Truth Among Lies

Jae-in's POV

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Getting my top blown off in front of my newfound friends was possibly one of the worst things I could do, and in just one lunch break I did exactly that. I was so numb and triggered at everything that escaped Jared's mouth that I just flat out lost all sense of self-control and got angry at him. Now that I look back at it, I felt so stupid doing that. I never should have let him get to my head because I know that he's just trying to find an answer from me regardless of how stupid it was, and I did all of that in front of Vivian too. It would have been better if it were either Thomas, Dawn, Vincent, Jayden, or even Wendy that saw me emotional like that… allowing myself to crumble apart in front of them two was absurd. I felt so disappointed with myself.

I should have just let it slide. Remembering things that happened during high school and associating them with the things that are happening now is not the most optimal way to go. It's worse when my past traumas are starting to affect the way I look at things in the present. The end result was Vivian chose to be the driver by introducing a different topic, yet I could tell that they were being careful about their words around me. I hope that they didn't think of me differently; this was even the first time I am spending time with Jared and now I blew it on the first chance I ever got. He was even nice enough to order and pay for my shake…

No matter how much I try to keep myself away from the thought of what happened, I cannot deny though that Jared had a valid point in his query. Maybe I was just overthinking about things. I was so busy on proving my point to him that what I thought was actually the right thing. My pride was being stepped on and my first action was to retaliate, which is so stupid and borderline childish.

I spent the afternoon away from them for the best interests of everyone else. I would go far as to say that I temporarily separated my links from them and went to the place that I deem would seclude me from each and every single one of them: the university library. I was sure that not even a single one of them would think to go up there. At least, I could have a couple of minutes to myself while I reflect on my actions; at the same time attempting to keep the issue down. However, as I sat down and wait for the hours to pass, I could still hear the thoughts swirling in my head. It was like I was debating against an invisible Jared as I attempt to keep my point across.

I still don't understand why I should really do things in response to Wendy's advances. I just don't get it. I would feel like if I would do that, I'll unintentionally force myself onto a situation, a relationship, which I didn't even want in the beginning. Wendy's no doubt a talented and amazing person not to mention beautiful, but I can't deny that she has her traits that are not… compatible with me, exactly. Seeing red flags like that are things that I do not want to blatantly ignore just because of her reputation. In the end, I would be in a relationship with her heart and not her face or her fame. The fact that she's a part of this newfound 'squad' enticed another series of fears in my head because either way, it was a loss either way. If I chose what I believe was right, or if I choose a decision favourable to her and it would not work out, I might cause an unintentional rift at the group.

Jared's point, on the other hand, felt like a very childish reason and I never was a fan on why he even brought that to the table. I should not let Wendy go because it's like a huge privilege to have someone like her develop feelings for me? Does Jared think that I'm not worthy of someone with such a huge calibre such as Wendy Jeon, so I should be flattered that she even confessed that she likes me?

But then again; I can't blame him because he can only judge us by the surface level. Jared, or even the rest of the friend group, had no idea what was going behind the scenes. Wendy proved herself in many ways that she indeed had feelings for me, but would say that being too erotic is not the love language that I was seeking. I would be a hypocrite if I would not admit that I liked it, but on that level of intimacy, I would have wanted if it was under different circumstances.

I guess it was the one thing that was holding me back against her. Wendy felt too liberated and open and I'm being too culture shocked with what I'm seeing and experiencing.

Although, I cannot pretend that I'm that much innocent as well. I experience too much skinship from before, on a person I would not even deem thinkable at this day and age.

Maybe it was the reason why I was afraid. I don't want another relationship to stray close enough or develop into something similar to what happened during the past. From the likes of it, it feels like that's where Wendy and I were bound to head to. It might be overthinking like what Jared said, but the odds are too much to that direction that I could not just ignore it. The odds were pretty much not on my favour for this one.

I guess… I guess Wendy had something similar to my past girlfriend… to my first love, if I will. The way that that relationship ended was not exactly pleasant, and maybe it's the reason why I'm being too protective to myself. I don't want to get damaged further than how damaged I was before.

Regardless, I think I'm already too old to be dealing with just a fling. I needed to be certain and I need to be arbitrarily serious. At this point with Wendy, I can definitely say that I'm not.

I could no longer handle the impending anxiety that I was having from within, and so I went off and set my phone to a silent alarm for a few hours, ending on a couple of minutes before my final class with Vincent even begins. I didn't even realize that with too much emotion surging with me since that encounter earlier this day, I was still sleep deprived because of that excursion with Wendy. Somehow exhaustion has caught up to me and now, even with all the delays from home and from this afternoon, I can finally let myself rest and hopefully cancel the stupid mood swing that I have been experiencing even before I share the class with Vincent Ko.

---4:34 PM, AT THE SCHOOL'S FOUNTAIN---

Yoon Jae-in had woken up to his alarm ten minutes ago and managed to get his face fixed up before the class even begins. He found himself sitting on the small fountain area at the heart of the university, and it was this huge, circular work of water that had concrete benches surrounding its perimeter. It was most commonly known by the students of the university as a past-time place, which is exactly why he was seated there waiting for 5 PM among other students who were perhaps doing the exact same thing.

In Jae-in's head, it felt like almost every student of North Line had a universal agreement that the watching the waters flow on the fountain and the nearby man-made water fall somehow eases the mind, regardless of the source for stress. It did nothing to help solve the predicament, but it sure did help take the mind off of things even for just a little bit.

Jae-in, however, could only wish that he had brought something to serve music privately to his ears. It would have made the moment infinitely better than it already was. After all, he successfully flushed the encounter the whole Jared situation out of his system already, and the small incorporation of even just a couple more hours of sleep eased up his mood to more manageable levels. Somehow electing to isolate him from the other members of the friend group, especially Vivian and Jared helped a lot. Wendy could have been contacting him at that time but he was too busy with himself to even consider how she was doing.

The approaching twilight was right in the ever-orange skies from above. The time was almost five PM, and almost time for the start of drafting class. Jae-in had just finished gathering his thoughts together and moved to head to the laboratory upstairs when he was approached by a familiar figure coming from the fountain's right pathway.

A tall and slender frame, hair styled in the usual soft perm, bomber jacket and slim jeans marked the arrival of his classmate and close friend, Vincent Koh walking with a huge smirk on his face with a small, pink file case clamped on his grasp. He gave Jae-in a soft wave before proceeding to sit on the space nearby, earning a look of surprise from Yoon Jae-in.

"I had a feeling that you'd be here," the tall, young man said. "Years of being your friend actually paid off for me now, Jae-in."

"Why are you positioned like that? Are you not planning to go to class today? It would be waste, considering how close we are already. It's just up there."

"Wait, you don't know? Mr Hwang actually announced something at the university website. He said we can have the day off but made sure to give us something to work on. It's not due until next weekend, so we have a lot of time to do it."

"Are you serious?" Jae-in said in slight frustration before sitting beside Vincent. "I should have gone home and went for a sleep. Staying at the library was a waste of time when I could have slept on a better bed."

"So that's where you've headed. No wonder everyone else is looking for you at the group. Plus, I think it would be a waste anyway since Mr Hwang posted the announcement thirty minutes ago. It can't be helped man."

"Well, at least we can go home earlier now. Do you want to head already?"

Vincent grinned.

"The first thought was actually to head on off and smoke for the time being, but I guess seeing you here shifted my schedule for a little bit."

"You're planning to smoke? I thought you quit that already."

"Well…. things take some time getting used to being gone. I'm more on… regulating it, if you will. Katy particularly hates the scent especially afterwards."

"Oh, that's… that's amazing. That's good for you. It's nice that you have someone that can help you change. Congratulations on that. I never really got to interact with Katy, and I do actually want to meet her soon with more conversations."

Vincent nodded and then proceeded to shift his position on the bench.

"Actually… I'll have to cut to the chase. I could easily have gone home but I actually am looking for you. I think that we need to talk."

"Whoa, that sounded so damn serious all of a sudden," Jae-in said as he sat beside him. "Are you okay? Is this about Katy?"

"Well, you know… Jae-in," he said as he placed his arm on Jae-in's shoulder as a form of brotherly consignment. "I… I know it may sound nosy of me, but what else is new… I knew about what happened earlier. You and Jared had some argument right? It didn't exactly turn out good, am I correct?"

If anything, Jae-in was not really surprised that he knew. He was more bewildered by the fact that Vincent was actually the one who went out and talked to him for that as it would usually come the other way around. He was initially expecting the confrontation to not come sooner, and to actually come from Thomas being the 'introducer'.

"Oh… well I didn't really … it was not really an argument it's more of me losing control over my emotions because I'm stupid. I don't think I can even look straight at Jared again after that."

"Don't worry man… I'm sure he understands. I was surprised that you'd turn like that in front of Vivian and Jared, though. It must have been really serious. They said that it got too intense that Vivian just changed the topic to keep things under control."

"I'm… I'm glad that she did actually. How did you find out, by the way? Was I too hard that it scattered to the group already?"

"Well no… Vivian knew that we were classmates for the final subject of the day. She was the one who personally asked me to check on you and called it as a favour. She's really concerned for you, you know."

Silence broke up between both of them. Jae-in pondered from within him how much Vivian had done for him that day, while Vincent fell silent because he had no idea what to say afterwards.

"Anyway," Vincent continued. "Is it okay for me to ask you what happened? What really ticked you off?"

Jae-in sighed and gathered his courage before venting his frustrations.

"If anything… the argument mostly revolved with my issues. Bottom line is… I really don't think that I'm ready to get into a relationship just yet, especially on the whole Wendy situation. The reason why I was so persistent on insisting my point towards Jared was because I'm starting to feel pressured with Wendy's advances. I can't do anything to her in return because… I don't want to keep her hopes up. However, if I would not do anything as well, she'd just think that we're waiting for something to come yet in the end, there was really nothing. At this point, I just could not keep up that I feel like I'm mentally exhausted keeping whatever was between us up in the air."

"So what was Jared insisting?" Vincent asked.

"Jared kept on telling me that I should give Wendy a chance. Compared to myself, she's more likely to get people attracted to her. For Jared, it was absurd that I am not even jumping at the first chance of being her guy. I mean, technically speaking, he's not wrong. Wendy's really pretty and not to mention famous, and she has a long line of guys willing to be her boyfriend. She's right there, waiting for the perfect opportunity to be with me and yet I can't bring myself to see that we can actually be together. I guess I was just too taken aback when she actually confessed and claimed that she meant it."

"Does she, though? Keep in mind that she was drunk when she confessed to you. You and I know how she is when she's drunk, right Jae-in? I would not exactly advise someone to believe what escapes her lips when she's hazed with alcohol. I know that she's my friend, but you are too. I'm trying to show you the bigger picture when it comes to Wendy. Plus, I know her longer before you did, so there's that."

"Well if she wasn't serious with it she wouldn't have wasted her time talking to me and doing all those advances towards me right? If she wasn't serious she had all the chances to back out but there she was, still persistent. There are a lot of things that are happening behind the scenes, man. Some are stuff that I do not even want to disclose because it's too much. With regards to Wendy, it kinda feels like she's the one trying to woo me to be honest."

"That's fair if you actually feel like the girl. But if that's the case why argue with Jared? What's holding you back from actually trying your chances with Wendy?"

Jae-in fell silent and merely stared at the flowing waters of the fountain before him. He knew precisely the answer, yet there was a little bit of a hesitation from his part.

"I… I just dislike the idea that I'm supposed to act back just because she's doing something you know. That is what I think Jared was implying, but to me that is just borderline uncomfortable. That was the fire that ignited my irritation among other things. Sure, I was lacking sleep and all that, but even Jared or Vivian had no idea that I have that tendency. I don't know what else I should tell her. If I'm going to act, I want to do it because I was the one who wanted it, not because the situation is warranting me to do it. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm making this too much of a big deal. I might just be overthinking because I don't want to make a move just yet… In light of recent events, I just felt that I was a bit pressured that I can't keep up and maintain things."

Vincent nodded as an awkward silence passed between them both once again. Some of the students that were on the fountain with them have now gone to their respective ways.

"Jae-in… I want to ask you a question. I want you to answer it as solidly and as truthfully as you ever could. Give me a quick answer, and I would encourage you to not even think about it that much. I want an answer from the heart, not from the head; you good with that?"

(Why do I get the feeling that I know what he's about to ask me?)

"Go on then. I'll give you what you want."

"Do you even like Wendy?"

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"No," Jae-in mouthed. It was an odd feeling having to admit to it and say it to someone else, once and for all. "I thought I did, but I could not rule out the fact that we were both influence by alcohol when the confessions happened. I think I acted immediately with the situation presented without giving it a fair bit of thought. Now, I can't put all my eggs in the basket because my heart was never in the basket in the first place."

"I knew it," Vincent said with a nod. "I think I can see why that's the case."

"You knew…? How can you say so?"

"Well, I have been your friend ever since we ever stepped foot on our high school, Jae-in. You were the first person that I ever talked to, so our friendship is anchored way back. It goes to say that I have discovered a lot about you during then and in turn, I know how you act to certain degrees. I, for one, know that you are a very 'all-in' kind of person. I always got that impression about you. You don't usually head in first without a thought, but when you do, you make sure that you give more than a hundred per cent. Once you go in, you go in REALLY HARD. I guess that is the reason why you fell so badly when… when you and your high school girlfriend fell apart in the worse possible way ever. Somehow I had a hunch that you and Wendy would not work out in the long run even if you pursued it because it didn't feel right."

"You think so too?"

"Well... yeah. Some things really do ring a bell. Having that too light-spirited of a woman with you is not really your type, as you mentioned before. I kept my mouth shut because I thought that it would end in a couple of days after that, like it was just a one-night deal kind of thing. When things started to get serious, when you two were holding hands together and all that, I got really concerned; my gut was telling me that soon, you'd get tired of her habits given how opposite her interests are with yours."

(I… I was thinking of the same thing. Vincent, despite teasing me of Wendy during the past, secretly had a gut feeling that something was wrong. That's damn good friendship right there.)

"I found it funny actually that you feel like the girl between the both of you, because you actually are. Think about it: she's more outgoing, has more bad habits, and was more of a happy-go –lucky liberated person and here you are, reserved, more composed, and even conservative. You're like a text-book reserved woman, a maiden, and I'm not saying that it's a bad thing just because you're a guy. It actually makes you unique and it separates you from the louder ones."

"Hey I have my bad habits too don't discredit that."

"Yeah but there are things she does that you don't, right? You haven't been to a club before, right Jae-in?"

He nodded silently.

"Do you even want to go to a club?"

He shook his head.

"I told you so. In my opinion, that already says a lot. It also helps that you're the one being pursued."

Silence, once more.

"Jae-in… you're a very emotional person. I think you already knew that. You're probably the softest, most kind-hearted person in our entire friend group, which is why you're sometimes getting trampled on by people who have a higher social score than you. I would include myself in that. Regardless, what I'm trying to say is that… listen to what your heart is telling you. Set aside the courtesy you're reserving for Wendy and reserve that for yourself, because if you really don't like her, it's better to end it now that in the long run. It would be easier for both of you and she would soon understand."

"You're… you're right… I should have thought of this sooner. I was so naïve that maybe I'll have a reason to… to pull it off. I should have done it earlier."

"Come on… you don't need one shit bag like me to tell you what to do now, right? You're freaking Yoon Jae-in!"

"You did well to make me remember it. Thank you. I promise that one of these days, I'll have to atone for my responsibilities. I'll tell Wendy the truth and face whatever goes after it. I have a feeling that it would not be pretty."

Vincent tapped his shoulder as a brotherly gesture.

"That's the spirit, mate. I'll be supporting you until the very end. Whatever happens, know that I'm by your side than Wendy's. In this instance, I know that you're doing the right thing."

"I will. I'll do that for the sake of everyone as well."

Vincent finally stood up and gave some stretching. Jae-in followed suit, but before they could both even walk out of the fountain's premises, he was stopped once again by the voice of the taller Vincent.

"You know what, regardless if what happens, we'll be here in case you're in for a drink. I'd rather share a table with you because you chose to do what's right than to lull in a depressing drinking session because Wendy broke your heart. Don't let what happened to you in high school happen again with Wendy, okay?"

"What do you mean? What does high school have to do with this?"

"All I'm saying is: be careful. You don't want this whole Wendy situation to turn into another Victoria now, do you?"