Jasdidion_Purger
Lv2
2020-04-04 BeigetretenUnited States
-d
Schreiben
33.3h
des Lesens
58
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3Augenblicke
5
Jasdidion_Purger1yrKommentiertI will redo this later. The hook though decent can be revised to make it better.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.- Jasdidion_Purger1yrKommentiert
Amazing First Paragraph! It’s already showing how well one knows his visual detailing in writing. The sensory detail is phenomenal, I can feel everything and hear it too… that may also be my overactive imagination though, haha.
The sun beat down on the sandy ground and its rays danced devilishly on the dry parched earth. Insects sang their squealing songs cheerfully in the heat. Grass and scrappy bushes grew in scattered clumps along the broken asphalt road that snaked through the parched wilderness. - Jasdidion_Purger1yrAntwortet auf Haroldtigre
He has experience and the realization of knowing he can edit chapters. So he can go back and add more detail or fix stuff. Dude has a great first chapter, let alone paragraph. It hooked me instantly.
The sun beat down on the sandy ground and its rays danced devilishly on the dry parched earth. Insects sang their squealing songs cheerfully in the heat. Grass and scrappy bushes grew in scattered clumps along the broken asphalt road that snaked through the parched wilderness. - Jasdidion_Purger1yrAntwortet auf KyleSullivanJr
ありがとう
Jersey~1 - Jasdidion_Purger1yrKommentiert
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Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.