The Strongest Hat In History: A Harry Potter Fan-Fic

I was relaxing on my bed when I felt a strange pain in my chest. Oh shit did I eat too much? I shouldn't have had that much rice. I'm definitely skipping breakfast tommorow.

"Oh... Wha... Woaaaaaah!!!" I could suddenly feel myself feel myself falling down a deep dark hole which got smaller and smaller and it sucked me in when I got stuck. I didn't know a body could be so flexible till this point although I don't think I could feel any pain at this point, or more like none, since none of my sensory organs worked other than my sight.

Suddenly I felt a cold rush of air past me but the surrounding suddenly lit up and I was blinded by bright light. I slowly got used to it and, God Damn that's a lotta books. Oh look a fancy posh bird.

Something's not right I feel weird. I feel dizzy... wait why is everything so far up? My legs! I can't feel! What's going on? I saw a mirror and a hat moved in it.

"Woah that... that's me!!" Did I get reincarnated like all those OP protraganists. But I didn't wish for that! I haven't finished reading 'Solo Leveling' nor has the manhwa been finished I still haven't finished 'A World Worth Protecting' or 'Ultimate Scheming System'! What about all My Webnovels! My Manhwa! My Manga! My Anime!! You know what let's forget all about that. I'll let all that slide but I have one question for God. Just one.

'Where's my shlong?' How am I supposed to do a basic function of life if I don't have my Little Bro with me. Tell me!! A stupid hat! Are you kiddi... suddenly a voice echoed in my head

"God has heard your cries my child and for that you will receive the Divine Blessing Of the Sex God, this will give you supreme power and the most outstanding skills in bed to satisfy your partner and not only that but you'll also receive the best package to work with. Your wishes has been fulfilled. Farewell child."

God thank you. I knew it. I always knew you don't abandon any child of yours. You're the holiest of the holiest. I will go to pray everyday morning and night. After that I closed my eyes and waited, I waited and waited for God to deliver the package but unfortunately it never came. God where is the package? Please tell me. "Balance is empty please recharge and call again." What do you mean call again I haven't received anything and you've already used up all my balance! You're no Sex God. You're a Scam God!

"Can someone please tell me how I'm supposed to use the Divine Blessing if I don't have the sword to use it!!"