The Reason to Live

TOUKA'S POV

On this unchanging day, I gaze up at the narrow patch of sky visible from the rooftop. There's no one in front of me, just the vast emptiness above. As seasons pass by, little by little, I've worked on myself, striving to become a better person, even if it feels like I'm just drifting through life.

"You're an unwanted child, you're a curse to me!" my mother's voice echoes in my head, as sharp and cold as it was then.

"Mother… why did I have to be born into this world…" I murmured back then, and even now, the question lingers.

This is my curse. I've been haunted by this nightmare since she died. My mother did love me, but why do I keep seeing these dreams where she despises me?

With a sigh, I look up at the sky again, the clouds drifting slowly as if mocking my yearning. I wish I could turn back time.

My name is Miyako Touka. I inherited this name from my mother. "Touka" means light, and "Miyako" means child of the night. She named me with these meanings in mind, a juxtaposition of light and darkness, hope and despair.

"Yo, Touka!" Himeya's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Huh? Himeya?" I turn to see him standing by the rooftop door. Himeya Shin—a boy who seems to always keep an eye on me. I've never fully understood his reasons, but maybe he's just bored.

"Have you eaten yet?" Himeya asks, a casual smile on his face.

"Hmm? Are you offering to treat me?" I respond with a teasing tone.

"Eh…" He hesitates, scratching the back of his head.

"Why the long face?" I giggle at his reaction.

"Nah… here, let's eat this together," he says, holding out a sandwich.

"Really? I can have this?" I take the sandwich, surprised by the gesture.

"Yeah, why not? I made it, you know," he says proudly.

"...Himeya… be my wife, please," I joke, a grin spreading across my face.

"Not a wife, a husband," he corrects, and we both burst into laughter.

After finishing the sandwich, we talk like we always do. In this school, the only people who bother talking to me are Himeya, Hiro, and that literature club senpai. Most of the others avoid me because of the rumors—rumors that don't seem to bother Himeya in the slightest.

"Uhh… Fhuahhhh…" I stretch my arms lazily.

"Touka… you look like a grandma when you stretch," Himeya teases.

"And you're a grandpa," I retort playfully.

Click

The rooftop door opens, and I see the literature club senpai standing there.

"Ah, Shin, there you are," she says, spotting Himeya.

"We're gathering in the library for a literature club meeting. Will you come?"

"Sure, why not?" Himeya nods.

"Alright, see you there. And excuse me, Miya-san," she says, giving me a polite nod before leaving.

I nod back silently.

"Hey, Himeya," I call out once she's gone.

"What is it?"

"What's her name?"

"You don't know her name?" He looks at me, surprised.

"Nope."

"I thought you knew, since she knows you."

"Well, I am famous, right?"

"...Her name is Kanemoto Uguisu-senpai," he finally answers.

"Uguisu… senpai…"

"Yeah, she's the president of the literature club."

The school bell rings, echoing throughout the rooftop.

"I need to go now. See you again?" he says, picking up his bag.

"Yeah, see you," I reply, watching him walk away.

Once he's gone, I let out a sigh. "What's wrong with him…" I murmur to myself. Shin Himeya makes me feel like he's only around because he's bored, but sometimes, I think it might be more than that.

…

…

"It's kinda boring now… I think I'll head home for today." I mutter to myself. Home? Do I even have one?

…

Himeya's POV

"I'm home…" I call out as I step into my apartment, the door creaking softly behind me.

The clock on the wall ticks rhythmically, the sound filling the quiet space as I glance at it. I close my eyes and quickly drift into a deep slumber.

...

"If I were to move away to the other side of the moon, would you come for me?" A faint voice asks.

"I…" I hesitate.

"Hmm… I think it would be impossible even for you, 'Shin'…"

"I'll go…" I reply firmly.

"Eh?"

"I'll figure out a plan… even if you were to go to a far place… I'll find you," I say with determination.

"…Himeya…" The voice whispers.

!!!???

I wake up abruptly, my heart racing. "Was that…"

"Himeya… he…" I sit up, suddenly aware of the heat creeping into my face. I grab my phone, opening up the camera.

"…No…"

I'm blushing. "Did I just…"

…

"So, what are we discussing in this meeting, senpai?" I ask Uguisu as I settle into my seat in the library.

"Today, we're going to create some poems together," she says, arranging papers neatly.

"Oh… poems, huh?"

"I'm not seeing Takamine…" Uguisu comments, scanning the room.

"…I texted him," I say, pulling out my phone.

[Hey, where are you?]

[We have a meeting, you know.]

[Literature club.]

[Library.]

Not long after, a flurry of notifications pops up.

[OMG, I'm coming there!]

[Kay.]

"I think he forgot about our meeting," I tell her, chuckling.

"…Oh… okay then," she responds.

As we start writing our poems, Hiro eventually arrives, huffing and puffing.

"There you are," I say, giving him a mock glare.

"Sorry, I totally forgot about the meeting," he admits sheepishly.

"So… what are we doing now?"

"Writing poems," I tell him.

"Got it," he says, taking a seat.

…

Poems…

"Moon…" I mutter under my breath.

"Huh? What's that?" Takamine asks, glancing over.

"Nah, nothing…" I brush it off.

- Time marches on, a relentless stream,

Their embrace is a symphony of light.

Casting your glow, a luminous rhyme,

A guardian of memories, caught in time. -

…

I don't even know what I'm writing about… why am I thinking about time…

"You're done, Shin?" Uguisu asks, looking over at me.

"Yeah… but I'm doubting myself…" I admit.

"Here, let me take a look," she says, holding out her hand.

I hand her my poem. As she reads, I notice tears welling up in her eyes.

"Senpai…?"

"…Eh…" She quickly realizes and wipes her eyes.

"…Is it that bad?" I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

"NO, it's… you really poured your emotions into this poem…" she says softly.

"…Th-thanks?" I reply, unsure of what to say.

Is she…

Never mind, for now.

After the gathering, I head straight home.

"I'm home…" I call out.

"Welcome home, Meyya," my sister Haruka replies.

"I'm heading to my room, sis. I'll cook dinner later."

"Okay."

Once I reach my room, I drop onto my bed, the day's exhaustion hitting me all at once.

"Ah… I'm tired…"

…

…

…

I close my eyes.

Ring-ring

"Huh?"

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing.

"Ugh… who is it…"

[Hey, how are you doing lately?]

"Who is this…?" I check the number—it's the same as my own.

"What the…"

[Who is this?]

Soon, a reply comes.

[Huh, who are you?]

[I'm the owner of this number. Who are you?!]

[What do you mean who? I'm Shin Himeya.]

"…Huh…"

[Stop joking or I'll block you.]

[Shin Himeya, 24 years old. Many people say I have an unfazed face, but deep down, I actually care for someone.]

[That can't be…]

[Who are you? How do you know this number?!]

[I'm also Shin Himeya, so stop pretending to be me.]

[Tell me something only I would know.]

[You're so full of yourself, reincarnated person.]

"…How…"

Is this a prank? A joke? How the hell does he know this?!

[Who are you? How do you know my secret?!]

[As I said, I'm you.]

[Send me your picture. If you can't, then it's a lie.]

[Ugh…] I send it reluctantly.

…

"That's me…"

[Remember these words: 'Don't forget that she was here. She will always be by your side.']

[What do you mean???]

[I'm not going to reply anymore. If it wasn't an emergency, the future could be altered if our actions differ.]

…

I put my phone down, staring at the wall.

"Am I dreaming or what…"

I don't even

I notice the darkness filling my room. I forgot to turn on the light before falling asleep. The room suddenly brightens as light pours in from the back of the curtain. It's the moon.

"Super moon…"

The light from the super moon illuminates my entire room, casting everything in a silvery glow.

…

"What's going on… right now…"

Knock-knock

"Himeya, are you still alive?" Haruka's voice comes from outside my room.

"I'm coming in… whoa…"

As she opens the door, she's captivated by the super moon illuminating the entire room.

"No wonder you're not coming downstairs, haha," she says, smiling.

"Haru-nee…"

"Hmm, what is it?"

"Can we change the future if we're in the past?" I ask, my voice quieter than usual.

"Huh? What do you mean? That's odd coming from you," she says, tilting her head.

"..." I look down, lost in thought.

"You must be exhausted…" Haruka says as she wraps her arms around me in a comforting hug.

I feel the warmth of her embrace, soothing the unease that's been gripping me.

"Haru-nee…"

"It's okay if you're tired. For us humans, it's normal to get tired," she says softly.

"...Yeah… I guess so…" I say, returning her hug, my hand resting gently on her back.

"You can rest. I'll make some ramen for us," she offers.

"It's not healthy, you know."

"Well, it's been a while since we've had ramen."

"Ah… right… alright then. I'll leave it to you, my dear sister," I say, feeling a small smile tug at my lips.

"As you please, my dear brother," she replies, her own smile matching mine.

Both of us were smiling, finding a small comfort in this fleeting moment of normalcy.