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A Pokemon Self Insert story. So there I was enjoying myself at a bar about to try my luck at picking up a pretty girl and then bam! I'm on Route 1, short as shit and somehow twelve again. Oh well, at the very least I can get that Charizard I always dreamed of. https://www.patreon.com/0Jordinio0 -Feel free to support me on Patreon.
What the actual fuck?
I've literally been awake less than fifteen seconds and already my mood has turned to shit. For one, I freaking woke up to rain drops splattering against my face. Thankfully it was only a few drops, but what the hell?
Secondly, where the hell am I?
Taking a look around myself all I can see is a massively long dirt road littered with small puddles here and there, well that alongside a wide expansive of grassy terrain and a shit ton of trees.
"How much did I fucking drink last night?" I wondered out loud.
Last I could remember, I was at a bar, downing some mean shots, chugging down tequila and hitting on this girl with the most insane ass I'd seen up close and personal in a while. I'm pretty sure I was getting somewhere with the chick too, she got a good laugh out of it when I claimed if I bounced a fifty pence piece off her ass it'd hit the moon. Without problem.
To be up front about it, I sucked at flirting and sweet talk. But I'd learned how to present myself as a funny guy a while ago, so while most shit I said could sometimes be taken as blatant sexual come ons….they kinda worked for me half the time. I have no idea why, I think it's just the confidence I presented while throwing it out there.
It ain't my god damn looks for sure. I'm at best above average looking with a nice dress sense, a five out of ten if there ever was one. Maybe a six if I'm pushing it.
Speaking of looks though, what the fuck happened to mine? I looked down and grimaced, how the hell did I get so short?
...Well, shorter. I've always been short as fuck, barely topping five-six by time I hit my twenties and that was while wearing boots.
Weirdly enough, I'm still wearing what I remember wearing to the club, only in miniature. An expensive pair of black timber land boots, my favourite pair of jeans that fasten at the bottom like tracksuit bottoms and have a stretchable waist that ties again like tracksuit bottoms, a sleeveless white hoodie top and over that my favourite jacket a kind of almost leather white jacket with a warm grey undercoat fastened inside, double the zip up baby.
All in these cost me a pretty penny, especially since I'm certain I'm still wearing my black Egyptian silk boxers.
Yeah I'm a vain bastard.
Still no idea where the hell I am though.
Rifling through my pockets, I come to find I've got good and bad luck. Can't find my wallet. Whelp, there goes a good few hundred quid. I did find my phone though.
I had to arc an eyebrow though when I saw it. For one, mine is a decently old phone, bought it over a year ago. A nice looking, easy to use HTC. Not a blemish on it, in fact it looks brand spanking new. A pleasant surprise considering I was playing Fate/Grand Order a few months back while taking a crap and dropped it, cracking the screen.
Am I fucking hallucinating again? I learned the hard way binge reading fanfiction is bad for you. I binged like two million words at once without sleeping once, I ended up going freaking loopy. Cut myself pretty badly and while my family were freaking out I was all for waving it off being like, 'Don't worry, Kurama will heal that up for me in to time.'
Yeah, reality and fanfiction kinda got blurred for me for a few days there until I got some proper rest. The blood loss probably didn't help.
But as far as I remember, I've not binge read any fanfiction in a while. How could I? There's hardly anything even worth reading nowadays.
Fuck, it whatever. I shook my head and powered up my phone. Time to check where the fuck I am.
"What the fuck?" I said to myself, eyes narrowing as soon as I caught look at my base screen.
There were only two apps there. Last I checked, there were a fuck ton. The Map was there, and one named Pokedex. When the fuck did I download a pokedex app? I didn't even know there was one. Even my freaking music folder and player were gone.
I'm starting to get a bad feeling here.
Licking my lips, nerves suddenly pooling in my stomach I tapped on the map app and brought it up. And then I literally almost dropped it in shock. I say almost, because there was no way I was cracking the shit out of my phone a second time.
I couldn't believe my eyes, I even felt a little faint right then and there.
Because there was the little blue indicator for where I was, right in the middle of a massive road labelled as Route 1. Far behind me, there was a town labelled Pallet Town and a good twenty minutes ahead of me there was another, named Viridian City.
"What the fuck!" I shouted.
Quickly closing down my map, I opened up the interior folder and to my relief the camera function was still there. Quickly firing it up, I pointed the lens side at me and took a quick selfie.
"Nooooo." I moaned in disbelief as soon as I saw the picture.
Because I wasn't looking at my adult self, I was looking at myself around twelve.
How did I know that?
For one, my usually dirty blonde hair was darker, a brown almost black. For another, were the blonde highlights running through it. To be fair, I'd started doing that at twelve and kept doing it right up till I was twenty. My face was a lot thinner than I remember, blue eyes much brighter. But what really cinched it was the diamond stud in my left ear. I got it for my 12th birthday and lost it not long later.
Oh and there was a backpack on my shoulder too it seemed.
Stowing my phone in my pocket I swung the bag off of my shoulders and knelt above it on the ground. It felt light, but hopefully there would be something I could use, preferably my wallet. But when I opened it and looked inside, all I could do was gape as I looked at a small group of shiny red and white pokeballs sitting innocently alone inside.
"You've got to be fucking with me!" I growled, standing up with one of the obviously fake pokeballs in hand and giving a particularly large stone on the ground a harsh kick that sent it soaring off into the grassy distance.
Five of them in total.
