Chapter 8 Opening nights.

March 2, 1952. Joy and I went to hollywood. It was so wonderful! We looked in the shop windows at all the beautiful clothes. We stood outside the Grauman's Chinese theater, where movie stars go for opening nights. I told Joy long to dance in the movie, like ginger Christian and joy listened. She didn't think it was a silly idea. Joy wants to be a teacher someday, Gerlie got a job tutoring some high school seniors in Manila. She makes seventy five cents an hours! Joy and I went to two dance studios. At one they wouldn't even talk to us. At the other, lessons cost five dollar an hour, and you have to audition. I felt to stupid and ackward there. A group of girls came out, all in their leotards, laughing together. They were wearing toe shoes, and they looked so wonderful. Even if I could take lessons, and I'd have to have shoes and a costume and everything, and I have to ask Mother and Father for money. I wish they'd let me work! Maybe after I turn Fifteen. My birthday's only a month away!

Later that week,when mother came home and said, I have a surprise for you, Grace," I thought she had a present for me. In Mindanao, Mother always used to go shopping weeks ahead of time for our birthday gifts. She could never wait to give them to us. Vivian and I went into the living room,where a large carboard box stood. " What is it? Vivian asked?" clothes, I said mother. They said we could have them." Tears of disappointment stung my eyes. Looking down at the box, I concealed them. As we went through the clothes, I poured gratitude and enthusiasm into my voice, feeling virtuous and kind. The clothes really were nice. Vivian and I went through them in disbelief. Sweaters, skirts,blouses, all perfectly good,no holes or stainns. One sweater was blue with little alpine flowers knitted in, and silver buttons. Therewere a coupleof dresses,various knee socks, some matching, some not, and all things a pair of tennis\vollyball shoes. The right shoe had a hole on top, where the big toe went. The laces were frayed and knotted together, Vivian put the shoes on, squeezing in just a little, and she smiled widely. I'll bet you a dollar," she said smugly, that now I'll get all A's on my report card.We divided up the clothes. I washed mine carefully with Lux flakes and laid them on a towel in the shade to dry. They smelled good and fresh:' now I could imagine thatthe things were new.I could not understand how Shieljane Grant could possiblypart with such Beautiful things--unless she had grown out of them. Yes I told myself, she must have grown a great deal, and now they no longer fit. Lucky me! I wore the sweater with the little alpine flowers and silver buttons to school the following week. I felt so pretty setting out that day! All during classes, it seemed that people smiled at me:"clothes make a difference, I though happily, vowing that somebody I'd have closed bursting with beautiful things. At lunchtime, I hurried through the halls to meet joy:, after lunch we had sewing. I planned to ask the teacher about making a skirt to go with the sweater, something in light blue. Joy and I loved talking about clothes. I hurried through the crowded halls, when suddenly I felt a weight on my shoulder. I turned. There was a girl I'd never seen before, blond and pink cheeked, wearing skirt. " You must be Grace Jaspe!" she shouted. Yes--I.. Your mother's our maid," she said, still louder. Tessie. I recognized you because you're wearing my sweater!" Hey, thats her sweater!.. shouted a couple of boys, laughing. Take it off! take it Off!..And they started to sing a popular ditty.: take it off, take it off!

Criedthe boys in the rear--Take it off,! Take it off, That was all you could hear...Andrea's face seemed to dissolve before my eyes. Suddenly she screamed out, Hey, Breda! Wait up! and disappeared into the crowd. I ran to the girls' lavatory, where I felt my stomach heaving, and the sour taste rising into my mouth. again and again, but I could not stop the anger, the shame. I came into class late. Joy whispered to me. 'where were you, Grace.? What happened? I though we were eating together." I shook my head, unable to speak, ashamed to tell her what had happened. After class, when she asked me again I kept my eyes down as I lied, 'I was in the nurse's office, joy I was sick.. Mother didn't get home until late that afternoon.I had started supper, a meat loaf, which I hated, becuase it stuck to my fingers.What a day,"she said, first thing. Mrs. Jaspe had me do all the ironing. She kept me nearly two hours extra. Because she gave me those clothes, I gues. Grace, did you make the beds?"Yes! and did you take Joy at library like I told You?" I always do everything! Why didn't you tell me that andrea grant goes to my school?" I didn't think about it.. Why? Do you know her?" Oh! yes," I cried angrily. I use know her now. Do you know what happened? I was so humiliated in my life. I told it in every detail. Mother sat down on the bench in the nook, staring at me. Her face looked very pale:, even her eyes seemed washed out, red rimmed. I'm sorry," she whispered at last. I'm sorryyou were embarrassed,"You should have told me. I wouldn't have worn that sweater. She sounded like I'dstolen it! she was blaming me for having it.I was so embarrassed, I thought I'd die.Do you know what it's like to have somebody come up to you, pointing, yelling out that you're wearing their clothes? I felt like a thief. I felt...." There is nothing I can do about it now, Grace Father worked late that night. Our lights were already out when he came into the bedroom and touched my shoulder."Grace! he whispered. Are you awake?" Yes. Come into the living room." he said." I want to talk to you. I slipped out of the double bed and followed hi. into the living room. Your mother told me what happened at school today. he said," about the cloths." Oh, yes Father, I exclaimed. I was so humiliated! It was so awful, Father you can't imagine. Mother should have told me she goes to my school! I shouln't have been put in such a position, ' I cried, warming up to my camplaints. You think it is your mother's fault? Father leaned forward, rolled himself a cigarette. let it. He drew deeply, fanning awayt

the smoke as he said, with narrowed eyes, You know, Grace, nobody can humiliate you. You can only do that to yourself. I saw those clothes your mother got for you. I know she had to carry that whole box of clothes home on the bus. From the bus stop she had to walk four blocks with it ti this house. She did it gladly. For you and Vivian., and yours sister too. And this is how you repay her? I'm ashemed of you. I want you to apologize now to your mother. I won't " I cried, remebering that scene with andrea. My father had nevwr struck me before. But I felt his hand hard against the side og my face, only once,And I saw a look on his face that I would never forget. The next day, when I looked in my closet, the sweater with the little flower, and the skirt and the other things were gone. I got up the nerve, at last, to ask mother about it. Your father has packed those things away, mother said. He will give them to you in due time. When you have earned them back, he said." As the days went on, I said nothing to father about the clothes. I was to ashamed. Then one day I found some of the garments on my bed with a note:, For helping Joy. with her homework... and the next day some more for washing all my socks. Of cousre, I wore the clothes to school. I never talked to andrea Grant, again, and she seemed not to kniw that I existed. Nor did mother ever bring home anything else from that house. Through Glory mae palanca, Marlyn and Jenita and soon the four of us were hanging around together. My friends were exciting and so very Amirecan, at least Glory mae and Marlyn were. Jenita came from england. We all adored her accent. She'd been sent here by someagency after her parebts were killed in one of bombing raids over London. Jenita had been away at school in the country so she was saved. But she wasn't. she lived with her grandparents. Jenita told me about Miss Klausentock's ballet class A ballet class? Here at school?" I was amazed, excited.Its so mean nobody wants to take the class." I do! I exclaimed. You won't wheb you see her,' Said Glory mae. Grimly. She's awful. A real dictator. Is your country. you know. Oh! sorry I didn't mean it. I'm not insulted,' I said smiling, I don't consider my self At least not like a German still over there. Jenita said. I started her class, and I quit.' She's that mean?" I asked. Well, I just couldn't keep up, Jenita said, pushing back her long blond hair.. I'm not a very good dancer. But you--you look as though you'd be wonderful. Have you danced before? For five years in Philippines, I said with some pride. Oh, then you'd make the class for sure, Jenita said. You have to try out. How do I see this dictator?:" I asked She has an office in the gym," my friends told me she hates Other religions. The Catholic kids her the nazi the teacher in a cluttered little office. nothing see the dark cubicle carved out of the hallway. I could see the dark brown roots of her poorly bleached blond hair as she bent over her desk. I stood there, getting up my courage to tap at the glass, when she looked up suddenly and barked out, Well? For heaven's sake, Don't just stand there, cant you talk?" I-yes. I wanted to ask you. .my name is mary grace jaspe.' I said beginning again. She gave me a sarcastix grin. "Oh, you wanted to ask me that your name is Mary Grace Jaspe? Oh, very interesting.. What is the matter with you?' I'm a dancer,' I swhispered. What?" A dancer!" What do you want?' she shouted. I want to join your dancing class," I said loudly, my heart jumping in my chest. She stared at me for a long moment. " where have you danced before?' I swallowed, hard. I studied with Madame Benitua Zimmerman in Philippines, . I said. The word of philippines brought a flicker to her eyes, but no expression to her face. How long?" Five years. When did you stop?" I-I haven't danced ballet, volleyball in over three years. And you call yourself a dancer?" she cried. I shook my head. I need to practice. most certainly, she snapped. You may practice in the gym early morning and after school. After a few weeks, if you think you can still dance," she said pointedly, I will audition you for the class." I nodded, my chest feeling tight, my throat constricted. Don't wag your head at me like a goat!" she barked. What do you say?" Thank you. Madame Jenz Capisnon, I said, for I knew very well that all dance teachers like to be called Madame. " I turned. Did I dismiss you? she called. I faced her once again, eyes straight ahead, my faxe burning with hatred, resentment, need I needed to dance! Don't think for one moment," she said, that you will get any special favors from me just because you are Pinoy. You may go. I felt so strange all that day, elated and devastated at the same time. I told frithgie or joy about it that evening. All the kids say she's Nazi I fumed. What's she doing here in America? Why do they let her teach?" You shouldn't believe everthing you hear, bibian said. I'm not prejudiced!" bibian said. shut up, you guys! Bibian and joy. thats enough. Mom said. Shelgen called from the floor on ger side of the bed. I'm doing my math. all night I slept a troubled sleep, turning fighting dreaming. I woke up very early, found dad rudy in the kitchen drinking coffee together with mommy. Good morning mom and dad!" both exclaimed, speaking softly. have a roll. Coffee?" or milk.. I smiled. No I don't drink coffee, I only drink milk, maybe later daddy.. thankz dad and mom. I was just thinking what a wonderful morning it is,. he said. Do you hear the birds.? Nature... dad said to mom. He sighed. every creature knows... He broke out of his reverie. It reminds me of my youth,. he said.. and he laugh together.. We lived in a little village, you know and the neighbors kept chickens." Do you miss in the philippines.. Father I asked. He paused, then shook his head. No. this is our new country for now. of course I miss my old country, I miss anything of them. He sipped the last of his coffee. I have to go.. Bye. So early in the morning? I good bye to my mom and dad. So dad.Can't be too early. he said with a smile. He picked up his large case of neckties, bending under its weight. And I thought, if Father could get out so early, so could I. I got to the School just as the janitor was opening the gate, and in the gym I practiced at the bar for a whole hour. Afterward I felt the pinch in my waist, the pulling in my calves. I remembered the age-old dancers' admonition: If you fail to practice for one day, you'll know the difference. If you fail to practice two days in a row, the audience will know the difference. From that day on I went to the gym first thing every morning, working out my own routine. First the bar excercises. I could see myself in the mirror, and I commanded myself, as Madame Benitua Jenita used to instruct us.:Relax, Smile, Bend,Stretch,Farther, Bend, stretch. My legs were limbering:, now arms had to follow, hands positioned and graceful, while face remained calm, and I remembered to breathe. Breathe! down two, three, four, stretch, stretch hold. Over two, three, four... In my mind I heard my beloved teacher's voice, counting out the movements, always light, friendly, but firms. Now step away from the bar.!" Three steps.I imagined music, three-quarter time. Point front, point back, second position, again Again. hands relaxed, arms up, head high, chin up, buttocks tight! No again, watch your hands, two, three, together eyes up sweep that toe, point. point. On and on I practiced, feeling the warmth in my body and music in my mind. I never saw Madame B., as I now called her to myself and with the other girls, but one morning, when I was trying some turns, I slipped and fell flat on the floor.That afternoon, when I was coming out of the gym after a later practice session, the teacher was there in the doorway, tapping her cane on the floor. coldly she said, There's a box of resin over there in the hall. You should know enough to look for it. Before I could say anything she had disappered. I hated her! But I loved to dance more. Morning in the gym became the high point of my day. I began to tru my old routines again, felt myself flying, leaping, whirling, loving life. Grace you've got color in your cheeks again!" Father said happily at suppertime. She is dancing," Mother told him, smiling. Dancing not only gave me joy, it brought back a part of my life that I had shut away. How I had loved lessons with Madame Jens! she not only taught us the dance, she talked to us about life. The dance is not isolated from life, my children. To dance is to live! and when you are dancing, use your entire body, your entire spirit, not the feet, the hands, the head, the arms, like separate parts cut off from each other---no! Every movement and every thought must be part of the dance. Think of your technique constantly, constantly, when you are eating, playing, working, sleeping. But then my children, when you are really dancing-then, think only of the dance." Now, after so many years away from my teacher, I finally began to understand her.

Chapter 9

l was startled one day, returning from school late, to see mother and joy outside on that bit of sidewalk exactly between our quadriplex and the house next door, where James and janice lived. They were talking together, the two women and two girls. the late-afternoon. sun through the little maple trees overhead sent flecks of lights down upon the little group. They looked to me like figures in a painting. As I came closer I saw James, and Janice mother's her sleek black hair gleaming in the sun, wearing a blue embroidered smock over gray trousers. Her movements were delicate, her features serene. Beside her my mother gestured, moved bobbed her head as she talked. James and Joy stood close together, smiling. At one point their hands touched. I did not want to interrupt, for they were talking so earnestly, and then I saw the little carriage with the baby in it. And as I approached I heard my mother saying, " I was a baby nurse in Philippines. I love babies. What a sweet little one. Would you like to hold him?" asked James Mother. Ah, you don't want to wake him. if he is sleeping!" my mother objected, though even from this distance I heard the longing in her voice. Baby likes to be held," said James' mother, and I heard james hand. the Mother bent doen, gently took the baby with his blanket from the carriage, stroller and put him into mother's arms. Something in my mother changed completely in that moment, the way I suppose I changed when I was truly dancing. Mother's head bend down to the child, her arms clasped it to her breast, and her entire body curved in an arc that was pure grace and protection and love. She stood thus, slightly swaying, rocking moving in that unconscious way that trees move in the wind. Ah." what a sweet one, so soft, so beautiful. A big boy for his age.! Is he eating solid food? milk ." said the mother, smiling broadly. He eat also from little jars,' she said proudly. spinach, carrots. sometimes I make myself, from garden. Oh! what a beautiful, healthy child. and James and janice too. is a beautiful little boy and girl. Janice in immaculate pink cotton, beamed. Your Joy, countered the Philippines mother. good girl, so nice, always polite manners in our house. We glad she be in our house with janice and james.. It is good the girls are friends, mother said. she gazed down at the baby again. I saw her profile, gentle now, all struggle gone. Slowly she gave the little baby back to his mother. We happy to see you. Said the mother of james and janice. Likewise, said my mother to my neighbor mother. It was a new term for her:, she said it with confidence. that night I awakened to the sound of sirens. My heart pounded as I lay in my bed for those terrible moments, waiting for bombs to drop from the sky. Girlie and Bibian was sitting up in her bed across the room. A tiny flashlight beam pierced the blackness in our room. she had been raeding under the covers. Father had long since taped our windows with butcher paper. Not a single ray of light must be allowed to escape, perhaps to guide enemy bombers to a target. I sat up, stunned, waiting. the sound of airplanes rumbled overhead. Besides me. Joy slept soundly. I watched her waken, stiffen, her eyes on the ceiling while dhe waited, as I did, for the whistling sound that a bomb makes when it falls, the inevutable explosion, then fire. We had seen this many times in the newsreels and movies. The seconds lengthened. I expected to die Bibian. I called. She leaped out of her bed, came into mine. We lay very close together. I was awakened because of my worst dream, I felt that was true and feel that were turning back in our place before...I walked into kitchen to some of water I drink. Go back to my room and sleep. that nice Tomorrow is another day and practice my ballet. Tomorrow I' let you use some movements. We'll do your toe nails. We dont have anybody here, you know," she said moresely. What are you talking about? My friends. Janice and Janet, they all have Families. Aunt, Uncles and cousins. they all get together. They have grandparents too. They all have dinner together and they talk and they sing and play games together. We did that too. ,I said sofly, in my Country I never did,' Yes, you did. You were too young to remember." Then it's just as if I never did,' But you heard mother, I added well alk have to help the war effort. you have to help too. How? By not complaining about not having a big family. and by being good, collecting thing you know. I'm sorry for what I said about not wanting tostay with you. I like staying with you. I know I am good, she said. And I getting tough. People think Jews are weaklings? I'll show them! tough? Yes. I'm the fastest runner in third grade. Congratulations, I said. How'd you accomplish that.. Mostly practice. Janice, janet And I ran away from the Mexicans. they chase you home from school? Not always, Joy said. about once a week. they call Janice a dirty Jap.And you? oh, I dont listen to them..They jump up and down and yell, sheeny, sheeny, killed my lord.. they're so stupid. I never killed anybody.. So you guys run? We run faster than any of them! joy said, graining siberly she added. I wish the jews in germany would run.. Why didn't they all just leave like we did? Why didn't they run away? I don't know.. Bibian put out her flastlight. We all lay quietly for a while. I heard joy breathing, and Grace too. I'm giving my kickball for the rubber doll and they're even bringing in the baby's bath toys. I"ll take my curles ,I said I'll give my girdle, Gerlie said from her bed in the dark. what?" I gigled explosively I didn't know you had a girdle? Mother gave me one. gerlie said. Actually it feels awful. its like iron bars around you middle. I'll take it to school for the war effort, Joy said because she awake stifling a laugh. We heard Father come in. All clear! he announced.Shh, Rudy! the girls are trying to sleep. We heard them takling, they spotted some more enemy U boats off the coast.. oil on the beaches. They could land here.. be in the city in no time. they caught one of them with a whole case of color flares and signal rockets. it would be easy for a spy to signal the japanese from our beaches.. Good-night, Grace, she replied.. Good night said to Joy and her sisters too.. It was the last night we seven ever slept in the same room together..

Not long Afterward Father brought home asewing machine. Grace! he called that afternoon. Lisa! come here at once." I rushed out from the bathroom, where I'd been washing my hair, trying to bleach it eith lemon juice. I was still dripping when I saw Father directing two Mexican men. who grunted as they labired over the weight of a huge factory sewing machine, complete with built-in worktable and black iron treadle. Where put? one of the men muttered. In her room, Father said pointing I ran ahead, stood in the bedroom, dumbfounded. push the bed together, Father directed. Move the bureau. Take that chair out, you don't need it. Ah, that's fine, fine. Put it down. stood father his arms outretched beaming. I got it for a wonderful price. he said .Mr. Kline was going to junk it. But, father I murmured. our machines at school are small, they are entirely different. I don't know whether I can sew on such a large machine. Tut, tut. said father. You're an intelligent girl. I know you can learn to use this machine. I heard you telling you new friend that you want to make your own cloths. Now you can." maybe your sister too they can make her own cloths too..I guess I could try , I said. You have to buy material, Father. I exclaimed, and ran to give him a kiss.. thank you Father for this wonderful gift for us.. He patted my back and my head.. Where is joy, and sheljane? Probably at Janice house's. Thoughtfully, he nodded. They are our neighbors. I don't even know what the women does. Everyone is always busy here, " I said In the village of cafes. On sunday morning we sometimes met other families in the park. They don't bother anybody,' father said thoughfully. I wish... he said. But he turned away again... I have to go back to work, he said.. I only came to bring you the machine.. I feel sad when my father said to me..but its ok when gerlie, sheljane, and Bibian came home from school and saw the sewing machine in our room, we must be happy. and let everyone do her favorate cloths. we let out a shriek.. Imposible!' she cried. There's hardly space to walk! how can I work in here? That thing is a dust catcher.

Chapter 10

It'll always be in the way.. It probably makes a terrible racket and when joy comes in here with her friend jabbirng.. I had an idea. Suppose we have Joy sleep on the servixe porch? it must be joking..yeah. mother face lit up.. ypu mean.. would she? we could put her bed in there. Make it cozy. Give her the throw rug.. and a little table, this chair. We' ll arrange all her toys, she must be in your dads room together.. you and I stay up much later. She can never get to sleep in the porch.. when we listen to radio, she wont be yelling, I added. And I can bring my friends in and have some privacy, gerlie said.. lets do it now.. It be all done when she come home. she'll see how nice it is.. because she is together with my parents.. and my sister are also have own bed and room.. what about the window? the window was barred ugly.. Well, when you learn to sew on that machine, you can make her some pretty curtains too.. I'll help you pay for material. Suddenly I was doubtful. Maybe we should make the curtain first, then tell mother and joy, show her how nice it is.. No I said firmly. I want to do it now, while I have time. I've got a school project. All right. Still I hesitated. We should ask mother. Mothe's at work. She won't care. We're no doing anything wrong.' All right. We hurried to move in the furniture. Then we spread out Joy's doll and stuffed animals up on the wundowsill, the bed, and top the wooden board that covered the deep gray-metal washtub. The washtub in her bedroom does't look so good.. I murmured, surveying our handiwork..well put a cloth over it. Sheljane said .it will be okay" She won't like the water heater and the pipes. she won't even notice.. All right. I sat down at my new machine. it had its own little light. father had also left me a little pile of scraps. I took a scrap, just for practice. Zipppp! The machine raced as I lightly pumped the treadle. I could sew an entire seam in less than a minute, once I learned control over this monster. I made a potholder with crisscros stitching, practicing my skill with the new machine, ripping, repairing, concentrating. I did not hear Joy come in. I heard only her gasp. Out in the hall Bibian told her, We've fixed it all up for you, honey. It's so cute! look we've put your toys out, and your dolls on the bed. . Joy said nothing. I saw her face at the door, though, her eyes upon me as she watched me sitting there, sewing. "You move me out of the room, " she said, both of yoy.. The look on her face left me speechless. I had always been joy's friend, her protector. If Bibian didn't have time for her or got cross with her, there was always me. prithjoy counted on me. Joy" I began, I didn't mean to make you feel .. But she said vanished into the service porch, instead into the room of our parents. closing the door behind her.That night Mother and Father went directly to their English class. bibian and I fixed a supper delicious or yummy of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Joy took her sandwich into the yard. She sat on the stone bench., eating and reading. Later James came out, and the two of them went to james yard to play. By the time Mother and Father came home, we were all in bed. I was reading a novel. How Green Was my Valley, Which Bibian's only real extravagance. It was a rare occasion that bibian let me read one of her books before she was finished. I thought how well we were getting along together. Mother came into the room and lookedaround at the machine, at me she said. Do you know what you two have done to Joy? your sister shooked about this. even your ate's didnt know about what you'ved done to young younger sister. I shook my head, yawning, appearing unconcerned, while in reality I felt a twisting pain in my stomach. She didn't care,' Bibian said. The room was too crowded, I added. You didn't even ask her, Mother said.. So what? She's always brings in her friends... Mother stood there looking at us. her expression grave. You girls have to learn to get along, she said Her gaze rested on me." Maybe Joy will forget this," she said, but you never will. Later I got up, went to the room of mother, knocked on the door. No answer. A night-light shone under the door. I realized that in her entire life joy had never slept slone before. Inside me, the twisting felt like a worm in my gut. Joy.! I whispered. Can I come in? I opened the door. She lay there bunched up on her side. She would not turn over to see me.. All right, then I murmured.. Good night my sweet sister.. Bibian, sheljane, gerlie and I go back to room. two of the have the same room..only frithgie together with my parents.. Bibian and I have plan to Sears and bough saome material. I did make a curtains for parents and joys room. But Mother was right. The guilt stayed with me. Joy didn't come into our bedroom at all. A coldness seemed to have washed over her a layer of solemnity. And then came the terrible blow. It was early on a Sunday. Joy came running into the house screaming. They're leaving! Everything's packed. All the furniture is gone! James, janet and Janice didn't even talk to me. She didn't even say good-bye. She left in the truck with her uncle. They're all being sent away someplace to the desert- why? Why?" Heaven help us!" Mother stood up, hands raised. that poor woman and the baby-oh, what a terribles thing, to be chased out of your own home!" The japanese are being sent away, Mother said. She did not look at any of us. They could be spies, " Bibian said. James not a spy! Joy screamed. Father halfway through shaving, came out at the commotion. what's going on?" Frithjoy sat in the kitchen nook, sobbing. They've taken James and janet away. Just because she a japanese. It's isn't fair! Joy, Joy, Father sat down beside her and hug her, put his arm around her tightly.. poor James, it's too bad she had to go, but her family.. Where are they going?"They didn't want to leave their house! James mother was crying. They"ll be sent to. . to camps, " Father said. So they can all ve together. Until the war is over." You knew this!" Joy cried, accusing, Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you do something?" Child, what can I do? Be reasonable. It's up to the goverment. The president. Joy, this is wartime. People have to make sacrifices. We have to be careful. We don't know which Japanese are loyal and which are spies. So all of them have to leave the coast-do you understand to father? If even a few of them were spies, they could destroy this country. Don't you see? No! No! I want James and janice back! She's my friend. When this war is over, Mother said.. then. The rotten war will never be over! joy shrieked. It's horrible. it makes people nean and bad. I hate it! I hate evwrything. You don't hate your father, do you? .. Father crooned joy looked at him, glaring. She did not reply. I knew she was thinking of the sewing machine. Father had brought, what it had done to her life, and now this. She'll get over it. Father said later, when Joy was outside in the garden again, sitting alone on the stone bench. No. she won't." I said. I went outside, stood on the sidewalk. next door the large wooden house stood empty. I could see it by the windows:, windows have a way of looking sad when a house is alone. Neighbors stood around in small clumps, shifting their weight the way grown ups do when they are embarrassed, when they know they have to say something.I say good riddance, one woman flung out. Her hair was done up in curlers:, her face shone with cream or sweat. If they hadn't of left, said another, Raniel was gonna rout them out anyhow. We don't want Japs in this neighborhood. Apart from the women, the men talked together while they smoked their cigarettes. Every time one made a statement, the others rumbled and nodded and shifted their feet. Sometimes they laughed. Mostly they frowned, and they flipped their cigarettes butts out into the street. don't believe everything you hear, it all propa ganda, one of them said. They say that with Mussolini in power, at least the trains run on time. Laughter, like an invisible net, bound them together. Its the jews themselves invented those stories,. said another.. all about concentration camps and those ghastly murders. Nobody would do things like that.vA Nazi is still a human being,' said another. Listen, if you ask me, it's all apack of lies, to get sympathy. like they always do. I went around to the backyard. There was Joy, squatting over her victory garden. How's it doing? I asked. I knelt down beside her. The beans are the best," she said soberly. touching several little green leaves with the tip of her finger. Those fermy things are carrots. corn over there. squash. That's really beautiful,." I said. I wish I had more space. I'd plant everything tomatoes, potatoes, everything. I wish I had a farm. I wish we could move away to a farm, far away, maybe to Australia." Maybe james and jnice will come back,' I said. It wasn't fair,' she said. the same week Father came home and said he had finally met a man who was willing to go into business with him. His money, you mean and your sweat. Mother said grimly. It's the same thing." What will you do, Rudy?" Make ladies, coats and suits. Eventually, fur-trimmed things, like I made in Philippines. Would women wear fur in the climate? Women who can afford fur will wear it anyplace," father replied with a smile. But that comes later. First I'll make some samples, show around, I'll make orders, and Mrs Miles will give me the money to have the coats made up." Why does this Mrs. Miles want to give you meny Rudy? He liked me, said Father, hands outstreched, besides we'll share the profit. We met at the delicatessen. I showed him your photographs. We talked, I showed him my designs some sketches on the tablecloth. The tablecloth! oh, Rudy," Father was always drawing on the tablecloths, napkins, even the wall. A week or so later Father came home with a large garment bag over his shoulder. Inside were two coats, one beige and one red-samples Bibian and mother tried them on to show us how beautiful they were, and father stroked the cloth. straightened the lapels, shook his head in admiration over his own handiwork. One hundred percent wool," he said proudly.. I'll sell it for eighteen ninety five. Look at those gorgeous buttons! Expensive buttons, and they'll never fall off, never. Are we going to be rich Father? Joy asked. Father pursed his lips, lit a cigarette. Rich? No, Joy We have debts to pay back first. It take a long, long time to get rich. It takes a long time just to catch up, to make a decent living. When father said we would soon move out of the neighborhood, none of us was sorry. Father was looking for a house to rent, one with a separate garage where he couldvwork. In the new house we could have a telephone, too! Prosperity was just around the corner, Father said. My birthday was on May 14. In my diary I wrote.

Friethgie or joy gave me a beautiful blue fountain pen for my birthday. She has been saving her allowance for ages, I guess. She gets only teb cents a week. Mother was right: I feel so awful every time I think of what we did to her. I have looked through my diary, and how much I have written about the war. Mother says, if we children can't even get along, how can nations? It's true. I guess even if people were all the same nationality and the same religion, they'd still find things to fight about. Because the truth is everybody is selfish. Like me. I usually feel good on my birthday. Today I feel rotten. Mother gave me five dollars for my birthday, and a lovely little purse bought for herself and never used. Bibian, sheljane, Gerlie and Ranel have also a gift for me.. bibian gave me a cloth-covered diary. gerlie she bought me jacket leather, manoy Ranel bought me cake and sheljane bought me ear rings.. A terrible Family moved in next door. They are so loud! They keep a junked-up old car out on the front lawn. Mother says they Polish. She says the polish are low-class. I don't know what to believe anymore. I feel like crying but I won't, beacuse they say that if you cry on your birthday you'll cry every day of the entire next year. I hope we csn move soon.

Chapter 11

GOOD NEWS seemed to come all together. At the begining of June, Sheila had a slumber party. Janine, Eliza and I were invited. I'd never had more fun in my life. We laughed half the night. I did movie star impersonations:, they love it. The very next day, before school, just as I got stated practicing at the bar, there stood Madame K, "You may join my advanced ballet class," she said. I have been watching you. You are. at least, faithful. Thank you, thank you so much, Madame! I breathed. Do not think," she continued sternly, that you willbe in the front row. I have some very taleted dancers in that class. You will have to work hard to keep up with them. Yes Madame, I said demurly, my voice soft, while inside I was bursting with excitement. Advanced class! All day the joy of it sang through me. And when I told them at home, everybody beamed and clapped. Then father told us his surprise. I have found a house for us. It is in a nice neighborhood. Closer to your school Grace, Joy And Sheljane. And it has a separate garage. Will we buy a car? Bibian and sheljane asked eagerly. No.I will use the garage for a workshop. the coast will be sewn at the factory, but I'll do some finishing in the garage, and I'll pack the coats into boxea and make out my bills there. Tell us about the house! we begged.Is it pretty? Is there a yard? Wait and see, Father said, smiling mysteriously. The following Sunday, a rattletrap old truck waited on the curb while two men loaded our household goods. The biggest thing was my sewing machines. Mother fussed about, sweepung out the kitchen, cleaning the icebox, locking windows. Joy! mother called again and again. No answer. She must be up there with Ms. Benitua., Mother said exasperated. grace go and get her. Go on! the truck is nearly ready to leave. Reluctantly I went up the stairs. I had never been in that apartment, nor had Iever seen anyone go up there,except for milk delivery man and joy. I shuddered as I knocked at the door, bracing myself against the musty rotten smell I was certain I'd encounter. I knocked again, louder. No answer. Then I heard the sudden, rich tone of music. beautiful music. I knock very hard. Joy came to the door, looking starled and flushed as if she'd just been awakened from a dream. Who is it Joy? called Ms. Benitua. It's my sister.' Grace Tell her to come in then, and for goodness sake, close that door. I walked as softly as a mouse across the carpeted floor, toward the large overstuffed chair where phonofrap music filled her kness covered with an afghan phonograps. the room the beautiful voices of a woman and a man singing a love duet. I stood trabsfixed, imagining the two of them in the moonlight, standing on a balcony overlooking to the sea, falling in love. A delicate fragrance hung in the air, eucalyptus leaves and lavander, I think. the carpet was beige, the furnitaure pale rose. When the song was oved, we three remained silent. The room was shadowed, soft. Joy we have to go now," I said. My voice sounded husky. Take the record Joy. said Ms. Benitua. Take it with you As a keep sake. Really?" Joy gasped. she took the record, put itinto its sleeve, then carried it close against her chest. You've been a good girl, joy. said the old woman. And a good reader. Go to my purse now and take your ten cents.Joy went to the table, opened the bulging black-leather bag, took out a dime. Thank you, Ms. Benitua, she said. She drew close to the old woman, touched her hand. Goodbye, Ms. Benitua." Formally she added, It was nice meeting you." Don't you worry!" Miss Benitua said, with suddwn energy.' We will surely meet again." I know,' said Joy.