Chapter 202. Growing Doubts Growing Doubts (The Amnesiac)

You take a deep, shaky breath, trying to convince yourself everything was ok.

Rae must know. She must, right?

Well, time to find out...

You nervously make your way downstairs.

"Rae?"

You look around, but she's nowhere to be seen.

Did she go outside?

Your cheeks turn red.

That means... ahhhh, fuck. Aria was really loud, wasn't she? I think I'm to blame for that...

You step outside, seeing Rae chewing her lip while scrolling on her phone.

"Ah!" She looks up, hearing the door opening behind her.

"Wow, you're all messy... how rough did you get with her?" She giggles. "But seriously, did you remember anything?" She asks, reaching up to brush your disheveled hair back into order.

"Um..." You look down at your feet, momentarily putting aside her flippant attitude toward the fact that you had just fucked her close friend. "I did."

"Hey," she picks your chin up, sensing your anxiety. "Was it something bad?"

"I don't know. It depends on whether Aria told me the truth or not."

Her brows furrow as she tries to seek out an answer from the mix of emotions on your face.

"What was it?"

"I remembered kissing her. After our trip to the amusement park. Aria said that we were together back then, that it was a long time ago... but it feels recent. I just can't tell - I'm missing too many memories to know when it happened."

A flurry of expressions pass over Rae's face, but disappear before you can fully process them. She sandwiches your hand between her own and squeezes, as you had recently remembered she often did when she was feeling nervous. She turns away from you, staring out at the bushes ahead.

"Listen..." She cautiously starts. "What exactly do you remember?"

"Just bits and pieces of that one day. We went to the amusement park, went on some rides, picnicked, and kissed. It felt like... a date."

"...ok..." She slowly nods.

"So? Did I... cheat on you?" You nearly flinch as you ask.

She pauses for a moment, gripping your hand tightly and hugging your arm to her body.

"No. You didn't."

Your posture sags, and you lean into her shoulder, letting out a long sigh of relief.

"Ok. So... I dated her, then. Ohhh, did I meet you through her?" You gasp. "Or maybe I already knew our friend group, and I started dating her? But then we broke up, and I ended up dating you?" You throw out some possibilities.

"..."

She stares out into space, her mind visibly churning.

"Rae? You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah..." She snaps back to attention. "Come on, let's go back in. We might have to clean the bedsheets."

"Wait, Rae!" You grip her hand as she tries to walk back in. "You don't look well."

"Huh? I'm fine!"

"You still look nervous. Something's wrong," you complain.

"Baby, I'm fine..." She sighs, suddenly seeming very tired.

She swiftly steps back into the house, leaving the door open for you.

She's not telling me something.

Why? After everything that happened, what could she not want to tell me?

What would she not want me to know?

Maybe I'll need to find out a different way. I need to figure out what's going on here...

...

Your mind idly mulls on the topic for a few more hours, and you stay mostly silent as you and Rae eat dinner together.

"Oh!" Rae yelps, setting down her fork. "Are you ready to meet another roommate of yours?" She asks with a cheery, excited look in her eyes.

"Oh, yeah! Sure!"

"Well..."

She checks her phone for a second to confirm, then calls out, "Come in!"

"Tada!" She throws up jazz hands as a short figure shyly waddles into the room.

"Hi..." You turn to look at the girl in front of you. Her well-framed face and round glasses sat above her small, slim figure. Her short hair hung in messy wisps all over her head, and it gave her a slightly rugged, badass appearance. She steps into the room, and the afternoon light strikes her cheekbones, surrounding her with a glowing aura.

God damn, is everyone in this house a supermodel?

"Oh, right, my hair..." She grins mildly, seeing where you were looking. "I'm experimenting a bit."

"It's a great look," you earnestly reply.

She clears her throat, trying not to shiver at the neutral, unrecognizing look you were incidentally giving her.

"...thanks. I'm Miyoung, by the way."

"Miyoung..." You repeat the name.

"I'm guessing you don't remember anything," she stifles a sigh.

"No, sorry."

"That's ok. Aria told me you already remembered her a bit, right? I'm sure the same will happen to me sometime soon..." She reasons, chewing the inside of her lip.

Hopefully, I'll start remembering in some way other than how I've been remembering so far.

The last thing I want is for all of these girls to be wanting to fuck me so I remember them.

...

On second thought... maybe that's not the last thing I want...

No, NO! Don't think like that, you idiot. Rae may have been ok with it once, but she won't be again. Don't even think about it.

"Helloooo??" Rae waves her hands wildly.

"Ah, what? Sorry, I got distracted..."

"I was just asking if you wanted to hang out. Maybe it would speed up your recall a bit," Miyoung suggests, softly clasping her hands in front of her.

"Oh! Yeah, sure, as long as Rae's ok with it."

Rae rolls her eyes. "Babe, I love you, but you don't need my permission to hang out with anyone. I mean, unless you're gonna... uh... never mind. Do whatever you want!" She announces.

"Do you want to be on my stream?" Miyoung inquires.

"Your... oh, your live stream! You're a live streamer too?" You ask.

"All of us are! That's how we met, actually," Rae interjects.

"Oh, wow. Um... how many people usually watch your streams?"

"It depends. At least a few thousand, and anywhere up to forty thousand on a good day."

"Ohhhh... I think I'll pass. I don't know if I can handle that right now." You rub the back of your neck nervously.

"That's ok!" Miyoung quickly assures you. "You were always hesitant about coming on stream, I knew it was a long shot."

"Ah..."

You slowly nod.

Despite Miyoung's attempt at being positive, you could see right through her facade, and as her silence grows awkward, her eyes grow even more dejected.

"Um... I'll see you around...?" Miyoung mutters, not meeting your eyes.

"...uh, yeah..." You respond. "Wait, aren't we going to hang out - "

The door closes before you can even register her mumbling a goodbye and slipping out of the room, and you feel a wave of worry fall over you.

"Give her some time," Rae says, tracing her hand along your back. "You two were really close, so it's been especially hard on her."

"Oh..." You sigh. "Yeah, that makes sense. I felt really bad when she left - it was like a sinking feeling in my chest."

Rae sighs and wraps her hands around your waist. "I'll try to talk to her. I'm sure you'll remember her eventually."

...

"Ah~~" Rae groans as her body reaches a powerful climax. Her hips move in tandem with yours, and you admire how tightly her hands grip you like she was holding onto you for dear life. Both of your bodies are completely in sync as you ride out your mutual highs, and her moans harmonize with yours.

You pant, gently pulling out and laying on her stomach as she runs her fingers through your hair.

"What was it this time?" She asks, grinning as she sees the flash of recognition in your eyes.

"Our first date," you smile widely. "Oh my god, I was so nervous. And you were soooo beautiful," you recall, remembering how you had nearly mistaken her for an angel the first time you had gone out with her.

"Are you kidding me? You were smooth as butter! I was the one fanning myself all night, trying not to overheat from the looks you were giving me," she cheekily admits.

"Oh, really? Wow, I guess it was meant to be," you whisper, scooting up to kiss her.

"It was," she whispers back, her smile fading into a serious gaze. "And it will be - forever. I'm never losing you again," she lets out, rubbing your cheek gently.

"Rae..." You slowly shake your head, preparing to speak.

"No. Don't say you're sorry," she kisses your nose. "It wasn't your fault. It..." She blinks back a few tears, and your heart swells. "It wasn't your fault."

You kiss her again, letting her release her tension through your lips.

"Are you ok?" She asks, changing the topic. "How've you been adjusting?"

You sigh. "I keep remembering more about you, but not anyone else. I'm starting to get frustrated, honestly."

"Aww, baby..." She pulls you into her, letting you rest your head on her. "I can't imagine how that must feel."

"I just don't get it. I've tried everything, and nothing but sexual stuff gets me to remember. It feels so strange. I absolutely do not want to ask anyone else to expose themselves to me... but I don't know how else to do it..."

"Well, what are we supposed to do? You're not remembering anyone else, but you keep remembering me whenever we have sex. I think you might just have to... do it," she mutters.

"Babe... you can't be serious," you pull away.

"I don't see how else to get you to remember."

"No! I'm not going to! I'm faithful to you, and I'm going to stay that way!" You argue, propping your head up on your elbow.

Her lips part, but she slowly closes them again, choking back the words threatening to come out.

"Ok." She sighs. "I won't push you on this anymore. I get why you're against it, so we'll try some other ways to get your memory back. Maybe we can find a specialist to help."

You nuzzle your head into the crook of her neck to give her a kiss, and she wraps her hand around your body, keeping you tucked in there. "Thank you, my love."

"Mmhmm. You know I love you more than anything in the whole world..." She whispers into your ear.

You lie still, letting her words fill up your heart with warmth.

"Maybe we should sleep now?" You suggest.

"Yeah. I'll go clean up and join you in a minute. You can sleep now, baby."

"Ok. Goodnight..." You grin as her lips grace your forehead.

"Goodnight."

...

Your foggy head slowly clears, and a familiar warmth makes your core tighten. You shudder pleasantly, and you let out a small groan as you slowly wake up.

You keep your eyes closed, completely content to lie back and let the soft gluck sounds emanating from beneath the oscillating blanket continue.

"Ah~, Rachel, you're a devil..." You groan out.

You hear shuffling under the blanket, and you feel your body coiling in response to the faster pace.

Shit, I'm already close... she must have been at this for a little while.

Fuck, I'm lucky...

Her tongue swirls around your tip, and your toes curl as she licks your sensitive spot.

You consider warning her, but you remember that Rae always had an uncanny ability to tell when you were about to cum, so you stay silent, choosing the lazy option.

Her licks and sucks get faster and more passionate, and your hips clench as you gently thrust up into her mouth.

"Mmm... AH~" You finally erupt, shooting out into the mouth wrapped tightly around your shaft. A squeal comes from between your legs, and you gently buck your hips, feeling the pleasantly dizzying waves of ecstasy disorient you.

Your mind suddenly gets engulfed in a memory, and you find yourself transported back to a richly detailed scenery.

To your left lie two hammocks tied to two adjacent pairs of tall, thick trees, one still swinging as if someone had just left it. To your right lies a wide, grassy area, with the nearest building a mere pinprick miles away. The grass tilts and waves with the currents of the wind, and you feel calmer as you experience the peacefulness of your environment.

The wind seems to be whispering in two faint, hushed tones, but you can't make out any of the words.

Where is this? I almost can't believe this is real...

You look down at your own body, and you release an embarrassingly loud shriek of terror as you see what was below your line of sight the entire time. A familiar figure on her knees, puckering her lips and gripping your thighs as she looks up at you with an inexpressibly deep passion.

"GAAH!" You jolt upright, suddenly returning to the familiar padding of your mattress beneath you. You throw the blanket off of you so fast it flies to the opposite end of the room.

"AHH!" Rae screams with you, startled as the blanket gets thrown off from over her.

"...oh my fucking god..." You shiver, putting your head in your hands as you register the situation.

It can't be. Every time Rae and I did something... I always remembered a memory of her. But this time...

"Hey, what happened?!?"

"I remembered someth... no, I imagined something. Something that... wasn't real. It couldn't be real. No way."

"Ok..."

"Rae... it wasn't about you this time," you let out, clasping your hands over your eyes as you remain unable to get the image out of your mind.

"...who was it about?" She asks with a quivering voice.

You shake your head. "It doesn't matter. It wasn't real."

"Baby, everything you've remembered so far has been real," she reaches her hand out to cup your cheek.

"But this can't be!" You yell.

She flinches back at your sudden outburst.

"Shit, I'm sorry..."

You hold out your hand, letting her slowly take it and get closer. "I didn't mean to."

"It's ok... you don't have to tell me what it was..."

The anxious look on her face reminds you of how she had looked a week ago when you had asked her about Aria.

She leans in for a kiss, but you pull away, smirking. "Woah, hold on, you just..."

"...wait."

You lock eyes with her as your voice becomes deadly serious, and the whole world drops away, leaving just you and one very nervous girl, turning quite pale as you stare at her.

You look closer, flitting your eyes over her face and confirming your terrifying realization.

"Rae..."

"Hm?" She tilts her head to the side in worry, recognizing your tone.

"Your lips are dry."

She gently reaches a finger up to touch them. "...ok?"

"After all that... they shouldn't be. They never are."

The muscles in her neck and jaw tense, and her eyes flutter as her brain churns out a reason.

"Rachel... don't lie to me."

"What? I never said anything!"

"You were going to. You weren't the one who gave me that blowjob, were you? Those... whispers I heard..." You finally piece it together. "You were talking with someone, weren't you?"

Your eyes carry a determined heat, and she lays her head back on her pillow, pursing her lips in regret.

"Yeah, I was."

A strange feeling passes over you, and you curl your lips in disgust.

"Why did you lie to me?" You grunt out impatiently.

"Because she started blowing you in your sleep!" She suddenly sits up, responding sharply. "How was I supposed to react? By letting you wake up and realize it was someone else! That's traumatizing! That's... sexual assault!"

You stare down at your lap, imagining how Rae must have felt to wake up to the sight.

"Yeah, I... ok, I get it. But... who was it? It must've been one of our roommates, right? So who was it?"

"You already know, don't you? Each time you've remembered, it's always about the person you're with," she astutely observes. "So... who did you remember?"

"Miyoung..." You slowly exhale.

Rae sighs and purses her lips. "Miyoung..."

"Miyoung..." She repeats louder.

You nearly jump as you hear a grunt from directly beneath you. You watch as a figure slowly makes her way out from under the bed, nursing the slight injuries she had obtained upon diving under it. Her eyes carry pure fear, and you look away, struggling to get the image of her on her knees in front of you out of your head.

"I'm so sorry..." She breathlessly lets out. "I don't know... what I was thinking..."

"Really? You walked in here, crawled under my blanket, and sucked me off," you spit, feeling disgusted. "You know exactly what you were thinking."

Your harsh, firm tone makes her grimace, and she blinks back the tears forming in her eyes.

She opens her quivering lips as she tries to speak, but instead, her eyes spout first, releasing the torrent of emotions built up behind them.

She wails into her hands, her shoulders shaking as she tries to speak.

You feel your chest tense uncomfortably as your disgust fades, and you slowly pull your pants back on.

She shakes her head. "I just wanted you to remember me... I was so heartbroken... and Aria told me how you remembered her after you and her... I just got so desperate..." She chokes out, crying into her hands.

She starts wiping away more tears before they can fall, and you feel your heart pound tightly as she hunches over in shame, almost trying to become invisible.

"...fuck, what have I done..." She mutters. "I just... Oh, god, I just traumatized you... I violated you... I'm such an idiot... an impulsive little..."

"Miyoung..." You cut her off.

But she mutters to herself, ignoring you as her thoughts start to spiral."Oh fuck, you'll never forgive me for this, will you? I won't blame you, I don't even deserve you, I'm such a - "

"Miyoung!" You snap.

She looks up at you, with apprehension and fear evident in her eyes.

You slow your breathing, finally taking the time to think through what she had done.

"I... didn't know you felt so bad that you'd... do this," you let out, standing up.

She looks down at her feet, still shaking from the realization of what she had done.

"I'm so, so, so, sorry..."

"It's ok. I mean - it's not ok. But..." You sigh. "We need to talk, eventually. But you seem very distressed, and I want to make sure you're alright first."

You stand up, feeling a newfound instinct overtake you as her small, shaking body continues to release tears.

"No, don't... don't do that. You're the one who - OH!"

Her jolt of surprise is muffled as you gently pull her into your chest, wrapping your arms around her.

She gasps, shaking as she wraps her dainty hands back around you. The tense feeling in your gut fades as she holds you back and softly melts into your chest.

"H-hey..." She whispers. "Why are you..."

Your grip on her loosens. She gently pushes away, but her words die in her throat as she sees you staring off into space. More fragments of forgotten time fly through your mind, and she watches closely, confused.

You blink back to reality and look back down at Miyoung, whose hands were still gently resting on your arms.

She stares back at you, moving closer as she sees your eyes light up.

"I remember you..." You whisper, looking deeply into her widening eyes. "I remember us sitting on your bed one day. You were telling me about your ex. I'm sorry for how much he hurt you," you blurt, reliving her painful story.

"Oh... my..." Her large eyes quiver for a moment before her tears burst loose, and she nearly butts your chest as she leaps in for a bear hug, forgetting everything she had just done.

You wrap your arms around her like it was second nature. Even the scent of her hair seemed familiar, and you hold her close as she cries, exhilarated by the sole memory you had of her.

She pulls back and cups your cheeks, looking at you through her tear-filled eyes. Her cautious, incredulous, and yet grateful gaze is hypnotizingly gorgeous, and you lean into it.

She pulls you in, and you both close your eyes as your lips meet, sending a jolt of familiarity through you once more. Her lips taste intoxicatingly good, and you draw her in, tracing your hand around the back of her neck.

"Oh, god..." She mutters into your lips as she presses her body up against yours. Her body begs for your touch, and your hands meet her burning skin exactly where she needed them.

"FUCK!" You gasp out as you jolt backward, tearing yourself out of her grip.

Sheer panic fills your mind, and your breath speeds up to an alarming rate, matching Miyoung's mortified expression.

Rae's hand is cupped over her mouth as her wide eyes stare back and forth between the two of you.

Miyoung sprints out of the room without making another sound and slams the door behind her, leaving only a single fallen teardrop on the floor.

"R-Rae..." You mutter, trying and failing to calm your breath.

"Holy..." She lets out, still too stunned to speak.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. I swear, I didn't mean to do that. I just... fuck, I don't know! I feel - "

"Hey, hey, relax..." She finally says. "Here, take a breath."

She puts her hand on your chest, and you take a few shaky breaths, squeezing your eyes shut tightly.

What the FUCK?!?

Why did I do that?

And why did it feel so natural?

And the memory of us in that grass is too real, too vivid in my mind.

So there's no way I fabricated that. That happened.

"I'm really sorry..." You say again.

"It's ok, it's ok," she says, pulling you closer. "You're feeling a lot of things right now."

You softly rest against her body, trying to focus through all the emotions clouding your mind.

Did I date her?" You blurt out.

"...what?"

"Did I ever date Miyoung?"

"Baby, let's just calm down and - "

"Please tell me... did I ever date her? Is that why I remembered... that?"

"Babe..."

You pull away and turn to face her, standing your ground against her attempt at deflecting.

"Rae..."

She stops as she faces your hardened, no-nonsense gaze, and finally reveals the truth.

"...yes. You did," she whispers.

What... the fuck...

"So you're telling me I've been with every girl in this house?!?" You grit, clenching your fist to your side.

"You haven't met our fourth roommate yet..." She mutters, tilting her head down.

"Oh, but I've probably dated her too, right?" You sarcastically quip. "And the second I accidentally hug or kiss her, I'll remember, right?" You blurt, standing up and beginning to pace around the room.

"..."

"..."

The sound of your pacing footsteps fills the room, and Rae's knee bobs up and down as she watches you.

"Babe, I..."

"Shit. I probably sound really crazy, don't I?" You rub your forehead.

"Well... it's ok, I - "

"No, no." You sigh. "I'm all over the place. I need some time to cool off. But I want to sit down with you, Aria, and Miyoung. I think we need to clear the air a bit."

"...yeah, of course."

"I still don't get why you would hide this from me." You shake your head. "You told me these were our roommates, not my ex-girlfriends."

She hangs her feet off the edge of the bed and slowly sways them. "I thought it would be too much for you to handle at first, and I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. Your relationships with all of us over the years have been..." She struggles to come up with a word.

"There's a lot you don't know. And it's my fault for not telling you."

"I think I understand," you reply. "But it's alright now."

Well, maybe not alright, but at least I have some clarity.

"Can you arrange dinner tonight with those two? I need to ask you all some questions."

"Yeah, of course," she quickly agrees.

You put your hand on her shoulder, and she turns back to you, with evident anxiety wrecking her usually happy features.

"Rae... I'm not mad. I wish you had told me sooner, but I get why you didn't."

She leans onto your hand, letting out a sigh. "Thanks. I just wanted to protect you..."

"..."

You wrap her in a hug and kiss the top of her head.

"Leslie wanted to meet you today too, but maybe that can wait until after dinner?" Rae mumbles into your shirt.

"Oh, right. Um... how about before? Whenever she's free."

"Ok! I'll ask her to see you," Rae nods.

...

You put on your headphones, fitting them snugly over your head, and put on a playlist.

You scroll through your computer, seeing the different games, photos, music, and games you had stored in various, disorganized folders.

Damn, I don't even remember some of these games...

Hmm... League of Legends...?

You smile as memories, ranging from incredibly euphoric to (much more commonly) rage-inducing, flood back into you, and you take them all in.

Oh.

Yup. I'm never playing that again.

Your door swings open, and you catch it out of the corner of your eye.

"Is now a bad time?" Someone says from behind the door, barely peeking in. "I knocked, but... I didn't hear your answer."

"No, come in, Leslie. Sorry, my headphones were pretty loud."

"Oh! You... know my name!" She stands up taller.

"Rae told me," you admit, making her slouch back down again.

"...it's ok." She strolls over and sits down in Rae's chair. "Rae told me that you've started remembering bits and pieces of your life. I just wanted to say that if there's any way I can help you remember, or even just to hang out, I'll always be here."

She scoots her chair over to you.

Her genuine, sweet smile puts you at ease.

"Thanks, Leslie," you smile. "That means a lot. I'm... really glad I have such amazing friends as roommates."

"Aww..." She pouts from the cuteness. "We're all glad we have you too."

You grin, letting her soft smile warm your heart.

"So... can we talk?" She asks. "I want to know how you've been doing. I'm sure waking up in the hospital must've been a scary experience."

"Yeah, it was. The first time the doctor asked me what I remembered, I nearly cried. I felt like my brain was literally empty."

Her eyes empathetically soften in worry, and she scoots closer.

"Oh no..."

"From there, everything was easier. I learned to walk again pretty quickly, and then Rae was there to help me through everything else."

She nods along.

"You know, I..." You think back to one of the first things you learned after waking up. "The doctor told me it was a car crash. I got so caught up in everything that I forgot to ask about what happened. Could you tell me more?"

She gulps and takes a shaky breath.

"You don't have to," you quickly interject. "I don't want to push you..."

"No, I can say it. It's just hard to think about..." She tilts her head up to the ceiling.

She closes her eyes and thinks for a moment.

"Um... All five of us were making dinner together, and we realized we forgot a few ingredients."

She lifts up her feet, covered by fuzzy multi-colored socks, and sets them on your lap.

"It was late at night, but you decided to go out and get what was missing."

Your hands absentmindedly make their way to her feet as you pay close attention, and you gently rub them between your fingers and palms.

"And then... it happened. We called you over and over again since you hadn't come home in over an hour. Then, someone we know found out what had happened and called us. By the time we got to the hospital, you were already in a coma, and... there was nothing we could do. It was just the worst day of my life. Of all of our lives."

"..."

"..."

"Jeez... I'm so sorry."

She laughs. "Why are you sorry?"

You laugh along with her. "I know it wasn't my fault, but I can't imagine the stress I caused you..."

She rolls her eyes. "Of course. The person who was in a coma for four weeks worries about how we felt. That's so... you..." Her voice trails off as she looks down, realizing the position you had gotten yourself into.

"Oh," you observe. "I'm guessing I used to do this often?" You giggle. "Rubbing your feet?"

"...yeah," she flushes a little. "How'd you know?"

"Well, it was pretty automatic. You started talking, and we both just did it without thinking."

"Oh, that's... true," she says, unsure if she should pull her feet back.

"I don't mind," you clarify.

"Oh? So you won't mind this, either?"

She pulls her foot back and lifts up to your face.

"AHH!" You smack her toes away. "Stinky!"

She bursts out laughing and continues to try to push her feet into you.

"Leslie!" You giggle. "I'm warning you! Don't make me do it!"

"Do what?" She teases.

You stare up at her, trying to hold back your devious smile.

You reach for her feet and tickle them, making her yelp and pull them back. But you grab her ankle, pulling her closer and continuing to tickle it.

"AHH! STOP! I SURRENDER!" She laugh-yelps, clutching her stomach.

"Noooo... my one weakness..." She pants.

After giving her a few more tickles for good measure, you let her go, letting her laughing fit slowly fade.

"Glad to see you two are getting along."

You snap your head in the direction of the door, grinning as you see Rae's amused smile.

"Yeah, we are..." Leslie says, glancing at you.

"Why don't you join us for dinner, Leslie?" Rae suggests.

"Oh, um..." You cut in. "I wanted to talk to Aria and Miyoung about... what happened."

"I know, babe, but I think Leslie should be there, too. I don't want to leave her out of this."

"Out of... what?" Leslie whispers.

"Alright. Leslie, you can come too. We'll talk about... everything."

...

You sit down and complete the circle, with Rae to your left, Aria, Miyoung, then Leslie to your right.

"Alright. Let's talk."