Realised

- come here for a sec! -my mother shouted from the other room.

-Coming mom.-I said, and I put down everything i was busy with to go to her.

-could you find me something real quick? I can't find my earring. -She said. She was busy preparing for a date as usual.

-'kay mom. -I said as I would always do, because you know. I'm a good daughter. Why would I argue? No need. So I looked around every single place to find it for her. But sadly, I couldn't. I said this to my mom as well.

-Can't find it. But don't worry it isn't lost.-well, i would like to say you know my mom, but you guys don't. I mean, not like me. She always dramatic and out everynight. My father left us after some year, and now I'm alone.

-Okay, I won't forget this you rat. -she started to search the earring herself, and find it a minute later in my late brother's room.

-See? I bet you stole it. -she said and went off.

-fuck. -I said as I gone back to my room, thinking I fucked up again. I tell you, it's always me who's wrong.

Every. Single. Time.

I had enough at this point. I go somewhere as well. Not rotting at home when others enjoy life. I only thought this from the dissapointment in myself, but I really went somewhere. I saw the usual streets, the near forest to my house, the train railway. I didn't know where i was going, or exactly why, but I didn't stop. Not this time. But then I saw a train. It was coming like a storm that can't stopped. Everything was silent. It was like it's coming for me. For my life. But I didn't move. I didn't wanted to move. It's not like I wanted to die, but I wouldn't mind dying. Maybe I'll wake up in some fantasy world or something. And I will be an elf. What a great dream right?

And eventually, the train hit me. And I died. I think.

It felt painless, but I could feel my non-existent regrets leaving my body.

My soul, my dissapointment. Everything.

It felt nice. Like leaving a place where you never belonged to.

But then, where do I belong to? -I thought then everything went blank.

It felt like an eternity. A long sweet dream. But I woke up from it.

I was in a forest.

Near to a lake. It didn't felt like a fantasy world. There weren't any monsters, elves or crown princes. It was only me in that forest. But I knew it's not Earth anymore. I felt everything and everyone.

Not like an ability, but the feeling of life.

I looked in the lake.

Just as I thought.

I wasn't myself.

I've seen a person with long grey hair. There was some brownish streaks in they hair. I won't lie, "I" looked beautiful. Grey eyes like I'm blind, but there weren't life in those eyes. I didn't know I'm a boy or a girl, but I didn't wanted to test it. It was fine not knowing it. If I don't know "what" I am, I can be anything.

Act like anything.

So I stood up.

I decided to look around.

I walked for a long time. The forest sure looked beutiful, but I wanted to leave. Like to find a village or something.

I don't know how long have I walked, but I started to seen some houses. Not so many, but there was still like thirty. I didn't want to bother them, but I needed to see it.

The people doesn't seem to notice me, so maybe I looked normal. There was some street market, clothes shops and so on. But something was a bit off. I still don't know what, but apart from this, I decided to go to a bookshop.

-Good afternoon! I would like to buy some books. -I said as soon as I stepped inside the shop. It was cozy. Like a place in those fairy tales.

-Good afternoon sir..(?)! -she looked up and down on my body, but neither she could figure out what's my gender.- Uhmm, you don't need to buy the books you wish for..They're all free.

-It is? How come? -It was something I didn't expect. Books were always expensive no matter where I go. But there, it was for free.

-Uhm, It's like this about..5 year now? The current Emperor decide on this rule. Are the miss not from this Empire? -She seemed a bit vary and confused. Maybe she thought I was here to harm the village?

-Oh, Is that so? It was long time ago since I was outside...-I said this as an excuse. I don't think she believed it but she didn't seemed to care too much.

-Okay..May I ask what's your name? -she said.

-Oh..My name..? -I completly forgot about this. I'm sure that I shouldn't use my "real" name. Should I create one..?

-Uhm..The Emperor named everyone in the empire..His Majesty created fifty million names..Do you has amnesia, sir? -she seemed confused and worried at the same time. But the emperor to name everyone? He sure has a lot of free time.

-Oh..It's not like that..It just surprised me..haha..-I laughted nervously. I needed to think about a name quickly.- My name is uhm..Ciel.

-Ciel..? Oh, okay. It's sure is an unique name. My name is Mozzie. Pick any books you interested in it. -she were more calm now. Maybe in this village, or maybe in the whole empire, names mean a lot? I wonder.

-Thank you. -I said.