Chapter 33 - The truth

"Kevin, Javi, listen" I started but they cut me off.

"No, Kate, listen" Esposito pointed his fingers between me and Castle. "This be happening, you can't be serious."

"You of all people shouldn't be falling for things like this crap" Ryan complained and I hushed them.

"What the hell's going on in here?!" captain Gates asked coming into the room and I immediately tried to pushed away Castle's hands from me and prayed he'd hide from my boss.

"Nothing sir" I immediately answered and I saw Esposito giving me a look which I immediately killed with my eyes.

"Who's he?" she asked and I saw her pointing behind me.

"Oh, this is Alexander, he's uh..." I tried to think of something but I couldn't, to my surprise Ryan helped me out.

"He's a witness, he came here but wants to stay anonymous to as many people as possible" he said.

"Yeah, therefore the shades, if you don't mind we'd like to continue without scaring him off" Esposito asked with a convincing voice.

Gates looked from me to Ryan to Esposito and then just threw one glance at Castle before she nodded, said 'continue' and walked out of the room. The second the door was shut I let go of a big relieved sigh while wiping my face with my hands.

"You better get your act together Kate, because I can't do this to Alexis" Esposito said and I looked at him.

I was about to try an explain to him when the door suddenly opened again.

"Did you tell them?" Lanie asked and I couldn't stop the giant smile that came to my face when I saw my best friend come to my rescue.

"You knew?!" Esposito questioned and she hushed him closing the door.

" I'm the best friend" she said in a 'duh' voice.

Esposito and Ryan looked shocked. I turned to Castle who observed everything happening with a stiff body. I walked closer to him and he didn't even seem to notice, it was almost like he was frozen in place. I carefully removed his cap and threw it to the couch table, then I took off his glasses and put them down too but more gently to not break them. I could feel my friends's eyes on me while they talked about something. I wasn't paying attention to them though, I had my eyes set on the man in front of me.

"Castle, you okay?" I whispered and carefully let my fingers touch his cheeks.

His eyes immediately focused on me, finding my eyes. He took in a deep breath, since he had seemed to stopped breathing there for a second.

"Yeah, just... guns" he mumbled looking down and I felt my forehead wrinkle.

I then turned around and let my eyes land on the guns at my partners's hips. I rolled my eyes and bit my lip.

"I wouldn't let them" I whispered and kissed his cheek.

"Now you need to shut up and let them explain, I wouldn't let Kate do this unless I believed him myself" Lanie suddenly said, loud enough for us to hear.

I turned to my friends and reached out my hand to signal them to sit down on the couch. They moved there and I sat in the chair before them, Castle sitting down in a chair moved beside mine so that we both were sitting in front of my three friends. I took out my phone, on which I could play the tape for my partners. I took a deep breath and told them everything. The only things I left out was all the things irrelevant to the case, including how Castle made me feel. My partners looked skeptical up to the point where I turned on the tape and they got something else than 'theories' as proof of our story.

"Damn girl, you didn't joke around when you said it had to do with your mother's case" Lanie said with big eyes.

"Yeah, you've been quite busy during your baby sitting and the murderers" Esposito commented with surprised eyes.

"Speaking of that, have you found Billy?" I asked with a worried feeling filling up my whole body completely.

Ryan looked down and I felt like my whole world was shattering.

"Nothing? Has Laura gotten back to you yet?" Castle questioned and both Esposito and Ryan looked at him with intense eyes.

"You've met Molly?" Esposito questioned with a low, almost threatening, voice.

"You let him meet Molly?" Ryan asked me with a small accusing tone.

"Of course she did, hello? Didn't you just hear all the things they told us? The tape?" Lanie asked rolling her eyes at the boys.

Lanie looked at me and I knew the second she could see my pain.

"Don't you worry Kate, we'll find them" she said with confidence.

We all jumped to the sound of Ryan's phone suddenly going off. Ryan immediately answered and within a minute he was standing up snapping his fingers to get us to follow him out of the break room. I almost frantically followed him but got pulled back in a very hasty move that nearly tipped me over, to my luck Castle caught me before I tipped over for real. Esposito looked back at us but decided to let us be and followed Ryan together with Lanie.

"What's going on?" Castle asked with a confused voice.

I turned to him and bit my lip.

"Technically you should probably put on the cap and sunglasses and then go down to my car and wait there" I said quietly.

"Oh, yeah, you're right..." he said but I could see he didn't want to leave me, "make sure to come down as soon as you're done" he added and I nodded.

"I will" I promised and I stood on my toes to quickly kiss his lips.

His lips were addicting but I managed to pull away from him before I got stuck. He went to the table and grabbed his cover to put it on. I handed him my car key before we walked out of the break room and I went into cop mode to hold up the charade.

"Thank you for coming in" I played, holding out my hand.

"Thanks for your discretion" he said with the fake accent he'd pulled on my dad and shook my hand.

I hoped anyone who'd possibly be watching us didn't see how our hands hugged during the shake. He went towards the elevator while I went looking for my partners. When I finally found them I found them inside the captain's office with upset and worried faces, their mouths moving in rapid speed. Before I could reach the door they were headed out and took me with them as they walked.

"What's going on?" I asked and Esposito had a serious face.

"Laura can't get a hold of Billy, we just got clearance from Gates to go find him" he explained and I felt my heart shatter.

"Where are we going?" I asked but followed them without hesitation.

I felt like I needed to put aside these feelings I'd gotten for Molly, right now I needed to act like a cop because there was no way I was going to be able to pull this through as a... foster mother? Was that how I pictured myself? I really needed to stop thinking.

"We are going to the zoo, Laura said there was the last place he was when she talked to him over the phone" Ryan explained.

"How can she be sure?" I questioned.

"She called him regarding some papers and heard the animals in the background" Esposito answered and pushed the button in the elevator.

We rode the elevator down to the parking lot were I knew Castle would be waiting.

"He's probably not going to be there anymore" I said and Ryan looked at me.

"No but we might find some witnesses who's seen him" he answered with a concerned voice and it occurred to me that I wasn't thinking clearly.

Of course we were going there to see if people had seen them there, I guess the thought of not being able to find Molly the place made me not want to go there. I wanted to find the little girl I'd taken care of these few days. I wanted to be able to tell my little girl at my dad's house that her friend was okay, that nothing had happened to her. I couldn't help but start blaming myself. Why didn't I check up on Billy myself? Why didn't I press Laura to tell me more about him? Why hadn't I insisted on keeping her myself, I already had one foster kid, I didn't mind another one! Especially not since Molly and Alexis had gotten so close. Before I knew it Castle was coming towards me with hands raised in a calming gesture. My eyes focused on my surroundings and I saw my partners's mouths moving, as if they were trying to talk to me but I heard nothing at first.

"...okay? Beckett? Hey! We're going to find her" Ryan's voice came through suddenly and I looked at them with confused eyes.

"What... why are we just standing here?" I questioned and my partners shared a look before they turned to Castle.

Esposito had a suspicious look on his face but somehow it felt like he had found a small part inside him that would be able to trust Castle enough for this.

"Take care of her okay? If something happens to her on your watch we promise to come after you" he said with a harsh and warning tone.

If I had been confused before I was definitely confused now.

"You're driving, no matter how stubborn she's getting" Ryan said before he turned to me. "See you at the zoo, we'll call if we find something before you get there" he told me before he and Esposito ran off towards their car.

Castle moved closer to me and put his hands on my arms.

"It's okay to be afraid" he half whispered.

"I-I..." I took a deep breath, "I can't stop thinking about all the things I could've done to prevent this" I confessed, knowing he wouldn't stop till I told him what was really wrong.

"No, Kate, don't put this blame on you. If someone's to blame it's the people at the social service because are the ones who missed something. Just like they missed that I wasn't who that message said I was. It's your fault" he said making sure to keep eye contact with me the whole time.

"But I could've done thing. I could've checked up on Billy, made sure he was clean" I started mumbling but he shook his head.

"Don't" he said pulling me into his chest to be able to hug me.

His embrace was warm, comforting. I was still not really used to how his presence could make anything seem possible.

"We should get going to the zoo, we need to find her even if it hurts, it'll hurt more if we don't do something" he whispered before he pulled away and kissed my forehead.

"Okay, give me the keys" I said reaching out my hand to him without making eye contact.

I felt him staring at me.

"I'm driving" he said and I shook my head.

"Castle, I'm fine, I can drive myself" I insisted, still not making eye contact.

I could see him shake his head in my peripheral vision so I looked up at him.

"You heard the guys, I'm driving. If I don't they'll shoot me" he only mumbled the last part before he took my hand and dragged me towards my car.

He opened the passenger door for me and I sighed jumping in. I would kill the guys as soon as this was over. I could make it look like an accident and no one could ever catch me. After all I knew how the murders were handled.