The misery of Li Yixing

"What did you do the entire day?" Li Yechao asked his son, who was sitting by his side. The boy looked just like his mother, innocent, kind, and cheerful. And Yechao hated that.

"I went around the campus to see the buildings and the dorm building," Yixing answered as he calmly chewed on his food. It was a rare instance that his father was at home. So he tried not to provoke him.

"I made it that you will be with that young Jin in the same room. I need you to befriend him, so he would say something good about us to his father," Yechao said and Yixing clenched the chopsticks.

But this wasn't such a rare instance. He was using him again to gain more power and money. As he usually did. And Yixing had no other choice than to comply with it. For now.

"Yes, father," he said and lowered his head. Too often when he tried to rebel, his father would slap him. So, Yixing just gave up and did whatever his father told him to do.

"You will move in tomorrow," Yechao said, and Yixing only nodded. He was exhausted from holding back his frustration. He just wanted to scream out loud.

"May I excuse myself?" he politely asked, but his father shot him a disapproving glance. So Yixing picked up the chopstick again and stuffed his mouth to prevent himself from yelling.

"Stop eating like a pig. Or your future wife won't like your appearance. If you get fat, not even your handsome face would help you find a rich girl." His father assessed his body as if it was a thing for selling. And Yixing worried that he would be sold for power and money in the future.

"At least something good you have after your mother. She was pretty and submissive." Yixing had to clench his teeth and fists to not hit his father after he made a remark like this. There were some lines he had, and one of them was just crossed.

"Excuse me, I have to use the restroom," he stood up and simply walked away, not waiting for his father's answer.

Just after he got into his room, he calmed down. But not entirely. He knew what he needed.

Yixing grabbed his wallet and keys and silently got out of the house. He stealthily walked a few streets and then, there, called a taxi. Being sure that nobody followed him, he told the drive to his favorite club.

Once he was there, he could finally breathe out. Relax. He sat at the bar, for now, calmed by the thumping of the music. They already knew him there, he was a regular.

He always came here when his father hurt him, used him, or belittled him. And Yixing knew it was a bad idea to drink his sorrows away, but this was the only easy way to forget, so he didn't mind.

Another guy bumped into him, and he was so hammered that he ended up on the ground. Nobody hurried to help him, everyone was just walking around him or stepping over him.

Yixing sighed and got down from his barstool. He kneeled down beside the guy and poked him in the shoulder once. No reaction.

"Hey, you can't just sleep like this here," Yixing poked him once more, now harder. The man raised his head and Yixing frowned. He had seen him somewhere already. He sighed once more and then reached out to help him get up.

Well, the guy was so hammered that most of the weight was carried by Yixing. They stumbled towards the VIP zone, where they let him in because they knew he could pay for both of them. And so they entered a private box upstairs in a relatively quieter place.

Yixing dumped the guy on the sofa and heard incoherent mumbling. He called in the server and ordered a glass of water for the drunk idiot and another glass of whiskey for himself.

It took seven glasses for the drunkard to sleep it off a bit, so he could get up from his awkward position, and looked at Yixing.

"Who are you?" he asked, Yixing couldn't resist making fun of him. He leaned forward to him and smiled seductively.

"I'm your future husband," Yixing whispered into his ear, but he didn't expect the punch he got afterwards into his stomach. He coughed, half laughing at the horrid expression, half choking because it was a mean punch.

"I was just joking. I picked you up from the ground. That's a hell of gratitude, punching your savior," Yixing offered him the glass of water and he accepted it.

"My name is Jin Chao. Thanks for letting me sleep it off. I will repay you," he said when he finished the glass and offered Yixing his hand.

But Yixing was looking at it as if it was the devil's contract. Jin Chao? That Jin Chao, his father, wanted him to befriend? Why was fate so cruel?

"You don't owe me anything. Sober up and then go home." Yixing stood up and walked away without accepting the offered handshake. He paid for the VIP box, and all the drinks he had and walked away.

'I need to listen to him just for a while, then I'll be able to walk away…' Yixing thought to himself as he walked away from the car that was waiting for him.

Even though he was tipsy, his legs knew where to take him, it was his place. When he felt terrible, he would always go here to talk.

"Hello, mom. I'm here again," he said as he touched the gravestone. Silent tears fell down on the ground, containing his mother's ashes.

"Mom, I promise I will do what you wished for. I will listen to him, but it's so hard…" More tears fell down, and Yixing fell down on his knees.

"He doesn't care for me at all. He uses me so much. I try to be a dutiful son, but it's so hard. It's so hard without you…" He let his head fall down on the ground. He was crouching, sobbing.

"I miss you so much," he whispered and sniffled. He was out of strength, he just crumbled to the side and pressed knees to his chest, crying.

"I want you to come back so much. I miss you so much. I will be a good boy, just please come back!" he exclaimed while crying. But he knew it was only a wish. She would never come back, no matter how good a boy he was.

Yixing kept lying there, crying. On his mother's grave. Until he fell asleep, dreaming about those times when they were together and happy.