Chapter 1: Presently In The Past

Presently In The Past

Ana sat on the tiled floor of the kitchen, leaning back against the wall as she chewed on a red Twizzler.

She could hear the movers upstairs shuffling around noisily as they boxed up her remaining belongings. Ana had a fleeting moment of annoyance that the movers were ruining the carpet with their muddy boots, but then remembered that the carpet being clean was no longer HER problem. This was a problem for the realtor. So many things were no longer her problem. THANK GOD.

It continued to pour down rain which meant these overpriced yet whiny movers were still loudly bitching about it. Fuck, it's November in Seattle, what do you expect? Sunshine and roses? Ana postulated those closest to her would presume this wretched weather may reflect her frame of mind, but it didn't. This dreary day hadn't dampened Ana's spirit. Ana FINALLY felt content.

Kate and Elliot had left earlier after coming by to check on her since they knew it would be the last time she'd be in this house that was SUPPOSED to be a home. Everyone had checked on Ana that morning. Ray wanted to come along with her, a despondent Grace had called, breaking down as Ana tried to assure her that she'd be fine as she had Sawyer with her. Mia had literally blown her phone up with text messages. Each one had made Ana giggle. Mia only stopped her bombardment of love when Ana promised her a dinner and shopping date for the next day. Carla had also called, but Ana sent that call straight to voicemail. Even after Ana and Christian Grey's disastrous marriage was splayed to the entire world, Carla hadn't offered to fly to Seattle to support Ana, and only called her daughter sporadically. No one was surprised.

During Kate and Elliot's visit the trio sat on the living room floor Indian style like children in preschool. They reminisced about all the good memories they'd always share and laughed at years of Elliot's antics. Ana and Kate couldn't help from laughing at the idea that fate brought Kate and Elliot together. Elliot chimed in about his good fortune of going to The Mile High Club that night with Christian. Immediately after mentioning Christian's name, Elliot looked down at his hands. Both women saw it, but played it off quickly by laughing that yes, it had to be fate that led to their marriage and two gorgeous girls who were both flaxen haired, emerald eyed copies of their mother.

But the trio could not ignore or block out the screaming UNSPOKEN words that hung in the air implying that at least one of the couples had STAYED TOGETHER. During their entire stay Ana saw the underlying sadness in Elliot's eyes. A sadness Ana understood and one she wished she could erase. But of course, she couldn't. The fact that everyone's life had been turned on its head wasn't Ana's doing. That fact sat squarely on the shoulders of Christian Grey. And none of his patented evasive moves could change that.

Even as the three of them talked and laughed, Ana pondered if the guilt Elliot was also burdened with would ever fully dissipate. Elliot was holding on to the guilt of witnessing his brother's betrayal and beating him to a pulp. Full of guilt because he'd had to tell their family.

At one point the trio lapsed into a refreshing reprieve from Elliot's forced bravado. Kate took her husband's hand and smiled at Ana. Yes, it was a bittersweet smile, but it also held pride that her friend had rid herself of a virulent poison. The corners of Ana's lips crept into a smile Elliot didn't notice since he was sprawled out on the carpet.

Kate and Ana were proud of what they'd done. Well, Luke played a huge part too. Oh, as did Luke's "Invisible Ghost Guy" as Kate referred to him, but, shit, he was a ghost. They'd never met him, or saw him, they didn't even know his name. They just paid him and he did whatever they needed him to, and did it exemplary. All Kate and Ana knew was that between the four of them, they'd found enough disgusting evidence of a husband's vow crushing life, that Christian Grey probably wished he'd never granted Kate her interview. But to Kate, all she cared about was that they'd managed to scrape Ana up off the floor and helped her heal.

Kate and Elliot got up to make their way back home to their adorable Ava and newborn Emma Grace and made plans with Ana for dinner later on in the week. Following Kate out the door, Elliott turned around and hugged Ana tightly, whispering "I'm so sorry." Trying to comfort Elliot, she told him there wasn't anything that he needed to apologize for. Saying those words caused Ana to hold back a sob that she prayed Elliot hadn't heard. It wasn't a sob over Christian but Ana didn't want Elliot to assume that it was. Ana was alright, but she was astute enough to realize everything was going to be different. After waving them off on their way, Ana headed to the kitchen and flopped onto the floor. Hell, she was eager to leave this house herself. Bought for love and now sold from deceit.

Leaning back against the wall for what seemed like hours, Ana, being restless and bored, jumped up and made her way upstairs where a very bored Luke Sawyer was standing guard while overseeing the movers. She smiled at him for being so over cautious since he already knew that all of her jewelry had already been removed and safely ensconced in the safe at her new home.

Kate had ridiculously arranged each piece of jewelry by the color of its gem. "Color coded jewelry." The thought was hysterical and so like her best friend. Kate, only weeks away from Emma Grace's due date, blamed this behavior on "nesting." Ana quipped that if this theory were true that Kate should name this child Birdie, a comment that sent them both howling with laughter. This was a memory that made Ana roll her eyes. Realizing there wouldn't be a scolding comment afterward, she smiled.

The only things left to pack were the rest of her clothes and shoes, along with her beloved books in the library. Ana's library at her new home had two walls that were floor to ceiling bookshelves. Just thinking of placing each book in its rightful place made her school girl giddy and she looked forward to putting her new library together. Putting something back together she mused, now resting on the top stair not too far from Luke. How easily it sounds to put something back together, but some things you just can't, and then there are some things you don't care about putting back together.

Sometimes your life becomes dust on the floor. Your life may rest lazily in someone else's hands, only to be blown into oblivion, just like Christian had done to their life together. It was as if he smashed their marriage into bits and for years let it all slowly float away. Ana's marriage had floated away and she didn't even know it.

Ana chewed on that thought just the way she was chewing away on her Twizzler and rested her head back on the wall.

The movers were loud and obnoxious and Ana's head began to ache. She opened her eyes and found Luke staring at her. Ana got up and walked in his direction, she simply wanted to rest until all the packing was done. Luke raised an eyebrow up that she knew was meant as a question, but Ana promised that she was fine, it was just a simple headache and she'd be in the room that had been designated as Ray's. "Just come get me when it's time to go." Ana told him quietly. Luke nodded and she felt his eyes on her as she walked away.

Ana knew why he was watching her. Luke was aware of the room she would have to pass by. She kept walking, but couldn't help glancing at the closed door. The door to THEIR….. Ana shut that thought down quickly. Christian had forfeited a right to be in his wife's thoughts the minute he started trolling that club…." Shut the fuck up, Ana!" she screamed at herself.

Ana climbed into the massive bed and grabbed one of the pillows. Ray had left the curtains open during his last visit, or perhaps it was Gail before she resigned from her employment with Christian. Poor, Gail. Ana hated how all of that played out and what the deceit had caused Gail and Jason. "No," Ana thought. What Jason Taylor's deceit had caused. Lying, only then to cover it up doesn't tend to mix well within a marriage. Ana knew that a part of Gail understood Taylor's actions since Christian signed his paycheck. But what Gail could not look past was his lying to her, along with him enabling Christian, a married man go back to that KIND OF LIFE. That broken marriage was yet another load Christian Grey had to carry on his shoulders, more of his collateral damage. Yet, as Gail had predicted, Taylor remained loyal to his boss and they both lived in Christian's castle in the sky.

Ana had asked Gail to come and work for her, but Gail declined her offer. She just couldn't do it since it would just be a constant reminder of Taylor. Gail took Christian's severance pay and went to move in with her sister. Later she informed Ana that Christian began to deposit large sums of money in her bank account and still paid for her health insurance. After Gail found out she promptly cancelled them both. She refused to live her life dependent on Christian's guilt money.

It seemed everyone in their inner circle thought they knew things that the others did not. And for a long period of time that was the case. Once Ana discovered just how long she'd looked like a fucking fool, it took every ounce of Luke Sawyer's physical strength to wrestle that gun from her hands while Kate was attempting to scream reason at her. It's ironic you aren't aware that you're living inside a house of cards until they start falling down upon you.

Ana did not want these god damned thoughts invading her mind so she put a pillow over her head. But since the curtains in the room were pulled back, Ana decided to watch the rain coming down. For some reason, dreary days like this made her feel like a little girl back in Montesano with her head in a book, knowing Ray would keep her safe.

But Ana wasn't at home in Montesano. She was inside a guest bedroom in an enormous mansion overlooking the Sound. She took in her surroundings, knowing it would be the last time she'd ever be in this room. She banished that thought and smelled the pillow that still had her father's scent on it. A scent of comfort and a life time of loyalty. That's what Ana had ever wanted-a simple life. She only dreamed of a husband, a man that was full of love and loyalty. Ana had wanted a stable and boring life where she read her children bedtime stories.

Not a disinterested mother or a disruptive childhood. Ana had certainly never dreamt of a life where the term BDSM was the norm or where a home had to have a "playroom". Ana could have never imagined living with a nagging sense of inadequacy or feeling compelled to partake in her husband's inclinations, especially those that Ana was STILL uncomfortable doing, in order to keep him. But Ana never relented on her hard limit: pain. It had never occurred to her that she'd love a man to hell and back as he ripped her heart to shreds. But Ana had married a man like that and lived a marriage experiencing those feelings. Christian had finally proved that Ana had been right all these years-that since she would never be able to fill his extreme needs, he'd find others that could.

Ana had simply wanted a marriage like Grace and Carrick. One like the improbable, but solid marriage of Kate and Elliot. Yes, those were the love stories that Ana had ever wanted and despite her current circumstance, still knew she'd one day have a loving marriage like that.

Maybe it was her being in this damn house that caused her to recall all the soul wrenching bullshit. Every discovery, deception, and lie that had led up to her lying alone in a guest bedroom in the very house she thought she'd spend her life in. Remembering it was Christian's premeditated cunningness that had brought noisy, overpriced, and whiny movers into her former home so they could pack up expensive fucking shoes and bring them to another house, one in which she'd live alone. Well, not really alone, Luke would be with her.

Looking out that window, where those blackened clouds spewed down rain, Ana tried, really tried, to not remember that moment.

The moment an unexpected collision between a train and a nuclear bomb exploded into Ana Grey's life.

That explosion that felt as if it were ripping her limbs apart and dismantled her entire being.

That explosion left shock waves which reverberated into so many other lives. Christian's actions caused a colossal disaster that hurt so many of the people that loved him and that he loved. And in that one moment, his destruction leveled everything, and nothing could ever be the same again. Ana wondered if Christian ever regretted what he' done.

But as every story ends, there is also a beginning. However unconventional it may be.

Katherine and Ana, along with the photographer and his lighting assistant were waiting on THE Christian Grey in a swanky suite at The Fairmont Olympic Hotel in downtown Seattle. Kate had driven all the way from Vancouver the day prior to get an "exclusive" interview with Washington State's youngest billionaire. Kate arrived home that evening and slammed the front door, rage rolling off of her. "Can you fucking believe that asshole said he didn't have time for a few original pictures and I'd have to wait until tomorrow? AND he fucking knew where I'd driven from! I don't care how rich this "mogul" is, now I've got to fucking drive all the way back to god damn Seattle! On top of being a prick, he was fucking weird!" Kate was actually screaming this despite being right in front of Ana. Internally groaning because she knew her friend so well, Ana had no doubt Kate would coerce her into going with her. Sure enough, that next morning Ana rode shotgun while Kate had the pedal to the metal barreling towards Seattle once again.

The door of the suite opened at the exact time Grey had allotted Kate, and a very tall and muscular looking man entered the room as his eyes scrutinized the four college students; he looked like a secret service agent. Kate and Ana looked at each other and giggled. But walking briskly behind him was another tall man that Ana assumed to be Christian Grey. He had messy, copper colored hair that he wore with ease and a face Ana could only describe as beautiful. It was only until he was further in the suite that Ana noticed his eyes and her breath hitched. They were a dark and deeply gray, an eye color Ana had never seen before. Despite being drop dead gorgeous and dressed straight out of GQ, this man looked irritated, unhappy, and didn't hide the fact he felt they were wasting his time.

Grey nodded at Kate, who naturally took control of the uncomfortable situation, and began to introduce the "mogul" to her friends. Kate had been in front of Ana, and being so much taller, pivoted to her right to introduce her roommate to Grey, who wasn't even paying attention. He finally acknowledged Ana when she quietly said, "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Grey." her arm stretched out towards the man in order to shake his hand. Ana quickly felt as if she was being scrutinized. Christian Grey took in her lovely face and locked an intense gray stare with Ana's light blue eyes. She watched him grin widely when he took her dainty hand and held it a fraction too long. Ana and Kate both watched Grey's eyes take in her petite frame, then set his gaze on her long, dark tresses. Katherine's face was an immediate scowl as she watched Grey's expression become one of a predator that had found his prey in her best friend. Kate shut that shit down quick, and was asking Mr. Grey if he preferred to sit or stand before he'd even had time to finish telling Ana it was a pleasure to meet her.

The very second that the petite, brunette Anastasia Steele's skin made contact with Christian Grey, she felt a strange electrical shock run along every fiber of her body. This gravitational pull Ana felt intensified as she observed the way his body moved. Shit, even the way he smelled. Ana knew sexual attraction and lust, but not a lust so powerful that it's visceral. The fire that Christian Grey's skin ignited in Ana was unfamiliar and creeping downward. A raging feeling such as this tends to leave one vulnerable. And despite Kate warning her about Christian Grey several months later, that random night the best friends ran into the Grey brother's, Ana's fuck me against a wall feeling was back. Ana never would have imagined where giving into that want would take her.

Yes, Ana was a part of the typical college lifestyle. She had casually dated several guys, there'd been a drunken one night stand, as well as two long term serious relationships. One ended horribly, the other amicably because her boyfriend, Riley, went to grad school at the University of Washington in Seattle. With Riley coming back to Vancouver a lot to see his buddies, Ana ran into him a lot. Eventually Ana and Riley saw each a lot in her bed after they became friends with benefits. Yes, she was sexually experienced, loved sex, and Riley never failed to provide Ana with mind blowing orgasms. But what The Christian Grey made her feel with that one handshake, was nothing Ana had experienced.

The atmosphere in the suite relaxed as it appeared Christian Grey's attitude had improved slightly, but after 20 minutes of the photographer basically taking the same shot since Grey wouldn't change poses, or even attempt to smile and kept checking his watch. Kate turned toward Ana, mouthing "bastard." Finally, Kate called an end to everyone's torture and thanked Mr. Grey for his time and agreeing to the photo shoot. He curtly nodded, then went up to each college student to shake their hand, and bid them goodbye. Grey sauntered over to Ana last, once again holding her hand. "It was nice to meet you Miss…?" His baritone voice like melted chocolate.

Not knowing it at the time, but just by telling Christian Grey her name, Ana had changed the course of her life.

Ana opened her eyes when she heard Luke calling her name. Not meaning to, she had fallen asleep. She couldn't decide which had been worse, being awake and thinking of her present life or falling asleep just to dream about how her past had led her here. Half asleep, she started down the stairs and stopped when she noticed the concerned expression Luke had on his face. She cocked her head to the side, smiled at him and with a tongue full of complete sarcasm, said, "If you ask me how I am, I promise to take your gun and shoot you with it."

Luke simply shrugged his shoulders to let Ana know he didn't give a shit and waited for her to put her shoes on and grab her purse. He had noticed that Ana had not turned around to look at the house that was still furnished with everything the Grey's had ever bought. Ana had taken all the photographs she was in with family or a few of friends, but all the pictures of Christian and Ana remained where they'd been placed. Even one of their wedding photographs that Christian had enlarged still hung above the fireplace. Luke took in one last look and thought the whole place looked creepy, as if time had ceased to notice and passed by. Luke had spent years here, watching Ana make this place a loving home, and couldn't help but know, that despite her denials, this had to hurt Ana like a mother fucker. But then Luke shook his head at his own thoughts and wondered when he'd turned into such a sentimental bitch.

It was still raining like hell, so they hurried to the SUV. A Cadillac SUV. Not a fucking Audi. It was Ana's Cadillac SUV meant to say fuck you, and your Audi's, Christian Grey.

Luke started up the vehicle and asked Ana if she'd remembered to lock the door, she asked him if he was her father and then with a devilish grin on her lips she mouthed, "Fuck it." Luke laughed at the petite foul mouthed woman sitting beside him. There was none of that sitting in the back seat with these two, not after all they'd done these past months. Revenge isn't always easy, especially the kind Luke and Ana had come up with.

Luke keyed in the code to open the gate and as he started to turn out on the street, Ana quickly glanced back. But it wasn't really a glance at the house itself. It was a glance of that night Christian took her to see the view overlooking the Sound and asked if she'd like to look at it for the rest of her life.

She just as quickly turned back around and laid her head back against the headrest as Luke drove away.

Away from their home on the Sound.

Away from those years of genuine happiness.

Away of from the memory of a man she loved with her every breath.

Away from the knowledge that their love had always been doomed.