Chapter 2

*TW mentions of depression and anxiety*

Dream POV

"CLAY!" Screams my mom as I fall to the floor. All I can see I pitch black, but it feels like a thousand different bright colours in my eyes. This only lasts for a second.

"Clay, oh my goodness are you alright?" she exclaimed, a worried look on her face.

"S-sorry," I stutter, as I push off of the cold, smooth kitchen floor. My head hurts and everything is blurry. This has never happened before when I get stressed.

"Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault." She said as she helped me up. "Your anxiety did all the work. Have you taken your pills for today?"

"No. I just woke up. You were the one to send Drista to wake me up." I say, as I stand up and walk over to the cabinet near the sink where we keep my meds. I have to take ADHD pills, as well as depression and anxiety pills. I grab a glass and fill it with orange juice. This is going to be a long day.

*time passes*

I have just logged onto my computer when my phone dings. Its a text from Nick.

Nick

Hey, wanna stream? I'm on the SMP and its the perfect time to mess with Child.

Me

Sure, I've just started up my computer. perfect timing LOL

Nick

hurrrrrryyyyy up I'm waiting

Me

alright I'm on

I join VC2 and immediately turn down my sound. Tommy is cursing very loudly at sapnap.

"SAPNAP YOU GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW OR I'LL-" Tommy says and is cut off as I deafen. I leave and join into VC 3. I start up a stream and wait until I have at least 30k viewers. Surprisingly it's not that long until I have 40k.

"Hey guys, I wanted to wait until there was a lot of viewers, cause I wanted to talk to you guys about some things, but first, I'm going to get George and Sapnap on a call," I say happily to my viewers, hiding the sadness and hate that is normally in my voice when I'm unhappy.

"Since I told you guys that I was going to show my face at 1mil on Instagram, and didn't, I decided to show you guys now. That's one thing. The other I will say in a few minutes. And by the way, this is a Q/A stream."

"HEY THERE!" Nick screams into his mic making me jump. I scream back at him to be quieter. George joins almost Immediately after.

"Hello," George says in a sweet tone that makes me smile. I love his accent. And he always has the cutest smile on his face.

Stop. He's your best friend. You can never like him. But I do. I do like him. A lot.

Nick, George, and I start up a Minecraft world and gather resources as we answer questions. Its mostly like "How has your week been going?" and "Were you popular when you were young?" I answer all of them, and sometimes Nick chimes in. After about half an hour, the donations slow down. I mute myself on the stream.

"So should I show them?" I ask Nick. I know he's going to say yes.

"Obviously! They've been waiting for so long!" He exclaims. "If you back out now, they're never gonna forgive you." I can tell he's going to make sure I don't be a wimp and not show my face.

*TW ideas of self-harm*

The reason why I have never shown my face is that I feel no ones going to like it. People have always hated and bullied me about it. It's not like I have some sort of deformation, it's completely normal. I just hate it. And that's where my dysmorphia comes in. Although my fans have said that It won't matter what I look like, I still know that some people will hate it. I hate myself for this, that I'm such a wimp that I can't even show my face. It's so dumb. Me hating myself has gotten so bad, sometimes I actually hurt myself. It's stupid. Pointless. Idiotic. But there's no other way for me to relieve this pain.

As the thoughts swirl in my head, I look down to my wrists. There are bruised divits everywhere, and some have dried blood on them.

Why would I do this? It's just going to get worse. I need help. Shit- stop crying, Clay.

"Dream, you there? Are you going to do it or not? Your chat's worried why you muted," George snaps me back to reality and immediately clears my mind of any dark thoughts. I see him in my head, with his wide grin, brown hair, and brown eyes. I smile and wipe the tears beginning to fall down my face. I look over to the mirror in my room and brush my hands through my hair, moving it around until it looks decent. My hand hovers over the stream unmute button. I take in a deep breath and press it.

"Hey guys, I'm back. Sorry for the wait. It's time for the reveal!" I let out a slightly scared laugh, and my hands start to shake.

Calm down. It's okay. Just ignore the hate.

"Okay, 3....2.....1... GO!" I slam my finger on the stream webcam button. I see the light flicker on, and the chat goes wild.

Word count: 906