Troll

I knew my friends were doubtful that we could defeat the troll. But I was gonna throw everything at the sucker. I bet a troll never had a kitchen sink in the face. And if we couldn't kill it, maybe we could chase it out of the forest from the safety of the treetops.

The troll thrashed about, trying to catch the archers who were leading it south. It couldn't catch them but the damage its rage caused was devastating. Trees were ripped and mangled and the ground cover was churned into compost.

I conserved my qi and followed. I knew I'd fucking need every ounce.

I ran far enough behind the enraged, oblivious troll that it wouldn't notice me if I wore a bright pink wizard's hat.

It wasn't hard to follow - a path was basically bulldozed. I sped up to get a closer look.

Its chest was peppered with arrows and one stuck out from its cheek like an ultra-thin cigar.

They didn't seem to bother it much, other than making it extremely angry. It flailed around so much, after a few jolts most of them fell from its thick hide.

It grew even angrier, if that were possible, from the frustration of not being able to smash the annoying archers. And when it slowed to push over a tree, they gained ground.

Then it came across a large boulder. The troll was three times as tall as me, but I figured it was at least four times stronger when it hurled the boulder up into the trees.

It was rewarded with a squeal from one of the guardians. Thankfully no one dropped to the ground, but the Troll roared happily at its discovery.

It searched for more boulders rather than chase the archers. It didn't have the brains to work out the best way to fight a ranged assault was with a similarly ranged attack. But it did stumble upon the discovery and was delighted with itself.

The same trees which gave the Svartalfar their height advantage also blocked their view when they were too far away. They couldn't run too far without losing sight of their opponent. There was no need for the troll to chase with its new strategy.

The arrows came less regularly now. Whether it was to conserve ammunition or to better hide their location, I wasn't sure. I held my attack; I wanted the troll to be closer to the southern border and hopefully tired as well.

But the fucking troll seemed to possess limitless energy. It did not tire as it ripped up trees, threw boulders and chased the guardians south. But while it did not tire physically it seemed to get bored with trying to kill the mosquitos nipping at it.

I crept closer and watched it pull an arrow from its cheek before it swung its arm attempting to swat another incoming arrow. The wound in its cheek ceased leaking green liquid and it closed before my very eyes.

The troll was tall, massively strong, tireless and it could fucking heal itself.

The guardians were right to doubt our ability to kill it. It continued to limber south until it found a creek bed with numerous rocks where it decided to stop chasing the guardians. It now had a supply of projectiles to throw at its annoying attackers and it began to pick up rocks to throw, big and small.

It was time to stop shadowing the Troll. It was time to act.

I activated qi body and pushed more qi from my core, doubling the size of the streams while hoping my core would last long enough to do what had to be done. Using more qi was a doubled edged sword. It would give me more power but when the well ran dry I was toast.

I hefted my spear and kissed it for luck. I was going to need it.

Time for bravado and war cries was not now. I snuck like the sneakiest fuck up behind the troll. It was focused on the rocks in the stream. It picked them carefully and enjoyed the damage they dealt when thrown. It got especially excited when it heard a yelp from one of the guardians.

When it came down to it their arrows did nothing to it. Once an arrow was dislodged it would heal.

It was then I got a brilliant idea. It didn't happen often; I was pretty dumb. When it did it was a special event. I hid behind a tree and closed my eyes. I tried to look at it using qi sight.

My mind was blown. The ungainly, obnoxious, stinky, stupid, enraged troll had the most intricate pathways, more than I imagined were possible.

So much for my great idea. There was no way in I could copy its ability, I had more chance of ice skating to work when hell froze over.

I heard a bird call above the din of the troll slobbering and growling. And an arrow pierced its eye, and then another struck its other eye.

I moved like the wind. I ran towards its back and scaled it using fingers, toes and momentum. Its giant hand went to pick the arrow from its eye, it bent over and wobbled. I reached its neck and focused all my strength into a blow.

Qi strike don't fail me now.

I pulled qi from gut and pushed it up the spear with everything I had. I didn't look to see where it reached because I was focused on piercing its skull. Surely impaling its brain would kill it. I hoped and prayed.

A crack then a sucking sound reverberated as my spear entered its skull. It wobbled and began to fall. There was no time to pull the spear, so I leapt from its back. The last thing I wanted to be was crushed by dead troll if it fell the wrong way.

Its head thumped into the stream and it lay unmoving.

It stunk and it got worse as gas released from its carcass. A death fart from a troll was probably the worst smell in the universe. I saw the green mist, but the smell induced the vomiting.

I didn't want my spear in that thing so I ran and used all by qi-body strength I could muster to pull it out.

I heard Gisael shout. "No."

The spear was in my hand and the carcass wobbled. Then it groaned.

"Of fuck," I said and jumped off the recovering Troll.

It wobbled to its feet and the wound in the back of its head began to congeal.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I had no words, so I went to the old go to.

She called, "Cut off its head or burn it."

I ran and leaped and attempted to impale its grotesque head again.

It slobbered, wobbled, and flailed an arm in an arc. The arm caught me, and I flew like a swatted fly. I was brought to a painful halt as my back smacked into a tree.

Now I wobbled as I regained my feet. I was in so much pain that I was numb to it. Yay. I blinked and gathered my remaining qi. I had a plan. Head impalement third attempt.

I ran up a tree closest to it. My companions shot arrows at its eyes and while some were swatted, and after several near misses, it was blinded again.

I leaped from the tree and flew like a beer can thrown by an unruly fan. Mother's spear came down in a long arc with my muscles bulging. This was my last hurrah, so I ran my tank dry.

Its arm was in the way as it reached for an arrow. I did not abort I drove the spear through its arm and into its skull between its eyes. A bright blue light flashed upon impact.

I bounced off the slimy, stinky giant mother fucking troll and landed on my arse in front of it. I scrambled like a rat as it fell towards me. It landed with a thump just missing my groin and precious dragon.

The spear was embedded further into its skull. Even if it recovered again it was going to have a heck of a time freeing its arm from its face.

Gisael landed and walked briskly. Talila followed. They began to collect twigs and sticks like their lives depended on it.

Ailen landed next to me.

"Holy shit that was the most intense, amazing fight ever."

I grinned and flopped onto my back. "I didn't enjoy it that much - I was shit scared most of the time."

He laughed and then suddenly something strange happened.

Our HUDs flashed. – First confirmed Troll kill – Ailen, Sakaala – Recorded for posterity congratulations.

"What," Sakaala yelled. "Where's Benzhi? Where's his name?" she dropped down and stomped towards the troll.

I waved a hand in dismissal. "It's okay. I don't care about that sort of stuff."

She pouted and stared at Ailen who shrugged.

Talila ran past dropped a bundle of sticks and scowled at them. "Stop chattering and collect tinder. We need to burn it before it recovers."

The only thing in the universe that smelled worse than a dead Troll fart was burning one.