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Slayer of Kings

Fantasy
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Zusammenfassung

This story follows the journey of Leo an assassin who got killed by his friend turned enemy. Leo was never afraid of death. He died after living a life filled with pain and loss, however, Leo soon wakes up in a new world after his death. Leo gathers more information about this new world. While on the journey he crosses path with someone who had changed his life. That person is none other than his friend turned enemy and the person who killed him, Cao. That is not all he soon finds out even though they both died at the same time Cao in this new world is much stronger than him to where he nearly kills Leo, but moments before Cao lands the final blow Leo gets teleported away from the battlefield. The only thing Leo saw was a strange symbol through his hazy eyes. Leo wakes up once again. This time it's in his own room back at the village which was the first place he went to in this new world. He notices a black and white rectangle on his right arm. Leo’s mind becomes muddled by mysteries. How did he reach this new world? How did Cao arrive here? How is Cao much stronger than he is? How did he escape from Cao? What was that symbol he saw before he got teleported? What were those two rectangles on his right arm? Filled with mysteries Leo sets out to find answers, but an unexpected encounter leads him to meet a girl named, Mia. A charming, strong and determined girl through her Leo gets to know about The Shadow Claw Organization. A group of people who helps others in need, however on the inside, they are killers and spies who will do anything as long as they get money. The helping mentality is a cover-up for the real truth. Leo soon finds out they are not as simple as he thought they were. ---- Chapter release rate: 7/week NOTE: This novel contains violence and profanity.

Chapter 1A New World

The air carried with it a warmth that would dry one's mouth. The sun looked lonely in the sky with no clouds accompanying it. The leaves in the forest reflected the bright rays of the sun. In one such forest was a place filled with nothing but waste.

There a figure lay surrounded by waste on all sides. He was unconscious but changes were happening in his mind. Then his eyes opened.

What happened? Was what he asked himself, he tried to get up and onto his feet but his body proved too weak for him to do that. Laying on the waste-filled ground he looked up at the lonely sun while squinting his black eyes.

Surprise took a hold of him as he was no longer surrounded by corpses rather the waste. How was he alive? Was the only question in his mind, but he found no answers. Also, his body was no longer the same he was now back to when he was 15 years old.

Suddenly his head felt like it was being crushed by a rock the feeling only increased as the seconds went by from a rock it turned into a boulder, he took his hands and held it against his black hair.

A minute later the feeling reduced. He did not understand what was happening to him. As the feeling of pain reduced the confusion in his mind only rose.

As the pain died out the surroundings became clear. Rotten meat, old clothes, broken weapons and more things which he had never seen in his life. A pungent smell hit his nose. He tried to close his nose, but the weakness of his body refused him to hold his breath.

Regaining control over his body he got up and onto his feet. As he stood a small figure fell down from a pile of waste near him. When he inspected the figure, it looked like a rat but unlike most rats; it had sharp teeth although most of them were missing it only had one of its grey eyes replacing the other was a long and bloody vein. It had a light red color. When he picked the creature up, it felt soft like a sponge.

The creature that looked dead opened its mouth wide and tried to bite his skin. When it reached close to his face however the grip with which he held the creature was too much. It failed to do anything to him. It's injury also did nothing to help the creature. Deciding to kill it he pulled its head. The blood did not splatter everywhere rather it flowed out from the opening. What came with the head were more bloody veins and its spinal cord.

Throwing the body, he walked away from where he was. The area he was in had a forest covering all the sides their dark green leaves fluttered in the hot wind. Beads of sweat rolled down his face and back as he made his way towards the forest.

However, before he could take another step an annoyed voice filled his ear.

"I can't stand this smell, let's find something good and get away as far as possible from here."

"You say it every time, but we still come back."

"Shut up and keep searching."

Looking towards the origin of these voices, he saw two men who were exact opposites of each other. One was tall with a skinny build and brown-colored hair while the other was fat and shorter than the other. He looked up as he spoke to the other man.

From their body language, he could tell it was the fat man that spoke out of frustration. As he was an assassin in his previous life this forced him to learn about body languages. The fat man was rubbing his head with his hand in a hard and fast motion which is a sign of trying to comfort oneself due to frustration.

After he saw the two men, the fat man also saw him "Look who is that?" He asked as he pointed his finger at this new figure.

The other person followed his companions finger and saw Leo staring at them. "Looks like he got lost let's check it out. He might have something valuable" He said while walking towards this new figure. As soon as the words 'valuable' hit his ears, he jumped in joy within his mind.

"Be careful if he is a magic user leave him or else he will kill us," The tall man warned his companion, but those words failed to reach the fat mans ears as the excitement in his head canceled everything else.

The tall man spoke first "Hey kid you look last want us to help you? It will only cost 500 silver."

"Haha, why are we even joking? There is no one else around here let's rob him and get out." Replied the fat man.

"Kid drop everything you have, and we'll be on our way," The fat man said, but to his surprise, he got no response from the kid who stood there with no fear or tension in his face. This annoyed the fat man.

"You think we are joking?" His voice rose as he spoke but once again he got no response. "That's it I will kill this bitch now," He said while taking a dagger from underneath his shirt and ran towards Leo. The other man wanted to stop him but the fat man had already reached Leo.

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Inhaltsverzeichnis
Volumen 0 :Auxiliary Volume
Volumen 1 :The Crystal of The Nebulas

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Skully_
Skully_Lv13

Review of Slayer Originality - 5/5 For this site cultivation stories are very common. But this story is quite different. Its a cross between Natural Born Killers and a Cultivation Master Fighting Story - 3/5 There is a great story buried beneath the info dump. I can see it in the Authors imagination but it is really struggling to be communicated in the text. The problem is the writing style. I will give examples and suggestions after the categories. Characters - 2/5 There is an MC, an Antagonist and side characters. The MC is not well defined, I understand he is a master, young in appearance, an expert. But I know little about his goals, motivation or personality. A weak to strong MC can be much more appealing than a straight up Master. But that is for the Author to determine. The antagonist has an issue that he is MC focused or obsessed. I advise you create a personality, motivations and goals for the Antagonist. His life does not revolve around the MC unless the MC stands in his way for a vital objective. OR he stands in the MCs way for his objective. At the moment I cannot tell. Cao just hunts the MC. For Reasons. Flow - 1/5 The flow is terrible. It's an infodump. There is conversation but it is poorly written. There is a description of people and places. But the way it is delivered in massively long sentences which are not well thought out. These are not genius sentences, the language is poor. What could have been said with four words uses twenty. And its repetitive. Examples I have taken an exert and rewritten it. Its much easier than trying to descibe how to improve. FROM THIS Leo then pushed the wrist of the man straight towards his face the knife which was now facing the fat man stabbed into his right eye the fat man screamed in agony as blood along with a gooey liquid rushed out, Leo pulled the knife out of the fat mans right eye when Leo pulled the knife out his eyeball which was slashed in half was visible along with the flesh behind his eye Leo then sent the knife once again to the fat mans face, but this time to his left eye the fat man screamed once again in agony unable to bear the pain of having both his eyes stabbed. Leo did not stop there he pulled the knife out from the fat man's left eye and pierced the fat man's face first he struck on his cheek then on his nose then on his forehead by this time the fat man had stopped screaming which meant that he had passed on but that did not stop Leo who continued to slash the fat man's face 5 more times until the fat man's brain, eyes, nose were all mixed his skull was cracked in many places and his face was covered with nothing but rushing blood from all direction his face was now beyond recognizable. “ TO THIS “ Leo pushed the man’s wrist back towards his own face. As the knife slowly entered the fat man’s right eye, he screamed in agony. Blood and a gooey liquid rushed out as Leo removed the knife. The eyeball still clung to the knife, skewered on the blade, as Leo stabbed the fat man in the face again. This time piercing the right eye as the fat man continued to scream with increasing shrillness. The fat man was unable to bear the pain of multiple stabbings to the face, and his screaming stopped as he blacked out moments before his death. . When the frenzy concluded the fat man’s eyes, nose, cheeks and mouth were indistinguishable in the bloody mess that was once his face. There is no need for thought bubbles (single quotations) in 3rd person when handled correctly. FROM THIS 'I'm sure Cao will be searching for me, I can't stay in this village anymore since it's the closest to the city the chances of him coming here are high' Thinking this Leo TO THIS Leo was sure Cao would be searching for him, he couldn’t stay in the village anymore. It was closest to the city and the chances of Cao coming there were high. Suggestion: I think you should keep writing. It takes 10,000 hours to master anything. I would love it if you try and take on board what I have said and read book of authors. But keep writing, writing and writing. TBH my first 200,000 words were crap. You are doing great.

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