What A Time To Be Alive

A/N: It has come to my attention that most people can't see the images that I posted in the previous chapters. You have my sincere apologies. I'm currently working on it with the customer service representatives.

I could hear a choir of angels singing beautifully. The winds caressed my face as I fell down in what felt like slow motion.

The boys behind me were in a state of rapture. I had given them what they wanted. Now, it's my turn.

As my head followed its arc, my grin grew wider. Finally, finally, I reached my destination.

As my face collided with the plump pillows, my head sank right into his warmth. I could hear the cheering from my ancestors as my face bounced on the incredibly soft breasts.

"Well done son, you've made us proud!" An image of Jiraiya appeared in my mind, smiling with his eyes closed while giving me a thumbs up. "You've done a great deed on this day. You might want to say your last prayers though."

'Huh?'

At that moment, a sharp pain blossomed on the back of my head and everything went dark.

*****

My consciousness returned slowly like a snail at a track meet. By the time I was fully lucid, I was staring at the white ceiling with a dumb smile on my face.

"Please tell me that wasn't a dream." I whispered. "Please tell me that actually happened."

"Yes. It did. It actually did."

"Really?"

"Yup. Congratulations. It was not a dream."

I couldn't help but laugh. It actually happened! And I actually survived to tell the tale.

'Wait a minute!' That voice sounds familiar.

I sat bolt upright like I had been hit with a lightning jutsu. My eyes widened in horror. My neck turned slowly to the right to see the headmaster seated beside my bed.

Yep. The headmaster. The buff dude standing at six foot five inches with hands that could crush your heads like a grape. With arms thicker than a voluptuous woman's thighs and a face that looked like he was spoiling for a fight, you don't want to get on his bad side. He looked exactly like a Japanese Hulk.

Yes. That is Jounin Kosuke Itakara. Headmaster of Konoha's ninja academy.

"Hello Yuji." He gave me a smile that screamed 'tread carefully my young friend.' He glanced to the sides taking in the bright ambience of the sick bay. Apart from the twelve year old freshman watching us with wide eyes, the place was empty. "I didn't think we'll be meeting here again before you graduate. After all, it's your last day in school."

"Err…sir, I can explain."

"Really? Thank you. That saves me the trouble of asking." He nodded like a kindly old grandpa. He wasn't fooling anyone with that face. He wasn't even old for crying out loud!

"Well, you see….I tripped."

"You…tripped." It didn't sound like a question but it totally was a question.

"Yes sir."

"And how did that happen?"

"I was coming down the stairs to help Yuna sensei distribute the placement forms when the uh…. incident happened. I was so surprised that I tripped sir."

"Hmmn." Headmaster Kosuke pinned me with a stare. If I wasn't a trained ninja (pending graduation), I would surely be sweating buckets by now. "How would you explain the ninja wire found tied to the seat of your fellow student?"

"Ninja wire?" I scrunch my face in confusion. "Someone has been pranking everyone with the ninja wires sir. I was caught in the prank myself yesterday."

Hah. Did you think I didn't cover my bases? Of course I set up the pranks beforehand. No one can tie the wire back to me.

Headmaster Kosuke tilted his head to the side. "Well done Yuji."

"Sir?"

"If not for the rumours making the rounds among the senior boys, no one would have thought it was anything more than a honest mistake."

Fear gripped my heart.

"As it is, we can't punish you for the ninja wires. You certainly didn't rip your sensei's shirt. We also can't blame you for tripping when you did. As you didn't touch anything with your hands when you fell, we can't determine if your fall was on purpose or not. Well done. It was masterfully done."

Shit. When will the other shoe drop?

"However, you can't escape punishment." And there it is folks, the other shoe. "You will have to serve two hundred hours of community service."

Well, two hundred hours of community service for a sight I'll never forget for the rest of my days? I got a pretty sweet deal.

Headmaster Kosuke stood from his seat. "It's a good thing you woke up early, Yuji. Go join your class. You wouldn't want to miss your exhibition match would you?" He turned around and walked away, rolling out the room like an avalanche.

"Yuji." He stopped at the door. "Tell me, How did it feel?"

I paused.

"Like I slept on a pillow in heaven."

He gave me a nod filled with what seems to be respect and left.

I swear, Konoha is filled with perverts.

*****

I walked to the practice hall and stopped at a window, catching sight of my reflection. Spiky light brown hair and brown eyes. Generic colours but they couldn't hide the fact that I was handsome. I smoothed my hair and continued on my way.

As I entered the practice hall, the students were engrossed in a running battle between Hinata and Shino.

Hinata was trying to get in close and strike with her jyuken while Shino was retreating trying to turn the melee to a ranged battle.

Hinata moved gracefully while Shino scrambled as he dodged while throwing kunais as his bugs swirled around her as a a distraction. Would have worked if his attacker didn't have 360 vision.

The fight was surely captivating but I'm sure most of the male population in the hall were transfixed by Hinata's jiggling breasts. What I wouldn't do to be a shirt right now.

The dudes all stared like a ninja decoding a life saving transmission. Their heads bobbed and weaved in tune with the moving breasts.

The match came to an end as Hinata landed a solid hit on Shino's heart. Shino fell to a knee as he gripped his chest. "I won." Hinata grinned as she placed a hand on his forehead.

"No you have not. Why?" Shino stared up at her. "This is a ruse."

Shino dissolved into bugs and the bugs swirling around converged to form Shino who placed a kunai on Hinata's neck. "I win."

"Winner, Aburame Shino." Iruka sensei announced.

The students cheered both fighters as they stepped off the stage.

"Hey! It's Yuji." The crowd turned to face me.

They were all silent until someone started clapping slowly. Before long, it was a full blown standing ovation.

At that moment, I felt like a king coming home from a successful campaign.

"Alright. Alright. Settle down." As the clapping slowly tapered off, Iruka sensei turned to me. "Are you physically fit Yuji?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. You're up next." As I approached the stage, he continued. "You've all filled out your placement forms. This exhibition match is your last chance to display your prowess to the department representatives who are currently watching. Do your best."

This was my last chance to impress the watching ANBU scouts. I won't fail.

I climbed the stage accompanied by exuberant back slaps.

"This match is Yuji vs Sakura Haruno."

Sakura climbed onto the stage and stood opposite me. "I'm disappointed in you Yuji."

"Disappointed? What did I do?" I grinned.

"You should apologize to Yuna sensei."

"Oh!" I made a face of exaggerated realization. "I will do it but on one condition."

"What is it?"

"I'll apologize if you sit on my face."

A pin drop silence envelopes the hall.

A look of pure rage appeared on her face. "SHANNARO!" She jumped towards me, cocked her fist and…. disappeared.

'Huh?'

Something collided with my jaw with the force of a pickup truck and my jaw cracked as I was sent flying. Thankfully, before I hit anything, everything went dark…again.

Sometime later, I woke up to the familiar ceiling of the sick bay.

What a time to be alive.