The Pasta Pervert Is Being Preyed Upon

A worn out, black haired mystic is chanting in a low voice on his bed. Suddenly, a shining, golden-white light appears in front of him. The mystic prostrates himself in front of it.

"Your tenacity is admirable, Osmond. Raise your head."

"I thank thee for coming, O Planetary Overseer."

"You can speak normally, no need for that 'thee, doth' nonsense."

"Cool."

"Before we get down to business, you should eat something. Here, have some ramen."

The deity materializes a golden bowl of ramen in Osmond's hands.

"Is it really fine to break my fast with ramen?"

"Normally it wouldn't be, but in this case it's okay, since I'm here."

Osmond begins to eat.

Because of his lack of sleep, food and drink, this divine ramen turns into an erotic experience.

As slimy noodles gently massage his lips, tongue and the inside of his mouth, blood begins to flow into his genitals, and he starts feeling immense pleasure, as if his mouth had entered samadhi.

Tears start rolling down his cheeks as he drinks the broth, as delicious as the nectar of immortality.

Each chew causes an explosion of bliss in his mouth.

Each gulp sends a shiver down his spine.

He draws closer to the bottom of the bowl, when suddenly he feels an intense sensation beginning in his brain and spreading down his spine, genitals and entire body.

Another explosion happens, this time in his pants.

"Done?"

"Yes, thank you for the food, it was very delicious."

Osmond offers the empty bowl to the light, and the bowl disappears.

"I'm glad you liked it, now let's get down to business. Why did you summon me?"

"Right, I decided to write a book that explains human evolution in detail, starting from the worldly human and ending as far as unenlightened beings can understand."

"And you wanted me to help you write it?"

"Yes, since you are the overseer of human evolution."

"Very well. Since this book could help seekers such as yourself determine their current stage of evolution and the requirements necessary to attain the next stage, I will help you write it. However, I will only HELP you write it. In other words, you will have to write the most of it yourself, while I would tell you if there are any mistakes, if there's anything missing, and I'd provide you with information or means of getting information necessary to write your book."

"You are very generous, o Lord. I actually thought you'd turn me down since this isn't nearly as important as your other work."

"It isn't, but it's valuable nonetheless. I'll do my part through telepathy."

"Yes, Lord."

"We'll start on Wednesday. Now go get some sleep."

"Yes, Lord, thank you."

The light disappears, and Osmond goes to sleep.