31 Legilimens

That night James was in their shared bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror.

Classes had been canceled that day, and no one had seen Lily or Malcolm at all.

Sirius and even Remus tried several times to ask about the Diadem, his reaction to the news, and how he knew about that special room.

Peter meanwhile was more quiet than usual. Blanking out at different times throughout the day.

James let out a breath and turned to the door of their dorm bathroom. He pointed his wand at it.

"Xeco Maste."

A gentle breeze of magic flowed through the door and into the dorm, James kept the spell going for several seconds before letting it lapse. Then he walked into the room.

Everyone was asleep, as they had been before, only now they wouldn't wake up even if a firework went off. He needed it, especially because of Remus, for what he was about to do.

James stood over Peter's bed.

Harry never knew when exactly Peter betrayed them. And while right now there wasn't really anything to betray outside of Remus's condition. He needed to know if it seemed like Peter would.

"Legimens."

Softly James rooted around in Peter's mind.

How do you feel about the Slytherins? James queried, and like a drop in a calm bucket different memories, thoughts, and ideas came to him from Peter.

He saw Snape cast a simple Weggie Jinx on Peter in their first year after James and Sirius made his potion blow up in his face during class.

He saw the sneer of Lucius Malfoy shoving past him.

But he also saw Hector Avery give him a wink and a pat on the back. James focused on that scene.

From last year, James and Sirius were out practicing Quidditch, Remus was in the hospital wing after a transformation. Peter had been bored and decided to walk around, maybe head to the kitchens.

An older Slytherin in their seventh year tripped Peter with a Jinx and he fell. The Slytherin followed it up with the usual snide remarks and a few color changing charms to make his entire clothing bright pink.

"Sorry about him. Gardener can be a cunt for no reason sometimes," Hector Avery said, walking from around another corner.

James could feel what Peter felt. Trepidation, he could see the way Peter analyzed Hector. Was he being normally casual? Or a false casual?

Where was his wand? Was there malice or amusement in his eyes? Did he stage this? What does his clothing say about what he was doing? The way he did his hair that morning? The scuff on his shoe? The lack of other friends nearby?

James didn't know how Peter came to it. But his conclusion was that while it hadn't been staged, neither Slytherin showing signs of it. Hector saw an opportunity.

Peter analyzed if that opportunity was malicious to him.

He came to the conclusion it wasn't.

"Still, better than some of the things that Black, not little Black, Gryffindor Black has done to you. Well, to anyone really."

James see's a memory in a memory. Times where Sirius called Peter stupid, or told him to be quiet. Little Jinxes that tripped him up in a mirror of what he would do to Slytherins. Where Sirius pushed away Peter when he felt he was hogging James's time. How Peter analyzed the indifference Sirius felt for Peter.

James saw that Peter knew Sirius would defend Peter with everything he had from others, but at the same time didn't actually care about Peter.

But then Peter also analyzed Hector and his casual reference.

Peter knew that Hector was trying to use a shared experience to both bring a sense of comradere and to drive a subtle wedge.

Hector helped Peter to his feet, giving him a pat on the back and a wink before heading off.

A dozen more similar memories of Avery came. The boy slowly got into Peter's good graces when Peter was away from the rest of them.

James could see that Peter knew Avery was trying to do something, but also felt happiness that he treated Peter well.

James pushed down his own feelings on the matter, Peter knew Avery was trying to manipulate him, but also liked being shown kindness. Hadn't Harry done something similar? Sure Harry used a different level of manipulation and a different level of goodwill, but taking away all those personal things, it was the same action.

How do you feel about Voldemort?

Fear, and admiration, but also with confusion.

Fear because he was someone who was powerful and killed others. Simple.

Admiration toward that power. James could see him connecting Voldemort to people like Dumbledore, James, Sirius, even werewolf Remus and Dorcas. He admired their power, simple as that, and he also admired action. Just the simple action of going after something.

But Peter didn't understand why Voldemort went about things the way he did. He linked the needless cruelty to Snape, James and Sirius. Which sent a bolt of shame through James. To Peter Voldemort did the things he did to muggles because it made him feel better about himself. He could also tell that Voldemort wanted things, Political power, fear over the masses, control, but felt he went about it wrong.

Peter thought the best thing for Voldemort to stage attacks on muggles, or magicals with low defensive power, then be the one to save them. Bring the magical world to the brink of mass panic, and be the one who saves the day.

James see's dozens of little ideas that Peter has on smarter ways to go about it. His deep understanding of people is frightening.

James feels some disgust at the idea's Peter has, but also can tell Peter uses them as more of a thought experiment than desire to put them into action.

How do you feel about the Marauders?

Admiration, happiness, fear, anger, care, distrust, hope.

A lot of the negative feelings are associated with Sirius, but also some with James and Remus.

James and Remus didn't stop, and James sometimes encouraged some of Sirius's actions toward Peter.

In their first year Sirius instantly attached himself to James, but in turn Peter instantly attached himself to Sirius. James could see why now. Peter attached himself to Sirius because Sirius's ego was easier to please than James's, due to Sirius being a Black in Gryffindor, and he saw that if he tried to attach himself to James Sirius would react badly.

James pushes on the thoughts of anger toward Sirius, getting more information.

"Really Pete? You think you know anything about family Houses? You barely live in a shack," Sirius dismissed after Sirius spoke about something to do with his cousins.

Peter had added his thoughts on the matter, but was quickly rebuffed.

The memory blurred and James knew it was a few hours after the scene.

"Stupid stupid stupid," Peter growled to himself, raising his fist and hitting himself in the head. "Idiot idiot. Sirius doesn't want help, he wants platitudes. Just act like whatever he says is revolutionary. Stupid stupid stupid Peter."

He was in a dark broom closet in the school, alone.

"How do I make them care about me?" Peter mumbled to himself, biting on his nail harshly before wiping away a few tears.

James is speechless. Peter had never done anything like that in front of them, always accepting whatever comment with a sheepish look and agreeing quietly.

He delves further into Peter's anger and fear regarding the Marauders. The shell of the feelings are filled with offhand remarks and dismissive attitudes, mainly of Sirius but also of Remus and James. But at the core of it was anger and fear toward himself.

Everytime James had completed a Transfiguration spell on the first try Peter was filled with admiration and respect, then when James reluctantly helped Peter with his and Peter didn't get it. Peter would silently look sad, but internally he would be cursing himself to oblivion. Thoughts on being better off dead, crawling in a hole and rotting away.

Similar scenes with Sirius and Remus too. When Sirius would rise to meet whatever challenge he faced, be it some spell or picking a fight with an older student. Or when Remus would pick apart some school work easily and Peter couldn't follow along.

James moved into happiness. Here the memories were mainly filled with Remus, or when Peter would get the group to laugh, but more recent was when James would go out of his way to ask Peters opinion. One of the strongest was the recent train ride, where James told him about his Kidnapping and asked after his summer.

Peter knew that James was hiding a lot about his kidnapping but was too happy to be the first one he shared it with. He also knew that James didn't find most of what Peter said about his summer interesting, but just James trying meant so much to the smaller boy.

Distrust was of a similar vein to anger and fear, with it being filled with dismissive attitudes toward what Peter thought. But it also had a lot of Peter not trusting them to care about him if he told them his thought processes for a lot of things.

How coldly logical and ruthless he could be.

James moved into admiration, and surprisingly, didn't see himself the most as he thought he would, or even Remus.

Peter admired Sirius the most.

Peter's deductive eyes picked up all the terrible things about Sirius, things James was often blind to.

Peter saw the different girlfriends Sirius had over the years, how Sirius would force himself not to grow attached, and how when the girls wanted commitment Sirius would bolt. How Sirius's terrible relationship with his mother affected his interactions with girls.

Peter saw Sirius's deep hatred of all things related to his family, and how he forces himself to only use simple Hexes and Jinxes against Slytherins. The relish of power hurting them gives him, and how he lies to himself that he doesn't act like his family.

Peter sees all the scar's and burdens Sirius carries, the hypocrisy, and admires him for wanting to be more. For still trying and not buckling.

For Remus Peter admires the strength of will from a lifetime of hardship. The power to push forward. His self-sacrificing nature that often bleeds over into cowardice. He admires how careful Remus is about others feelings, always doing his best not to hurt them. Even if it doesn't always work.

He admired James because of his ability to accept people regardless of who they were, what they were, or who they weren't. How James never thought twice about helping people in need. And how James could spellbind people into believing in him, how he drew people toward him like water in an oasis.

James also saw with some embarrassment that Peter admired James's ability to relentlessly go after Lily, despite her own remarks and rejections.

Lastly James looked at Peter's hope.

Peter hoped he could be more than the spare wheel on a tricycle. That he could be relied on, have the ability to do things rather than witness them.

James pulled out of Peter's mind, taking a deep breath.

If anything his feelings of thinking it would be better if Peter died grew. But so did his desire to try and help him.

He knew more about Peter now, how differently his mind worked. How he wasn't just some diminutive cheerleader that grew tired of being made fun of and betrayed them.

He raised his wand to Peter, the words to the Memory Charm on his lips, ready to wipe away not just his, but all three of their memories of the Diadem. Sirius, if emotional enough, could let it slip, and draw Tom Riddle to them and James's knowledge. Remus was fine, he would take any secret to his grave, dying before giving it up, his cowardice came from his own condition. Peter… James was scared of the knowledge Peter knew. While not close, he did have an amicable relationship with Avery. Someone James knew was a Death Eater in the future, maybe even ready to join and get the Dark Mark now.

James remembered the hope he felt in Peter's mind. The desire to do something, the fear that he was too useless to.

His wand dropped to his side.

No, he couldn't betray them like that, he couldn't wipe their memories, despite it being the smart thing to do. But he could do something just as bad, if not worse. As bad as Dumbledore's manipulation of Harry, and as bad as Harry's manipulation of James.

He could bend Peter's very sense of self worth around James, until every victory for James was a blessing for Peter and every victory for Peter was a boon to James.

Mentally exhausted from the rollercoaster of the day James slips into his bed, thinking he would be up all night with his thoughts, but falling into sleep quickly.

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