Chapter 4

<p>    I was ready to ask her where she had been all morning. It wasn't like her to skip half the day. What gave her the right to sabotage her education?<br/> It was like she read my mind in that moment.<br/> "I was at an audition." Sarah said quickly. <br/> I stared at her with concern which she tried to pass off with a fake smile that quickly faded. Something was going on other than a simple audition that either did or didn't go well. She didn't fool me. <br/> "Sarah... this wasn't a modelling gig, was it?"<br/> Her face went from calm to flustered within seconds. "No, it was for a music video. You know I would never go back to fashion." She took a comb out of her locker and brushed her straight platinum blonde hair. "But they did want me to lose five pounds." <br/> I scoffed. <br/> "You know where you ended up last time." My answer was as kind as it could have been put. "You'll lose five pounds, they'll ask you to make it fifteen." <br/> She shot me a look. One that indicated I was trying to reach her from a biased perspective and that I didn't actually know what I was talking about. Perhaps I wasn't a professional model but I for damn sure knew she was already one hundred fifteen pounds. If she lost any more weight no one in the<br/>entire school would want to be her anymore. <br/> Sarah Lovett was inevitably perfect. She was kind, outgoing and only wanted others to feel better about themselves. She didn't transpire from making other girls jealous or participating in gossip of any sort. She spoke out of concern for people, and this wasn't done superficially. <br/> Did she even fit in with our pathetic clique? <br/> Why did she want anything to do with us if she didn't need our closed community?<br/> Why did she choose me to be her best friend? <br/> Questions fill my head as my obsessive compulsive disorder forces me to observe every last perspective I can gain or use. <br/> Sarah really is lonely and wants to live out her prime to the fullest extent. <br/> She saw a group of fakes and chose to befriend the fakest by accident. <br/> She was a closet lesbian with a working gaydar. <br/> My Gemini mind lead me to all sorts of possibilities – that she was never engaged, for one, or that she was a satanist witch, just like myself. That she was conning everyone around her. <br/>    I felt guilty for thinking so low of her. The nicest people had the most secrets. It was simple. I had no purpose prying Sarah Lovett open in my thoughts just because I wanted some form of gratification. I fell in love with her and wanted to make her mine. Had it been the other way around I would've been much more fortunate. <br/>    I was a deeply superficial girl. Towards myself especially; when I was eleven I severed the skin of my upper forearm with a pair of scissors because I couldn't fit into a size S dress despite every girl in my grade who mattered being able to. <br/>    I didn't take well to my defectiveness. I didn't strive to be perfect, only myself. Which had rules such as fitting into the size XS and S at the tender ages of eleven to thirteen. I spent such years cutting and counting calories. <br/>    If anyone knew about the world of anorexia, it was me. And God forbid someone as significant as Sarah Lovett goes down that path to please grimy men who objectify women alongside a plain society that can't wear the clothes she wears well in catalogue shoots. I didn't call that a purpose. I called it slavery. <br/>    To let an agency own your body and continuously tell you what to do with it couldn't be more wrong.  <br/>    "All of this, for what?" I spoke up amidst my thoughts. Her eyes were lucid when she turned her head to listen to me. No words came from her mouth. <br/>    "A music video? Have you not any occupations that don't involve selling your soul?" I faked a laugh at the end to ensure I wasn't interrogating her in the wrong demeanour. <br/>    When you're as false as me, most of the time is spent never speaking your mind. <br/>    "Courtney," she said suddenly. "I'm not like you with solid goals. I'm not an academic."<br/>    I narrowed my eyes and remembered to smile. <br/>    "More than half of college students aren't. They're just attending school to get certified."<br/>     Sarah laughs. <br/>    "I serve society differently. College is a nightmare when you're stupid. I belong in entertainment."<br/>    I stared at her, trying to find the right words to say. She struck a nerve with that ego in her voice. I was used to hearing her in her Floridian accent never speaking so highly of herself. <br/>    "Well, be careful."<br/><br/>–<br/><br/>    I walked home in a forest later that afternoon, meditating to the nature sounds and brilliant vibrations. Different life forms surrounded me instead of people. This was a huge part of my witchcraft practices – strengthening my abilities through perceiving the earth and its wholeness. <br/>    I found satanism at the age of fifteen. The age of selfishness amongst teens. There came a point I couldn't handle the reality I was in so I ended my maladaptive methods and opened my perception to what was more important.<br/> It grew me until I took up witchcraft. I wanted control. I would do anything to get it. Here and there I'd curse myself through bad karma. Gain weight unexpectedly. Distort my facial features. Nothing too invasive to my inner peace as revenge was too valuable via spell work to give it a rest.</p>