19| Athena

"Shouldn't you be training?" Sebastian asked, as I watched him flex his muscles while searching for a shirt. He paused, looking over his shoulder with a grin. Something had… changed. Not a bad change, not a good one, but something wasn't right.

Sebastian was currently bent over, searching for a t-shirt, and I laid on my stomach in the middle of his bed. Last night, Clare had arrived with three suitcases, and I had hugged my cousin, asked her how she was doing, and we had made awkward small talk. The elephant in the room—Guardians, powers, weapons—was as big as the world was wide, yet we ignored it in favor of sleep. Sebastian moved her into the guest room I had been staring in, and my stuff was moved to his room. Luca would be coming in this morning. He had some loose ends to tie up before arriving.

Besides the room issue, I had no real problems with Luca and Clare being here. It was time to catch up with my cousin, figure out how to dead this whole Mother situation. Plus, there was some kind of camaraderie about having your life in danger together. Made you feel a lot closer.

"I should be." I kicked my feet into the air, crossing my angles and grinning at him. Griffin was in the training room, waiting on me, but I was still pretty mad. He wanted to apologize; I wanted to avoid him completely. There was no true compromise.

"Then why aren't you?" Sebastian asked, holding a shirt and looking at it.

I rolled my eyes. "I do what I want," I grumbled, swinging my legs off the bed. I had offered to let him sleep in the bed while he got the couch, but he said that wasn't an option. I had even offered for him to sleep in the bed with me (with a pillow wall) but he hadn't liked that either. He had crashed on the couch, and I had heard every deep, sleeping sigh he made in discomfort the entire night. "Is Clare up?"

I hated awkwardness, and that was all we had between us. I hadn't been downstairs to check, instead requesting Sebastian bring my cereal upstairs, where he ate next to me, watching early morning cartoons. It had been a surprising comfort, something normal for once.

He grabbed a hoodie off the top of the dresser instead. "She wasn't an hour ago." He tugged it over his head, shoved his hand through it, and grabbed his wallet. He gave me a crooked smile. "She's alone and terrified. Go be nice like I know you are."

I grabbed my saber—Trespasser—from behind the bed where I kept it. "You don't know me very well then," I muttered, deciding I would head upstairs until she woke up. It wasn't like I could learn much else at this point; it was just that moving my saber, practicing my punches, it all made me feel better than sitting in my room. If I was alone in my room, I focused on my impending death. At least when I was moving, I could focus on my form and concentrate all my efforts into being perfect.

"You need your saber to go talk to her?"

I grinned. "I've come across a few shape-shifting demons that were real convincing. Better to be safe than sorry."

"You're full of it." He smiled back, then ushered me out of the room. "You'll have to talk to her alone eventually."

Eventually came closer than we both thought, though. The second I opened the door, I saw Clare standing there with a concentrated look on her face, her matching saber in her hands. She clumsily moved it through the air, her motions awkward ad unsure.

My cousin had really grown up. She stood at least five inches taller than me now—even though we hadn't been the same height since we were three—and her honey-brown hair was filled with the same curls mine had, just a different color. She had them pulled into the same messy bun I did. Her caramel colored skin was flawless, and I knew she had never had a pimple in her life. I was so jealous.

When she saw me, she turned her big brown eyes to me in surprise, the saber falling out of her hands. It clattered to the ground, making the situation much more awkward than it should've been. We both looked at it until it stopped shaking on the ground, and then we both looked up at each other with wry smiles. "Sorry," she apologized, bending down and picking Truth-seeker up. "I—I just got it a few days ago. For a short moment."

I shrugged her apology off, putting Trespasser to the side as I sat down to stretch. "I can show you how to hold it correctly," I offered. "And some moves if you want."

I hadn't sparred with anybody below my skill level in months. Griffin was still stronger and faster than me, even if I was better at handling weapons than he was. Sebastian was above and beyond most demon's skill level.

She smiled. "Yeah, that sounds great!" She sat Truth-Seeker next to its counterpart and joined me on the floor. "So… this is awkward."

I chuckled, looking at her. "Yeah. How have you been handling all this?" I motioned to the room around me. "It's soundproof, and even so, Sebastian isn't here, so this is as safe a place to talk as we'll get."

She heaved a deep breath. "I think I'm handling it fine. Only one major freak-out, but, then again, Luca wiped my mind every time I found out about Mother."

I frowned, switching legs. "Wiped your mind?"

"Yup. Apparently he was trying to protect me," she grumbled.

"Protect you?" I scoffed, reaching for my toes and laying myself flat against my legs. I tried to get Sebastian to teach me how to do some cool, flexible fight moves, but he said those were for show and movies. I'd never actually need to do a split in a battle.

"Sounds like shit because it is," she continued. "I was so pissed for a few days, too. Really considered if he was truly my soulmate, but I forgave him."

"Because you love him?" I pulled myself up, stretched my arms out, and went back down. The pull of my muscles was comforting. I enjoyed this feeling. It was the calm before the storm. The warm up to a game.

She shook her head. "Because I need him. To protect me, teach me about all this. Love was an afterthought, if we're being honest." She paused, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them with a thoughtful look. "It doesn't diminish my feelings, though. It just…." She trailed off, struggling for words.

I understood. "It's just that your life took precedence. It doesn't matter how much you love someone when you're dead." I reached over and tapped her leg. "Keep stretching or else you'll be super sore later."

She grimaced but listened. "Right. We've made up now, and sometimes I look at him knowing I will never love someone as much as I do him." She reached for her toes, flattening her chest against her legs. "Other times, I remember that he wiped my mind, and I want to punch him. I know he had good intentions, but I dunno… it could've been avoided, ya know?"

I knew all too well, although hearing that her mind had been wiped multiple times didn't compare to Sebastian keeping information from me. I wouldn't forgive Sebastian for wiping my mind, no matter how much I loved him. That was a serious violation. "Yeah, I get it," I responded vaguely, crossing my right arm over my chest.

She didn't need me to sound interested, though. "After I regained all my memory, though, it was just like… I dunno, everything keeps just piling and piling on top of itself, so I don't even have time to freak out because I'm busy trying to make sure I stay alive, my sister's okay, Luca is okay." Clare shook her head, causing a few curls to escape her bun. "I just can't wait for this to be over."

I nodded in agreement as I switched arms. I felt the same way, but only if we came out victors. "As long as we win," I sighed, standing up. I wiggled my legs out, then my arms, rolled my neck around twice and took a deep breath. I was as ready as I'd ever be.

Nervous energy filled me, and had filled me since she arrived last night. It wasn't Clare, though—not directly. It was this feeling that, along with Luca, she had brought the battle to us. Her arrival had anticipation coursing through me. It vibrated off my fingers and to my saber on the other side, twisted around my heart, and pulsed through my veins.

I wanted a fight. The idea scared me and exhilarated me.

"Right, as long we win," she snorted. "So, how are you handling things?"

My first response was to deflect. I didn't answer strangers, and even though she was a cousin who had once been my best friend, we hadn't had that relationship for decades. Instead, I gave her an honest answer. "I'm terrified, Clare. This is so wild."

She pushed herself off the ground. "Very. How long have you known?"

"About Mother? A few weeks. About Sebastian and this whole other world? I guess since I was a kid, but I met him three years ago, and I've known since then," I answered. "All this other stuff like Guardians, First Blades and all that is completely new, though."

In fact, I was having quite a hard time coming to terms with being a Guardian. Although it had made sense, especially with my research and the book about Gabriel. It was just hard to wrap my head around that I had a very important part in this. I had gone from innocent bystander to the nucleus of the situation.

Clare sighed. "It's hard enough being Guardians, you know. But we don't know what our powers are, how to use them, and then, like, the last of our kind is disgraced."

That was honestly the worst part. We came from one of the most powerful lines of families ever only to be disgraced and not know why. I had asked, but the person inside my saber hadn't answered. She had been suspiciously quiet every time I tried to communicate with her. She only wanted to talk when I fought.

I blew out a breath. "Yeah, well, that's a problem for later. We have more pressing matters at hand—like the way you stand, hold your saber, and look."

"Look?"

"Terrified. You look scared to death, and you're only holding the saber." I positioned my feet in the correct way, demonstrating. "Try to stand like me. It helps with balance, and it'll make it easier to swing Truth-seeker without falling over."

It felt weird to instruct someone on how to fight, considering I hadn't actually used these skills out in public yet.

She looked at my feet a second before copying me. It was awkward and stiff. "Like this?"

Not quite. I adjusted her feet, pushing them a little further apart and using my knee to push the back of her knees in so she bent her legs. "Loosen up a little. It's just us."

"This gives me anxiety." She straightened up, brushing her stray curls back with a frustrated look. "I keep thinking about how this is preparing me for the fight of my life."

"For your life," I corrected. "Which means you need to get back to it."

I thought back to the times I had thrown myself on the ground, near tears (or in tears in some cases), ready to give it all up. Trespasser had been flung across the room, dropped, and placed back in its spot on the wall. I had screamed at Sebastian, shouted at Griffin, argued, doubted myself, and went back to my room and sobbed into a pillow while nursing my wounds.

I had been in the same spot as Clare, perhaps better considering I knew about demons before finding out about Mother.

The feeling of knowing no matter what you learn, it'll never be enough to save your life was a tough one to overcome. Knowing that even if you somehow got the stance right, or swung the saber without wavering, it still wouldn't stop Mother, a telepath with an army of demons at her disposable, from putting a hand right through your heart if she wanted to. It was discouraging, and it made you feel worse than practicing did.

But, each time I wanted to give up, there was Sebastian, picking up Trespasser when I was asleep, putting it back by my beside.

Sebastian always being there when I felt my lowest. Sebastian, who sometimes surprised me with a randomly thrown punch (he never made contact with those) until I learned to always be ready. Sebastian telling me how much I sucked as he opened the door to the training room. Sebastian having a bowl of ice-cream ready for me when I came downstairs after being thrown about by Griffin and his many replicas of himself. Sebastian's words, after every tantrum or crying fit: At the very least, you'll be able to hold a demon off until I get to you.

In the end, it was that sentence, spoken frankly at the dinner table while my eyes were still red and he had bags under his eyes, that got me back in the training room.

The thing was, I didn't know what would get Clare.

"I got attacked by demons right when Mother kind of announced her presence to the world." It seemed like it was so long ago, but it was no more than a month, if that. Time seemed to pass by quickly when you were waiting for death to come. "I was walking to the car with Sebastian when he noticed we were being followed. We got attacked by three demons, two of which distracted him. The other toyed with me in the worst way possible. She threw me around. She slammed me into the tree. Punched me. Tossed me to the ground. Tried to rip my throat out. I only got out because Sebastian wouldn't let me die.

"I was terrified. I've been in this room with Sebastian for three years, doing this three times a week at least. I thought I was ready, but when the time came, I wasn't. I froze up. I let my ass get handed to me. I vowed never to let that happen again." I closed my eyes for a second, remembering that moment and what came after. It no longer scared me. "Two weeks ago, a demon attacked me in my dorm. I cut its head off with no injuries to myself."

I picked up Trespasser, the weight a comfort in my hands. Trespasser was an extension of me now and being away from it during school was like leaving a limb at home. "Before that, though, I gave up plenty times in this room. I yelled at Sebastian. Told him I was gonna die anyway, what's the point? Decided it wasn't worth it to even try when I would never be prepared."

Clare watched me earnestly, wide-eyed like a child.

"I've been there," I continued, looking her in her eyes. I didn't know how to stress that this was important, especially since she couldn't use her powers. "And that was before this Guardian stuff. It's literally in our blood, Clare. You're meant to defeat demons, and if that doesn't give you the slightest bit of hope, then walk out of that door right now and let me learn to defend myself in peace."

She looked at the door, as if she was really considering it.

"And don't bring Truth-seeker with you." I lifted her saber up, going over to the wall where Trespasser used to rest. "You give up, and you don't deserve it."

There was a moment of silence, a tense breath as I waited for her decision. I wasn't good at pep talks or good luck speeches. I could only offer her the truth—we were screwed either way. We were just less screwed if we knew how to fight.

Instead of answering me, she went back to the position I had showed her. "So, what next?"

I grinned.

Whether it was sheer determination or her Guardian blood singing true, Clare learned quickly. After we got our stance together, I showed her how to throw a correct punch, as well as where to hit on demons to render them unconscious (it honestly depended on the demon, but some things were universal) or even make them dizzy. Within two hours, she was able to defend herself from my quick jabs, but she kept forgetting to watch my feet. She hadn't been able to land a punch on me either, which was understandable. I was used to ducking punches from Sebastian and Griffin, who were six times as strong and eight times as fast.

She wasn't bad at swinging her saber either, once she got used to holding it. We worked with them for half an hour, but then I went back to hand-to-hand combat because Clare was a natural with the saber. Like me, it was a part of her, and she used it way better than she used her own body.

She swung her fist right, and I moved to the side with ease, reaching up and grabbing her wrist. I twisted it back, spinning underneath her arm and pinning it to my chest. I bent my knees, leaned forward, and tossed her onto the ground. She hit the pads I had put down with a thump and an "oy."

I stepped back, giving her time to push herself up with a grumpy look.

"I thought you were supposed to be showing me how to use my saber," she snapped. She was—rightfully—upset I was kicking her butt. It was a guilty pleasure. I never got the chance to beat anyone up. At best I landed a punch or two on Sebastian and once I had actually cut Griffin, but it had been on accident. I hadn't heard him tell me to take a water break.

Shrugging, I grabbed the two sabers, deciding to humor her. "You won't always have a weapon during a fight," I responded, thinking back to that first fight again.

I was proud of myself. I had come a long way. I had even defeated a demon, but it had underestimated me, and, truthfully, I had used more brain than brawn to kill him.

Clare took Truth-Seeker from my hands. It was crazy how they looked exactly alike save for the onyx and opal stones in the hilt. Even if the stones were the same, I could tell the difference. Truth-seeker was too cool in my hands, like it had just came from the snow. Trespasser actually pulsed, its energy a fire that matched my flame.

I held Trespasser as I watched her move around the room agilely. She spun and swung, the whole time her eyebrows furrowed intensely. "So, what brings you to Missouri?" I knew it wasn't a social call, and Sebastian hadn't told me anything except they had asked to come, which meant there had to be a reason.

"Would you believe if I said I missed you?"

"Nope." I laughed.

She laughed back, pausing. "My little sister was almost killed twice hanging with me. Three days ago, a demon ran us off the road, and she ended up with some injuries that could've killed her." Clare stared off into the distance for a few moments, her saber resting at her side. Her free hand fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist. "So I left. Mother doesn't want my family, just me. They're safer without me there."

"Is she okay?" When Clare moved, Chloe was still in the womb. I didn't even know what she looked like. "What's she like?"

"She'll be fine. Stitches, some pain meds, and surgery made sure she's okay." I could see the guilt hanging on her face. I didn't bother to ease her pain. It was the burden we carried. Luckily, my family was half a day away, and my friends were all supernatural. "I came out unscarred. I'm the damn Protector, and I couldn't even protect my sister."

I saw Truth-Seeker light up briefly. In my hands, Trespasser hummed, desperate be used. I could feel it calling to me, ready for battle. It was another way I knew Mother was close to sending her armies out—everyday Trespasser became stronger and stronger. Sometimes, I couldn't tell whose energy belonged to who.

She shook her head, clearing her mind.. "Let's fight. I need to work this feeling off."

I didn't need convincing.

Because I wasn't a complete butthole, I let her get the first swing. She darted forward, unstable on her feet. The swing was strong, but it threw her off balance. I moved out of the way, stepping back on the defensive. Even though this wasn't a real fight and Clare was much less experienced than me, I felt myself going through everything Griffin and Sebastian had taught me.

Along with watching her, I kept an eye and ear out for the area around me. Of course, no one was in here, but Sebastian could come at any time. I did hear muffled voices downstairs, though. They would be up here soon.

Clare swung and swung, each one sloppier than the last.

"Focus," I commanded. "I could kick your butt with one swing if don't do it correctly."

"Then why aren't you?" she snapped.

My energy spiked. I knew she wasn't implying that I couldn't. "Because it wouldn't be a fair fight." It would be an easy fight. I had really wanted to be a good cousin and teach her some lessons, let her work her anger off, but she had come for my skill level. I hated being doubted.

She rolled her eyes, pulling Truth-seeker back, but I lunged forward. My saber cut through the air, inches away from her neck before she brought her own saber up to block it. The blades met with a brief, ugly noise. "What the—"

I pulled away, looking into her wide, surprised eyes. "Let's see what you've learned."

She backed away, thinking we would start over, but that wasn't the case. I had to show her how much she sucked since she didn���t believe me. Instead of letting her get settled, I advanced, swiping my saber at her. She jumped out of the way, leaning on the balls of her feet. I stopped it mid-swing, reversed the direction, letting the hilt of it hit her wrist. She cried out in pain, Truth-seeker hitting the ground.

"Jesus, Athe—"

"Don't talk, it only annoys me."

She clutched her wrist, eyes narrowed as she looked for an escape. I moved in for the kill, swinging Trespasser left and right. Each time she moved out of the way, growing increasingly desperate for her saber. I grinned, not tired in the least.

To her credit, she was way better at dodging than I had been when I had first started. Bruises had littered my body for weeks. Thank God it was winter, or else I would have had to explain to friends and teachers that I was taking boxing classes or something, and Sebastian wasn't hitting me during his angsty, brooding fits.

I felt her fist land onto my side, solid. I let out a little grunt, more surprised than hurt. She took the chance to bring her knee into mine. Pain slithered up my thigh and down to my toes, causing me to step back. Ouch, I thought, going back to the defensive. I moved out of the way of her punches, Trespasser held in front of me to block her. She continued to swing, getting sloppier and wilder with each punch. I didn't even bother to dodge them because she wasn't really aiming to hit me.

I knew this pain well. Not so much the "putting your family in danger and almost getting your little sister killed" part, but I remembered the helplessness. You swung wild when you felt wild, and there was no wilder feeling than impending doom you couldn't do anything about.

Because who were we kidding? We had absolutely no chance defeating a telepathic super demon that wanted the end of the world, especially when we had no idea who she was. Didn't mean we shouldn't try, though.

"Clare, stop."

Either she didn't hear me, or she didn't care because now there were two huge tears building in her eyes, as well as two bright red spots on her cheeks. Her fists kept coming, so I intervened on her behalf—honestly, swinging at the air wouldn't do anything but pull a muscle. I knew because I was still nursing a pulled tricep from two weeks ago—and grabbed her left fist. She hiccuped, surprised, as I twisted it with just enough pressure to stop her without hurting her. Clare dropped to her knees, giving me a wide-eyed look.

"That's enough for today." I didn't give good pep talks like Griffin, who had consoled me after. I didn't think Sebastian's gruff, 'you'll get over it' demeanor would've been good here either, so I just didn't talk about why she felt that way. "Stretch, or else you'll be hurting tomorrow."

I released her hand, and she cradled it to her chest, shifting from her knees to sitting on her butt. The look she gave me was unreadable, but whatever it was, I couldn't take it seriously with the way her curls flounced out of her bun and stuck to her cheeks, making her look like a very tall petulant child.

"You good?" I asked, laying Trespasser next to me and plopping down in front of her.

Clare glanced at the door. She snorted. "Yep. Fine," she mumbled, stretching her legs in front of her. She placed her palms on the ground behind her and leaned against them, tilting her head back. "So, do you think you could fight a demon?"

I shrugged. "Two." I was being honest. I could hold my own against Sebastian and Griffin, which was no small feat. While they still won, it was getting harder and harder. I could probably take down two average demons—as long as I didn't freak out before or during, which I would probably do. Skilled or not, Guardian or not, I was still very much afraid.

"Huh.��� She brought her head back forward and met my eyes. "Seriously?"

I nodded. "Yeah, if I don't get afraid when they show up."

"You think you won't be afraid? When the time comes?" Her voice was hesitant like she didn't really want to ask me, or she was afraid of my answer.

I hoped I wouldn't be. I knew myself, however, and I wanted to be honest with her and me. "Oh, I'll be afraid. I'll be scared as hell actually." I sighed, drawing my legs up to my chest and looking past her, at the weapons on the wall, begging me to pick them up and use them. They promised protection, but only if I treated them right. "I just have to find a way to push it back, ya know?"

She didn't answer me, just sighed and stuck her legs in front of her, grabbing her toes.

I still didn't know how to push it back exactly. I just knew that I had to. You were born to do this, I reminded myself, which was crazy considering, at one point, I wanted to be a fashion designer. I used to not be able to do a push-up, and now I was taking punches from demons way stronger than me.

"Well, I'm going take a shower," I told her, jumping up. Sweat was sticking to me in places that shouldn't be sweating, and I wanted to not smell like the inside of a barn while eating lunch. "Thanks for the work out. Felt good to win for once."

She rolled her eyes. "Aren't you gonna stretch?"

"Nah. I didn't work out hard enough for my muscles to protest." I grabbed my saber and headed out the door, whistling.

Clare's laughter followed me out.