces messed up, almost unrecognizable leaving not a trace of their previous beautiful faces and smiles. Their bodies mutilated in a grotesque condition, that would make a normal man faint due to horror. - Amera_Mee13dKommentiertExcitement welled up within him as he thought of numerous ways to surprise his family.
- Amera_Mee13dKommentiert
Ray thought as a subconscious smile pulled at the corners on his face/lips and he walked up to the house. Slowly at first but more and more it become rushed, though silent as ghosts in the dead of night, he came to a stop right in front of that familar door he yearned for. ("sorry couldn't help myself T_T.*")
'Finally after long last, my chance of respite.' Ray thought as a subconscious smile played on his face and he walked up to the house. - Amera_Mee13dKommentiert
As Ray walked down the familar/vaguely familiar (depending on if he comes often or not.) street, he saw a house situated just a the corner, illuminated by its interior lights.
As Ray walked down a street, he finally saw a house situated just a the corner, illuminated because of its interior lights. - Amera_Mee13dAntwortet auf Amera_Mee
Why not add* wish I could edit my messages but hope you don't mind my grammar.
Dismissing his thoughts, Ray reached the end of the alley and took a sharp turn leaving his handler, who still stood at the same spot not moving an inch, even in the terms of his sinister smile.