SleepyKnight

Bruh... disappointing.

I don't think this is realistic at all. Why must every woman a simp author write be like: Curvy waist, thick thigh, bodacious body, skin as white as snow, Hair flowing like water, plump red lips. Like c'mon, just write a decent looking woman, maybe a little ugly as that's realistic. You only find those extremely beautiful woman in hentais and delusion.

Gwyndolin from Dark Souls boss.

Noice

Yippee!

Thank you so much for your encouragement! I will try my best.[img=Smug]

Well, I've never played Metal gear before, so i can only give some vague reviews. For starting chapter, it was interesting and I was instantly hooked to the mc. Since i did not know much about the mc's backstory, I wonder if you will give some of it in the later chapters. That will be good as it would go more in depth to Jack's personality. As for the writing, it's pretty neat and easy to read. Maybe incorporate details and better vocab to wow the reader. Its not necessary but good to do. Overall, cool story and I look forward more chapters. Have a nice day! [img=recommend]

This first chapter is quite interesting and we see the personality of the Lord of Demons--a ruthless person who will eradiate anyone who stands in his way. The main character on the other hand, a loyal subject to him. It seems that the change in Zephyr's attitude when Balthyrow wants to kill him was kind of sudden, from a loyal subject to suddenly a biting dog. Maybe you might want to go deeper into the reason why Zephyr became that way in the later chapters, and also show more personality later. Overall, good start and we could see the many possibilities of how this would go.

Good stuff. Maybe add side stories like a slice-of-life part? Idk just saying btw