A Short Dream

Mikasa Ackerman knew Eren Yeager.

And she had been watching.

It was easy to watch when every day that with him passed felt like a new miracle.

Even now, after months, it still felt like she was living a dream. Every day, she awoke expecting to see the familiar ceiling of her small cabin in the woods, only to be met with the bare furnishings of Eren's extra room.

These simple days of planting flowers in the park, of training young devils, of sitting on the bench by his side, talking about everything and nothing... 

They passed by so quickly, as if those four years they never had were condensed into two months.

It was... everything to Mikasa. 

Everything to the woman who had killed the boy she loved.

And through it all, Mikasa had been watching.

Baring the occasional moment where she would visit Serafall or help the Peerages train, she spent her entire day by Eren's side.

It was a fool who discounted Mikasa Ackerman's presence because she rarely spoke, who considered her dull because she rarely emoted, and who thought her weak because she chose to love again.

Mikasa Ackerman was none of those things, even in this dreamlike time of happiness and reminiscence.

Mikasa had been watching Eren.

Nobody knew the boy on the bench as well as she did. The only possible exception had lived and died a world away.

And Mikasa knew, Eren had changed.

Not only from the boy she grew up with but from the man who had crushed the earth flat under his feet and wadded through an ocean of blood.

She knew why.

She was certain the Rumbling had an effect on Eren. 

It had affected them all, but Eren most of all. And he had never had the time to process it like she did. Eren had seen it coming but had not lived long enough to reconcile the actions he took.

No matter what propaganda had said, he had never been an emotionless monster. 

Eren's problem had always been that he cared too much. 

He raged. He grieved. He believed. He loved. He despaired.

Rage and grief had led to a promise to exterminate all titans. With his final breath, he had done so.

Belief in an ideal had led him beyond the walls, beyond the sea, and beyond time and space in search of his freedom.

His love of his friends, of his family, and of his home had seen him slaughter a world that wished for their extermination.

Eren's despair over the actions he would take had led to years of fruitless search, and when that failed, death had been his only escape.

And even then, he had used his death to fulfill his goals. He had destroyed a world so those he loved could build one of their own.

All this because Eren cared.

And the Rumbling had been the final result of Eren's care.

An ocean of blood at the feet of a boy who only dreamed of freedom.

Armin and Mikasa had spent years, decades, trying to understand Eren. They had failed while he lived, so they had refused to fail his memory.

Mikasa could not say she understood him perfectly, even after all this time, but she had understood one thing from watching the boy on the bench.

Eren was trying to be understood.

It was a simple realization. Eren had said as much to more than a few of the children who joined him on the bench.

But it was alien to the girl who had chased Eren's back for her whole life.

It was only after his talk to Sona about the future that Mikasa truly realized what it meant.

Eren was laying out a path.

Not just running ahead, not just charging forward, forever attacking a world that cried for his blood. 

Eren was trying to lead these children to a better future.

Even as he remained on the bench, he was still advancing, but now he had slowed down. Been forced to slow down.

And, as he slowed, he reached out to those behind him for the first time.

Mikasa had been wrong when she assumed Eren was trying to make Sona into another Armin.

Eren was not making anyone into anything. All he was doing was showing the path that had been run before.

Eren was trusting them to not make the same mistakes he had made.

In doing so, he trusted Mikasa to be with these children, to remain by their side, and to remind them of those same lessons. To be a voice they could turn to when he was gone.

He wanted them to live long and happy lives.

Even if it meant the people he had come to see as friends learned of the boy who destroyed the world.

Mikasa didn't think these devils would hate Eren when they learned of the Rumbling, but nor did she doubt they would be able to think of him the same way again.

It was just another way Eren was trusting these children.

So, when, on the morning before half of Eren's friends were set to return from their school trip, Eren suddenly asked Mikasa a question, and she was able to answer with full honesty and confidence.

It was a vague question but one she understood.

Mikasa had been watching, after all.

"Could you do it again?"

"I could."

The answer was immediate and without hesitation. It clearly took Eren off guard, and he looked at Mikasa. As if questioning whether she truly understood the question.

She looked back, willing him to understand her determination.

"Even after all I did? Even after all the pain and death? Even after I hurt you, lied to you, manipulated you, and fought you?"

"I could."

"...Why?"

Mikasa took a bit longer to answer this time, giving her words some thought.

"...Because it's worth it."

"Is it? Time and time again, I can't give you anything but pain and loss. I-" 

Eren closed his eyes, and Mikasa pretended not to have noticed the wetness in them. 

"I'm going to hurt you again. No matter what I do, I will hurt you again when I am gone. I don't want to, but I will. Because I can't change who I am."

"I know," Mikasa said, resting her head on his shoulders. "It took me a long time to realize when I was a girl, but caring for you is to be hurt. Over and over again."

"It's not right!"

"No," Mikasa agreed with Eren's angry exclamation. "It's not. But it's what we have. The world was never about what was right or wrong. It is about fighting for the future we want. You taught me that."

"...You hate fighting."

"I do," Mikasa admited. "But I am good at it. I am strong. So, I will keep fighting for the future I want. One where we both live long, happy lives."

"I wish you didn't have to be strong," Eren said almost petulently. "I wish I could have been the strong one."

"I need to be strong. To keep chasing you. To catch you."

"... You've caught me before."

"Every time I do, you slip through my fingers. All I can do is hold on for as long as possible, and then you are gone again."

Mikasa pulled away from Eren.

He looked at her, and she smiled, resting a hand on the scarf around her neck.

"I can do it all again," Mikasa said softly. "I chose to do this. I have always been free to choose what I want to do. Beyond life and death. Across worlds. The boy who wrapped this scarf around me. I will keep chasing him. As long as it takes."

Eren's hands gently brushed against the red fabric, but he did not take it in his hands.

As he did, his face contorted as if some tremendous internal struggle was taking place within his heart.

Mikasa didn't say anything to press him.

Eventually, and with a voice laden with guilt, Eren spoke.

"I will not lie to you again," Eren said gravely, staring at the scarf. "I will not push you away. I will trust you to chase your own happiness, no matter what."

"Thank you."

"But... There are things you need to know. Before anything else, I need to tell you about her."

Mikasa closed her eyes as her heart seized.

For the last few months, there had been an unspoken agreement between both of them. 

Both knew each other. Both were jealous people., 

But both wanted the other to be happy—even if they weren't the ones they were with.

It was a painful dichotomy, one all too common in people. 

Both knew the other had moved on and were, in their own way, glad for it, but neither wanted to hear about the details.

Mikasa had told Eren stories of her son, of the life she had lived and what had happened to the world he had left behind, but she had carefully avoided Jean.

Just as Eren had carefully steered clear of his mysterious companion.

In the few times he talked about his time in this world, there had been allusions to a woman, or at least a partner, who had accompanied him during his missions as a mercenary.

"Why," Mikasa asked, not looking at Eren.

"She got in touch with me again. Recently. While you were away. She knew about you. Who you are. What you mean to me." 

Eren's voice was flat, and he spoke in clipped sentences as if he didn't know how to explain anything but the facts.

Mikasa didn't ask who this woman was, how she went unnoticed, or when this happened.

Mikasa knew Eren. 

Any woman he came to care for would have to be not only competent but outstanding in some way. Everyone had fallen over themselves for Krista, the girl with angelic kindness. 

It was only Historia, the worst girl in the world, that Eren had come to admire.

And it wasn't like Mikasa spent every second with Eren, as she didn't want to smother him. That had been a mistake of her youth, unable to recognize and control the emotions she felt. So she had given him what space she could.

So no, Mikasa did not ask about Eren's lover. She truly did not want to know, even if Eren felt she needed to.

Instead, Mikasa asked a more important question.

"What do I mean to you?"

Eren didn't answer.

Instead, he continued his explanation.

"I... I was alone. I didn't know why I was reborn. There was no Eldia. No Titans. None of our comrades. Armin wasn't here. You weren't here. So I... I just kept moving forward without knowing why. I fought. It's all I'm good at."

Even with her eyes closed, Mikasa reached out to Eren's hand and held it in her own.

"She was a tool. A comrade in only the sense that we fought together. We used each other. I never set out to... It was a side effect, I guess. I used her, and she used me, and somewhere along the way... it became something else."

It hurt. It shouldn't hurt, but it did.

Mikasa understood it. When you love someone, you want to be the one they loved in turn. You wanted their eyes only on you. Love is the most selfish of emotions.

That didn't change that it hurt.

A younger Mikasa, one who was unfamiliar with the world, her feelings, and love, would have sulked. Lashed out, maybe. Maybe she would have even hunted this woman down. 

What she would have done then, even Mikasa didn't know. It would not have been pretty, no matter what happened.

But this was not a young Mikasa Ackerman. 

This was a grown woman, one who had lived a full life. One who had faced the worst the world could offer and come out stronger. One who had already lost the boy she loved. One who had killed her heart once before.

So, she asked the most critical question.

"Were you happy?"

"No."

Mikasa did not feel any pleasure, any satisfaction born of jealousy, at the answer.

All she felt was grief and sadness.

"But," Eren paused, lost in thought. "...I think I could have been. If not for my limit. If not for my power. I think I could have lived a long and happy life with her."

Like Mikasa had with Jean.

It went unsaid but understood.

In some weird way, Mikasa was happy to hear that. 

Happy that Eren, after all he had done and endured, could still find happiness in a world not plagued by titans and not dependent on Mikasa's existence.

Eren was going to die. 

But if there was another world beyond this one, she hoped he would find the happiness, the life he deserved.

Eren and Mikasa were not soulmates, destined lovers, or anything of the sort. They were just two people who cared for each other.

But that small amount of joy, even tainted by jealousy as it was, did not erase the grief and sadness that Eren was not happy now.

There was a long minute of silence after Eren's confession, both processing their own complex emotions.

Nobody ever loved only one person. Humans were not built like that, and neither were devils. Emotions were messy, complex, unclear, and, more often than not, contradictory.

Still, Eren wasn't done.

"I'm telling you this because... well," Eren said in embarrassment, and Mikasa opened her eyes finally to see him looking away, his cheeks flushed red. "Like I said, I talked to her recently. She... She wanted me to..."

Mikasa furrowed her brows, not understanding the implications. 

Was this woman just as jealous as she was? 

Was Eren's lover telling him to tell Mikasa to leave? 

That Mikasa was not needed now that Eren had moved on?

"Are you telling me to leave?"

They had not expressed any romantic connection except for the kiss they shared when they first reunited. 

Mikasa wouldn't lie and say she hadn't wanted more, but knowing Eren had someone he had come to care about, she could understand why he had been hesitant to bring up anything of the sort.

She would have been just as confused if Jean had still been around.

Eren was not the sort of person to cheat. Mikasa knew that. It was why she had been content to not press him and remain by his side without bringing it up.

Besides, both of them had been relatively content in each other's presence. 

Meeting again was already a gift that neither had ever expected.

Still, if this woman thought she could chase Mikasa away without a fight, she was in for a surprise.

"No!" Eren hurriedly said, face still red. "It's... It's not that."

Mikasa still didn't understand.

"What did she say," Mikasa asked.

"It's... She knows how much you mean to me and..." Eren stuttered out.

Of the man who had crushed a world, barely a shadow was left. 

Only a boy unused to expressing his feelings, or even talking about embarrassing subjects.

Eventually, Eren took a deep breath, held it for a long moment, and exhaled. 

With his air, all his embarrassment left him, and he looked into Mikasa's eyes.

"She wants me to be happy. Even if..."

Oh.

"Even if she's not the only one."

OH.

It took Mikasa an embarrassingly long time to realize what this woman had meant. 

It was her turn to blush.

Even after spending more than a few days listening to Issei Hyoudou talk about harems and such, those thoughts were still alien to her. 

It still boggled her mind how open people were about such subjects, especially those who were part of the supernatural communities. 

Yes, they weren't human, and even among humans, there were some cultures that practiced polygamy. 

That didn't change the fact that Mikasa Ackerman was not the type of woman who really considered such things. She didn't have any judgment on those who did. She just never... really considered it. 

As possessive and jealous as Mikasa knew herself to be, she didn't even think she could have done what this woman did. If Mikasa knew Eren would definitely be happier with someone else, she could stand aside. 

Maybe. 

But Mikasa also knew Eren wanted her to be happy, and seeing him with someone else would, knowing it wouldn't ever be her... Mikasa certainly wouldn't be happy, just like Eren wouldn't be if he were to see her with Jean now.

Did that make her a worse person than his mysterious lover? 

Not really. Just a different person.

One who was almost wholly unable to really consider the long-term implications of such a decision at this moment. 

Especially considering Eren's current situation and limited time.

In the end, Mikasa did what she usually did in these situations.

"What do you want, Eren?"

Eren leaned back on the bench, looking up at the white clouds passing through the blue autumn sky.

He looked just as conflicted as Mikasa felt.

Embarrassment. Jealousy. Shame. Grief. Love. Concern. It all roiled in Mikasa's gut.

But she endured it, waiting for him to speak.

"I... I want an answer."

"An answer?"

Eren looked at Mikasa, and their eyes met.

Mikasa understood.

She might never be able to fully understand 'Eren Yeager,' but she understood him there and then.

She knew the question.

A question Eren had gone to his death without knowing its true answer.

It was a question he had wanted answered honestly for over nineteen years.

She knew what she was going to say before he even asked.

"Mikasa. What am I to you?"

She knew what pain it would mean for her, what sorrow waited for her with her answer.

Mikasa would still choose to do it all again.

And Mikasa answered.

Those three words Mikasa had whispered as her blade severed Eren's head from his spine eighty years ago.

The three words that haunted her nightmares.

Hearing her answer, a weight seemed to lift from Eren. A burden he had been carrying for too long had finally fallen, and he could finally breathe.

As if, no matter what happened now, Eren was finally free.

Hearing Mikasa's answer...

"I love you."

...Eren smiled.