tomhg38

You aren't understanding. To possess is to own, a slum doesn't own anything, the 'people of the slums' might have 'only one school they can attend' or there might be 'one school in the slums', just like there might be '2 bakers who sell bread in the slums', but the slums wouldn't 'possess two bakeries'. Maybe English isn't your first language and if so then you've made a commendable attempt. You say it took the protagonist 6 hours to adapt to the place he is transported to, but there's no hint of that in the novel. He 'enters the nightmare' and the next thing we know he is looking at a creature he somehow immediately knows is a dream creature, he realises a girl is going to be eaten by the creature and shows no reaction, to it, and then he's dodging attacks and talking about bloodline purity of different monsters, when from the readers perspective he's been there for 30 seconds. It's all a bit odd and slapdash. Just saying "of course my story doesn't make any sense didn't you see it's a mystery novel" doesn't cut it. Your ad hominem attacks towards me showed more creativity and forethought than the first 2 chapters of your novel.

I'm not sure why this is so highly rated, maybe friends of the author are helping him? Regardless, within the first chapter and a half there are many glaring issues with the writing and story development. The first sentence ".. was on his way back from school, the only one in the slums they possessed". The kids possess a school? The slums are poltergeists? Then from the 2nd chapter we are in an alternate world, possibly seconds after the shock of the 'descent' and being transported to another world, and our protagonist shows a strange lack of emotion and surprised, while his inner dialogue reveals information I'm not sure how he gathers. One creature gets eaten by another creature and the MC somehow ascertains that the darker colour worms and horns proved it was "of a higher hierarchy and ... higher bloodline purity". I feel the vision but it takes skill to convey that to readers in a way that has people imagining the world in their heads, feeling the authenticity of the story trying to be told. In fairness it might get better after the first 2 chapters but I'll never know.

At first I quite liked it, but as other's have mentioned he's the oblivious or slow (to a crawl)-type MC typical of japanese writing, which in and of itself isn't inexcusable, but around chapter 60 I couldn't take it anymore. He starts creating underlings with his multiple minds, creates a part of 1 dude and 3 women (different bodies but all a copy of his own brain in them), and they immediately, for no reason, start having intimate group sessions while the main body has a wife (and a sister) he refuses to touch. 60 chapters of waiting for him to man up and do something on anyone, even his fiance, and within 2 paragraphs of making copies of himself they are having three ways.