42.

When you're left with no other people to turn to, no other places to go and seek out sanctuary from yourself, you do the last thing you'd ever want to find yourself doing.

Because it's better than being alone with your thoughts, out in the middle of nowhere.

I needed an escape, a relief. Never in my eighteen years of life did I feel like drinking, or completely detaching myself from my morals, which I worked so hard on building.

But not that night - that night, I wasn't the Dove Addison that everyone knew, that I knew. I had to find comfort in ways that I never even dreamed of finding comfort in, because the truth was, the idea alone of partying made me feel sick to my stomach.

But this was a celebration, not a time of sadness.

Cheers to Lilian for moving out and working on her patterns of life.

Cheers to Theo for getting out of this miserable city and going back home.

And cheers to me, for making it this far without breaking.