Chapter 15

* Harper *

Faster.

Faster.

I pushed through the early morning fog my music screaming in my ears and my heart pounding in my chest. I had to go faster I had to push myself, carrying the extra weight on my legs and my back was Gabriel's idea and it hadn't seemed too bad at first having some experience with ankle weights when I was a soccer player. The weight on my back was so hard to drag up the hill. I turned and put my hands on my hips and my breath came out of me in large puffs. It was still nippy in the morning, but I wore only my sports bra and athletic pants. Steam coming off my body in waves. The sweat shined on my body and I felt like I had just started. I turned and started into the woods that were still school ground. Since returning from break I felt like I was on still on high alert. Having my life almost destroyed by people my father worked with was eye-opening for me and now awake to the true dangers of the world I was unable to put to rest the anger and beast it had woken up inside me. The beast demanded, not revenge, but a better skill set. A faster, smarter, stronger Harper. It would not be appeased to lie back down and wait for me to get into my school years, but to make me prepared for whatever would happen now. It called for sharper senses, stronger muscles, and faster reflexes. I ran through the faded trail in the wood listening trying to catch the locations of the guards that had been posted around school since the start of classes. Increased guards, increased protection. It came in the wake of the events that took place at my parent's house and I would not let myself rest until I was better than I was before. Since the abduction about 3 weeks ago, I have dropped my 'baby fat' as my father affectionately called it, and gained lean muscle over much of my body. Gabriel took my transformation in stride and he was supportive. As always although he didn't tell me that he understood it and I knew that he wouldn't because he hadn't been the one to be taken. Even though I wasn't trained I should have reacted better. I was trying to catch my breath, I took out my headphones and silence filled the early morning and I calmed my heart that was thundering in my chest and closed my eyes. Just listening, picking up the sound of animals running from the invader in their home, but I also heard the sound of hounds. The security no doubt. The dogs were just another reason for people to keep their distance from the Academy. I glanced down at my watch and swore under my breath. I was 4 minutes behind schedule, I put my headphones back in and turned back for the school. I was winding up my headphones when Gabriel's door opened and he was dressed for the day. And he smiled at me, and I winked at him and walked into my room to get a shower. I washed away the sweat knowing it would only be replaced by the end of combat training. Gabriel had finally agreed to be my sparring partner after I had explained to him I would spar with him or I would go to the teacher and have her pair me with someone else above me to make sure I was learning head. There was no use in fighting my own grade level, they were still learning how to throw a proper punch. I needed more than that, and after a talk with the headmaster and my father was got me moved up a level in my combat and flying classes, I excelled at them anyway. But doubled my workload in all my main classes. It was a killer schedule, but if it got me to where I needed to be to appease the beast inside I would keep it. I got out of the shower and pulled my clothes on and shook the water out of my wings the best I could. I opened the door and Gabriel was leaning against my desk waiting for me.

"Are you ready for breakfast?" I smiled at him, realizing for the first time the growling of my stomach.

"Yes, would you be so kind as to escort me down to the kitchen?" He bowed deeply and gracefully. Offering me his arm and I looped mine through it resting my hand on his and he walked me out of the bedroom before dropping my arm but catching my fingertips in his. To be near him like this was still the most exciting thing I would ever do in my life. The feeling of attraction had not left. It felt as though it had no intention of leaving either. I extracted my hand from him and he sighed. I hated keeping him at this distance, but he knew why. He told me he would be here if I needed him. And I told him I would always need him, which was only the truth. He didn't need to look in my mind to know that I was in love with him, he didn't need to look to know that I yearned for him and his company like he did mine. But there was the beast and I wasn't sure that was someone he was ready to handle just yet. He glimpses her when we spar when it gets really dirty and hard. He glimpses what the beast is meant for, but he doesn't see her true wrath and I am afraid that is something he will not be so understanding of.

"Harper..." He started and I turned looking into his beautiful green eyes, they stole my breath just like they always did. And I caressed his cheek. He wanted to say things that neither of us was ready for, but the weight of them would change everything. And it was too hard to change things now, they would never go back to the way they were before. We continued down to the dining hall and there were already students in there and we picked our seats across from each other.

"How did your run go this morning? Are the weights working out as we expected?" He asked trying to avoid the tension that had coiled tightly between us. And I was so glad for the distraction. But a passing group of girls snagged my full attention from him, as they giggled and flirted in his direction, but his eyes never strayed from my face. And it hurt my heart to see it, to have him so stuck as I was that he was missing opportunities. I needed to let him out of limbo, he needed to be free. And I put my fork down and rubbed my now sweating palms on my pants.

"Yes, they are working out just fine. It was an amazing idea. Gabe, we need to talk-"

"No, we don't." It was a tone he used when he already knew what I was thinking. I looked out of the corner of my eye back to the girls and he didn't have to follow my eyes to know what I was looking at.

"Yes, Gabe we do. I need to know if you are needing my permission-" He put his fork down and it clattered against his plate. And I knew he was upset about the way the conversation had turned.

"Permission? Do you think that I am in puppy love? That this isn't as real for me as it is for you? That another girl could or even would hold half the potential or beauty for me as you do?" He hissed in a whisper to me.

Gabe, I don't want you to wait and miss-- He cut my thought off with a verbal sentence.

"I don't want to hear it, Harper. We can discuss this later." He pushed away from the table and I stood following him out of the hall and into the field, students lingered around not really ready for class to start, and I started to stretch out my muscles and I wouldn't let this go until we talked it through and came to a decision that worked for the both of us and he knew that, I could feel it and see it in the tension in his shoulders.

Classes broke for lunch and I stood in the hallway waiting for Gabe to come out of his class and I didn't realize I was really waiting until I leaned back against the lockers and someone stopped in front of me. An angel she was beautiful, most angels were very attractive, and I instantly recognized her as one of the girls from this morning and she flipped her hair over her shoulders and I waited for her to speak and she turned around and Gabe came out of the room and my heart constricted in my chest as she walked to him and he hesitated. His eyes flicked to me, permission? Is that what he needed? I gave a small smile and turned and skipped lunch. They walked down the hallway together. Her platinum hair swaying as she walked and he seemed very out of place. He didn't belong to me, not anymore. I walked into the gym and walked straight to the treadmill, run it out. Run out the anxiety, the fear, the hurt. She would take the place I had. She would go to his home, sleep in his bed, kiss his lips. And I felt the first tear fall. I got off the treadmill and looked to the punching bag. I wasn't angry. I returned to my room and stood in the middle of the almost bare room. I could study from home, I should study from home. Get private tutors...it would be better that way.

I sat down in my history class and his mind wandered into mine. He was confused he never had gotten attention from anyone before. Especially girls, he didn't understand why this has happened. He didn't mean to share these thoughts with me, it was just something that happened when he was preoccupied. His mind sought mine for comfort, as did mine in the depths of the night. It was a hard habit to break and one at the moment I didn't want to. It was the connection that I had with him that she didn't. Jealousy? That was the name of the motion that had taken over my heart. He isn't mine I sternly spoke to myself internally. It was his choice to make and mine to support either way as his friend. He came in taking his normal seat next to me I had my hands on the desk and he reached for my hand. I didn't stop him. I should have, I should have moved my hand before he could touch it, but I didn't. And his skin was warm against mine. The bolts of emotion and tingles began in my fingertips and went the whole way up to my heart. Making it summersault and flutter like a hummingbird. And I felt my tension ease away, and his as well.

We have to talk after class. And nothing else was said. His mind was guarded and I felt on edge. Did he feel the butterflies when he touches her, or when she touched him? Like he did when I touched him? And it made my mind spin and the beast was oddly quiet. Not demanding knowledge, actually fearful of it. The bell rang and it felt like the longest hour and a half of my life. I got up and followed him to the empty classroom at the end of the hall. And he shut the door after me.

"You can tell me anything Gabe, you know that right? You don't have to be afraid." My voice sounded steady. Like their best friend, he needed right now. It did not betray how my feeling was breaking apart inside of me. How I was so afraid of the words that might come from him? He looked at me, staring into my eyes, searching my body language. And I was sure they both betrayed my true emotions.

"Answer me this. Before I say anything else, what if it was the other way around? What if I needed space, and permitted you to see other people? Would you want to? Some guy in the school flirts with you, walks you to lunch. Would you enjoy spending the time with him?" I opened my mouth to lie. To get him to move on, I wouldn't be good for him.

"Don't you lie to me, Harper? I couldn't take that--as your best friend answer that for me. Please." He stood at the door and I walked over to the teacher's desk on the other side of the room and ran a hand down my face and through my hair. Would I enjoy someone else's attention? Hell no, it would make my skin crawl it would cause me so much anxiety that I wouldn't be able to sleep for another month. I turned away from him to talk.

"No. I would hate it, everything about it. Worse, I would wish it was you." I turned to face him and he was right behind me and I felt a sudden shock. He took my face into his hands and looked into my eyes.

"I wished for you when she spoke to me, I wanted to see your face when I looked at her. I wanted to feel what I felt when I touched you when she brushed my skin. But I didn't. I don't want permission, I don't want to be 'free' I wanted to be here next to you. However, I can be. If it is in this limbo we are in then so be it. Because I would rather be next to you as your friend than not at all, and I couldn't do that to you. To make you see me with someone else, I would never be able to take her to class without seeing you. I would never be able to take her to my house without my mother killing and skinning me alive..." A ghost of a smile came over my lips and his eyes were so open and honest.

"So tell me now, do you want us to be friends to be totally okay being with other people? Can we even do that after everything that has happened? Or would you rather remain in this limbo? To stay this way, waiting for each other. I am ready for you Harper, all of you. The crazy, beautiful, amazingly complicated girl that stole my heart the moment she helped me pick up my box on the first day of school. I will wait for you for as long as you need, you say you need space that is okay. Everyone needs space, but don't shut me out. Don't think that I don't lie awake at night and wish to be in your dreams or have you with me on weekends. For three weeks I have waited for an answer and I will continue to wait if you say you still need time. But I am asking for an answer now, friends? Time? What do you need? Because honestly Harper. I need you." He dipped his head down and pressed a swift, fast kiss to my lips and my lungs stopped and my mind lit up like the fourth of July. He walked out of the room and I was left trying to get my lungs to work again. I leaned back up against the chalkboard my hand pressed to my chest. Willing my heart to slow down in my chest, it felt like it was going to burst from me and roll after Gabriel. I felt my heart settle into a dull ache again, it was rough to have your own mind and heart at war.