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Chapter 6: Chapter 5: The Lord Hand's DaughterChapter Text

"Keep your swords and sticks, Sister. The ballroom is my battlefield. Dresses my armour, and etiquette my weapon."

-Queen Rhaenys Targaryen, when asked to train at arms by Queen Visenya Targaryen

103 AC, Red Keep

"No, no." Alicent Hightower chided, gently prying the fork out of Laena's hands. "That is the main course fork, not the first course fork."

"I don't see the difference!" Laena complained, throwing up her hands in frustration. "Why must we learn all of these dumb rules?"

"If you cannot see the difference, that is fine." Alicent smiled, picking the butter knife up delicately. "You need only remember that this is the butter knife, and work your way inwards with each course.

"Soup spoon first, first course fork and knife next, followed by those of the main course. And the fork and spoon in the exact middle, over your plate, is for dessert." The Lord Hand's oldest daughter taught.

"I still don't see why we have to learn these dumb rules." Laena pouted.

"We must learn it because etiquette is a lady's weapon." My future evil stepmother declared. "The ballroom is our battlefield, and the stakes are just as high as those of a man out at war."

"Alicent is correct." I agreed, delicately placing down my fork and knife in the way she showed me. "Like it or not, this is a battlefield. The court is a vicious and ever hungry thing. Where one misstep will prove fatal."

"Exactly!" Alicent enthused. "Calling it a pit of sharks is apt. The slightest smell of blood and the smallest panicked movement, and you will be torn apart and devoured."

"As your holy elegance wishes." Laena sarcastically replied.

"Yes, that is another point." The Hightower scion mused. "Do you know why we call the royal family 'Your Grace'?"

"I believe it was Queen Rhaenys that suggested the address." I frowned, thinking back. "House Martell used to be addressed as 'Your Radiance', but that changed over the past century, and they've adopted our own style of 'Your Grace'."

"Indeed. It was the younger of the Conqueror's sister-wives that suggested the address." Alicent explained. "Before the conquest, every royal house had their own style. The Durradons were called 'Your Majesty'. The Gardeners 'Your Eminence'. The Arryns 'Your Highness'. The Lannisters 'Your Excellency'. The Hoares 'Your Magnificence'. And the Starks 'Your Honour'. Even the High Septon had his own style; 'Your Holiness'. And yet Queen Rhaenys chose the far simpler 'Your Grace' for those of House Targaryen."

"Mayhaps she didn't want to follow tradition." I dryly remarked. "Aegon certainly saw the need to carve out his own little fiefdom from his own empire."

I say that, but I could see the sense of the decision. The Riverlands were, quite frankly, a liability in war. Bordering every region save Dorne, it had long been the battlefield of the continent. Some even said, that the region was watered more by blood than actual water. By carving out his own fiefdom on the eastern coast, Aegon put a buffer between himself and over half the Seven Kingdoms, including the two rich and powerful western powerhouses that were the Reach and Westerlands.

By carving out the Crownlands, Aegon's northern border was the far poorer and weaker Vale, and his southern border of the Stormlands was held by his staunchest ally and half-brother. Far harder to assail and dislodge.

"No." Alicent denied. "It is because Queen Rhaenys was a wise woman, whom realised even at their early stage, that the single most important attribute for royalty —and the nobility by extension— is gracefulness. It is what sets us apart from the commoners and lowborn."

"I thought that was having a massive dragon." Laena drily said.

"Dragons can help you conquer a kingdom, yes, but it cannot let you hold it." Alicent said. "King Maegor thought otherwise, and look where he ended up. The entire realm rose against him. Entire kingdoms rebelling against the Iron Throne. Deposed by an unknown assassin from within his own castle and his name permanently tarnished in the annals of history."

"Queen Alysanne once mentioned something similar to me." I remembered. "It's why King Jaehaerys convened the Great Council. He knew that in order for us to continue ruling, we needed to have the support of the realm."

"Indeed, your grace, indeed." Alicent enthused, smiling happily. "King Maegor was a peerless warrior and commander, of that there is no doubt, but what did he know of statesmanship?

"He didn't anything know of alliances or friendship, how to make friends and allies. He preferred subjugating problems instead of peacefully negotiating solutions. He didn't bother with social norms while at court, making him be perceived as a swaggering barbarian with the biggest weapon instead of a king." The Hightower scion fervently spoke.

"I can somewhat see that now, but I still do not see exactly where does gracefulness factor into this." Laena slowly said. Alicent nodded and cupped her chin contemplatively, before nodding once more, method of explanation decided.

"To see the importance of gracefulness, let us compare and contrast two women." The older girl said. "The first is a whore. The second is a courtesan."

"What's the difference?" Laena asked.

"And how do the likes of whores have anything to teach highborn maids?" I added. Well apart from sex techniques.

"There are many lessons to be learnt from all sorts of places." Alicent sagely said. "But in this case, it is primarily the courtesan we will study. For there is little difference between her and a highborn daughter. Both have targets they need to attract, and have to use their wiles to do so."

I blinked.

"Did you just compare a Princess of the Seven Kingdoms to a whore?" I incredulously asked. "We're friends, Alicent, but I could have your tongue torn out under charges of lèse-majesté for that."

"You wouldn't. Because it will make the world so much duller without my voice." Alicent smugly replied. "And your mother wouldn't allow it anyway."

I conceded the point with a grunt, gesturing for her to continue.

"As I was saying, it is the duty of every highborn maiden to aid her lord in the best way she can." Alicent nodded. "For that, she must strive for perfection. To be as flawless as possible. And not just on physical beauty. There are beautiful whores. Lowborn and crass. Good for little more than a lay.

"What a well-bred woman strives for is to be both beautiful and charming." The Lord Hand's daughter declared. "Look at the courtesans of Braavos. Only the wealthy can afford their services. They charge up to a hundredfold of the costs for a common whore. And yet they remain popular. How is such a business viable?"

"The sex is just that good?" Laena suggested, Alicent wrinkling her nose in response.

"No. There are some courtesans whom do not offer sexual services." The Hightower scion denied. "No. It is the elegant company that costs so much for a courtesan, whom unlike whores, are not considered shameful to share company with. It is not their beauty that is praised first and foremost, but everything else. Their charm. Their wit. Their cleverness and refinement. They will not embarrass a man when they sit at his side while he dines with a king. Why, her table manners are likely to be better than the man whom hired her. She can sing and play instruments, to entertain clients. Recite faraway and exotic poetry. Discuss political happenings with great insight and astuteness. They are…"

The older girl trailed off leadingly, and I took the offered hook.

"Graceful." I finished, Alicent nodding happily at my understanding.

"There it is. My point proven. Gracefulness, is thus the mark of a well-bred woman." My future evil stepmother proudly said, puffing out her chest. I'd seen bigger, but I couldn't deny that a smaller bust paired extremely well with fair hair and a slender figure. Made her look elfin and delicate.

You know, when someone says evil stepmother, you'd imagine someone like Cruella de Vil or Maleficent. And not the drop dead gorgeous versions portrayed by Emma Stone and Angelica Jolie, but the screechy tantrum throwing versions. Ugly older women, long past their time, overcompensating with makeup and jealous of their younger and more beautiful stepdaughters. Lady Tremaine was the perennial example. Countless children on Earth knew of her abuses towards Cinderella.

So it was rather jarring to see that Alicent Hightower was a slender teenager with strawberry blonde hair, large pixie-like eyes glittering with innocence and curiosity, a heart-shaped face and a dimpled smile. Lovely and beautiful, my future evil stepmother was one of the comeliest maidens in King's Landing, which was harder than it seemed.

King's Landing was the capital of the Seven Kingdoms, and home of the Royal Family. The court was made up of highborn from all across the realm, most of whom were rapaciously looking to gain a foothold in House Targaryen. A good percentage of the court was female, and all of them were there, jockeying their way into court appointments or beneficial marriages. A good way to do so would be to leverage in their looks.

And so it was, that the court was filled with lovely and beautiful maidens. Each more comely than the last. Dazzling in their fine silks and satins, bedecked with jewels and radiant like the sun. All to hopefully catch the eyes of the princes. The fact that both Princes were married was inconsequential.

It didn't help that Daemon was estranged from his wife Rhea Royce, which was an excellent draw. Many suspected that he'd be easily persuaded to have his marriage annulled, and so many lordlings sent their beautiful daughters in their finest, in hopes that one would charm the Rogue Prince.

Charming Daemon was easy, but keeping his attention? That was difficult. He left a string of deflowered maids in his wake, and I knew of several, like Alanna Tarly, whom had borne his bastards. But my uncle was unwilling to settle down.

Regardless, the greater draw still was my father Viserys, the Heir to the Iron Throne.

You'd think that as King, Jaehaerys would be the one facing the lion's share of the assassin's blades. But no, it was Princess Aemma. Everyone who was anyone in the Seven Kingdoms wanted to marry their daughter to the Heir to the Iron Throne and have a grandson as a king.

And even though Viserys was currently married, there was a general consensus that unlike Daemon, Viserys would take responsibility. As in, marry whichever maid he deflowered and impregnated. Assuming that Aemma was first disposed off. And even if she wasn't, there was still a possibility that the resultant bastards could be dragon riders in their own right, or that Viserys would take a second wife, never mind that the Doctrine of Exceptionalism forbade polygamy.

Hence why the Red Keep was filled to the brim with beautiful ladies. Everywhere I turned, I saw maidens as beautiful as celebrities and movie stars. Each more dazzling and comely than the last. No wonder why the smallfolk saw the highborn as practically gods, when they were all so gorgeous. This was a world where the likes of Marilyn Monroe and Paris Hilton were considered the average instead of the exception.

So yes, Alicent Hightower was at worst the third most beautiful female I'd ever seen. Rivalled only by Mochizuki Yuuki or Millicent Banner, the two most beautiful girls from my old boarding school.

Despite knowing that she'd try to steal my inheritance and murder me, I found myself liking Alicent Hightower. She was clever and sweet. Genuinely so for the latter, best I could tell. Of course, a large part of it had to do with how I was currently only an adorable little girl and not her stepdaughter competing with her son for the Iron Throne.

As to how she wound up in my company, well, Alicent was nominally a lady-in-waiting of my mother. The honourable Princess Aemma, whom was adamant that Laena and I curtail our 'unfeminine and unbecoming' behaviour. While Mother acknowledged that she had no control over Laena, she tried any and everything to try batter my will down and turn me into her obedient daughter. An ornament or trophy, to be given out at my father or brother's pleasure.

Some were subtle, like ensuring that my wardrobe contained only dresses. Which took me a long time to notice, admittedly. Guys that didn't like wearing skirts and makeup wouldn't last long dating either Alice or Yuuki. It was only when Laena questioned why I didn't have any riding breeches that I realised that I hadn't worn pants in literal years.

Mother barely hid her look of scandalised horror when Laena gifted me a full set of riding gear for my fifth birthday, and practically fainted the first time she saw me ride a horse.

I later learnt that it was considered scandalous if a highborn maiden ever wore pants. And that riding a horse astride was equally scandalous, as it risked my hymen breaking. Proper ladies, were thus expected to ride in a carriage or cart while her male relatives rode. And if she absolutely had to ride a horse, she rode sidesaddle, such that she may avoid both taboos.

Well I didn't do that from day one mostly because I'd already learnt horse riding on Earth as a guy and wasn't going to waste time relearning. Plus, I was high ranking enough that losing my hymen in such a manner would have a negligible impact on my eligibility in marriage.

And if I had to, I'd ply my husband with strongwine on the night of our wedding and bleed a chicken on the sheets of my marital bed. Nobody would ever know.

Others, were brutally straightforward, such as assigning me a governess, to oversee my training as a proper lady and princess. Septa Myra, whom despite being a fairly attractive woman in her mid thirties with a very generous figure, especially in the chest region, was as uncompromising and unrelenting as my old Mandarin teacher back in secondary school. Ugh, I loathed Teacher Xiong. Her sweet dimpled cheeks, angelic smile and voluptuous body hid the most sexist mind I'd ever seen on a female.

The very first thing Teacher Xiong said to my class on day one of secondary school was, and I quote: "The girls are flowers, beautiful and lovely. The boys must thus be knights, and do their bidding." Yeah, life only went downhill from there.

When she dismissed the class at the end of the lesson, she always made the boys leave second, holding the door open for the girls. And whenever we had to clean up the classroom, she always made the boys and only the boys do it, while the girls got released ten minutes early. She openly cracked down on any form of well, guys being guys. I'd seen boys scolded for playfully shoving each other, ordered to change and freshen up after sports class, outright punished for dirty jokes and on one memorable occasion, rapped on the knuckles by a wooden cane for high-fiving a girl. She even made all the 'unclean' guys —those suffering from acne, BO and the like— sit in a corner of the class, as far away from the girls as possible, like a quarantine.

A number which slowly grew to engulf the whole male class as more and more of us entered the throes of puberty.

Even the girls disliked her.

My secondary school, bottom of the barrel and perpetually short on funding as it was, did have a proud tradition of athletes of both genders. Which meant no shortage of female sports stars and tomboys in my class.

Teacher Xiong frowned upon the girls even being remotely sweaty or sporty. She refused to let them wear their sports shorts to her class, insisting that they had to change back into their kirtles and freshen up before entering her class. And any physical contact with a guy was practically scandalous to her. While the guys got off worse, the girl still got a stern lecture about 'purity' and 'chastity'. She even hated poor Sharmaine, whose only crime was having short boyish hair, outright ordering the girl to grow her hair as she 'looked too much like an ugly boy'.

And don't even get me started on the couples. She outright sent three boys —that I know of— to the discipline master under upjumped sexual harassment charges for the sole crime of having a girlfriend.

The entire school breathed a sigh of relief the day she left for maternity leave and never returned.

And Septa Myra was cut from the same cloth as my old Secondary One Mandarin schoolteacher. Alas, she didn't have a husband and baby to demote her to housewife status, so there was no convenient way to dispose of her. That sexist MILF was in good standing with both Mother and Septon Eustace, the head of the Red Keep Castle Sept, and they had the final say on her dismissal.

For over half a year, Septa Myra waged a bitter war against Laena and I, with the two of us furiously resisting her attempts to 'domesticate' us. I tried to be accommodating at first. I was always a feminine guy, not just in looks, but in personality, so I didn't think it'd be too hard. Boy was I wrong.

Our first conversation went something like this:

———

"Reading isn't for girls, your grace. A true maiden needs no book but the Seven Pointed Star. You need not read while in your husband's keep. Birthing and raising his children does not require any form of reading." Septa Myra informed me piously. That was strike one.

"Then can I learn how to cook? I'm told that wives cook for their husbands." I politely asked. I already knew how to cook, but I was out of practise and wanted to learn new recipes.

"Cooking is for the smallfolk and servants, your grace. It is work beneath ladies of your high breeding." Septa Myra firmly said. That was strike two.

"Fine then. Can I bake? I'd love to serve my handmade pastries to my fellow ladies during tea parties." I tried, changing tact. I was voted the single best baker in my boarding school, and was head honcho in the kitchen whenever my school held a bake sale. My baking was good enough to charm girls like Yuuki and later Alice.

"There is no need, your grace. You will have every baker in the Red Keep to attend to your every need. You need not sully your hands in the kitchen like a plebeian." Septa Myra assured me. That was strike three, and my left eye was beginning to twitch.

"Cleaning? Good girls learn how to cook and clean, that's what I've been told." I attempted. My mother had drilled all forms of cleaning and housework from ironing to vacuuming into my head before I left for boarding school. And though I hardly liked cleaning, best I could tell, my skill at housework was half the reason why my roommates in both boarding school and beyond put up with me and all my quirks.

"For the lowborn, your grace. You are a princess. It is not your place to muck around in the dirt and grime like a baseborn commoner. There is a tool for every task and a task for every tool. There are servants whom will clean. That is their place in life. Do not rob them of it." Septa Myra smilingly said. That was strike four, and my temper was expended.

"Then what can I do?" I asked with forced patience, counting to twenty in Japanese under my breath.

"Knitting, embroidery and dancing." Septa Myra smiled. "Skills every highborn maiden should know, such that she may charm her husband. Mayhaps we should start now. I can teach you how to sew a baby blanket, for your future younger brother and king. It will be good practice for when you bear strong strapping sons of your own for your lord husband."

Something snapped.

Three things happened in quick succession.

First, I shouted something truly unkind about Septa Myra's mother and a donkey in Malay. Next, I ordered my guards to escort Septa Myra from my chambers. Third, I slammed the door in her face and stomped off to my bed, before using my pillow as a punching bag.

Mother eventually pried me out, and forced me to apologise to Septa Myra. But that first meeting set the tone for the rest of her tutorship. With Laena and I doing everything we could to avoid her lessons even as the stubborn MILF doubled down on making mindless baby factories and broodmares out of us.

———

Some six months and change later, Alicent Hightower found Laena and I in the gardens, sitting in the branches of a tall tree. The two of us had fled Septa Myra's embroidery lessons once again, and the stubborn woman was trying to hunt us down. To our surprise, instead of tattling on us to Mother or Septa Myra, Alicent sat down in the grass beneath the tree, and began serenading us.

And boy was she a good singer. Alicent was in the same league as Alice, whom was widely considered the best singer in our old boarding school, good enough that she'd sang songs on live radio before.

I don't know when Laena and I descended the tree, to better hear and see the beautiful teenager sing, but before I knew it, I was before her and rapt with attention. My future evil stepmother looked up, and smiled angelically.

"Would you like me to teach you how to sing?" Alicent Hightower asked.

That one sentence led to a lesson, which in turn led to the dismissal of Septa Myra as my governess, with Alicent swiftly replacing her. And like it or not, my future evil stepmother knew her shit. She taught us many things.

How to dance, how to sing, how to embroider, knit and sew, how to brew tea and pour wine daintily. These and a hundred other little things that combined together made us into well-bred highborn ladies. It helped that she was a good teacher. Patient, attentive and open-minded. She knew how to make such lessons interesting, and never tried to control us. Unlike Septa Myra, whom threw fits over how Laena and I preferred reading and climbing trees to embroidery and knitting.

I think Alicent was hoping that our tomboyish behaviour was a phase and that once Laena and I realised just how much damage it did to our marriage prospects, we'd quit on our own accord. Thus, she moved to a strategy of teaching us feminine arts while tolerating our behaviour instead of wasting energy curtailing our masculine hobbies and trying cram the feminine lessons down our throats in their stead.

Well, if it meant less nagging, I wouldn't complain.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed these lessons. My father was very conservative, and frowned upon me doing anything feminine in my past life. Dear Old Dad nearly went ballistic when he found out my mother taught my big brother and I how to bake, cook and clean. He was the reason why my younger brother was still reliant on people picking up after him, as he taught that little pest that housework was 'unmanly and for sissies'.

Ironically, I now had the opposite problem. As the crown princess, I was expected to not do anything unwomanly. Which was beyond annoying, as I wanted to learn how to joust, hunt and hawk. Septa Myra was but the tip of the iceberg, and I was getting an ever increasing amount of flak for reading and studying with Uncle Vaegon. The Lords and Ladies of the royal court disapproved of how I was tomboyish and didn't conform to the traditional role of a woman; that of a glorified baby factory.

Ah well, abolishing sexism was on the agenda for my queenship.

Regardless, that was years if not decades in the future. A thought for tomorrow, so to speak. Today, Laena and I had to deal with the arduous task learning proper table manners.

"No, Princess." Alicent chided, taking the soup spoon out of my hands. "You are holding it wrongly."

I blinked. That was the way I always held my spoon. Ever since I was a baby on Earth.

"The common folk think that it is a mark of high etiquette to hold our cutlery the way we hold a quill." Alicent elaborated, demonstrating the grip I had used. The grip that every single person I'd ever met on Earth used when dining. "This is incorrect."

As she spoke, she turned the spoon around in her hands, such that it was held more like a knife in forward grip.

"Holding your cutlery in such a manner is the correct method, else you tell every lord and lady you are dining with that you are an uncouth and uneducated barbarian." The Hightower scion instructed.

"I understand." I replied, twirling the utensils around in my hand such that they were held in the proper manner. It would take some getting used to, but I knew that it was a requirement if I was ever one day to be queen.

"And no starting on the food." Alicent chided, rapping Laena's knuckles with the spoon without even turning around, my cousin withdrawing from her reach towards the provided bread. "It is a mark of respect that you only begin dining once the highest ranking person in the room has done so. Be it your father or overlord.

"Or royalty." Alicent finished, sitting down on my other side, placing her napkin delicately on her lap and patiently waiting. I nodded, reaching out and taking the first slice of bread. Then, and only then, did the two ladies by my side began eating as well.