Tension and Darkness

Seconds seemed to stretch, each tick of the clock on the wall resonating like an echo in my mind. Hoshinomiya-sensei continued explaining, her soft yet steady voice filling the room, though to me it was little more than background noise. My gaze, however, was fixed on the empty seat in front of me.

Honami hadn't come today. According to what she had told Hoshinomiya-sensei, she was sick. But I knew that was just a lie. The truth was much more complicated. The pressure had gotten to her. The pressure we all carry, even if some disguise it better than others.

I don't blame her. We live in a world where the gaze of others weighs more than our own decisions, where the fear of failing in front of everyone feels like a weight crushing the chest. At her age, social pressure can be devastating. I know it because I see it constantly: classmates who laugh to fit in, who pretend to be something they are not for fear of not being accepted. I've seen it over and over, like a play where everyone plays an assigned role. And if you don't perform your role well... you're left out.

Honami is strong, stronger than most think, but even the strongest have their limits. The constant expectation on her, the looks, the whispers, the hopes of others pushing her to always be perfect… It's exhausting. Perhaps what surprises me the most is that many think that perfection is natural when, in reality, it's a mask that wears thin over time.

But for some reason, I can't fully understand that fear. That anxiety others feel, that desperate need to be seen, accepted. I've never cared much about what others think of me. It's not that I'm immune, but I simply don't understand it. Why is it so important to them? Why do they try so hard to please people who, at the end of the day, probably won't even remember their names?

It's an enigma to me. Don't get me wrong, I can see the value in pleasing others… if there's something to gain from it. If you need something, and the only way to get it is through sympathy, then yes, that makes sense. But striving just to get a smile, to be accepted for no reason other than that… I don't understand. To me, it's a waste of time. If someone doesn't directly influence my life, I don't see the need to worry about their opinion.

I suppose my way of thinking is what has kept me away from those tensions. It's as if I live in a bubble, watching from the outside how others deal with problems that, for me, are foreign. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to experience what they feel: that urgency, that desire to belong, to be part of something bigger. But I don't. I don't feel the need to be part of a group, nor to please for the sake of it. I'm fine with myself.

Yet, even so, I can't help but feel curious. What goes through the minds of others? How can they devote so much effort to something I consider so irrelevant? Every person I know seems to have a goal, a dream, a reason to move forward. Some want to stand out, others want to be loved. Some want to make their parents proud or meet others' expectations. But for me, it's the opposite.

I don't have a dream that keeps me awake at night. I don't have a goal that pushes me to move forward. To be honest, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And although that might make me feel lonely or lost, the truth is it doesn't affect me as much as one might think. Maybe it's because I know I'm not alone. There must be thousands of people like me, without a clear compass, wandering through life without a fixed destination.

Although, if I'm honest, I know it's something unusual for someone my age. Most teenagers I know are so caught up in others' expectations, in their parents' dreams, in society's pressures… that they don't even stop to ask themselves if what they're doing is what they really want.

But me… I don't feel that pressure. Not because I'm stronger, but because I've learned to ignore it. Maybe it's an advantage, maybe it's a disadvantage. I don't know. I just know it's the only way I know how to live.

....

Lunchtime had arrived, and the classroom was filled with the usual chatter. The girls meticulously organized their homemade lunches, sharing laughter and recipes, while the boys, as always, took the easier route: buying their food. It was quicker, and since we received plenty of points each month, there was no need to worry about doing it all the time. I was no exception; I enjoyed the convenience of avoiding hassles and simply buying what I needed.

I was about to take my first bite of my meal when the sound of the door opening resonated through the classroom, capturing everyone's attention.

—Wow, it seems like the "criminal" didn't come today —said Ryuuen with that wicked smile of his, striding forward with a couple of his goons closely following him. His presence always brought an uncomfortable tension, one that made conversation almost immediately die down.

Mako, sitting a few seats away, was the first to react, standing up to defend Honami.

—Honami-chan is not a criminal —Mako replied, firm in his stance. His face showed signs of nervousness, but he tried to remain calm.

Ryuuen let out a short, mocking laugh, as if what Mako had just said was ridiculous.

—Really? Then why isn't she here? If she had nothing to hide, she wouldn't have to be absent, would she? —His voice had that poisonous tone, the kind that could plant doubt even in the most confident.

The comment made Mako fall silent. Not because he doubted Honami, but because he had no way to defend himself against that reasoning, and the same went for the other classmates in the room. The atmosphere had grown uncomfortable; the usual lightness of lunchtime had vanished.

—Wow, it seems like you're desperate to find something to use against us, Ryuuen —I said, breaking the silence while crossing my arms. My tone was relaxed, but my words had an edge.

Ryuuen turned his attention to me, his malicious smile still intact.

—Of course, Osawa. Who would've thought that the "kindest" and "friendliest" girl in class could be a criminal? —he replied, emphasizing each word as if he were telling a private joke.

—Ryuuen, it's not good to make assumptions without proof, you know? All you have are rumors —I answered, my tone still calm but firm. I knew that confronting him directly wasn't the best strategy, so I opted to change the subject.

—Rumors? —Ryuuen narrowed his eyes, his smile barely perceptible—. You know how rumors work, Osawa. They're like little embers. They don't just spring up from nowhere; someone ignites them.

—Sure, but they're still rumors at the end of the day. It's like if tomorrow I started one about you… I don't know, something like you like 78-year-old women because you enjoy their wrinkled skin. —I said it with a light smile, tossing the joke casually.

The reaction was immediate. Some classmates let out surprised chuckles, while others looked my way, unsure of how to respond. Even Ryuuen paused for a moment, his smile widening before he burst into a loud laugh.

—Kukuku… sure, rumors can be absurd, but when someone like Ichinose decides not to show up, that speaks more than a thousand words. It's like what happened with the illegal points. If that letter's claims weren't true, she would've shown up with her head held high, just like she did back then.

And there it was: a solid point. For a moment, the room fell silent. Ryuuen knew how to manipulate the situation, how to instill doubt in others' minds.

I leaned back in my seat, watching as my classmates exchanged awkward glances. I knew that although no one wanted to doubt Honami, Ryuuen's words had that corrosive power that slowly eroded trust.

—Well, whether what you say is true or not, you'll have to wait. In the meantime, you can leave. We don't want our lunch ruined by having to look at your face all the time. —I shot the phrase out with a relaxed yet direct tone. I knew I wasn't strong enough to provoke him, but I wasn't ignoring him either.

Ryuuen, to my surprise, didn't get angry. He simply smiled that arrogant and unsettling way of his.

—Alright, Osawa. Enjoy while you can. Soon I'll find a crack in that "perfect castle" of yours, and when I do… I'll crush you. —His threat was spoken with unsettling calm, as if he were just commenting on the weather.

—Sure, though your threats are like all the others: just words. —My eyes didn't leave his, and for a brief moment, the air between us seemed to freeze.

Ryuuen didn't respond, he simply turned with his usual rehearsed nonchalance, but Ibuki stayed staring at me for a few more seconds. I winked at her with a teasing smile, and as I expected, she frowned before turning away in irritation to follow Ryuuen. I couldn't help but laugh to myself; getting on her nerves was always fun, even though I knew she would get back at me sooner or later.

I leaned back in my chair with a light smile. The atmosphere was still somewhat tense, but at least lunch wouldn't be boring today.

....

Classes had ended, and since I didn't have anything in particular to do, I made my way back to the dorms. Lost in my thoughts, I suddenly felt my phone vibrate.

It was a message from Honami.

I couldn't remember the last time she had written to me. Weeks had passed since our last exchange of words. The message was short and direct: "Come to my room." Nothing more.

I frowned. It was strange for her to contact me like this, but without hesitation, I replied that I was on my way. She probably wanted to talk about what had been going on lately: the distance between us or the rumors circulating. Whatever it was, I was willing to listen.

A few minutes later, I found myself in front of her door. I had been here before, a couple of times, usually to help with decorations or just to spend time together. I knocked softly on the door to let her know I had arrived.

—Honami— I said quietly.

I heard her footsteps approaching, and a second later, the door opened. But what surprised me was the darkness that greeted me. The room, which was usually warm and inviting, was completely dark. It was the opposite of what I remembered about this place, where pink predominated, her favorite color. Now, there was none of that light that characterized her.

The door closed behind me with a soft click, and before I could react, I felt Honami's body pressing against my back. The contact took me by surprise, not so much because of the closeness, but because of the strange sensation that accompanied it.

—Honami...— I started to say, trying to turn around, but she didn't give me time. Suddenly, she pushed me with unexpected force onto the bed.

I fell onto the mattress, unable to process what had just happened. Before I could get up, she climbed on top of me, blocking any attempt to move. Her face was so close to mine that I could see every little detail.

—Kayden~— she said in a tone completely different from the one I was used to. Her voice was deep, laden with a darkness I had never heard before.

I looked into her eyes, those same eyes that used to shine with a soft and reassuring light. But now... they were empty. Dimmed. It was as if the person I knew had vanished, leaving only a shadow of herself behind.

I felt her hand, soft yet firm, begin to glide from my stomach up to my throat. Fear started to take hold of me; every fiber of my body tensed. This wasn't normal. This wasn't Honami.

—Honami, what are you doing...?— I tried to say, my voice trembling. But she didn't respond immediately. Instead, her fingers tightened slightly around my neck.

—Kayden, we can talk about something, right?— she whispered close to my ear, with a voice so cold that a shiver ran down my spine. It wasn't a question; it was a statement. And the most terrifying part was that I didn't know what she really wanted.

Her face was so close to mine that I could feel her breath on my skin, but her expression... was impenetrable. I could no longer recognize the sweet and kind girl she once was. What had happened to her?

Where was the real Honami? Who was this person?

My mind raced in every direction, searching for answers, but none offered me comfort. Everything about this situation felt wrong. I didn't know how to act; I didn't even know if I should move or say something more.

I'm scared.