I am not a Hero nor a Villain

So here we are, the first chapter of I am not a Hero nor a Villain and like the titles says, Mikoto is neither of those things. He'll be the good guy if it gets him the thing or woman he wants, but he'll also do the bad thing if it also gets him what he wants. Whichever provides the least amount of headaches and effort required is the option Mikoto will choose. And yes, this is a wish fulfilment story so expect a mass harem and lots of lemons, so don't like don't read simple as. You have any suggestions for anime or characters then let me know and I'll add them to the harem but one note to know is I don't do underage characters or shotacon/lolicon shit. That stuff is just not who I am and I don't find the appeal (my personal opinion and if you like it then I won't judge).

I will make a compromise and say like for Koneko, she grows a bit older and maybe gets a little taller, still keeping her petite figure, but that's as close as I'm willing to get. You can envision it as them still being there loli selves, but I will be making it clear in the story that they will have grown taller and whatnot. Again this is just my personal preference and I understand you have yours so all I ask is that you respect that opinion.

-X- Line Break -X-

My old life was not exciting. It was not an outstanding tale of me forever striving to become the best of the best. It was not a story of one man living his life selflessly in service of some great cause. Nor was it the story of someone forever striving to change the world. Nope, I was a very selfish and lazy person.

I came from an average family with a comfortable and cosy lifestyle. I was an all round average guy myself. Average looks, average smarts, average everything and I had whole load of problems, the main one being I got bored easily. I can't tell you how many times I quit a job simply because I got bored of working there. It led to me not having the best of lives and being estranged from my family.

Anime and games were my safe haven.

After a long, boring day at work I would always put in a game – Mass Effect, Halo, Call of Duty, etc. – and then play it while having one of the many anime series I had watched repeatedly, playing in the background.

It was a pretty normal, if not sad life I lived so imagine my surprise when I woke up the next day. Not in my twenty-three year old body, but in the body of a baby in a hospital room.

"Oh look, Gorou-kun." Blearily looking around the bright room, my eyes landed on that of a middle aged woman with slightly aged features that would have once formed that of a very beautiful young woman. "Miko-chan he's awake."

The fuck? I know that the '-chan' suffix is usually used for female characters in most anime, so I better not be a girl. No offence to any girls out there, but I ain't got the temperament to deal with going through life once more and also dealing with all the drama that comes with being a girl. I'd much rather go through all the drama that comes with being a boy again because at least I know what to expect.

"I know, he's got your eyes." Oh thank god, I could laugh. Wait, no I actually am? That's weird. "And look, so is Issei-kun, it seems both our boys are awake now." Huh, I'm sure that name sounds familiar? I just can't quite put my finger on it.

"Hello, Issei-chan, Miko-chan. Welcome to the Hyoudou family." The woman, my new mother apparently cooed down at us, smiling brightly as my new father smiled at us three. God, this is getting weird.

Wait, Hyoudou.

I tried to crane my neck as much as I could, but failed miserably. The cocoon of cloth that they had wrapped me in pretty much ensured that I was going to be either staring at the back of my eyelids, Gorou – fuck call him dad that is just to weird at the moment – or whatever her names is, don't even know her name just yet.

"Oh, Miko-chan, do you want to see your twin brother?" The woman cooed down at me and seriously, is this how adults treat babies because no wonder their such whiny little shits. I'm feeling like crying and kicking up a fuss because God damn that is annoying.

But thankfully, the woman did turn me to face the other baby and I finally landed my eyes on my new brother - dont really know what to think about that - but I didn't know what to really expect. It's not like the baby looks anything like Issei Hyoudou from the anime because he's a fucking baby! God I am stupid.

"Miko-chan, this is your brother, Issei Hyoudou." Oh fuck me. I'm in the fucking DxD universe, I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry equally hysterically because I'm going to die. Simple as that. Seriously, it may be a Harem anime filled with some of the busiest and beautiful anime girls, but whereas most anime have only two, maybe three God-tier characters, this show has hundreds. Seriously, it caters to every pantheon and therefore, every God and Goddess is a part of this show and that's not including the Satan's and the Dragons.

I am so fucked.

-X- Line Break -X-

One of the first things I started doing after being brought home with my family was trying to crawl. Walking was completely out of my league at this moment, but I knew that I needed to build up some strength in my legs. I did not want to be carried around anymore, it was demeaning.

Of course, my actions earned quite a bit of praise from the people that were parents of this body, my body now I supposed. Issei himself, the idiot that he was tried to copy me and much like myself, failed miserably. Our bodies, namely our legs and arms just didn't possess the strength at this point in time to learn to crawl. And so, begrudgingly I decided to call it quits and give myself a little time in which to allow my body to grow a little more.

Instead I started to spend my time thinking on what I knew of this universe. My knowledge was limited purely to the that Fallen Angel, what's his name with the ten wings? Cock something? Is it? Ah who gives a shit. That Fallen Angel arc with the Holy Swords was the extent of my knowledge and only to the beginning.

Why you might ask? Well that's simple, what little patience I had with Issei as a main character snapped. He is fucking annoying to watch and the sad thing is, he has the makings to be a great side character. Someone that starts off weak but gradually grows stronger while providing comic relief through the stupidity of his actions all the while acting as a support to the protagonist. But Issei Hyoudou by no means should have been a main character and eventually, I just gave up. My horniness could only fuel my desire to watch the show so much before I gave up entirely.

However, if I had known that I would be reborn into DxD I would have not only paid attention to every little detail of the anime - I mostly skimmed through it so that I could see the fan-service/soft porn that is the anime - and even read the Manga. Hell I would have read up on all the Mythology in the world just to prepare myself better.

But, what was done was done.

Mistakes were made and there was nothing I could do to change that. All I could do now was look to the future and the first thing I was going to do was try and unlock my magic. Then I'd start training my ass off not only with magic but also build up the strength of my body and fighting skills. I wanted to be as strong as possible by the time the whole Rias/Riser wedding disaster comes around. Though I think that what I'll do is just fuck with canon long before that. It's not like I had any prior knowledge with which to stick to as a guideline, so in a way I was free to make whatever decisions I wanted without any consequences that could affect the knowledge I had.

So, silver linings. Hey, I don't always have to be a glass half empty guy, I can mix things up a little bit and be the glass half full guy as well.

Even so, there was no denying that I had next to no progress at all in unlocking my magic. I tried meditation, I even tried the whole Dragon Ball Z screams that sounded and looked like they were trying to force a particularly difficult shit out. And there was nothing I received from that except a full nappy courtesy of the latter.

So yeah, thanks Toriyama.

But with no magic and no ability to move on my own, my progress to the top of the world was not looking good. Come on Mikoto, be the glass half full guy, not the glass half empty.

Glass half full.

Glass half full.

-X- Line Break -X-

Glass half empty.

I could scream in rage as I collapsed onto my cot with a huff. One year, one fucking year and nothing, this was plain ridiculous. Like what the fuck is going on, am I deficient, is there something wrong with me. Do I not have magic? That thought was a chilling one. Magic was a serious aspect of fighting in DxD and sure there were freaks of nature out there like Rock Lee from Naruto that didn't need Chakra to be strong.

But a lazy guy like me, training like that was just too much effort. Besides, I wanted magic, I wanted to throw around city busting and even planet busting attacks while looking cool as fuck. Yet with each passing day in which I tried and failed to unlock my magic I began to realise that maybe I wouldn't have a choice. There was no way I could just not live in DxD and not get a harem.

And there was certainly no way I could just let Issei be in danger. To be honest, I don't know when it started but I actually started to find the little bugger kind of adorable. Plus it was nice having a little minion that followed you around constantly which is exactly what Issei did to me.

Though it was hard to believe that he was actually real, hell it was hard to believe that any of this was real. All of these characters were anime character, people that were made up and not real. Yet here I was, in a world that I once believed was just fantasy. Every morning I expected to wake up back in my old raggedy bed in my shitty apartment only to find that I was still in the body of a baby.

Is it hypocritical of me to view Issei as someone to protect but Gorou and Miki as someone to use? I don't really know, I hadn't exactly had the best relationship with my younger siblings in my old life so maybe I was simply projecting upon Issei? Who knows.

Speaking of which, the door to mine and Issei's shared room opened and in stepped Miki, a smile on our face. Beside me, Issei began happily giggling, arms raised in order to be picked up at the sight of his mother. "How are my birthday boys, are you ready?" She cooed and purely for the sake of not attracting the wrong kind of attention, copied Issei.

I had already earned a bit of a reputation from Gorou and Miki as being a 'genius.' The fact that I was crawling after a month and began to walk at six months had earned me that title. It had not been a quick progress and I had fallen over on many occasions in my attempts. But I persevered and strengthened the muscles of my legs till I was capable of it. Then I said my first word at age four months, though it was more of a splutter of saliva that vaguely resembled the word, "mama." But it still earned me great praise and showers of affection that I suffered through.

But yeah, I was apparently a genius in this life, though we all know that's a lie. I'm actually a thirty three year old weeb in the body of a one year old child. To them it may seem prodigious talent, to me it was just basic things that I wanted to do in order to escape the embarrassment of being a baby.

Picking us both up out of the crib, I made a little fuss and Miki put me down on the ground, though she still made me hold her hand. I tried not to let my displeasure show and while I wasn't capable fully smothering it, Miki was too busy dealing with the fussy Issei who wanted to copy me. This was why I not only tolerated but actually liked him in this life, he kept my parents from noticing when I was showing actions unexpected of baby. Unknowingly sure, but it was still a great help to me.

And with this distraction I was able to plaster on a fake smile on my face and follow Miki into the room where we were greeted with the sight of guest. Family friends and neighbours brought to celebrate mine and Issei's first birthday. And yeah, we live in one of those neighbourhoods were everyone's friends with everyone and practically like one big family.

God I could throw up.