Whisperwind #46

Regaining consciousness felt like waking up from a surreal nightmare. My head throbbed, demanding attention, and as my vision cleared, I was greeted by an odd tableau. There lay Ted, sprawled on the ground, a blade menacingly close to his neck. And guess who was holding that shadowy blade? Oh, just me. Surprise, surprise.

My right hand, the one with the shadowy blade, was entangled in green vines. I followed the vines to the forest guardian we'd been duking it out with earlier. 

The beast now looked distinctly different, less like a misunderstood forest deity with its eyes glowing and veins bulging. It resembled one of those guardian forest spirits you see in fantasy movies. Talk about the glow-up of the century. 

In the midst of my confusion, I shifted my gaze to Ted. Lo and behold, he was wielding his BB gun, pointing it at me, my left arm to be more precise, like I owed him money. 

It was pointed at the same hand that had clutched the strange alien doohickey from the beast's innards. As for the alien device? Oh, it decided to take a little flight, like it was knocked out of my grasp by, let's say, a compressed air projectile fired from Blue Beetle's BB gun. Oddly specific, right?

"I didn't beat you too badly, did I?" I muttered, taking in the bizarre sight before me as I looked down at Ted with a grin. 

Hearing my words, Ted unleashed his iconic, peculiar laughter, that sounded like something straight out of a One Piece episode. "Bwa-ha-ha-ha, you wish!" he exclaimed, reaching his hand toward me and asking me to help him up. 

I dismissed the shadow blade and extended my hand to help him to his feet.

"You don't seem all that disoriented, so is this one of those 'trapped inside your own body, but see everything' situations?" Ted quizzed me, his inner scientist eager for answers amid the surreal circumstances.

"Nah, it was more like a prolonged blackout. Darkness everywhere, no clue what was happening," I replied with a nonchalant shrug, giving Ted a half-smile. "Still, I can put two and two together and paint a picture of what went down..." 

Raising an intrigued eyebrow, Ted probed further, "So, what do you think went down?"

"Here's my hot take, feel free to fact-check me," I began, relishing the detective moment. "I grabbed that alien gizmo, got a mind makeover or something, and proceeded to give you an ass whopping," I stated with a wink.

"You were on the ropes, but our green friend here– actually one of the good guys but corrupted by alien shenanigans – finally shook off the bad vibes and jumped in to save the day..." I continued, setting the scene. 

"Then, in the midst of my confusion, you exploited the chaos, pulled out your trusty BB gun, and expertly shot the alien widget out of my hand like a marksman at a carnival game, thus freeing me from the brainwashing..." I continued the satisfaction of my deductions evident in my tone. "How did I do?" 

Ted scrutinized me for a moment, then gave a slow nod. "Impressive deduction skills there," he acknowledged. 

I couldn't resist a self-deprecating chuckle. "Well, you can thank my over-consumption and unhealthy obsession with comic books for that," I admitted with a casual shrug.

A grin played on Ted's lips. "However, there are a couple of details you missed," he pointed out, adopting a slightly reproachful tone. "Firstly, you got the upper hand because you sucker-punched me when I innocently came to check on you," he added, shooting me a half-amused, half-accusing look. 

I could only muster a sheepish smile in response.

"Secondly, shooting that alien device out of your hand? Tried and failed. It was like trying to throw mud at a brick wall," he confessed with a sigh. "It was your rodent friend here who pulled off the Hail Mary—bit your finger, made you yelp, and sent the device flying," he explained, gesturing toward Rattigan, who held the alien gadget, rotating it in his hand and inspecting it as if it were gourmet cheese.

A grin stretched across my face at the revelation. Rattigan, the royal pain in my ass, now the unsung hero. Who would've thought? I even found myself feeling a twinge of gratitude toward Zaphod, the eccentric system admin who gifted me this troublemaker. 

One day, an oversized rat comes out of the light-- you flick it in the nose, and it bites you. The next day, it saves you from an alien thingamjing transmitting Apokoliptan technology right into your brain like a Fox News reporter high on charisma-enhancing potions, hitting all the skill checks. Life's funny that way, I guess. 

Contemplating my friendship with the cheeky rodent, Rattigan strolled up to me, presenting the alien device as if it were a coveted prize, clearly asking me to take it. 

I gave him a deadpan look. "Nope," I deadpanned, my tone as flat as a pancake. 

It was already bad enough that I picked this up with my bare hands and suffered the consequences. But there was absolutely no chance I'd touch that alien gizmo again, especially now that I knew it was a Father Box, a Mother Box's less amiable cousin. 

As potent as a Mother Box in unleashing otherworldly powers, the Father Box came with the nifty side effect of brainwashing and slowly morphing its user into one of those creepy fly demons—Darkseid's minions, aka Parademons.

Unimpressed with my firm stance, Rattigan persisted, thrusting the device toward me once more. He emitted a series of chitters that, in my mind, translated to, "I made it nice and safe for you, you ignorant human."

I raised an incredulous eyebrow at the rodent's apparent confidence in the alien contraption's safety. Trusting a rat's judgment on something that could fuck over my life in countless ways didn't seem like the brightest idea, then again, it wasn't the dumbest thing I've done so far. 

I reluctantly took the device, gingerly holding it between two fingers as if it might explode at any moment, yet nothing happened. Rattigan shot me an "I told you so" look and scampered back onto my shoulder. 

As I stashed the Father Box in my shadow storage, I shot Rattigan a warning glare. "If I start sprouting wings and turn all demonic, I'm eating your first, rat," I warned, to which he responded with a string of chitters that probably meant, "Good luck catching me, human."

Oh, the profound conversations I have with this rodent...

Before I could embark on a witty comeback, a dry "ahem" interrupted the banter. I pivoted to find Ted and the leafy forest guardian thingy, looking at Rattigan and me like we were the main attraction in a weird circus act. 

I threw in an awkward chuckle for good measure.

"Oops, you two were still here," I admitted, scratching my head. "My bad, I didn't even throw a 'thanks for saving my ass' your way. Cheers, strange forest creature thingy," I said, nodding at the green, leafy being. 

It regarded me with an ambiguous expression before giving a dignified nod.

"No need for thanks, child of man," it said in a surprisingly melodic, feminine voice. Aha, so it's a she? "You saved me first. I merely returned the favor," she (?) added, bowing gracefully in my direction. 

"I am Whisperwind, a green sylph of the Green Court, and once the proud guardian of this domain..." The creature remarked, clearly getting ready to convey its life story and how it ended up in this mess.

Whisperwind continued its soliloquy, recounting tales of its once proud guardianship over the verdant realm. However, my attention swayed elsewhere as I, having mastered the art of selective hearing, opted to tune out the sylph's monologue.

It was probably something along the lines of Parademons suddenly invading the forest, with Whisperwind as the stalwart guardian of the forest rising to challenge them, eventually driving the invaders away but at the price of being corrupted by their tech. Either way, I didn't really care. 

Turning my focus to the tree, the source of the alien tech signal, I ran my hands over its surface, gauging its texture. It felt all wrong, more like jagged rocks than a genuine part of the forest. 

As if confirming Ted's suspicions, the entire section of the forest had been seamlessly camouflaged, concealing the ominous Apokoliptan outpost. Determined to unveil the hidden truth, I placed both hands on the deceptive tree and triggered my EMP power. 

With an almost magical effect, the illusion shattered. The thick canopy of trees faded away, revealing not the expected lush greenery but a tall cliff. At its center, a cave entrance beckoned, sealed by an imposing rock.

The reveal of the concealed cliff and cave entrance met with mixed reactions. Whisperwind, who had finished telling the saga of her life or most likely stopped once she realized I wasn't interested to hear it, shot me a clearly annoyed glare. On the other hand, Ted observed me with a half-amused, half-exasperated expression.

Their silent disapproval washed over me as I turned to face the now-exposed obstacle. With an untroubled grin, I threw the query into the air, "Is anyone going to do something about this rock, or do I have to do everything 'round here myself?"

...

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