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Heart of Darkness

Fantasy
Laufend · 5.1M Ansichten
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  • 4.9
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Bronze Prize for WSA 2021 ContestBronze Prize for WSA 2021 Contest
Zusammenfassung

He put one hand on the door beside her head before leaning forward. What was he doing? Trying to intimidate her again? “Truth is…” He began to speak in a low voice and she strained her ears but all she could hear was her heartbeat. “I hate when you touch me because I like it so much.” Her eyes widened in surprise and he leaned even closer before continuing to speak. “I also hate the way you smell…” she could hear him inhale her scent “You smell delicious. And I hate your hair because it’s tempting. I want to run my fingers through it, pull it gently while I taste your lips and bite your neck.” Angelica suddenly felt like there was no air left in the room. “Your touch makes me unable to resist doing those things and all the other things I want to do to you.” “Oth...other things.” She breathed not realizing she was thinking loudly. One side of his lips curved into a smile. “Imagine all the things a man would want to do to you. I want to do those things and much more.” He leaned closer bringing his lips next to her ear. “Because I am no man. I am a beast. A hungry one. So unless you want me to bite you, refrain from touching me.” **************** A woman alone in a man’s world. In a time and place where it’s difficult for a woman to live alone, protect and provide for herself, Angelica must find a provider and a protector after her father is accused of being a traitor and executed by the king. Now known as a traitor's daughter, she must survive in a cruel world ruled by men, and in order to do so she ends up seeking protection in a man feared by everyone. A man with many scars. Both physically and mentally. A man punished for his pride. Rayven is a man with many scars. They cover his face and punish his soul. He can never show himself without people recoiling at the sight of him. Except for one woman who willingly comes knocking on his door. Is she an additional punishment sent to him, or will she be his salvation?

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Chapter 1Prologue

They whispered in town about him. They called him a beast. They called him cruel. They called him ugly.

People were repulsed by his face. They treated him as if he was a deadly disease, avoiding him like the plague. They didn't dare talk to him or in front of him, but behind closed doors they would tell scary tales about him; some would send chills down your spine, others were just outrageous and couldn't be true.

Parents would use stories about him to scare their children into doing what they wanted.

"Don't make me call the beast," they would threaten.

But the children didn't call him a beast. They called him 'monster face'.

Others called him the dark Lord.

Lord Rayven.

He lived in a dark castle at the top of the highest hill in town. People called it the cursed castle. It had been abandoned for a very long time until Lord Rayven arrived at the kingdom as the new King's guard a few months ago. Everyone had been shocked when he moved into the abandoned castle.

"A cursed man in a cursed castle," people whispered about him.

It was also upon his arrival that a few deaths occurred in town. Everyone said that it was him. In fact, everything bad that happened after his arrival was blamed on him, but no one dared to confront him. He was a powerful man, after all. He was close to the King and false accusations could lead to death.

But how much was true, and how much were only rumors? No one really knew.

Angelica looked ahead at the dark castle. It looked even more frightening under the gloomy night sky. Dark clouds hovered over the tallest tower, blocking the moon and stars. The clouds looked like ghosts trying to scare her away, but ghosts didn't scare Angelica anymore.

Humans did.

She climbed the hill, her bare feet bleeding after the long walk on the stones. The pain and cold numbed her feet, but she still had a long distance to walk, so she kept going.

The castle seemed further away than it had appeared to be and Angelica soon became tired. She stopped for a breath and glanced behind her to make sure that no one followed her. Who would dare to follow her up here at night? No one would even suspect that she ran off to the creepy castle. It wasn't a place to run to, but a place to run from.

Angelica wondered if she was sane to run from monsters just to hide in the beast's den. What made her think that the dark Lord would keep her safe or accept her offer? She must think highly of herself.

Despite the horrible names given to him by people, he was still considered far more honorable in people's eyes than she was. He was a nobleman and she… she was a traitor's daughter, and now she was something even worse. She was a ….

Shaking her head, she couldn't even bring herself to say the word.

Clenching her hands into fists, she let the anger motivate her into climbing the rest of the hill, but the weather was against her decision. A storm broke out, the cold wind pushing her back down the hill with all its force.

Was this a warning?

A sign from above?

The sky responded with a deep rumbling sound, and rain started to pour down heavily. Angelica hesitated, but she didn't have much of a choice. It was either this or go back to where she came from.

Gathering more strength and courage, she proceeded toward the cursed castle. Once she reached the top of the hill, fighting the wind and rain on her way up, she took a moment to catch her breath.

She looked at the castle in front of her. It had a monumental structure. It loomed over her with its rectangular shape and had four round towers on each corner at different heights. The walls were chunky and obsidian, and the unlit windows were scattered around the walls in a symmetrical pattern.

The vast entrance was made of a large wooden door and had two small towers on each side. Stone steps led to the entrance.

Faltering, Angelica walked toward the wooden door. It had two large door knockers in the shapes of bats.

Strange, she thought. She was used to seeing lion heads.

With her heart racing, she knocked lightly at first and waited in the cold under the rain. Shivering, she embraced herself while waiting. When no one answered the door, she knocked again, harder this time. She couldn't bear the cold anymore.

The wooden door opened with a creaking sound. Angelica expected to see someone on the other end but was only greeted by darkness. She peeked her head inside.

"Hello!" she called, feeling a bit frightened. "Is someone home?"

Her voice echoed in the dark, but no one responded. Warily, she stepped inside from the cold and the large wooden door shut behind her with a loud bang.

Angelica's heart jumped to her throat as darkness surrounded her.

It was probably just the wind shutting the door. She had no reason to be afraid.

She looked around but couldn't see anything. "Is someone home?" she repeated, this time her voice shaking slightly.

Again, she was met by silence. Could it be that he wasn't home? Maybe he went on a trip with the King. What should she do now? Could she stay here until he came back? Well, she had little choice. She had nowhere else to go.

With an outstretched hand, she tried to find her way. She didn't know exactly where she was going, but she needed somewhere to sleep until the sun rose again. But as she moved across the floor, she suddenly sensed a cold presence behind her.

Despite not being scared of the dark and not believing in ghosts or monsters, a shiver ran down her spine. Trembling, she turned around and came face to face with a creature of hell.

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Inhaltsverzeichnis
Volumen 1 :Pride
Volumen 2 :Sloth

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alexa4c
alexa4cLv14

This was a pretty good work. It has more substance than other similar light reads. I like that it doesn’t brush over harder topics but explores them. Characters are interesting and intriguing. Story is actually retelling of the Beauty And The Beast fairytale. I like how it is done with out directly referencing it. I really like the story and I recommend it. Now, a little bit of analysis: There is a change of rhythm of how story is told that can be improved. It is ok to have some relaxing moments or dwelling on some particular topics before the story continues further but lingering too long may create big change in the rhythm of storytelling. So far it is not a big issue. Poems are important side part of the story. But unfortunately they are the part that is lacking. I read poetry, and I use to write some of it so I know how hard it is to make it work. I thought it may not be bad to share what I learned while reading and trying to write the poetry. As someone who is reviewing it I can say that it needs to be more lyrical, less literal. That means more metaphors, hidden meanings, also rhythm is more important than the rhyme. So for example (below is the excerpt from the poem but I don’t think it contains any spoilers): “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel What might I do, I dread Your scent is so sweet Your hair is so soft Making my heart bleed And my mind gets lost…” So the first sentence looks good but the rest are out of sync, because they don’t have the same or at least similar number of syllables. This breaks the rhythm of the poem. Also the rhythm is determined by when the rhymes appear. “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel, what might I do, I dread.” This might work like this but next two lines need to change because they are too literal and because they break the rhythmic rhyme. “Ah Angel, what are you doing in my bed? What my heart might feel and what might I do, I dread. With you scent so sweet lingers in your hair And my heart that bleeds, remain would I dare.” Well, it’s not that good but I just wanted to show with an example what I meant.

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