Poseidon_1_

God that first chapter felt so weird to read, it was like I was reading the thoughts of a bitter racist old man who is way too patriotic about his country. If that was what you were going for then congrats! … I guess that was pretty uncomfortable to read.

Sounding a lil

It’s cool dude, him talking to Wednesday wasn’t necessarily the issue it was the dialogue between them just didn’t read that great, he’ll if anyone was in his position they would do the same lol. For the Emily thing, it makes sense what you were thinking when writing however I couldn’t really get that from the writing. Not that it doesn’t make sense your reasoning just that I couldn’t get it initially from the story, make sense? You spelling it out makes sense… even if him sleeping with her was maybe too far the other way? Part from that I didn’t really have any other issues dude keep it up!

Truthfully I rather enjoyed the story so far and can't really mention many faults. The power system involving "auras" is a good way to explain many of the powers in the Wednesday series. For all purposes, the main character... acts like a 13 year old edgy teen. Abrasive, impulsive and tunnel visioned... which is pretty normal for that age. A lot of his decision making is also in line with his age, decisions that are "illogical" to most adults is probably what a young teenager who grew up reading manga and stories would probably think is the right thing to do. The original characters for the first 60 chapters all act according to their canon version in the series as far as I am aware, maybe Reems is a bit tooo nice towards him compared to her in the series. Nice cast of OC characters, they're all pretty nice and not hurting the story but no necessarily making it better. They serve their purpose, the exception being Edgar whose interactions with the main character are enjoyable. The grammar is good and sentences aren't hard to read so their isn't any issues when it comes to reading, it could be more fluid but that's not really a huge issue. The main issue is chapter 60 onwards... what was the Miami Trip about? He sleeps with someone he... really doesn't know at all apart from her name and then immediately leaves her because he has to go back to nevermore- fine. His personality basically flips, before he was anti-social, distant even with his girlfriend during the story and quite edgy. Now he seems... not him. He was quite actively trying to talk to Wednesday when he had never made an attempt to talk to anyone else. It was like I was reading a different character in the story I had been reading for sixty chapters. The dialogue between the two was awkward, and not in the deadpan way Enid and Wednesday's at the beginning was but it felt like Trying to smash two completely incompatible people together and forced them to talk it was just wrong. I dislike the recent events, however I don't hate the story because ironically I watched the entire series because of this fanfic so thanks author haha. This is just my review of the fanfic, take it however you want sir but that's my opinion! ^_^

So far from this paragraph alone trumps like 99% of the writing on this platform, I'm gonna take notes haha.

Lucy?

Just because someone's lived an extra 13 year doesn't make someone more 'mature', life experience and challenges faced as you get older mature you. So if he's a 13 year old who reincarnated to when he was 0, he probably still has a mental age of 13.

Emile Heskey???

No, we know virtually nothing about the guy. Fanfiction villafied him in order to justify him being killed so the mc can usually date Tsunade.

Outmatched