yohananmikhael
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Everything was good, but the writing quality was slightly off to me. The style, breaking the 4th wall slightly gives an odd taste. I don't know how to explain it more, but I couldn't see myself being immersed into this type of style. However, I tried until I got the sense of it. I encountered a small number of grammatical errors.
I don't feel like giving it perfect 5 stars but I don't trust my critique. So, here we are, sharing my experience. I won't share anything about the story, just the nature and stuff I think the author needed to know from a reader. No sugarcoating from me. The text was messy. I can understand texts once in a while, but sometimes not. I need to read it again, and I think it is my fault at some point. However, I noticed that some of it was indeed messy by nature. The writing quality was good, at least best of the average. No outstanding prose once in a while. It depends on the author. But with the atmosphere of the novel, I think prose was needed to give readers a break. And to end this, author should put transitions more emphasized or just bring them to the attention of the readers. The scenes were short, which made the transition ugly. Chapters were long, but the amount of small scenes (emphasizing changes in every text) was not obvious.
I see why it is problematic not to leave some foreshadowing, which is what I am still dealing with. What you mentioned about personality disorder as the main plot hook wasn't actually the hook. Which is why, I admit that I made flaws in my novel, and I am learning bit by bit from them. Readers might get confused, which I am guilty of. I don't mean to leave any spoilers, but the personality trope shows about the MC's problems and background. More specifically, how he became powerful in his previous world. And that was necessary to establish the MC's character in the later chapters, focusing on cultivation (martial arts and mystical arts) solely. I also meant to create the world and believable side characters with their own story in the same novel, which is not a good approach I guess since it is a "filler". But filler is common, people even call flashbacks as filler if they were unnecessary. But literally, fillers were just breakers. Would you read a novel with just all the actions? Won't it make the scenes repetitive? So yeah, that's why I am retouching the chapters since they reek of my amateurness.