Chapter 30: Everwinter 3

We were left alone. I could hear my heartbeat rising every second that passed. Who would have thought I would have a chance to talk with the Tsaritsa alone? 

The Tsaritsa walked past me, her gaze drifting toward the window. She looked outside with warmth and tenderness and her lips curved slightly upwards. 

"What do you think of Snezhnaya Leonid?" She asked.

"It is a great place, Your Majesty." I don't know what to say about the nation. All I saw was a few towns and the city where we lived, but from what I saw the people seemed content with what they had.

She faced me and asked once more. "No need to sugarcoat your words. Tell me, how do you see the cities and towns in my realm compared to the visions you see?"

"It is... quite simple Your Majesty."

"Simple? Can you elaborate?"

"I don't know how to phrase it. From what I saw, the differences between the cities and towns are very different, the memories of the man contain tall buildings full of light and carriages not drawn by horses, all the houses are lit with light, compared to them, I can only call the cities of this world simple."

The corners of the Tsaritsa's lips raised. 'Did I say something wrong?'

"You said "This world" did you not?" She chuckled and continued. "I knew from the start that what you said was not the whole truth."

"That's..." 'I messed up. I should have been more careful with my phrasing."

She then opened the window and a cold shivering wind entered the room. "I shall be truthful to you. I never had the intention to put you and your brother in harm's way, all I wished was to see what kind of person you are."

She climbed effortlessly out the window, her feet finding balance on the railings as if the night itself cradled her.

Her untamed hair swayed with the wind, dancing in the air.

She stood there, her presence both majestic and dreamlike, as though she were a part of the breeze surrounding her.

"Your Majesty that's dangerous!" I warned upon seeing her get on the railings.

"No need to fear," She assured as ice formed at the soles of her feet and with a crisp sound it formed a bridge that extended toward the top of the castle. 

She then extended her arm towards me and said. "Come with me, let us talk somewhere more private."

Hesitantly, I took her hand, The ice continued to grow, forming a path that led us to the top of the palace, where a solitary pavilion stood.

As we made our way, I couldn't help but notice how compassionate she was despite being the one behind the Fatui. Looking at her eyes I could sense a deep-seated yearning and a form of love that I could not understand.

****************

Back inside the Palace.

The Harbingers left the room one by one and arrived at the Castle lounge where tea and snacks were served for them.

"Your judgment has been dulled, Regrator." Crucabena hissed as she gave a scrutinizing glance at Pantalone. 

"From someone who sells the children she calls her "own" hearing this is quite amusing," Pantalone replied, his face forming a deep frown.

"Spare me with the sarcasm. At least I know when to cut a poisoned limb." Crucabena replied as she put down the cup of tea she was holding.

"Why are you all so noisy? Tsk, I'll go first, my research awaits me back at the lab."

"I don't need to know the Tsaritsa's mandate, just give me a letter saying "Her Majesty decided to kill or not kill them." I don't need to hear your useless banters."Sandrone said as she alongside her Robot left.

"I shall also take my leave," Dottore said as he followed suit.

One by one they left until only Pantalone, Pulcinella, and Columbina were left.

"Consider me siding with you a token of our partnership. Besides, killing young children is not my thing. I will be here tomorrow to hear the Tsaritsa's decision."

Pulcinella puts his arm on Pantalone's shoulder and said. "Be strong like you always are, my friend."

He then left the castle.

Pantalone sat with his head hung low. In his mind were all the great things he had envisioned. The future where they would be of use to the Tsaritsa and be her hands and feet, yet now, it looked dimmed.

"Don't be nervous." A melodic voice echoed in his ears. " The Tsaritsa won't hurt them."

"How do you know that?"

With a smile, Columbina sat beside Pantalone.

"I just know. Her Majesty isn't that cruel, also she promised to be lenient and merciful, right?"

With eyes wide in shock, Pantalone could not help but ask. "How do you know that? Besides the Tsaritsa and I, no one else knew of our conversation."

Columbina picked a cookie from a plate, raised it above her head, and inspected it as if looking at a piece of gem. "I know many things," She then ate it and left.

With a deep sigh, Pantalone ruffled his hair. Frustration was visible on his face. He approached a painting of the Tsaritsa.

"I trust you... Your Majesty."

****************

We arrived at the pavilion. The place looked well taken care of despite the harsh cold weather. A few flowers hanging and some were placed on pots. The table in the middle was made of fine-smoothed wood, while the chairs were made of marble.

We sat opposite each other. I could not help but wonder why is there no wind around us. The Tsaritsa might just be considerate of me and is repelling the winds, or there might be an actual explanation that's been built around this Pavillion.

"Will you tell me your real name? Not the name that you have been given in this world. But the name you used to take."

I decided to comply since she already knew that I was not really from this world. There's no point in keeping it a secret.

"My previous name is... huh?" I can't remember. What was the name of my previous life? Of all things to forget did I really just forget of my own name? 

"What's the matter?" The Tsaritsa asked, confusion evident on her face.

I tried to delve deep into my memories. I searched to find the name of the person I was in my old world. But despite how much I tried to remember, I could not find a trace of my name as if it didn't exist in the first place.

"Forgive me Your Majesty but I seemed to have forgotten my name..."

A frown formed on her face. "How could that be? A name is something deeply rooted in our souls. It defines who we are and what we shall become. It is not something easily forgotten."

The Tsaritsa heaved a sigh. She seemed to have easily given up on knowing my old name.

"Forget it, it is not very important."

My name... who was I? There's no way I forgot what my name is and remembered everything else. 

"I shall ask a different question and I expect you to answer truthfully." The Tsaritsa's expression flickered briefly, a shadow of anticipation crossed her face. Yet, as quickly as it appeared, it vanished, replaced by her usual stoic, icy demeanor. Her gaze, however, burned with an intensity that betrayed the cold mask—a fire that seemed to pierce straight through me.

"What is your purpose? What do you wish to do from now on, and the beliefs you hold, I wish to know it all."

My mouth opened and closed. My thoughts were jumbled, unable to form a cohesive answer. I wanted to reach a better end for everyone. But why? These memories, are they really mine? I don't even remember my own name.

I was confused. I always felt like I never had a clear purpose. I wanted to save them because of this feeling of regret that plagued my mind. But what if it's not mine? What if it's just planted into me to make me believe that they're mine?

"I don't know..."

I then thought of Leon. He has an inexplicable and inconsistent reasoning. He feels but doesn't know why. Is these memories his? Then what am I?

"You are confused,"

"Your Majesty, what do I do now?"

"..."

The Tsaritsa was quiet for a few moments. Maybe she's thinking of something?

"Since you don't have a purpose. Why don't you become mine?"

I was dumbstruck by what I heard. Is this what I think this is? Is she into shota?

"Your Majesty, I believe a mortal like me should not be with a god.

Her cheeks became red and she let out a soft giggle.

"That is not what I meant." A smile was left on her face.

"I am offering you a seat behind me. To become my hands and feet that would wage war against the world."

To wage war against the world... What's the reason for this? She seemed so kind and caring. What drove her to make an enemy of the world?

"Why do you want to make an enemy of the world?"

The smile on her face vanished, replaced by a sad look and a gaze that looked far.

"Do you know of the history of Teyvat?"