3 prongs

To Prong Again!The wolves knew something was up. The Cullen's and even Bella had been very tight lipped lately, and Jacob had even voiced his amazement that Bella hadn't come knocking since she ran off to Italy. Over all, the entire thing was unsettling the to the tribe, and while some voiced calling out to get answers, Sam put his foot down and said they would just let it play out. Still it was a relief when they smelled the scent of vampires invading their lands, and most of the shape-shifters jumped at the chance to go investigate. In the end, Sam had chosen himself to go along with Jacob, Paul, and Seth.

The four men shifted and instantly had their noses to the ground following the sour scent to the culprits. While they hated that fact that the vampires had invaded their land it also allowed them a sigh of relief that something was happening and they didn't have to wait for balls of fire to rain from the sky. As the scent got stronger and their noses started to burn badly, they entered a clearing and saw the strangest sight. Two vampires were sitting on a blanket enjoying what looked like an English afternoon tea spread.

As they broke the tree line the duo turned to face them, and the boy vampire delicately placed his tea cup down on the saucer and used the napkin in his lap to gently wipe the sides of his mouth. "Hello gentlemen, it's nice to meet you." The older vampire spoke in a formal tone. The werewolves slowly stepped back into the cover of the trees and transformed into humans again. Still in a bit of a daze the four men, shucked on their shorts and stepped back into the clearing.

"This is the Quileutes land and vampires are not allowed to be here." Sam growled at the bloodsuckers. A look of surprise passed both their faces at they regarded each other.

"Oh we're terribly sorry about this. We did not know. We are here investigating a case about a vampire telling a human his secret. We thought this area would be a lovely place to enjoy tea while we worked through the case. We feel awful about invading your space." The smallest vampire spoke up. His voice was soft and had a strong British accent. They could see why they had a tea set but it still didn't make sense since vampires only consumed blood.

"As an apology would you like to join us? We have all these scones and biscuits but we couldn't possibly eat them all." The older one spoke.

Jacob felt himself squirm. They were here to investigate Bella and Edward but the truth was that Jacob had told Bella. He didn't want anything to happen the Bella because of his loose lips but at the same time he didn't want to admit his mistake to two vampires. It felt wrong if he had to fight and kill a kid, vampire or not.

"We don't want cakes we want you off our land. If you don't leave soon than we will be forced to kill you." Sam snapped as he pushed his chest out to make himself appear larger than he already was.

"You're the shape shifters correct?" The man asked.

"We are..." Sam responded.

"Then would you mind if we questioned you? We just want to get all the facts before we return to the Volturi with our report." Sam looked ready to shift and brawl with the duo, but Jacob knew he needed to save this situation somehow.

"What do you want to ask about?" Jacob spoke up gathering the attention of the other three wolves.

"Oh simple things like why you have not attacked the neighbouring coven, if you know a Miss Isabella Swan, and what kind of relationship you may have with her."

The young boy sat up and looked horrified. "Demetri we have been awful! We have not introduced ourselves yet." He hastened to explain. The man suddenly looked sad.

"Forgive us for our bad manners, I can't believe we had forgotten such a cardinal rule. I am Demetri from the Volturi Guard, and my young companion here is Harry. We re-invite you to sit and enjoy the food with us as an apology." He apologized formally.

The entire situation was surreal for the werewolves. Paul seemed to decide for everyone as he walked over to the nicely embroidered quilt the duo were sitting on and pick up a tiny sandwich. The bulky wolf sniffed the bread and green filling before he bite into it. He chewed for a few moments before swallowing and shoving the rest of the snack into his mouth. "It's not bad." He spoke with a full mouth. A few crumbs fell to the blanket and Jacob could see the boy trying hard to hide his dismay at the poor behaviour. 

"Paul!" Sam scolded. Paul didn't seem to mind as he shrugged his shoulders and sat down at the edge of the blanket and picked up another sandwich. "Sam, these are the most courteous vampires we have ever met and that includes the doctor. Besides they have food and I'm hungry."

Seth let out a faint whine as he eyed the silver three-tiered tray with little cakes on it. Jacob watched as the youngest wolf quickly glanced between the cakes and Sam a few times before he caved and scampered over to the blanket to join Paul. Jacob just sighed and sat down as well. It was a losing battle since their stomachs always won in the end.

When Sam finally huffed and grumbled and sat with them, the boy, Harry, took out four more cups and saucers from the wicker basket at his side and served them tea. The four native boys who could barely sit on the blanket with the vampires fumbled with the tiny cups and spoons. Jacob had tried to recall any and all lessons his father had given him when he was but a young pup, but nothing was coming. Here in America they just poured their drinks into mugs, chugged it down and went on their way. He didn't see the point in handling fine little cups that he could crush in one hand, and little sandwiches that would never fill him.

"So um... what do you want to ask about?" Jacob promoted after he dropped the insulting doll spoon a third time. He was done trying to get sugar into his tea and just drank the infuriating thing bitter.

"Do you know Isabella Swan?" Demetri asked. It was clear who was the alpha in this partnership.

Jacob grinned. This was something he could talk about and not get into trouble. "Yeah! Bella and I are childhood friends. I actually had a crush on her but that mind reading... stalker got her first." Jacob thought it would be wise to avoid any vampire insults.

"So did Isabella already know about vampires and werewolves prior to coming to live in Forks with her father last year?" Demetri asked. Jacob wasn't sure what his accent was but it was different from Harry's British one. It still made him feel like a street rat since it was refined just like his manner of speaking.

"No..." Jacob answered trying to not fidget or crumble under Sam's disapproving glare.

"Do you know how she found out?" Harry spoke up as he refilled the teacups. Seth and Paul instinctively reached for the cups and emptied them in one go.

"She read a book..." That was the only answer Jacob could think of that would not incriminate himself.

"But Edward Cullen must have shown some signs to lead her to read that book and make the connection." Demetri reasoned.

"Pfft. All those Cullen's are terrible at keeping it a secret. You would need more than two hands to count the number of times they used their vampire abilities in front of humans." Sam bit out. It seemed like he had enough. "It doesn't matter how Bella knows, the fact remains that according to the treaty if the Cullen's turn her than the treaty is broken and we are free to kill them and you if you're still around. Enough of this pretend bullshit get off our reserve now." He snapped at the vampires.

"Demetri it seems we have over stayed our welcome. Let's pack up and go home." Harry said quietly, his head bowed in submission to Sam. The action seemed to quell some of Sam's anger but not enough. The Alpha stalked over to the bushes and shifted. His growling was like a lumbering truck warning the vampires to go.

Jacob stood, while Paul and Seth tried to stuff as many treats into their mouths before Harry's quick hands packed them away. "Why do you even have all this if you can't eat it?" Jacob asked.

Demetri smiled at him. "Just because we drink blood doesn't mean we don't like to indulge in our old human habits. Tea time was always relaxing."

Jacob nodded before he went to join Sam. As the other two followed him they didn't look back, and as one they left the clearing.

Harry watched the wolves go before he lifted the hem of his trousers and removed the weights that kept him grounded. Once he dropped the weights, he started hovering and grinning at his partner. "When do you think the laxative will kick in?"

Demetri laughed heartily. "Probably about half way to their houses. Should make an interesting run for them." He winked. 

Not wanting to be around for the fall out, Harry and Demetri grabbed their basket and took off, mentally laughing at the shifters the entire way. They may have faked old British manners, but that didn't mean they could be trusted. It was interesting to see how they caved in the presence of food.

o.O.o

Charlie had just gotten home from work and started getting ready for an evening with his old buddy Billy Black. They were going to enjoy a few drinks and watch a game or other. He always enjoyed his time with this old friend, and had been looking forward to the evening all day. Only, as he reached his bedroom the phone rang. Walking into his room the picked up the phone on his bedside table and frowned at the name 'Billy Black'.

"Billy! I was just getting ready to head over." Charlie answered the phone.

"Hey Charlie. I hate to do this but I don't think it's a good night. The boys ate something and now they are all locked into bathrooms moaning something horrible." Billy explained. Charlie frowned some more.

"Do you think it's food poisoning from the dinner or something?" The Health Inspector hadn't been around lately, and this could cause a terrible headache if the station was phoned with complaints.

"No. You know boys. I bet they tried cooking something to give Emily a break and then because of pride they ate whatever disgusting concoction they made and it gave them the runs."

Charlie let out a chuckle. "Ah yes, I could see that."

"Anyways. They house smells terrible and Jake's whining could make your ears bleed. Can we reschedule til tomorrow?" Billy asked.

"Sure buddy. Just make sure Jacob is okay. I might send Bella over later with soup for you to eat and air freshener. Then she can finally leave the house." Charlie joked.

Billy deep laugh echoed through the phone. "Giving her some leash only for it to lead to punishment. You are a cruel man Charlie Swan." Billy retorted.

"What can I say? I think I'm finally getting the hang of this parenting thing."

Suddenly a long and sad howl cut through the conversation. Billy coughed. "Right, should go and torment my own kid while he's stuck on the toilet unable to move. Call ya tomorrow!"

"Til then." Charlie hung up and sighed. Now what was he supposed to do?

Just as he asked himself that, it seemed like God was taking care of him. Charlie walked to his door o close it only to see Harry walking out of his and Demetri's bedroom carrying Monopoly with a bowl of chips on top.

"Charlie would you like to join Demetri and I in a game?"

Charlie didn't fight the smile that stole across his face. "Sure kid. Just let me change and grab a few beers."

Harry grinned and eagerly nodded before he started running towards the stairs. As he was passing Charlie he tripped over the hallway carpet and Charlie shot out a hand to stop the boy from falling. As his hand held Harry up he noticed that the boy's skin felt cold.

"Harry you seem cold. Why don't I hold this stuff and you go put on a sweater?" Charlie suggested, worried about the boy.

"Thank you, sir." Harry handed over the game and food before he dashed back into his room. Charlie grinned. He may have been joking to Billy about finally learning how to be a parent but in that moment, he felt like such a father telling his son to dress warmer. Harry and Demetri were good to have around, they certainly brightened up lonely evenings.

When Harry reappeared, he was wearing one of Demetri's old college sweaters and the hem was barely missing the ground.

"Here kid, now careful going down the stairs and I will be there soon." Harry took the load and slowly walked to the stairs. Charlie turned and went into his room, Billy and Jacob completely forgotten.

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Now, Bad Joke of the Day!

What do you call a duck with fangs?

- Quackula!

Stick It Where The Prong Don't ShineThe neighbourhood around Charlie Swan's house was a quiet peaceful area. They didn't have drag races, bickering couples, rowdy teenagers, or residents that liked to make large gaudy holiday displays. It was a nice area. It was comfortable. And all the residents would have preferred that it stayed that way. But it wasn't to be. One Saturday afternoon a dirty truck pulled up in to the Chief's driveway carrying two passengers. That was just the start. 

Billy Black finally got to see his old friend as he was loaded into his wheelchair by his son. They had missed their last get together but this time Jacob didn't eat anything funny and was perfectly able to drive his old man over to the Swan residence and join the men in an afternoon of football and manly gossip. Not the girly gossip about celebrity affairs, the neighbours, and the mostly nude photos of male models in magazines. No, they talked about Sports, Athletes, the news, and what crazy shenanigans their children get up to. Though Billy sometimes never knew who got the better deal for a child. He had a werewolf for a son, but Charlie had a dim daughter that insisted on dating a vampire.

"Billy!" Charlie cheered as he opened the front door and welcomed both Blacks in. "It was only last week but it feels like it's been ages." Charlie tacked on.

Billy laughed. "Well you have this idiot to blame. Ate something funny and was crying for me all night."

Charlie tried to frown but all he accomplished was the corners of his moustache slightly turn down while his eyes crinkled in amusement. "I'm sure he didn't mean to." Said Charlie.

"Probably not, but I always told him not to eat things off the ground." Billy and Charlie laughed together and entered the living room.

Charlie already had three pizza's waiting and a few cold beers. A big bowl of chips was sitting beside a carton of juice, and Charlie had set out three cups. "The beer is for us, but the juice is for the boys. I'll just call them down now." Charlie said.

The Chief walked to the bottom of the stairs and yelled up. A responding yell came, and Charlie smiled as he ambled his way back into the room. "Their good boys, but they never learned the fine sport of football. When I finished mentioned watching a game they started talking about soccer. Nothing against their mother but a boy should really be raised knowing the difference between sports." Charlie preached.

Billy laughed again and cracked his beer. He felt at home sitting with his friend like this. Jacob on the other hand was looking around and sniffing the air.

"Charlie, why does your house smell different?" Jacob asked. There was smoothing on the edge of his mind trying to tell him what the scent was, but he couldn't quite grasp it.

"Smell? Oh well Harry was complaining that it smelled a bit round here, so Demetri went out and bought a few air fresheners. Those plug in ones, ya know? Well anyways, the boy comes back with a large bag filled to the top and the two went crazy plugging them in everywhere. I got two in my room. One is wild lavender, and another is fresh rain or something." Charlie explained.

"Boys buying air fresheners?" Billy chuckled. "If I didn't know better I would think you were housing some shirt lifters up there." Billy joked.

A growl broke from Jacob's throat before an accented voice spoke up. "I'm sorry sir, but I take offense to what you're implying about myself and my little brother." Billy and Charlie turned to see an annoyed looking Demetri standing it the doorway, while a bemused Harry hid behind his legs.

"You!" Jacob roared before he was jumping from his seat and flying towards the older boy. 

"Woah!" Charlie yelled as he caught Jacob around his waist and pulled. The teenager was too big and too heavy for Charlie and they were both carried across the room. Demetri calmly sidestepped the attack and looked down his nose at the Black boy when he landed on the ground.

"Don't trust those leeches!" Jacob yelled as he scrambled to his knees and tried to lunge at Demetri again. The older Volturi member had skilfully moved himself and Harry around the room and beside the TV and open window. Jacob missed but that didn't stop the teenager from trying to lunge at Demetri again.

Three things happened at once. Charlie, getting fed up with not knowing the situation had bellowed "What the devil is going on here?!", as Jacob tried to lunge forward again, but missed and nearly avoided crushing the table. That happened at the same time as Bella, Edward, and Alice burst through the front door looking worried and frantic.

There was silence as no one moved. Finally, Charlie gave his daughter a confused look and went with the most pressing issue in his mind, "Bells what are you doing outside?" he asked.

Bella had the decency to stutter and as her face flushed and she looked in every direction except at her father. She seemed completely at loss as what to say.

"You're grounded and are supposed to be in your room working on your school assignments." Charlie announced. His eyes moved from Bella and landed on the Cullen children. "And I thought I said I didn't want you here." He growled. His growl wasn't as intimidating as Jacob's, but for a human it wasn't half bad.

"I-I..." Bella tried again.

"S-she snuck out her window with a rope ladder." A small voice piped up. All eyes travelled to Harry as he peeked out from behind Demetri. "You can see it swinging from her window right now." He added. When he was finished delivering his news, and he ducked back behind his brother once more.

"W-what? That's not true. I did not sneak to out on a rope ladder." Bella protested. She didn't even own a rope ladder!

Charlie glared. "I will I will go check your room now." Charlie announced. The Chief stood up straight and marched up the stairs. The group could hear his footsteps down the hallway and then in Bella's doorway. Next, they paused inside the room before they turned around and comeback down. In his hands he carried a shoddy looking rope made from Bella's floral sheet set. "Care to explain this Isabella?" Charlie asked in a low voice.

"I did not make that." The girl argued. "I bet Harry and Demetri made it and planted it there just to get me in trouble. And Harry said rope ladder, that's not a rope ladder!"

Harry shuffled out again and sniffed. "That's a rope ladder right Demetri? The princes in fairy tales use them to save princesses."

The older brother smiled fondly at the little boy as he spoke, "that is a form of a rope ladder yes. Although I don't think a prince was saving a princess today."

"Oh don't try the cute act, you totally did this." Bella protested.

"Be realistic Bella. You tried sneaking out again didn't you? Is grounding you no longer enough?" Charlie asked. He didn't seem to want to wait for an answer as he turned towards Jacob who was still kneeling. He could deal with his daughter later, but now that he remembered that Harry and Demetri were that, there was a whole new issue to address, "And you Jacob Black, what are you doing attacking my nephews?"

Jacob sat up straighter and grumbled. "They were the ones they fed me the food that made me..." the teenager blushed at this and squirmed at unpleasant memories. "Sick."

Charlie sent an enquiring look towards Demetri. The older Vampire frowned in concern before he had a small epiphany. "Ah! It must have been the Devonshire cream. It doesn't agree with everyone and since it's an unfamiliar treat your bodies not have reacted well. Harry and I are terribly sorry." Demetri said with sincerity dripping from his voice.

Harry peeked out again and the little vamp had tear tracks on his face, and two new teardrops slowly falling. "W-we're sorry." Harry's wobbly voice carried across the room.

Charlie's eyes softened at the sight as Demetri instantly crouched down to wipe the tears away. The older brother started cooing at the little boy and soon they seemed to be in lost in their own little world or soft hugs and cuddles. It always warmed Charlie's heart then he saw Demetri dote on Harry so much. It was a nice reminder that there were still siblings out there that were close, and still loved each other immensely through tough times. Charlie thought it was absolutely adorable, and the tender look on Billy's face he agreed.

"Well now that's all settled..." Charlie shot Jacob a pointed look and the teenager grumbled but eventually turned his hostile glare off of the brother duo. "We are all going to sit down, turn on the game, eat pizza, and cheer for the damn Redskins!" Charlie declared.

Billy sent up a cheer 'Redskins all the way!' and grabbed his beer again. After a few drinks, he sighed and turned towards the older brother. "Demetri, I didn't mean my comment earlier. Just all boys talk. We don't think things through properly and often end up with a muddy work boot stuck in our mouth."

Demetri looked at the older man and smiled. "It's fine sir. I wasn't offended but I was slightly angered that you would talk about Harry like that."

"I apologize and hope we can put it past us." Billy responded.

"Yes Mr. Black." Demetri said.

"None of that Mister stuff. Call me Billy." Billy said as he shuffled to get more comfortable in his chair. "Mister makes me feel older than I like to think I am."

The older vampire chuckled. "Off course... Billy."

Charlie nodded happy with the outcome and started walking towards the couch again. He took two steps before he stopped and turned around to address the trio they door. "This is a boy's night, so I suggest you to get going." Charlie directed two pointed looks at the Cullen children.

Bella stood a little straighter. "Well why doesn't Edward join you? I'm sure you can finally get to know him Charlie." The girl suggested.

Charlie stared his daughter straight in the eye. "I said it was a boy's night Bella. Besides, I know all I need to know about Edward and I don't think I like any of it. Now good night Alice, Edward, but I would like you to leave my home and never come round here again. You are both bad influences on my daughter." The Chief was firm in his words, and everyone could hear the finality in them.

"Charlie!" Bella protested.

"Nope. To your room Bella. Take your rope and remake your bed. The next commercial break I am coming up there and you better be studying." Charlie waited until Bella gave up and angrily stomped up the stairs. The two Cullen children snuck out and soon all the boys had settled around the living room.

Once the TV was on Jacob became completely absorbed in the game and pizza that the faint wisp of vampire smell didn't affect him. Billy was cheering along, and Harry kept crying out 'Foul! Hand ball!' Demetri kept yelling at the TV 'Don't dive to the middle! That never works!'. Charlie was avidly trying to explain eh rules of American football to the boys, but it wasn't going well when Harry kept asking for a red card between his cries of fouls.

Overall Charlie thought it was a good evening despite how it started.

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Bad Joke of the Night:

What's red, packed with strawberries, and likes to bite people's necks?

A Jampire!

The Brotherhood of ProngsThe Swan residence was enjoying a nice quiet breakfast together. Bella was eating her cereal while she glared at the Volturi members, Charlie was drinking his coffee as he read the newspaper, and Demetri and Harry, they were busy trying to write a letter. Charlie only needed to know that they were writing to Demetri's childhood pen pal, Felix, in Rome. If it were Bella, he would have asked more questions and been concerned about the letter's contents, but he trusted the boys. They were good boys.

"How is Harry's schooling going?" Charlie asked. It had been on his mind lately and while he knew that Demetri was home-schooling Harry currently, Charlie thought it was important for children to interact with their peers and hoped that the older brother would reconsider putting Harry into a classroom.

"It's going well. I need to pick up some more books for his lessons soon, but overall he's a grade or two higher than the other children his age." Demetri studied Charlie for a moment. "If you are serious about enrolling him, then Harry can do an aptitude test and be placed in the proper grade." Demetri suggested. Charlie nodded, and tried to ignore the concerned look on the older boy's face. It was for the best that Harry make friends his own age.

"I'll let you set that all up, unless you need help." Charlie offered.

Demetri smiled at him. "I should be fine. But maybe there's a gifted school nearby that Harry can enrol in. He's a smart boy and I don't want him bullied for being a nerd." Harry was ignoring them, happily writing away to Felix.

"Probably for the best. They're expensive though. I know the one in Seattle costs a pretty penny." Charlie advised. Demetri nodded and developed a contemplating look.

Bella seemed to have had enough and slammed her spoon down on the counter. "This is ridiculous." She moaned. "I am stuck inside all day when I'm not at school. You took away my phone, and I only get an hour a day on the internet. I can't even watch television because Harry insists on watching Barbie movies all day. He's a boy!"

Charlie frowned at his daughter. "Bella, you shouldn't judge. I watched a few with Harry, they really promote proper morals, and the songs are catchy. They even have a Three Musketeers one."

Bella groaned. "I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry for running out and going to Italy. I'm sorry for constantly trying to sneak out, and for being rude to Harry and Demetri. I'm sorry for letting my grades slack, and I'm sorry that you don't like or approve of Edward. Charlie, I'm sorry and I just can't take this anymore." Bella ranted. It seemed she finally reached the end of her rope and was desperate.

"If I promise promise to try better in school, and to be better behaved, can I just go outside for an hour or two?" Bella begged.

For the first time in weeks, Charlie actually smiled at his daughter. "Bells, all I wanted was for you to apologize and make responsible choices. I know I have been more of a warden than a father lately, but you were refusing to see what you did wrong."

That statement seemed to stun the girl. "All I had to do was apologize?" she asked slowly.

"I know it seems simple, but running off like that, and the general lack of respect you had towards my rules was very hurtful. I know you may be suffering from the disease of young love now, but that doesn't mean you should forget your family. Family is important!" Charlie told his daughter. "Just look at Harry and Demetri, I have never seen two brothers more close. They understand the importance of family, and I hoped you would see that and learn from it."

"Learn family values from them?" Bella gaped. Demetri winked at her while Harry smirked. Charlie missed the exchange since he was focussed on his daughter.

"Now you're still grounded, but I think you deserve a reward for apologizing. Harry needs some new pyjama's," Charlie sent a look towards Demetri "so why don't you and Harry drive to Port Angeles together and do some shopping."

Bella watched as Demetri lowered his mouth closer to Harry's ear and whispered something silently. The little vamp nodded along before sighing and getting to his feet. "Demi made me promise to be on my best behaviour." Harry spoke up in his usual soft tone.

Charlie grinned. "See, it will be a good chance for you two to bond."

Bella was torn. Should she go and finally see the outside world? Or stay in and suffer in the suffocating atmosphere of her house? In the end, a need to get out had won over, and Bella agreed to take Harry shopping. She didn't think he needed it but she would humour her father for a chance to leave the house.

"Good, I'll just grab some money from my wallet for Harry's needs and the trucks gas." Charlie announced.

"Nonsense Charlie. I still have some money to pay for Harry's clothes." Demetri argued.

Charlie held up a hand to halt the argument. "I promised to take care of you two and I am. I will pay for Harry's new clothes, it's the least I can do."

Demetri looked like he wanted to argue but he held himself back. "Fine, but I will pay for dinner tonight." Demetri threw out quickly before he scooped Harry up and carried him out of the kitchen. Charlie chuckled at the young man's words and shook his head.

"You really could learn a lot from them if you just gave them a chance Bells." Charlie told his daughter. That ended the conversation and the Chief went off to find his wallet and Bella's truck keys.

Bella frowned. She highly doubted that.

o.O.o

Alice Cullen was lying on her bed doing nothing when she was hit with a vision. It was what she was waiting for! When Edward had come to her and asked her to be on constant watch of Bella's activities she had been hesitant at first. It seemed like another one of Edwards more obsessive character traits, but when her brother started pleading with her, she caved and agreed. Now was his chance to finally act on his plan.

Alice grinned as she heard Edward's quiet cheer from his room. He had seen the vision in her head, and now he was preparing himself to go to Port Angeles and meet Bella.

o.O.o

The drive to Port Angeles wasn't as bad as Bella thought it would be. Harry was quiet and merely sat in his seat without saying a thing. When they got to the shopping mall, Harry had climbed out of the truck and waited for her at the side. It was scaring Bella a little about how docile the little vampire was being, but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Together they walked into the mall and Bella walked towards the mall's directory. Looking at how small Harry was she looked for the children's stores. "Do you have a preference for any type of clothing?" She asked.

Harry merely shrugged his shoulders and kept his mouth shut. Seeing she wasn't going to get much out of him, Bella led them to the closest store. If they could get Harry's clothes out of the way then she would have some time to stop by the bookstore. Amanda Ashley had published a book that had caught Bella's eye. It was a story about love between a Vampire and a woman named Analisa. When Bella had read the description, she felt like Amanda Ashley could have been writing about her and Edward in 'Midnight Embrace'.

As Bella got lost in her thoughts, her feet carried her forward on their own, until she walked into a cold hard chest. It felt like two steel bands wrapped around her, as she looked up into Edward's warm amber eyes. "Edward..." She whispered softly, barely able to comprehend how he was there with her. It was like a scene from one of Amanda Ashley's books, and Bella had a fleeting thought that romance novels do come true.

"Bella." Edwards voice was so loving that to her the world faded away and it was just the two of them embracing in a place of peace and love.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Seeing you." Was his simple response. He had yet to let her go or look away.

"How?" the time for full complete sentences was gone.

"Alice."

"Missed you." She whined.

"Me too."

Together they just stood around embracing, soaking the other in. Bella was happy. She was out of the house and with Edward, the love of her life. Nothing could ruin this moment for her...except...

 A childish scream pierced through the air from right beside them. Looking down, Harry had somehow developed tears again and his face was screwed up in pain. A couple nearby rushed over, and the woman bent down to Harry's height and tried to soothe him.

"What's wrong dear?" she asked. Harry shook his head and tried turning away, but the woman wrapped him in her arms. "It's alright dear, just tell me what's wrong."

Harry hiccupped a few more times before she stuttered out an answer. "I-I miss D-demi!"

The woman cooed a few more times. "And who is Demi, dear?"

Edward stepped forward and coughed. "He's just trying to get attention. Does things like this all the time." Edward tried explaining. The woman glared at him.

"Are you Demi?" The man asked. He was frowning and carefully studying Edward.

"H-he's not my Demi." Harry spoke up. Instantly the man and woman's attention were back on Harry.

"Where is Demi? Do you have a way to contact him?" The woman asked in a soothing voice.

"I have his number..." Harry trailed off. The man knelt down this time and held up his cell.

"Here buddy, tell me his number and I'll call him for you." The little vampire nodded and very slowly said each number of Demetri's number. The man nodded, dialled, and held the phone up to his ear.

Bella couldn't believe this. It was all going so well, but now an overprotective Volturi member was going to show up and ruin the day. She could see the old vampire twist this tale to Charlie so she would get even more punishment.

"That's really not necessary. I'm his cousin and I can take care of him from here." Bella reached out to take Harry from the woman, but the blood-curdling scream that resulted had her instantly dropping her hands. The scream seemed to have shocked everyone as they stared at Harry. The little vampire was clutching the woman closely and had his eyes screwed shut, clearly he didn't want to go with Bella.

"Hello?" Demetri familiar accented voice sounded from the phone and the man sheepishly raised it to his ear again.

"Hi. Sorry 'bout that. Are you Demi?" The man asked. The man nodded slightly. " Ah! Demetri, unusual name. I'm Richard. My wife and I were walking by when this adorable little kid screamed. While trying to calm him he asked for you."

Bella sighed. This would not end well.

"Right. Well were at the mall now. Uh huh." The man looked at Bella and then smirked a little. "Well that is one way to describe her. Well we can watch him until you arrive, it wouldn't be a bother. Oh no don't worry. Understandable. Okay. Bye Demetri." The man ended the call and knelt back down.

"Demetri said your name is Harry. Well Harry, Demi is on his way and will be here soon, until then do you want to go get something to eat?"

"H-he's really coming?" Harry asked.

"Sure is buddy."

Harry brightened up a little and gave a small smile to the couple. "Can we get hot chocolate?"

The woman beamed at the kiddy vamp. "Of course dear." Even though it was approaching summer and no one drank hot chocolate this time of year, the couple didn't seem to mind the odd request.

"We'll take it from here." The man told Bella and Edward. He didn't seem too impressed with them. Bella wasn't sure what to say. All she could do was watch as Harry walked away with the nice couple and out of sight behind two oddly dressed males. Was he planning to eat them? Or was this just a scheme to get out of buying pyjama's? Bella wasn't sure, but it gave her a chance to be alone with Edward.

"Edward, what just happened?"

Edward couldn't answer because he seemed just as dumbfounded as she was.

I decided to be a little nice Bella and Edward in this one. Also Amanda Ashley is a real romance author, and does have a book called 'Midnight Embrace'. Thank you Amazon!

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Bad Joke of the Day

How would a vampire manage with only one fang?

- He'd just have to grin and bare it

Crouching Vampire, Hidden ProngBella was cautious. She had spent the remainder of the day with Edward, and together they enjoyed themselves wandering around the town, and just talking. She knew she would probably get in trouble when she arrived home, but to her it was worth it to have spent time alone with Edward.

When she reached her front door, she steeled herself and walked inside. The house was quiet, but she refused to let that lull her into a false sense of security. She knew they were here, Edward had told her so. The only question was where were they hiding?

A giggle sounded from her right, and Bella whipped to the right to peer into the dining room. She didn't see anything. Taking a careful step forward, Bella turned quickly to the left and stared into the living room. Still she didn't see anything. Another step and this time the giggling was above her. Bella searched the ceiling frantically, but she still couldn't see Harry. She knew it was him... who else sounded so young and could float?

"Stop this!" she demanded.

A giggle sounded from behind her and Bella had enough. She dashed upstairs and to her room. Only, just before she reached her door she was blocked by a tall looming figure. "Isabella... Isabella... Isabella..." Demetri tsked. "Can't even keep an eye on a child." His voice was cold and chiding.

"I'm not to blame!" The brunette yelled. "I was talking with Edward and suddenly he started screaming for no reason. Then he left with two strangers, what was I supposed to do?"

Demetri smirked. "You know if you can't even keep watch of a well-behaved child like Harry, I would hate to see how your future children will turn out."

Bella glared, well tried to glare anyways. "I won't have that problem. Edward is going to turn me and everyone knows vampires can't have babies."

"Vampires? I don't know what you're talking about Miss Swan but we should be happy that your father isn't around to hear such talk from you. He might consider getting you institutionalized for such languid ideals."

"Huh?" Bella asked.

Demetri sighed. "Maybe languid was the wrong word. Simple? Dim? I'm sure we can find a better word for your uncreative and single-mindedness. Ah... English... it's not as beautiful or poetic as others."

"Demi." A soft voice sounded from behind Bella. The pale girl turned and spotted the child vampire standing behind her, looking bored as he stared up at her. "Charlie is at the corner." He announced.

"Right, we should move this conversation forward. Isabella, we won't tell your father that you abandoned a child at the mall for a clandestine meeting with Edward, if you do two little things." Demetri proposed.

Bella stared at him blankly.

"Well, I'll just take that as a yes. First, you will sneak the money Charlie gave you today back into his wallet."

Bella frowned. "Why?"

Harry explained this time. "Because he is a good man, and you shouldn't waste his hard earned money needlessly."

"Second," Demetri brought the attention back to himself. "I need to go to Seattle for a small business trip. Charlie has been worried about Harry's lack of contact with other people and I think to settle his mind we need to stage an incident where Harry gets to meet more people. While I'm away I would like for you to convince the Cullen's to baby-sit Harry."

Bella stared between both Volturi members and didn't know what to say. Finally, she addressed the first issue. "But I already spent the money Charlie gave me on my date with Edward."

"Oh?" Harry took a deep breath and just as the sound of the front door opened, he let out a loud keening wail.

Demetri was instantly by his side cooing at him, and pretending to console the child. Charlie's heavy boots pounded up the stairs and Demetri glared at Bella.

"I can't believe you. You left him all alone in the crowed mall by himself? If that nice couple hadn't found him and called me I don't know what could have happened to Harry. You may not like him, but isn't it a bit too cruel to just leave him that that?"

"I..I..." Bella stammered.

"What happened?" Charlie frantically asked as he stopped before the group. "What's this I hear about Harry being lost?"

Demetri gathered Harry into his arms and lifted the boy up. "I got a call from a couple that said they found Harry alone at the mall. When I arrived to pick him up, I calmed him down and he told me that when he and Bella arrived there Edward was waiting. He pushed Harry to the ground in an attempt to get to Bella, and then the two just left him. He was fine until Bella got home and when I asked her why she would do something like that, she said that she wanted to spend the money you gave her on her date with Edward- saying that some money was more important than Harry's safety set him off again."

Bella sputtered. "T-that's not true at all!" she screamed. "Edward met me and we hugged. He never touched Harry. Then when I tried to stop Harry calling Demetri he walked away with those strangers."

To Charlie, it looked like Harry was silently crying into Demetri shoulders because his shoulders were shaking, but to Bella, she could see the little fiend giving her an evil little grin and silently laughing.

"So you admit you met Edward and left Harry with on his own with strangers. You didn't even try to find him?" the tips of Charlie's moustache started trembling with the anger he suppressed. "I know there are two sides to every story, but in this case, neither is good. I am sorely disappointed in you Bella. I had thought you were maturing this morning but apparently that was just false hope on my part. From the sounds of it, we should be fortunate that Harry was found by such a good couple. What if they didn't get to him first and he was kidnapped?"

Bella pouted. "I bet he would have been fine if he were kidnapped." She stated without thinking. Demetri let out an appalled gasp as he moved further away from Bella. She quickly realized her mistake and tried to cover it up. "I mean I think Harry could defend himself if someone tried to take him."

Charlie shook his head. "He is a child he shouldn't have to defend himself. The point is, you left a large opportunity for someone to take him, and you aren't even remorseful. I don't know what to do with you anymore Isabella... I think I need to call your mother."

Bella stared at her father in fear. "What why?" she whined.

"Bells-" Charlie started.

"I think I'm to blame." Demetri cut in. Father and daughter both stared at him in bemusement.

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked.

"Well... it's just I knew she is an only child and has never had to take care of kid before. I should have known it would be too much responsibility to take him to the mall on her first time. I should have insisted I chaperone, even from a distance." Demetri explained in a very self-sacrificing tone. "I think we should give her another shot, but this time have someone nearby."

Charlie stared at the young man and smiled. "You are just too kind-hearted for your own good." The officer said with a chuckle. "Maybe you're right. Bella will still need some punishment for losing Harry today but we can give her another chance to babysit him."

Demetri smiled at the Chief. "Actually I had an idea for that already. I need to go to Seattle to check out this gifted school, and I was thinking of leaving Harry with one of the Cullens to watch him. We could have Bella tag along and observe how to properly watch a child."

Charlie frowned. "The Cullens...."

"Not Edward." Demetri was quick to point out. "I don't trust him near Harry, but I do remember the one son... oh what was his name..." Demetri took a moment to think. "Emmett? Yes the very big one..."

"Emmett." Charlie agreed with the description.

"Him. He was very kind to Harry before, and I thought maybe we could ask him. Bella could watch how he treats and plays with Harry, and hopefully that will prevent another situation like today's from occurring."

Charlie nodded along. "I never had a problem with him. Every time we've met he had always left a favourable impression on me, unlike some boy's." Here he sent a meaningful glance towards Bella, just in case she didn't know he was talking about Edward. "I will call the good Doctor now and ask if his son wouldn't mind watching our little one here. When will you be going?"

"Tomorrow." Demetri answered.

"I'll go call now, and while I'm gone I'll think of anew punishment for Bella." Charlie walked back downstairs as he argued with himself as to whether make Bella volunteer at the Morgue, or a work on filing at the police station.

Bella turned on the blood-sucking duo. "Why did you do that? I thought we had a deal!" She whispered harshly.

"You spent the money." Harry answered casually in his soft voice as he slowly stretched out of the ball he had formed against Demetri's chest. "If you hadn't spent the money we would have handled that in a more civil way."

Demetri grinned. "Maybe this experience will teach you to not be so greedy."

Bella stomped her foot and then angrily walked into her room and slammed the door. The event caused Harry to frown. "She makes it seem like her life is so hard when she acts like that. So much unnecessary angst." He commented.

"Yes... you would think being a human teenage girl would be easier than being a centuries old vampire. Honestly, no consideration for us and what we go through everyday just to torment her." Demetri pouted.

"I would suggest we teach her compassion but if she is turned then it would probably back fire on us." Harry added.

"Even if she turned out with a Jane like personality, that mind reader boyfriend of hers would never let her go to Volterra."

Harry giggled. "Could you imagine Bella and Jane having a battle of words?"

Demetri gave his little partner an amused look. "I don't think it would be very entertaining. Jane would use biting wit while Bella would stare back blankly. Soon Jane would get fed up with her opponents lack of response and storm out."

Harry frowned. "Then that would mean Bella would win right? Since Jane left first."

Demetri chuckled. "I don't think it would count because Bella wouldn't utter a single word. You can't win a word battle without saying something."

Harry smiled again. "Well as long as Bella doesn't win. I would hate to see Jane's winning streak broken. Marcus still whines when it's mentioned."

Demetri chuckled and carried Harry to their room. "He held the record for 600 years before Jane came along. Even then she only wins because Alec stands behind her and helps her cheat." Demetri explained.

"Maybe next time you should start off with a joke." Harry explained.

"A joke?"

"A joke."

"Why a joke?"

"Everyone goes straight for insults but maybe telling a joke could throw your opponents balance off." Harry explained. No one let him enter the Word Battles, but he enjoyed watching them. Unless someone started insulting Demetri, then he got upset. In turn if anyone thought to use Harry against Demetri words were forgotten and Demetri would be disqualified for drawing blood.

"What kind of joke?" Demetri asked.

Harry took a moment before he grinned. "How would a vampire manage with one fang?"

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Bad Joke of the Day

Q: How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?

A: He starts coffin'