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Shut up: You, Nymphomaniac Evil Sword

Autor: Half_Blind
Krieg
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Zusammenfassung

A young philosopher ends up in a war-torn world, where he finds himself among the poor and needy rebels who fight against the humongous army of the corrupted and merciless Alliance government. The Mystery behind his appearance in this new world, slowly unravels as he travels the magical world and faces new challenges. The story follows the philosopher's journey along with his companion, a Nymphomaniac Evil sword, through this modern and magical world, as he experiences different battles, adventures and his own personal dilemmas. Please bear with my English and Thank you all for reading Disclaimer :The cover picture doesn't belong to me, if the artist wants it to be removed it will be removed......

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Chapter 1The last quest

"cough... cough .... How long has it been, how many times did I challenge him I can't even remember ..... I still failed, and that guy didn't even sweat..... did I give my all, I believe I did.

Even the Mythical weapon, The holy sword Aremya ... failed, .... I don't regret this death, in fact I have been waiting for an end ....

I can rest finally with my comrades and Aremya... they have been waiting for me for a long time, but I don't know how to face them, even with all the sacrifices that they made, we still failed ... I still failed..."

Coughing some more blood, Sam looked forward, He could see all the craters that had formed due to the epic battle that he fought just earlier and now he was hanging on a wall with a broken sword piercing through his heart and into the wall behind.

"Aremya it has been a long journey, I wanted to say many things to you.... but you would never listen to me and stop chattering .... Only if I could hear your voice again.... now that you are finally silent I don't know what to speak... and neither are you able to hear.... hah .."

" At least I could die with you still in my heart, literally ...

... you would have really made fun of me for that bad joke....

maybe I should have just listened to you and left, instead of blindly following the old philosophies ....

Confusius said

"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps."

and I was foolish enough to follow it.

He also said.....

"The man of wisdom is never of two minds;

the man of benevolence never worries;

the man of courage is never afraid."

he really has his way to convince people to their death.... or maybe it was me who didn't understand the true meaning.... "

He slowly tilted his head upward, to see a grand platform in the distance and the steps leading to it. He saw a grand golden throne and the humongous green figure sitting on it.

There was a bloody and majestic aura surrounding this figure, It was none other than the Undefeated Goblin emperor, the Ultimate boss of this dungeon .

He wore a golden sleeveless armor, along with golden helmet that covered half of his face and golden gauntlets in each of his arms, two weapons rested on either sides of the throne , an axe and a scepter both black in color and giving out a bloody red aura.

Both were weapons beyond Mythical level weapons.. The green guy was looking at him with sleepy eyes, clearly bored...

" Maybe if I got my hands on one of those black weapons... I might have had a chance... but they are soul weapons that will only obey its master... hah...I wonder what happened to that gluttonous fellow..... I am feeling dizzy..."

The green guy stood up from his throne and removed his helmet..... Before he completely closed his eyes, Sam was able to get a last glance at the enemies face and his emotions were all in turmoil ...

For some reason his mind went back to his fond memories of the past .....

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Volumen 1 :L... L... T.. R..........

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WWFire
WWFireLv4

Writing style is a train wreck (especially the first 5 five chapters; barely readable): punctuation problems, capitalization problems, too much use of "...", confusing use of braces and brackets (why use this symbols for dialogue/thoughts at all?), lacking dialogue tags or action beats (author writes like a screenwriting). I have no complains for grammar though. Instead of using symbols with unclear meaning (i.e. braces or brackets), just use the standard apostrophe or quotes for thoughts and dialogues. It is your job as an author to make sure that the readers understand whether it is the character's thoughts, mind communications, or dialogues by using the standard format. Do yourself a favor by researching more on proper novel dialogue writing (punctuation too!). Here are other elements I feel that you are lacking: 1. The sense of the MC! That's right, a human has 5 sense, not just sight. How does it smells like when MC arrived in the world? When he drink the water, how does it taste like? Are there any sounds of cracking flames and wave of heat when he got near the burning mountain? If you want to create extraordinary immersion, you should improve this point. 2. What was his name again? Ah, Sam! I almost forgot his name without you mentioning it at all at chapter 10 and only once at chapter 9. 3. World building (visuals) is quite lacking in the first few chaps. You need to improve from this question: What is the MC's first impression on seeing the new world? Just "dumbfounded" or "awestruck" is not enough. If you think you can give more visualization more on the world , don't be afraid on making an extra chapter just for it. What I say is that, imagine yourself in that world, what do you see and feel in your surrounding?

Xiao_Zuojia
Xiao_ZuojiaLv3

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