Ch 14 Disgust, Deceptions and Death

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Warm and comfortable, the white, woolen blankets cossetted her in peaceful serenity while the pale green sheets kept her soft skin safe from the itchy material. Even the muted buzzing of the overhead fan was pleasant to the young woman's senses as she stretched her legs under the covers, rolling over, trying to bury herself in just a little bit more comfort.

Lily felt another presence beside her, warm and welcome as it brushed against her left shoulder. Pulling away, the presence took some of the blankets with it, leaving Lily's right foot a little bit chilly in spite of the humid spring morning. Apparently, her sparkled purple, green and brown nightgown didn't keep the fan's breeze from cooling her off.

"Mmmm...stop stealing...my covers..." muttered the red-head into her pillows, not moving despite her discomfort.

A muffled, male voice responded in sleepy tones, "You stole them first..."

"Yeah...but they're white," responded Lily, giving him a small shove. "You know...that white covers...belong to girls...not guys..."

There was a brief pause, during which the sneaky witch pulled some of the covers back. Finally, the person laying there sighed and drew back a bit, causing her to smile as he made room for her. "You're right, Lily, I must've forgotten. Here you go." Suddenly, Lily felt a good bit warmer, as she knew that the thief had returned the blankets.

After a little bit of thought though, she allowed the young man to wriggle closer to her, so that they could both stay warm. Just because the blankets were white didn't mean she couldn't share.

Several minutes went by quietly, the Fruit Loops toucan cawing audibly in the distance, but even that seemed more subdued to her. It had been ages since she had gotten such a great night's sleep.

"Lily..." came a quiet whisper from the man beside her, jostling her slightly. She ignored him, content in her slumber.

"Lily, wake up," came the voice again, louder this time and rather more insistant. The jostling had grown much more annoying as well, and now the red-head could feel someone shaking her.

"Mrrra..." replied Lily, sure that her bed-fellow would understand her obvious meaning of 'I'm trying to sleep, so shut up, you twit!'.

"Lily, it's time to wake up, so get up already!"

Growling, Lily turned and gave Severus her meanest glare possible, saying icily, "Try that again and I'll rip your bollocks off and feed them to Hagrid's pet dog!"

Severus, his face blanching at what she said, nonetheless giggled and said, "Lily, you silly girl, I don't have bollocks, I'm a girl! Seriously, wake up!"

Jumping in shock, Lily's head slammed into the headboard behind her, and her eyes squinted in pain. Shaking her head to clear it of the strange sight of a giggling Severus, Lily stared into bright blue eyes, glinting in merriment. Sabrina giggled again as she spoke, skipping to her trunk. "Sorry about that, but it's nearly half past ten! You should be out of bed, for today's a beautiful day!"

Trying to rid her head of thoughts of Severus saying...that, Lily focused her attention upon nice safe subjects, like Sabrina and her clear ecstasy... 'Wait, why is she so happy?'

Puzzled, Lily watched the girl hum happily as she got her own robes on; she had rarely seen the girl this happy before, even when she was going on and on about James Potter and how Lily should date him or she would. Finally, in spite of her combined anger at how the blonde had treated her the night before and woken her up this morning, Lily managed to say in cool tones, "What's got you so worked up, Sabrina? I don't think I've ever seen you quite so...cheery...so early in the morning."

Sabrina did a twirl in her robes, smiling brightly at her enchanted mirror, which told her 'Very pretty, dear,' in its usual tired tones. Turning toward Lily, she replied excitedly, "You're friends with Remus, right?"

Lily frowned, thinking about it. "I guess you could say we're friends, of sorts. Why?"

The brightly-smiling young woman blushed, sitting down and beginning to speak in words so fast that Lily felt as if she had been caught in a hurricane. "Well, the date we had was a lot more fun than I expected; he was a real gentleman, and was so fun to dance with! I mean, he missed a few of the steps (not nearly as many as you did when you were with James, ha ha!) but it was still a whole lot of fun! I spent hours talking to him, telling him all sorts of stuff. Like, my comfort level was the same with him as when I'm with you and Mary...but it was different because he's a boy, of course. Really, like, he's so nice and so sweet, and you know what the best part was?"

"Uh...what?" said Lily in a near-whisper, still trying to put together everything that the excited girl had said.

Sabrina's grin widened, almost bouncing on her bed as she spoke, "Get this: Remus said that he'd help me get together with James, at least, if that was what I really wanted. I mean, he's so loyal, it's really the cutest thing I've ever seen!"

Lily frowned, before saying coolly, "I hope things go well for you then, but if you'll excuse me, I've got to get dressed."

Stiffly walking over to her own trunk, Lily picked out a nice blue blouse to go with her robes, wondering what Severus would think of it when they hung out later today. Smiling slightly as she imagined him giving her a nod and a 'Very nice, Miss Evans,', Lily almost missed Sabrina's muttering something. "Err, what was that?"

Sabrina gave an audible sigh, before saying in a bit louder, her head hung in shame, "I'm really sorry about last night, Lily. I...I was just jealous that you were dancing with James is all, I shouldn't have laughed at you..."

"You're right, you shouldn't have," said Lily shortly, giving the other girl an annoyed look. She softened as Sabrina turned pleading eyes upon her, finally saying, "Fine, but don't do that again, alright?

"Never again," promised Sabrina, her sadness vanishing as if it were never there, replaced by a teasing grin. "Besides, given what happened between you and Snape, I'll bet that James will be on the market for plenty of time. I mean, I don't care much for him myself, but if it gets you away from my Jamesie-Poo-"

"-Do us both a favor and never call him that again."

Sabrina looked momentarily annoyed, but continued with a shrug, "Fine, but in return you have to tell me everything that went on between you and Snape after you danced."

Lily gave Sabrina a penetrating look, not sure how much she wanted to tell her roommate about the night, but slowly began to speak, "Well, actually, it was nothing more than a 'going as friends' sort of date. Still though, Severus and I had a good time at the dance, as I'm sure you know. Really, it was a good date. If it had been a 'real' one I'd probably be wondering when and if he's going to ask me on another one."

Feeling her face heat up a bit as she remembered her dream (where had that dream come from?), Lily turned away in embarrassment.

"Yeah, probably not," replied Sabrina after pursing her lips momentarily. "I mean, he may be your friend, Merlin knows why, but there's no way that someone like him would ever date a Muggleborn seriously. I'm surprised he even took you to the dance as friends, given the way that sort behaves."

"He's not like that!" retorted Lily, feeling her anger begin to bubble again, memories of Perseus' letters flitting through her mind and filling her with angry guilt. Turning toward Sabrina, she shouted, "If you'd just try talking to him, you'd see that! He's not some evil Dark Wizard bent on world conquest, doing virgin sacrifices, or raping Muggles, he's Severus! Potter and his Marauders just keep saying that he is, based on the facts that he dislikes them and calls them 'arrogant, dunderheaded idiots', but he's not!"

Sabrina scooted away in alarm. Feeling tears of frustration starting to build up behind her eyes, Lily took a deep breath to calm herself down. "He's not a Dark Wizard, and I'm tired of listening to you insult him unjustifiably. If you don't like him because he's a prat, or because he thinks that most people are idiots, fine. Just don't you say he's something he isn't!"

Sabrina gave Lily a pitying look, then walked away. Pausing as she reached the door out of their room, the girl spoke quietly, "Lily, just because he said he isn't going to be a Death Eater, that doesn't mean that he was actually telling the truth. I don't trust him, and you shouldn't either."

With that said, she walked out the door, leaving Lily to her thoughts.

Today, instead of being cooped up inside the quiet Potions classroom in which they usually hung out, Lily and Severus chose to go out onto the Hogwarts grounds, by the lake. Lily was glad for the chance to play in the water, feeling the cool wetness soak her robes, making her feel as light and pure as fresh rain. For several minutes, she merely floated in the water, feeling almost as if she were alone in the world, with no-one to disturb her tranquility.

She enjoyed the company of her friend, even though Severus merely sat on the lake's edge, watching her quietly. His long, delicate fingers periodically trailed through the placid water beside him. While Lily would normally have preferred that Severus be a bit more active while outdoors, today she was glad for his simple, companiable silence as she sorted through her thoughts.

First of all, there was the dream she had had, but Lily soon dismissed it as unimportant as more pressing thoughts came to her mind.

Sabrina's words had made something obvious that Lily had long tried to ignore: the simple fact that it was unlikely that anyone she knew would ever approve of her friendship with Severus. Sure, they might tolerate it for her sake, but no-one wanted to give him a chance, because of his poor family and choice of houses. It wasn't even that he had ever done anything particularly bad; they just didn't care to look past their own prejudices.

Lily sighed as she stood up, glancing at Severus. The only way that they'd ever consider being his friend was if he tried harder to be theirs. If he made it clear that he really wanted to be friendly...

Looking down at her feet, watching her toes wriggle in the water, she said, "Hey, Sev."

"Yes, Lily?" His voice seemed contemplative, as if he were still lost in thought.

"Would you..." Lily faltered, a guilty feeling spreading through her, even as she lamely finished, "...be interested in dancing with me again sometime?" Severus' eyes widened, just a bit, but enough for Lily to see his surprise. A small smile appearing on her face, Lily explained, "You're a really great dancer, and I had a lot of fun doing that with you. Why wouldn't I want to do that again?"

Severus nodded, only to say sardonically, his face rather red, "Will we be following 'date rules' on future occasions? Or am I permitted to avoid humiliating myself again?"

"Humiliating yourself?" retorted Lily in a icy voice, giving him a cold glare as her face reddened with anger. "Humiliating yourself? Was it that shameful that I had to be your date, hmm, Sev?"

"It's not that!" insisted Severus, his voice desperate yet contrite. "I just...you..." He struggled for speech for several seconds, finally saying, "...I don't want us to have to kiss in order to fulfil some silly 'date rules', alright?" His face pinkened, and he muttered something.

Lily cocked her head, looking at him quizzically. "Err, sorry, I couldn't hear that last bit."

Severus reddened further, until he hid his face beneath the dark bangs of his hair, saying solemnly, "A kiss...shouldn't be something that you do because it's required of you by some silly rules, alright? It...it should be because two people love each other, not because they have to. You shouldn't be forced-"

Lily's laughter interrupted him however, as for the first time in ages, she actually fell over laughing, only breaking her gales of laughter when she started getting lake-water down her throat. After coughing it back up, during which Severus looked quite alarmed indeed with his wand already in hand, she tried to explain, "Severus...do you have any idea how much you sounded like some twelve-year-old girl just now? I mean, I thought that we went through this already. Didn't we?"

"That...that was different." Severus swallowed as he stared at the water mere inches from his feet, the boy looking as if he desperately wished he could drown himself in it and save himself the embarrassment. "You wanted to kiss me, even if the reasons were...less than appropriate. But you shouldn't have been forced to kiss me again for the sake of-"

"-Severus, I didn't do it because I was forced to," explained Lily with a roll of the eyes, whereupon Severus' mouth gaped open in surprise. "I just wanted to tease you a bit is all. Plus, it felt...I dunno, 'appropriate'somehow. I had a great time, and you did rescue me from...humiliating myself. James Potter really is a complete and utter toerag..." She frowned, a sudden thought coming to her. "Speaking of which, you said you wanted to tell me something before the kiss. What was it?"

A sudden chill seemed to enter the conversation, as Severus' eyes looked away, and he fell silent. Several moments passed, Severus' hands clenching and unclenching, Lily not sure why he seemed so perturbed about what she had just said, until she remembered what he had said earlier that night...about discussing his mother at the end.

"I don't remember," whispered the boy finally, an obvious lie. The look in Severus' eyes made it clear that he remembered; he just wasn't willing to tell her, something that made something clench in her chest. However, his obsidian gaze then hardened. "However, that does bring something else to mind. Lily, explain what you were doing with Potter, now."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Lily," growled out Severus, his arms crossed and his words angry. He looked like a furious Buddha with his feet crossed just over the water. "What were you doing with Potter of all people? You told me that that bloody kiss was just you being drunk, so why were you dancing with him?"

"Not this again." Lily's eyes narrowed as she gave Severus a hard look of her own, her cheeks turning pink with shame. In hindsight, she knew that dancing with Potter had been a downright awful idea, and would have been even if he hadn't come close to ruining her night. This simple truth only made her angrier. "Even if it was any of your business who I was dancing with-"

"You yourself said that it was a 'date'," interrupted the boy coolly, his eyes fastened upon her own as though he could rip the truth right out of them, whatever it might be. "As such, I think it would most assuredly be 'my business' who you were dancing with."

"You told me to go dance with whoever, Severus," shouted Lily angrily, her discomfort making her even more defensive as she retorted, her voice a high-pitched shriek, "Does it matter then if I was dancing with James Potter? Hell, my own date had abandoned me to chat up some slag! I mean, really, do all of your friends have to be scum!"

Silence rang louder than any gong as her words echoed through the air. Lily realized that she had gone too far as she spoke, "Wait, Sev, I...I didn't mean it like that. I was just-" Her voice faltered though, her lips still moving but no words leaving them. She merely stood there in the water, frozen as she stared pleadingly at Severus.

Slowly, Severus got to his feet and looked down at her imperiously. His lower lip curled in disgust, his hands clenched so tightly into fists that she could see a small droplet of blood escaping them, from where his fingernails had pierced the pale flesh. The sheer hatred in his gaze was so fierce that Lily felt herself backing away, stumbling over a bulbous rock behind her and nearly tripping in the process.

Lily swallowed, opening her mouth to speak, but with one last look of utter contempt, Severus turned around and walked away, heading back up to the castle.

Alone, the cold water chilling her, it made quite the contrast to how she had woken up.

However, this was no dream.

Several more days passed by, Severus not so much as looking at Lily when they passed in the hallways, treating her as though she did not exist. Meanwhile, Potter tried to talk to her, but she refused to speak to him after he had humiliated her so. It was ironic that the boy she didn't want to speak to wouldn't stop trying to talk to her while the boy she wanted to talk to wouldn't give her the time of day.

As such, she was elated when she finally received Perseus' latest letter, as it was comforting to talk to Severus even if he didn't know he was talking to her.

Medusa,

As to my ambitions...I want nothing more or less than to be respected and powerful. My method of doing so is uncertain at present, but one day I will achieve this goal. Is it wrong that I wish this? Perhaps it is, perhaps it is nothing more than mere greed, but I want to be strong, capable of standing up and looking down proudly at those who despise me.

Tell me: is that wrong? It may do nobody any good but myself, but is that a bad thing?

Speaking of ambitions, do you have any of your own? If so, please do tell.

Your point is a good one, and one I will consider most thoroughly. If my inaction were to cause a friend's death...I would likely be inconsolable.

However, I haven't decided to fight yet by any means. What if by fighting, I caused the death of some of my friends who ARE on the Death Eater's side? Should I simply forget about them?

I hope that things go well with your parents.

As for the girl I mentioned, the one you suspect of being a 'gold-digger', I believe that I consider her to be a friend...and I think that you might be gravely mistaken about her. I have spoken to her about it...but we have yet to discuss it much. Perhaps it is because her present boyfriend has broken up with her.

I have spoken to my friend about her, and neither of us seems to see eye to eye in regards to her.

On a topic that neither of us have addressed for quite some time: have you done any reading on the Dark Arts since last we spoke? I've been practicing to use this particularly interesting curse upon Porthos, but I'm having a few minor issues perfecting it...and he hasn't been bothering me for about a week, making it rather difficult to hex him since his friend is a 'prefect' (capable of punishing me for my actions by giving me detention and such).

Regardless, I would like to discuss them with you, if you would be so interested.

Your friend,

Perseus

Severus hadn't arrived yet, so Lily was presently alone in the Potions classroom, sitting in the cushy chair that the dark young man normally kept as his own. It was comfortably soft, allowing her to sink her body deeply into it, something she knew that Severus secetly loathed but tolerated because she had been the one to transfigure it in the first place.

She was glad that it remained intact, as it meant that the present conflict would blow over in time...at least, she hoped it would. It was part of the reason she was seated here in fact, as she was hoping that she could talk to him before he had another tutoring session with Evelyn, ideally with them agreeing to forgive and forget by the end of it.

However, for the moment neither the room nor the week-long conflict existed in Lily's mind, for she was scouring the letter she had received for clues about her best friend, putting her clever mind into service as she did so. Several phrases jumped out at her, but she knew that it would take much time and careful thought before she could send off a reply, for with the discovery that this bright yet proud young man was Severus came sobering responsibility.

Before, she had merely been speaking to a faceless, albeit interesting, figure. Had things not turned out well with him, had she been unable to help the boy with his mother, Lily would have been badly hurt, certainly. However, since this faceless being was Severus, it meant that the communications were of much greater import. They were tools she could use to discover more about her best friend, but they could also be used to help him with his problems...

...such as certain room-mates of his. Lily couldn't put her finger on it, but something about the relationship between Severus and Mulciber rubbed her as very wrong indeed. To be honest, it didn't remind Lily of a friendship at all, but what it truly was was a concept that still remained elusive to the mind of the worried young woman.

Regardless though, she had to examine the letter more closely, especially that bit about-

"...word...you!"

"Yeah...S...us..."

Lily's thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of raised voices outside. Glaring at her door in annoyance, she tried her best to ignore the conversation coming from outside until the soft, uncertain tones of Severus' voice made themselves known. As they were much quieter than the others, Lily could barely hear them from inside the room.

Curious, Lily slipped over to the door to get a better idea of what they were saying. Opening it just a crack, she saw Severus, Mulciber and Avery toward the end of the hall, an angry look on Mulciber's face while Severus' merely seemed nervous. Avery simply looked amused, albeit somewhat disappointed as the scrawny boy observed them.

"Guys, this isn't nearly as big a deal as you're making it. It was just a dance, and we were only going as friends, not as a date!" Severus had his hands held out in a placating gesture. Even from here, it was obvious that he was terrified, although of what Lily couldn't say. Neither Avery nor Mulciber had even drawn their wands yet.

She couldn't help but smile though, in spite of the worrisome situation, as the mere fact that Severus was still refering to the two of them as friends was something that cheered her up.

Mulciber glared at Severus with cold, blue eyes, his meaty hands clenched into fists as he shouted in response, "Severus Snape, do you have any idea of how much trouble your little 'dance' has caused me! I gave you a pair of my dress-robes, you stupid buffoon, that means that I might as well have been supporting you in your freak show!"

Avery placed a hand on the larger boy's shoulder, restraining him as he pointed out in reasonable tones, "Arcturus...mate, it's partially your fault for not making sure which girl he was taking to the dance...although bringing a Mudblood..." The boy giggled as he mimed a shudder. "Severus, you must have been positively mad, letting her trail her filth all over Arcturus' good robes. I almost wish I had been there to see them get so...profaned."

Incensed, Lily vowed to find an excuse to throw the both of them into detention. Perhaps the fact that their ties weren't quite straight enough would suffice... 'No, I'm not supposed to use my authority as a prefect in that manner.' Lily reminded herself sternly.

She'd still throw them into detention though, if she caught them doing something wrong.

Meanwhile, Mulciber gave Avery an annoyed look, before saying in a low growl, nonetheless sounding far more in control as he spoke, "I thought that the prat here was going to bring Evelyn Matthews along with him, not Lily Evans! Remember what he told us back in February, about her kissing him?"

"True, mate, true, and even if she is a whore...she's definitely quite good-looking, half-blood or no." Avery frowned, shaking his head as he gave Severus a distasteful look, even as the boy watched them silently. "Honestly though, Severus, I can hardly believe that you were so thick-headed not to think of the consequences, even if Arcturus had supported you. If the Dark Lord heard about this...well, let's just say that your chances of becoming a Death Eater would go right out the window."

Severus' eyes widened, and she saw him pull out his wand and make a quick motion with it, one which Lily recognized as his Muffliato spell.

Luckily knowing the counter-charm, she undid it without a word, hoping Severus wouldn't notice. Meanwhile, Severus spoke in much more heated tones, "Guys! You know better than to talk about that sort of thing in the halls! We could get into a lot of trouble if we were caught..."

Avery looked chagrined, sheepishly muttering, "Sorry, wasn't thinking." His eyes then narrowed though, as he gave Severus a cool stare. "Still, you've really embarrassed us here, Severus. I mean, you wearing Arcturus' robes is practically like saying that he was supporting you taking that stupid little girl to the dance." The boy giggled again as he gave a wink toward Mulciber, a wink that Lily was sure Severus couldn't see from his angle. "You'll have to make it up to him, to us really, and I think I know the perfect way to do so..."

Mulciber looked confused, but nodded grimly at Severus, who sighed dismally. "Fine, Justin, what is it this time?"

Avery gave Severus a cold, greedy sort of look, before continuing with a false smile, "Why, you'll just have to do Arcturus' homework this week, mine too. I mean, the big lummox got into a spot of trouble earlier this week when you cut class, and I'm just not as talented at Defense Against the Dark Arts as you, wonder-boy."

Mulciber chimed in, placing an arm around Severus' shoulder and grinning wickedly at him, "He's right, it'd be a good way to repay your debt to me, Severus. If you do a good job of it, we'll make sure to say good things about you to the right sort..." Chuckling, he said in a way that strongly reminded Lily of one of those blasted used-car dealers, "Just imagine it, next autumn you'll be able to get into the Dark Lord's Death Eaters... All that power, prestige, those women throwing themselves at you. It could all be yours...well, if you don't manage to screw it up again."

As Lily watched in growing unease, Severus smiled a strange, longing smile as he said in a voice so quiet that she could hardly hear him, "Yeah, it'll be great...if he lets me in, of course."

"Of course," replied Mulciber smoothly. "But if you stick with the two of us...you should go very far indeed."

Severus gave him a relieved smile, "Indeed, Arcturus, indeed."

The voices cut out as Lily shut the door, leaving only quiet once again. It did nothing though to comfort her suddenly raging thoughts. 'He promised me that he was leaving him...didn't he? Didn't he?' Lily was no longer sure, the comfort she had constantly drawn from that night outside her house suddenly seeming like a black poison, filled with lies and deceit.

Tears filling her eyes, she whispered quietly, feeling adrift, "He...he told me... He told Medusa... He promised me...and it meant nothing.'

She heard the sound of the door to the room opening behind her, and quickly wiped her eyes, before turning to see Severus striding silently into the room. Still not looking at her, the young Slytherin frowned, his eyes surveying the cauldrons in annoyance, He said nothing, his silence casting a shadow upon the room.

"Severus...I..." Unable to look at him, Lily whispered, tears in her eyes, "I...I heard that..." She peeked up at him, only to see his back, him not looking at her. Faltering, she swallowed, only to finally mutter "Never mind, Severus, I'm sorry." She turned to their workplaces, looking for something to add to the cauldron, cursing her strange inability to ask him a simple question.

Perhaps it was because she didn't want to hear his answer.

However, apparently Severus noticed something was wrong as he grabbed her arm and tilted his head to (finally) look at her. He then spoke hurriedly, his dark eyes filled with concern as they stared into her green ones. "Lily, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

The sight of Severus worried for her sake broke the dam keeping her silent. Trying to keep from having some sort of break-down, Lily began to speak, hoping desperately that she had been somehow mistaken, "Severus, I heard that-"

One of the side doors to the room opened with a click, interrupting them.

Professor Slughorn stood there, his walrus-like moustache drooping dismally as he looked sadly at her. Feeling a distinct of unease as the older man stared at her, Lily was about to speak when he spoke first, "I see that the two of you have already heard." Seeming to brace himself against the doorframe, the man shook his head mournfully. "If either of you wish to speak to me, I'll do my duty as the Headmaster requested."

Severus, his eyes narrowed, asked suspiciously, "What are you talking about, Professor? What duty?"

The old and corpulant man seemed mildly surprised, looking at Severus strangely as he spoke, "Surely you don't think that the Headmaster would leave a child unaided by an adult in a time like this, not if they don't refuse to accept the help." He gave Severus a significant look as he spoke, to which Severus' eyes widened in what seemed to be...horror. "I'm sure that given the situation, Lily would be quite interested in having someone to help her right now, wouldn't you agree, Severus?"

As Severus turned from Slughorn, staring into Lily's eyes in something that seemed more like...empathy than anything she had ever seen in the boy, the young girl couldn't help but feel a sense of great forboding as she asked, "What situation would you be talking about, Professor?"

"You don't know?" The aged wizard asked in shocked tones. "It was so...dreadfully dismal in here when I came in that I thought... I'm sorry, Lily, so dreadfully sorry to be the bearer of such awful news." Shaking his head once more, Slughorn looked at her with great pity in his gooseberry-colored eyes as he spoke,

"Lily, there was a Muggle car accident... I'm afraid that your father passed away last night."