[Side Story 9] I Wanted to Live

"Let's go to the Duke of McKinnon's mansion. Your master will go home in a different carriage later."

Diane instructed the Ganiello family's servant while waiting for the carriage. Since she had come in the Ganiello family's carriage, she had to use it, and considering the relationship between the two families, it wasn't a problem. Edward was probably going to go home in Joan's carriage tonight anyway.

Normally, carriages used for these kinds of banquets would be lined up in the backyard or near the wall of the mansion. When the banquet was over, they would wait in front of the mansion door in a clever order, picking up their masters and returning home. So if you wanted to leave suddenly in the middle of the banquet, you had to call the coachman separately.

But instead of going to call the carriage, the servant said with an embarrassed expression,

"Excuse me, Miss. Actually, the carriage wheel has been a bit strange since earlier. It's being checked right now, so you'll have to wait a bit."

"Really? Well, there's nothing I can do about it. I'll wait."

"It's cold, why don't you go inside and wait?"

"That's okay. Tell him to come as soon as the check is done."

"Yes, Miss. I'll take care of it right away."

The servant ran off, looking relieved. Diane stood at the entrance of the mansion, where there were few people, and looked up at the night sky. The crescent moon was now shining brightly.

'Moon, if you have the power to grant wishes as they say, then…'

She muttered those words to herself, words that would make people gasp in horror if they were heard in a temple.

'Please keep my baby Yoni healthy today, so she won't get sick like me, keep our family healthy, keep Liz happy, let Joan's work go well, and make Talprin trip and cry a little.'

She wasn't so kind as to wish happiness for everyone in the world. Usually, when she prayed like this, she would also ask for Talprin to be healthy and happy, but sometimes, when she was angry, the content of her prayers would change.

A while later, the servant ran up to her.

"I'm sorry, Miss. It seems the carriage wheel is completely broken. I'm afraid you'll have to take a different carriage home tonight. I'll look into it."

Is this the best the Grand Duke Ganiello's carriage management can do? Diane felt a little uneasy, but it wasn't the servant's fault, so she nodded.

After the servant left again, how long had she been waiting? She didn't know, but a young nobleman she didn't recognize approached her and spoke.

"Going home early? I'm going home too, I have something to do. If it's alright with you, I'll drive you home in my carriage."

A man with an unfamiliar face, whose status she didn't know. Could he be dangerous? Diane looked at him for a moment. The man tried to act nonchalant, but his eyes flickered a little, as if he were nervous under her direct gaze.

Diane smiled.

"Really? Thank you. It's very kind of you, a gentleman I've never met before."

***

Diane was angry. Talprin could tell, even though she was smiling the whole time she was getting into the carriage.

If she wasn't, she wouldn't be pretending not to know and keeping her gaze fixed on the window like this. She would have asked him how he got here, with a bright, sunny smile.

A few days ago, when she informed me that she had decided to go to the ball with Duke Edward, she seemed much calmer than she is now. Talprin was flustered, not knowing whether something had happened in the meantime, or if she had decided that she didn't need a man like him after all.

The carriage slowly drove through the night streets of Penmerwick. Talprin, who was so weighed down by the heavy silence that he was considering begging for forgiveness, was simply told by Diane,

"I'm going to be away for a while, starting tomorrow. I'm going to travel."

Seeing that she had returned to her usual tone, it seemed that pretending not to know was not in Diane's nature either. Talprin, uncharacteristically timid, asked in a small voice,

"Where are you going…?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Then if you could at least let me know secretly…?"

"Do you think that's possible?"

"No. But I'm worried… Meindlandt isn't a good place to travel in this season…"

"I'll go south. It's not cold and it's perfect."

"If you go now, you won't be able to come back to Meindlandt before spring…"

"Why are you suddenly mumbling at the end of your sentences?"

"…I'll correct myself."

Why was she so irritable? Talprin quickly reviewed his mistakes.

The first things that came to mind were the easy mistakes. He couldn't go to the party with her last time because something came up suddenly. Last month, there was a disagreement about the gift for Princess Arbyone. In the end, he bought what he thought was appropriate, but he was scolded and had to exchange it.

But Diane wouldn't be angry about those mistakes now.

Beyond that river of minor offenses, there was a waterfall of larger, more guilt-inducing mistakes, a waterfall of his usual attitude problems. Even though she seemed strong, she couldn't be someone who wasn't hurt, and he knew that, yet sometimes he reacted in a twisted way. The fact that he could have just given in when she was stubborn, but instead, he argued until he reached his own conclusion that he was right, and only then conceded.

But he could handle the waterfall. After countless arguments, he had acknowledged that his mistakes were a problem that needed to be fixed, and he was trying to fix them. And Diane, when she was upset, didn't just sit there, she had vented her anger at him enough.

But was that the end of his mistakes?

Talprin ripped off the disguise he had been wearing on his face. He felt like he had to. He was already suffocating from his self-loathing, which he had never overcome since childhood, and he didn't want to cut off his own air supply by wearing a mask on top of that.

He wanted to live.

He wanted to live desperately.

And he could only admit, belatedly, because of his clumsiness and fear, that Diane McKinnon had to be in that life.

Diane glanced at his face, which was distorted by his troubled childhood, without a father. Her haughty expression softened slightly. Talprin immediately confessed, starting from the periphery.

"I locked Duke Edward up."

"What?"

Diane's head, still facing the outside of the carriage, turned immediately.

"Where? Why? Did you fight?"

"In a suitable room inside the mansion. The servants pass by a lot, so he'll be released soon anyway. We didn't fight, I just got a little angry because he was annoying."

"You idiot! He's the next Grand Duke. What if he gets angry?"

"He was laughing so hard his waist was about to break even while being locked up, so it seems he didn't take it as an insult to his pride. He's a smart guy anyway, so he wouldn't try to make enemies with me, who is favored by His Majesty the Emperor, over something like this."

Is, is that so? Diane, who had been startled at first, calmed down, thinking that his explanation made sense. Then she hesitated, suddenly acting cold again, which was also strange.

Talprin knew that she was feeling better than before. He was wondering what to say, when he realized that the very worry was the culprit that had been holding him back lately.

So he poured out his words like tears.

"Damn it, I don't like you being with someone else. I wish you were within my sight, anywhere."

Don't think about it.

"I know that guy is in a better position than me. Damn it, even though he's cunning, he's probably a better person than me. So I might have to step aside for you. But I don't like it."

Don't be afraid.

"I want to believe that you like me. I haven't had a family since I was a child, so I don't know how to create a loving family. This is the first time I've ever had a warm, friendly relationship."

You're not very good at controlling yourself?

"So, damn it, I'm scared to" death. What if I make you unhappy?"

It's only natural.

"What if you realize that I'm nothing after you can't turn me back? I want you to be happy. I've never cared about anyone else's happiness, but I always want you to smile. But that's not all. I want you to be by my side, that's the problem."

If I could wish for you to be happy by someone else's side, the problem would have been solved long ago.

"I'd even want to stop him from talking to other people if I could. I just want to see you, and I want you to only see me. What if you start to hate me?"

This was the first time he had felt such a persistent emotion that his reason couldn't control.

Tears, which he hadn't expected, actually welled up. Talprin grimaced like a fool and covered his face with both hands. He couldn't bear to see what expression Diane was making.

"I don't know how to take responsibility for a family yet, but if you wait… then I'll learn. I'm good at watching others and copying them, so I'll learn quickly. Then please consider me as a candidate."

Because he wanted to make her his family. Because he wanted to tie her down so she could never leave.

After wiping away his tears, he felt utterly miserable, but also relieved. Silence filled the carriage.

The world outside the window was pitch black. It felt like the whole world was inside this small carriage, and there were only the two of them in that world.

When Diane finally spoke, Talprin thought his heart was going to drop.

"Is that a proposal?"

He had just blurted it all out, but agreeing required as much courage as risking his life.

"Yes."

"Like this? Without even looking at my face?"

She was right. Talprin took his hands off his face and looked at her, feeling like a fool. Then he burst into tears again.

Diane was smiling.

"Well, I didn't expect the conversation to turn into a proposal so suddenly… That guy wasn't lying."

That guy?

Talprin was very curious about what that story was. But his instincts screamed that now was not the time to be pondering such things.

So he decided to use this quiet atmosphere to make his current, messy proposal a little more romantic.

"If you don't mind."

The carriage stopped. Talprin knelt awkwardly on the narrow floor and pulled a ring from his pocket.

Gems shine brightest when they match the wearer's eyes. Especially if that color is as dazzlingly beautiful as Diane's.

A large emerald ring shone on Talprin's hand, a magnificent piece of art, as if radiating light from within. He had bought it, following the example of the esteemed Emperor, every time he saw a gem the same color as the eyes of the woman he loved, especially if that color was as dazzlingly beautiful as Diane's.

"Please accept this ring."

Diane slowly reached for the ring.

****

Joyce McKinnon, who had been buried in work late into the night, suddenly felt a shiver run down her spine.

What was this feeling, a chill like cold, a tightness in her chest like heat? A sense of unease she had never felt before in her life enveloped her. There was only one subject that could evoke such an emotion in a man who thought about business even in the face of his own death.

His sister, the most beautiful, cute, adorable, kind, and lovely person in the world.

'Di, are you alright? Is something wrong?'

Joyce thought wistfully, picturing her, far away in Meindlandt. He couldn't leave the lord's mansion of the Duchy of McKinnon this winter because of the McKinnon Trading Company's business.

'I miss her. I wonder if the holiday gift I sent arrived safely.'

As the McKinnon family grew richer every year, the holiday gifts he sent his sister got better every year. This time, Joyce had chosen a decorative piece for his sister's room.

'She doesn't come here often these days, but this is still our baby's home.'

He had been avoiding the word "baby" lately because Diane hated it so much, but Joyce still used it when he was thinking to himself. Baby, how wonderful? It's like she'll live with her family forever…

'No, that's not right. She has to keep living with us.'

Of course, Diane would get married someday, but that day wouldn't come so quickly. Our baby doesn't even have a fiancé yet!

Joyce, innocent as he was, thought that and steeled himself. There was no reason to be anxious. The Empress was in Meindlandt, so if any fool dared to covet Diane, she would protect her.

"Let's work hard."

To give Di a better gift next year! Joyce burned with determination as he looked at the remaining work.