A piece of paradise

That night was one of restlessness and unintentional overthinking.

Last night's incident replayed through my mind over and over again, each time fading more until I no longer remembered what had happened.

This was a vicious cycle, as the blood and shattered glass on the floor served as an unfriendly reminder each time my eyes would catch a glimpse of it.

I had begun to consider leaving my sleeping spot on the hard floor, in favor of my warm, soft bed.

Yet somehow, I could not get myself to do it.

Something in me was reluctant to leave him alone in that state.

I turned to look past my shoulder, to steal a glimpse of the sleeping figure on the couch behind me.

It was a disturbing, yet comforting sight.

To see the man who seemed so wounded, so distanced and imprisoned in his own mind, sleeping soundly.

Undisturbed by the worries that seemed to constantly haunt him.

I was tempted to brush a strand of hair away from his face, but quickly gathered myself and turned my attention to the embers in the fireplace.

A part of me related to the tiny sparks of fire that fought so hard to stay lit but ended up succumbing to the cold air in the room.

I had fought so hard for so long and left behind everything I knew.

I had clung to a theory based on childish curiosity mixed with a fair amount of wives' tales, only for it to be crushed before I ever even discovered the truth.

My hope was like the embers had been.

Slowly dimming.

And there was seemingly not a thing I could do to stop it in my current situation.

I would have to accept what my decision had gotten me into and figure out how to live my life from there, while my curiosity would hopefully, slowly die out and evaporate.

My thoughts were buzzing in my head.

I once again caught myself getting restless beyond my control, slowly losing my composure and ability to stay calm.

I ended up carefully getting to my feet, very focused on not waking up the man, as I thought that it would likely get me into trouble.

There was barely any light in the room now that the fire had died out, but I figured I might as well find something to read.

That had been the reason for me going there after all.

I left the choice of reading material to my gut and fingertips as I slowly traced my fingers along the backs of the books while I wandered around in the library.

The options seemed endless.

I stopped when my fingers touched upon a rough surface that seemed to belong to a large and rather worn book.

When I pulled it out to have a look at it, the dust from the shelf fell down onto me almost like a fine mist.

I desperately fought to hold back a sneeze, but in vain.

Good job Stella...

The sound almost echoed in the quiet room and I froze as I listened for any signs that it had woken him up.

Thinking that I was in the clear, I breathed a sigh of relief only to then hear light rustling coming from the sitting area.

I hurried back toward my sleeping spot on the floor, with the book under one arm while I used the other for directing, trying not to bump into anything and make more noise and disturbance.

As I got closer, I heard a silent, indistinguishable sound that made me stop dead in my tracks and listen.

My not-so-quiet reaction to the dust had woken him up and now he was searching the room.

He was breathing heavily, almost frantically.

I could faintly make out his figure and features in the dark and I watched him silently from a distance.

He was tugging at his hair with both hands, his eyes wild and dark.

It sounded like he was mumbling something to himself.

His gaze was fixed on his bloody hand and the bloodstained floor while he continued his quiet argument with himself.

I quietly moved closer just a few steps to see if I could make out any words from his frantic mumbling.

He was almost hissing at himself at this point.

To my frustration, he was too far away for me to make out a full sentence, but I did manage to hear a few words.

".... Out of control... Mindless..."

I went to take one step closer, accidentally bumping the corner of the book into a nearby bookshelf.

The book slipped from my hands and landed on the hard floor with a loud thump.

Shit, shit, shit…

Immediately his eyes were fixed on the place I was standing and in my panic I began to back away, hoping that he would think the book had fallen down by itself.

Of course, he would think that.

Books fall on their own all the time!

Not...

His voice was cold as he called out my name and I heard a hint of something else in his tone.

Annoyance?

Panic?

"Stella..?"

I didn't respond but continued to back away from him, praying that I would not bump into anything that would give away my exact position.

"Don't be afraid Stella..."

Don't be afraid?

Surely he was not going to expect me to calmly walk up to him and ask 'what's up', after seeing him in a state that seemed almost psychotic.

I could hear his footsteps loud and clear, but I kept backing away, hoping that I would at some point reach a door or a corner so I could run.

Not that I would know where to run.

He obviously knew every single corner and crook of this place while I struggled to even find the library in the first place.

The pace of the footsteps sped up and I could hear his breathing getting more agitated as he continued to call out to me.

His voice was unrecognizable.

Almost beastly.

By then my heart was pounding in my chest as I was trying to explain to myself in my mind, why I was running away from him.

After several blind turns, my back hit a door and I quickly turned to search for the knob.

The sound of the footsteps had picked up further and I was beginning to feel uneasy.

I wasn't sure if the reason I was running was that I was afraid of his reaction to me being there, or because he was acting so strange.

Perhaps some part of me was also afraid that if he touched me again, I would lose myself to him.

Finally, my hand found the stump of a doorknob, which to my annoyance, was placed way too low for a door that large.

When I pulled the handle, my movement was stopped when a hand was placed on top of mine.

A loud gasp escaped me as I felt his long fingers wrap around mine against the handle.

I retracted my hand and backed away quickly, only to get caught with my back against another bookcase, with him blocking my only way out.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared into the darkness, carefully listening for any signs of movement.

I could no longer gather my thoughts as my instincts were slowly taking over.

“Stella please…”

Something in his voice had changed when he called out once more, and I felt my heart drop as I managed to make out his figure in the dark, standing there watching me from just a few feet away.

In his eyes, I saw confusion similar to my own, with a strike of something I was not quite able to make out.

Was it fear?

He reached out for me and opened his mouth to speak, but paused when he saw the blood on his hand.

Something dark came over him.

His eyes seemingly changed, slowly turning into an almost black demonic color, while his facial expression showed both horror and shock.

It was as if he did not even see me standing there anymore and so I took advantage of his hesitation.

I leaped around him and hurried through the door behind him.

Then I ran.

I ran and I kept running till my legs gave in and I fell to the ground.

I felt weak and scared, but most of all confused.

My vision was blurry and my heart was stuck in my throat, a painful sensation keeping me from breathing properly.

It took me a while to realize just where I was, but a gentle gust of wind gave it away.

In my panicked state, I had managed to make my way into the garden behind the castle.

The air was cool against my bare legs and arms and I was shivering uncontrollably, unsure whether it was due to the cold, or to the adrenaline in my system.

My legs were rebelling against me from the unplanned running and my lungs hurt as I forced them to take in deep breaths to calm myself.

It had never occurred to me that I would be running this much.

I really needed to work on my stamina…

I was unsure how long I had been sitting there when the cold forced me to move.

My legs were like cement and my entire body was shaking relentlessly, but I forced myself to stand and keep moving.

He was bound to find me at some point, but I had no intention of making it easy for him.

I stumbled around for a little while, letting my eyes adjust to the dark in order to make out my exact surroundings.

The various shapes and shadows around me, led me to realize that I was standing in front of something that appeared to be a wall of bushes, forming the entrance to a maze.

For a brief moment, I felt disappointed, having hoped that I in my panic had found my way out of this place, but at the same time it gave me a chance to hide.

I knew that I would have to stay there till the morning, unless I was found, as there was no way for me to make it out myself if I went in there.

I suddenly felt a slight prickling sensation on the back of my neck.

A sensation that had become strangely familiar already.

It was followed by something that almost felt like a cold breath against my bare skin, causing me to shudder lightly.

I could tell he had found me.

He was somewhere nearby watching me, but I could not see him.

The sensation was seemingly helpless in giving away his exact position, but I knew that he was close by.

In a way, I thought that it was a pretty cool way to tell if he was keeping an eye on me, but at the same time, it made me uncomfortable and annoyed me.

My urge to run returned as I heard light rustling coming from a nearby bush, and I instinctively made my way toward the maze.

He couldn't possibly find me there, right?

As soon as I had made my way past the entrance, I forced myself to run once more, ignoring the desperate calls behind me.

This time I did not have the slightest idea where I was going to end up, but I was sure as hell going to do my best to get rid of him.

Even if it would take me half of the following day to find my way out of there, it would give him some time to calm down.

The maze seemed to continue in turns and twists for an eternity.

I ran around with my arms stretched out in front of me, using them as a way to make my way around in the dark.

In some places, the turns were replaced by little cracks or holes in the bushy walls that I would have to push myself through.

Branches and thorns stuck out from the maze walls, causing my skin to get scratched and stung.

I forced myself to ignore the pain and the sensation of warm blood running down my arms.

My emotions had previously been all over the place, but had now subsided.

At this point a numb sensation had taken over, leaving me feeling nothing but a strange numbness.

I was beginning to think that this place had been the last step for me to fall over the edge and completely lose my mind.

Perhaps it was him more than the place itself, I thought.

He had some strange effect on me and I did not like it one bit.

Despite doing my best to ignore his voice calling out to me, some traitorous part in the back of my mind, wanted me to stop.

It wanted him to find me.

My thoughts were distracted when a large clearing appeared in front of me.

I paused at the sight, completely forgetting what I was doing for a moment.

What I saw was beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful, serene, and pure in a way that I didn't realize was possible till now.

I was in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by trees that had come together at the top, creating a ceiling of leaves and flowers.

The moon shone brightly through gaps in the leafy roof, leaving small beams of light here and there.

It allowed me to make out my surroundings more clearly.

Wildflowers peeped up from the ground beneath me, their pastel petals shining dimly in the moonlight.

It looked surreal and almost magical.

In the middle of the large clearing was a pond, where a little island with a pavilion sat in the middle.

The water glistened and sparkled, beautifully reflecting the moonlight in small rings and waves.

I was almost hypnotized by the sight.

It was quiet and calm and for once in a very long time, I felt safe and free of the worries and thoughts that had recently been tormenting me.

The feeling was sadly short-lived as a familiar sensation returned.

The back of my neck was prickling gently and a cold sensation let me know that I was no longer alone in the little piece of paradise.

I could hear him panting in the distance, but neither of us moved or spoke for a long time.

When he finally broke the silence, it was with a single question that would leave me both confused and annoyed.

"Stella… Why did you run?"

I sent him a cold glare.

“Why did I run? Seriously?”

I sighed, annoyed by his question, to which the answer seemed more than obvious.

"Why were you chasing me?"

Something crossed his face for a brief moment but was gone too soon for me to identify it.

If I hadn't known better, I would have thought it was a smile.

Did he think this was funny?

He watched me carefully as he began to slowly approach me, perhaps because he thought I was going to run away again.

Not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind, quite the opposite, but there was no way I could force my legs to move at this point.

I was practically stuck in place, with my legs threatening to give in at any moment.

"It was not my intention to frighten you, I-”

“Well you did”

He ran a hand through his disheveled raven hair in frustration.

“Look, I don't remember much of last night's occurrences and-”

I blatantly interrupted him again, annoyance clearly audible in my voice at this point.

“Is that a habit of yours? To drink yourself into a stupor, only to wake up the next morning with no recollection of the previous night?”

He paused for a moment, clearly taken aback by my blunt comment.

His gaze fell to his feet before he responded and his voice had become quiet.

Was he ashamed?

“I’m sorry you would think that about me… I assure you it’s not a usual behavior of mine”

“Only when I’m around?”

“...You could say that”

He refused to look at me.

His fists were unconsciously clenching and he seemed nervous, very unlike the man I had seen since being brought here.

“When I woke up and saw you gone, with blood on myself and the floor, I thought..."

He did not exactly strike me as the type who would beat a woman up in a drunken fit of rage.

In fact, his behavior towards me the previous evening had been far from aggressive.

It seemed more like he was fighting the same force of attraction that I had been feeling towards him, than a fit of rage.

I suddenly remembered his words from the night before.

“What are you doing to me”

Those were not the words of a man who was about to beat a woman senseless.

He had been holding himself back.

Why did he think he had hurt me?

Did he really not remember what had happened?

“It’s not my blood”

He was visibly relieved by my words.

He looked back up at me in confusion, but his body that had been tensed up, was now visibly relaxing.

“But you-”

He never finished but instead, silence took over once more as he studied me closely, almost as if he was looking me over for injuries.

I remembered that my arms had been scratched from the branches on my way through the maze, and awkwardly crossed my arms across my chest and covered my shoulders with my hands, in a sad attempt to hide it from him.

In an attempt to distract him, I decided to break the silence again.

"How is your hand...?" I nodded in his direction.

He didn't respond but instead looked at me as if I had asked him something absurd.

"My hand?"

I completely forgot about the wounds on my shoulders when I went to take a look at his hand, where I had seen the blood and shards of broken glass.

To my utter confusion and surprise, I found nothing but dried blood.

There was no sign of injury, not even the slightest scratch.

I took his other hand, thinking that maybe it was the wrong one, but again I saw nothing.

“What..?”

When I looked up at him, his brows were furrowed and he looked down at me with realization.

There was relief in his voice as he spoke although his voice was barely a whisper.

"I didn't hurt you..."

All I could do at this point was glare at him in confusion, stating what I thought was obvious.

"No, you didn't. You hurt yourself..."

His face went blank and he lifted his hands to look at them again, before lowering them with a sigh.

"Good, good..."

Good!?

I glared at him in disbelief.

He had been so worried about hurting me, but the news of him hurting himself did not even make him blink.

Never in my life had I met a man that strange.

Did he really care that little about his own well being?

I decided that it would be a good idea to at least wash him clean of the blood, as the sight of it seemed to bother him.

I grabbed a hold of his shirt and gently pulled him with me towards the pond, without saying a word.

His eyes were locked on me as he followed me willingly.

I told him to sit down by the water, which he did without protesting.

Lacking other options, I ripped off a piece of my shirt to use as a cloth.

He watched me closely but did not say a word until I had carefully washed off all the blood on his hands.

“Thank you…”

“You’re welcome” I replied absentmindedly, as I continued to search him for bloodstains.

I noticed leftover blood on his neck, from when he had been pulling his hair, which I carefully leaned in to wash away as well.

To my surprise, he gently placed his hands on my sides and pulled me into his lap.

I could feel his burning gaze on me, but I did my best to ignore it, hoping that he could not see my cheeks flushing in the dark.

After I had finished cleaning him up, I was going to pull away, but he moved his hands to my hips, keeping me firmly in place against him.

Part of me wanted to protest and move away, but the one part of me that rebelled against all sense and logic, forced me to stay put.

My eyes locked with his and it was as though my heart skipped a few beats and I could barely breathe.

His eyes seemed like they had seen so much pain and sorrow, yet they carried so much warmth and affection.

I was like putty in his hands when he leaned in closer to me.

His breath was warm against my skin.

Goosebumps appeared all over my body when he began tracing his lips from my bare shoulder, to the nape of my neck.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are right now?” he murmured huskily.

My heart began to race in my chest.

There was not a single doubt in my mind.

He felt it too.

He had been fighting the strange attraction just as much as I had, if not more.

I was at a loss for words and all thoughts seemed to have left me.

All I knew at that moment was that I wanted him to kiss me.

I wanted it more than I wanted to breathe but I was too stunned to make a move.

Almost as if he had read my mind, his lips continued to brush up further along my neck and along my jawline, till they were hovering just above my lips.

I had instinctively tilted my head backwards and I felt his hand wrap into my hair as he pulled me into a deep kiss.

A warm sensation welled up in me the moments his lips touched mine.

I closed my eyes and gave in to the sensation and into the strange desire that had been nagging me for days, slowly losing myself to him.

In him.

With him.