John_Doe12

So, people seem a little annoyed by the fact the main character isn’t going around curb stomping the competition in a power fantasy for the ages. Let’s take a moment to put into perspective what’s been written and why he isn’t murder hoboing his way across the elemental nations. Firstly, our unfortunate MC has been placed in an incredibly disadvantageous situation. They are facing social, financial and economic disadvantages… These disadvantages are increased by a sharp time crunch, impending threat of death and zero practical knowledge of the ways of Chakra and the combative abilities of the world around him. It’s an uphill battle of an incredible underdog. His climb isn’t supposed to be easy. If it was he wouldn’t be the underdog. The MC isn’t backed by a powerful genetic lineage. Generation wealth, privilege or even secret hidden knowledge. Sure he has future facts that mean nothing in his current position. Any random ninja at any point could have shanked him and hidden the body and no one would have cared. He is the definition of a nobody. You want him to stomp and embarrass the clan kids? With what? Witty comments and a go get them attitude. That’s probably the fastest way for him to either be crippled, disappear or manipulated into becoming an emotional root slave. Now before someone claps back about all the secret methods and powerful ways to become the biggest murder hobo of the hidden leaf. Those aren’t easy methods or simple short term power ups otherwise everyone would be doing them. These methods are either incredibly situational, would be heavily restricted or lead to someone noticing and lead To the MC being disappeared before mind walked into oblivion. Then let’s say he doesn’t get disappeared. There’s the glaring fact most of these methods would need some type of serious plot armour or privilege to achieve. Then say he gets his special method of ultimate power. When and where does he use it. He is surrounded by super spies. People that can read minds. See through walls travel completely unnoticed. It becomes a little harder to implement when it takes only one power hungry or revenge driven rando to find out and Shank him in the face so they can take the power for themselves.. Do remember this is a world we’re a dude will implant a bunch of eyeballs and ancient dead guy cells into himself for power. Shanking a nobody would be an average Monday. They probably have people just to get rid of the bodies. So, with the MC unable to zero to hero these things on theoretical knowledge alone. He’s gotta lean into the grind. A grind that he is behind in. That everyone else is getting special training for and are years ahead… And that’s without the fact that we need to take a moment to realise the MC wasn’t raised by a culture obsessed with sending super powered children to war. There is going to be an adjustment period. Now before someone uses anime logic to tell me it’s easy. You just do a hundreds of push ups and sit ups every day for years, wear spandex and lose all your sense of fashion. This isn’t that kinda story. Those characters that make look easy generally have something that sets them apart from the group. Something, beyond just an unbelievable level of intrinsic talent. A mentor, a special ability or seriously thick plot armour that gives them a leg up and lets them bridge all the power brackets and disadvantages. Long story short. No stompy, stompy without worky worky.

I tried to read this story with a grain of salt. Wish fulfilment, grimdark power fantasies aren't usually my thing. One so focused on being Literotica more so. So, I went into reading this comfortably self-aware of my bias, and with a handful of purified salt just to be safe. I ran out of salt by the fifth chapter. Read at your own risk. This isn't for the faint of heart or delicate of sensibilities. Writing Quality: The quality of writing could use major improvements and a decent amount of proofreading. There are simple errors littered throughout the chapters that once smoothed out could be a simple and effective way to improve the flow and structure of the story. However, grammatically it's pretty on point. What is currently there needs an NSFW warning right out of the gates and there is a disconnect between the content, the story and its characters that can feel choppy at times. Stability of Updates: The Story has a rather stable update schedule from what I can see. If you are interested in what is there then you will not be kept waiting long. Story Development: I understand this is a wish fulfilment power fest bent around a harem structure and so can't really judge what little plot the story contains. Five chapters in and nothing of real worth or impact had happened. He got laid, he went out, he got laid again, he did something minor, then killed a bunch of people and then went and got laid again. Rinse and repeat. If there was a driving force or reason behind his actions then things might be more interesting, just winging it and getting some reads boring and poorly thought out. Character Design: The characters so far have been flat cardboard cutouts pulled along by the whimsy of an MC with very little agency beyond his libido. The rather quick and brief introductions that are there extend very little passed being directly told about the physical traits of the characters. This can be annoying when mixed with the fact a lot of background knowledge is assumed. A quick and dirty fix would be to flesh out the characters with a few motivations, feelings or decisions that impact the mc's own. Otherwise, a small introduction of the characters, their physical attributes, relation to the scene being created and their importance to the main character or at least his thoughts on them would do wonders. Does he completely fanboy if he ever meets The Green Lantern or is Hal his least favourite of the lanterns because he could never understand his choices? Right now the background characters read like props being used as filler for the MC instead of being part of his story. World Background: Slowly developed, however, relies heavily on assumed knowledge of DC backgrounds. Scenes are created with no real-world development beyond the skeleton of a place's description and even those are sparse.

They need to swap the dialogue around otherwise it doesn't make sense.

It had runes to return to her and blond bonding. How again was it stolen?

Poor Summers!

Skips straight to the murder. Gamer logic. Check. MC is placed in a situation that will give him ample opportunity to raise his skills and a demand for action. Bad guys will become progressively more dangerous.

Are the game events scheduled in intervals of eight? His time skips are eight hours. He reads for probably eight hours. In eight days he gets kidnapped!

So, the MC is brutal. Finds a new place. It comes with a roommate! Win. Roommate unfortunately comes with baggage. Mc makes no plans to see his roommate as anything but a drug addict. Aaron is probably gonna become a nameless background character. Poor Aaron he had such potential. Coulda escaped an underground testing facility run by Hydra. That's left him with crushing paranoia, a crippling anxiety disorder and extremely heightened senses. The drugs are the only thing to curb to pain and endless noise in his head. Or he could have been a part of a gang in hells kitchen, running drugs for the Hand.

Rides in the truck. Gains free money... Yet, never uses the truckers name. NPC who?

Or is that because you are wearing second-hand clothes, look filthy and probably have yet to sort out the no shoes no service problem. It's either that or the axe murderer vibes. Maybe both.