Ripping the band aid off

Artie opened her eyes, opened her mouth, and hesitated for a second before she spoke. 

"You aren't unattractive, Sir Gaheris, Sir Geraint. In fact, none of the knights I've met from the round table have been unattractive. I'm just not the kind of person who lets that affect the way I respond to others. Sure, I notice if others are appealing, but I'm usually busy with work. Hell, I'm usually too busy to date, let alone form relationships with others." She exhaled sharply, while the knights around her stared at her in silence. "Fuck! This was supposed to be a managering kind of thing, not a fucking dating sim!" Sir Percy was giggling again, and shoved Sir Lancelot's hand off of his mouth. 

"Sire has a foul mouth, doesn't she?" Artie gave Sir Percy a look as she tried to compose herself. 

"Sir Percy, I believe I made it clear that my previous profession was similar to a knight, right? How the hell did you think I wasn't going to have a foul mouth? Did you think they all held their tongue around me to protect my sensibilities? Most women actually are the most foul mouthed people I've ever met, they just hide it not to shock you." He chuckled, grinning from ear to ear. 

"What's a dating sim?" Sir Lancelot asked, confused. 

"Fuck. I was hoping you were going to ignore that." She muttered under her breath and she swore everyone fought smiles. "We need to keep moving now that we've gone over whatever the fuck that was. I'll try to explain the concept as we're moving, even if I want to do anything but that." Sir Lancelot double checked that Artie was okay before he took the lead again. Artie stalled for time, but the curious gazes from all four men finally got to her and she sighed. Her and her big fucking mouth. "So, you understand the concept of dating, right? Going out, hanging out with others you have romantic feelings for?" 

"Of course." Sir Geraint spoke for the group. 

"A dating sim is, well, first, I'll explain what sim means. Sim is short for simulation. It's…a fake situation. Like a story, only you actively participate in the story. Simulations can be many different things, and not just related to dating. You can have a story where you pretend to be a farmer, or a knight, or royalty or a peasant or even fay." 

"Wow. That's very interesting. The person who creates these stories must be very creative." She nodded in agreement. Artie wasn't going to really correct them on that idea. 

"Yup. I would say most times a group of people make up the simulations, so that they can make the best stories possible." She sighed. "Any of the concepts I just mentioned could be dating sims. It just takes the base premise, like, a farming sim, and throws in characters that you could date in that simulation." Sir Percy smirked. 

"So you didn't have time to date real people, so you dated stories instead?" Artie felt her cheeks flush. 

"I did not play-I did not participate in these stories often, and rarely of my own choosing. My…friend was fond of them, so I usually watched her go through the stories." Sir Gaheris approached Artie on the other side of her, so she was flanked by two men. His blue eyes were laughing. 

"I take it since these are stories, they could be more than just dating?" Artie knew she was blushing at his implications, and she cleared her throat, even as Percy's smirk grew naughty. 

"The ones aimed at mostly men were very sexual, while most of the ones aimed at women would usually fade to black at those scenes, but yes, they still had them." He smirked at the colour she was turning. 

"Our Sire is very cute when she's flustered. What scenes are you referring to?" He teased, and she glared at him while he laughed. 

"Most dating sims are raunchy, dirty, perverse games. Normal people would blush at even some of the premises of these games." Artie sighed, tired already. 

"Are you not most people, Sire?" Percy teased from her other side, and Artie ran her hand over her hair, forgetting the girls had put it up. She frowned. 

"Well, if I'm honest, I usually only played them to feel something." The teasing atmosphere got stuffy in an instant at her words. "Even the worst scenes didn't have as much of an impact compared to what I witnessed in my everyday life." Sir Lancelot glanced back at her, to find her eyes had a faraway sheen over them. "I knew that participating in these stories would be better for me than finding some random person and using them to feel something. After what I would see at work, that kind of treatment didn't sit well with me." Sir Lancelot's gaze, when it met Artie's, held sympathy. 

"Forgive me for saying so, but maybe it was the right time for you to take leave from your line of work." Artie chuckled, not disagreeing with him. It had been taking a toll on her. She'd gone into sex crimes because she knew that they weren't taken as seriously as they should, but they had left her with a lot of trauma in the end. Especially when minors had been involved. 

"There was a reason I was trying to be a desk jockey, Sir Lancelot. It meant that I could attempt to gather myself back up, try to find myself again. Try to make sure that what I went through didn't happen to the rest of my men, and also be there when it did. Apparently, that was supposed to happen. The Captain had been training me, aiming for me to take over for him in a few years if Ginnie hadn't-" Artie cut off, jerking in her steps as her name escaped her lips. Artie couldn't stop herself from nearly collapsing to the ground, Sir Percy helping her to the ground so she didn't hurt herself or the sword. Artie's gaze was blank, unfocused as she stared at the tiles. She could feel the tears beginning to well in her eyes as the panic and pain began to settle in. When she had been coming face to face with death, it had been easy to deal with. Now that she had survived, and was supposedly, thriving, she was conflicted. So many emotions filled her, and she had to remind herself to breathe. No, someone else was ordering her to. She sucked in, and in and in, until her lungs felt full to bursting, before she released the air. She coughed, her lips trembling and she raised her hand there, her other going to her wound. No, she couldn't do this right now. She had so many other things she needed to do. This could wait. She could always wait. She was patient, she was smart, she was a good girl. She wasn't going to get in the other's way, especially now. They had just lost her King, and what had she lost? She had already known it was over. The knife just had a final tone to it. 

Her heart protested, angry that she was shoving her emotions aside, again. It screamed and screamed, furious that someone who she had trusted, someone she had loved, who she had built a home with, had betrayed her in the most horrendous way someone could. Not only had they taken her new home away from her, but they had then taken her trust, her love, her kindness, and then ultimately, her life. Without a single ounce of remorse. It was a crime, a sin that Ginnie was going to bear for the rest of her life. Who was going to stand up for her now that no one knew what she had done? Who was going to mourn her? 

No, Artie, you can't be weak. Do not fall down that rabbit hole. You are strong, you can get through this. You've gotten through worse.

Even as Artie told herself that, she wondered if that was even true. Who was she trying to fool? 

"Sire? Sire! Are you alright?" Lancelot's panicked voice finally broke through the haze that was filling her mind, and her lungs. She sucked in deeply, the screaming from her body silencing once she began breathing again. It took her a few more breaths before she had herself under control again. Her body was shaking, trembling, and Artie realised that she had worked herself into a full blown panic attack. She didn't have time for it, and slowly, she managed to control her finer functions better. 

"I-I'll be fine." Artie managed to get out before pulling herself up to her feet without their help, even as their hands hovered, ready to catch her. She would have smiled under any other circumstances at being treated so delicately. But she understood. She was in pain, but the pain in her midsection was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her soul. "I'll be fine." She stated firmly, and she stared each of them down, daring them to counter. 

"Her name was Ginnie?" Lancelot asked quietly, and she flinched. He couldn't have made her jerk more even if he had punched her. All of the men had sympathetic looks in their eyes. Artie sighed. She could tell what they were thinking, and she needed to deny it. 

"We weren't-" She cut off. The look in Sir Percy's, and even Sir Lancelot's eyes telling her that they weren't going to buy it. "Don't look at me like that. I didn't get stabbed by someone I was sleeping with. She was like family, a sister." The words sounded hollow, even to her. Sir Percy hid a cough behind his hand and she shot a glare in his direction. "There wasn't anything between us." The pain she felt in her chest at those words had Artie rubbing her chest, without her knowledge. 

"If there wasn't anything between you two, why did she try to kill you then? Love and hate are very similar emotions." It was Sir Geraint who spoke and Artie glared off into the distance. 

"We weren't lovers." She reaffirmed, before marching down the hallway, escaping. Sir Lancelot rushed to catch up, leading her in the right direction before she lost her way. Sir Percy was the first to break the tense silence. 

"You know two women can't create an heir, right?" She scoffed. 

"Neither can two men." He chuckled lightly. 

"Sire, do you prefer women to men?" He asked, and she shrugged. 

"Doesn't really matter to me. I didn't-I wasn't around her because she was a woman. I was around her because she felt safe. Honestly, there were men I worked with who gave me similar feelings, but they entered relationships while we worked together so I didn't think anything of it. I was a busy woman. Still am." Percy kept pace with her while the other two knights hung back, but with big ears. 

"We won't tell anyone if you don't want us to, Sire. Merlin of course, has to know, and probably already knows, but no one else needs to. We'll say your sister betrayed you to the public. They'll believe it." Artie couldn't help it. As much as she denied it, the seed of hatred she had for her bubbled up and she rolled her eyes, snorting.

"Oh yes, because she had sisterly feelings for me." The words that came out of her were coated with bitterness. Percy watched her face, her expression, his face awash with concern. 

"You weren't…you didn't start the relationship?" He seemed confused, or at the very least, quizzical. 

"No, she did. She kissed me first." She agreed grimly. "I was actually going to end our relationship that day. I already had." Sir Percy kept most of his emotions inside, but his eyes were awash with them. 

"Something happened." He stated, and Artie continued to follow Sir Lancelot, her hands clenched tightly. Speaking of this, even if it had been over a week for everyone else, felt like it had only happened yesterday.

"I had some of my men come forward with evidence that they had spotted her with another man. I trusted them, but they weren't stupid enough to not come forward with physical proof. They had everything, date, time, who it was, the whole thing." She chuckled, shaking her head. "And you wanna know the worst part? It was a man I used to know, who I had dated in my younger years, who I was also chasing for some very serious crimes. Turns out, I was right to be worried. They'd been seeing each other the whole fucking time, even while I dated him back in the day. They were going to try to use me in some way, but I never got the details. I ended it before I did, and then she stabbed me, and here we are." Percy swore before he jerked Artie to a stop and hugged her tightly, making sure not to hurt her wound. 

"Fuck. Sire, I am so sorry." Artie felt her eyes water again. She'd pushed this all away while trying to deal with the stress of the situation, but it was like they'd ripped the band aid off. She wrapped her arms around Percy and held him like a lifeline. She held her tears in, because she really didn't want to get yelled at by Moira. It felt good to be held. She'd been avoiding physical contact because she didn't want it, didn't think she needed it. But it was clear, she was wrong. Sir Percy's arms around her were enough to prove her a liar, especially since she clung to him.