Natay93

Hey, my friend. Your character's name is Rayna Max. Her attribute is faith and her property is dexterity. She'll make her appearance in chapter 17. You can read the synopsis of my novel to get a better understanding of attributes and properties.

Thank you so much Allen. I truly do put my all into my novel, and I have so much fun writing it. Thanks again for your honesty.

The story started off really sad with Kim's family losing a cherished loved one. But there was a lot of tension and resentment coming from Ma Jun towards his dad. Feeling that his dad didn't care about his family or didn't love him at all. Although the story was hard to follow at times I'd say what took away from the story was deaths after deaths. So many people died. And I'm not sure why. I get that Kim Shik was betrayed but the reason for being betrayed I still don't get it or I must've read over it. So Hyun at just a young age witnessed so much tragedy. She's practically dead inside. Now it's to the point were she doesn't feel anything. But Yong Chal Just wants a family. Which he though he gained when his mother married Kim Shik. To some extent he did. His happiness was just short lived due to his mother's and Kim Shiks death. This Story has a lot of potential. You just need to focus on your transition in an out of time frames and first second and third person should be better executed. Overall I'll give it 3.5 stars.

This was your best chapter I've read so far in my opinion it shows that Yong Chal just wants a family and that he loves his sister. I was starting to think that So Hyung might be Schizophrenic. I'm not really sure at this point. But over all great chapter.

This is getting out of hand. I guess this is making her into a cold hearted monster. Who will someday get revenge on those who caused her pain.

Everyone is dying and this family is slowly falling apart. And Ma jun wasn't at the funeral. He has no knowledge of what happened.

The description was a little off but I enjoyed the drama.

It's clear that Ma Jun feels abandoned by his father. You can tell he has always had resentment towards his father.

The love he has for his mother and sister are very touching. Even trying to comfort his dad in this time of tragedy while being strong himself shows his strength and true nature of his heart.

The transition between story lines weren't as smooth for me and you should focus more on your first and second person point of view.