The Fuck is Going On?!?!

"Huh?!" I wake up with a jolt as I look up at my beach umbrella over my head as I look around at where I was.

I appeared to be on a beach, no shit, but everything looked…. Strange, for one thing the sky was a weird dark purple color, the sand was black and the water was a deep purplish blue.

Their were palm trees around here and I noticed I was on what looked like a small private island in the middle of these unknown waters.

I sat up from my beach towel as I looked behind me to see what appeared to be a luxurious personal villa, the only building that was on this island.

"Ugh…. My head…." I groaned out before rubbing my head, but as I did so my eyes widened a bit as I felt something that shouldn't be there.

"Horns?…. I have fucking horns on my head?…. And my skin?! It's pitch black!" I shout in surprise, but realizing my mistake I cover my mouth and look around.

But seeing no one at all I sigh and visibly relax a bit before trying to think what's going on before-

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"UGHHH!!!" I groan out in pain as I fall over while a sudden torrent of information and memories that flood my brain that are clearly not my own.

After what seems like several millennia's worth of memories being crammed into my head in a few minutes I groggily turn over onto my back as I stare up at the sky.

"…. I am Cain…. The son of Adam and Eve from the Bible, and the Worlds first murderer…. I'm currently in the 6th circle of hell, Envy, a privilege I only have becuse Lucy didnt forbid sinners from wandering the other circles until a few decades after I came down here, and those early sinners, like me, were Exempted from being forbidden to wander the other circles, though I'm positive I'm the only one left of the original sinners…." I say as I pull myself up and look at the Devil Sea in front of me.

"And due to…. Reasons I own a private Villa here in this circle that is mostly made out of water and a few resort islands scattered about along with the elevator between circles on one of them and in the under water city of Atlantis…." I say as I pull myself up while I look down at my clothes before grabbing my Hellphone, hells version of a Smartphone, before I walked to my villa.

"Done with your relaxation for the day sir?" An older Imp like butler said to me as I came inside my villa.

"You could say that Al, but since I'm still on vacation I'm just going to relax in my room." I say cracking my neck while acting to the best of my abilities based upon what I know about Cain through his memories.

"Shall I get your brandy sir?" Alfred asks as I head up the stairs before turning to look at him.

"Hmmm, how about you surprise me this time, let me see your old bartender skills put to the test." I say with a smirk before heading to my room, not seeing the serious gleam of excitement appear in the old Imps eyes.

I enter the room before going over and flopping onto the king size bed before scrolling through the phone to look at the contacts on it.

******

Old Goat (Satan)

Woof (Beelzebub)

Moneybags (Mammon)

Old Kink (Asmodeus)

Bae (Leviathan)

ZZZZ (Belphagor)

Depresso Espresso (Lucifer)

Hells Little Angel (Charlie)

(-_-) (Lilith)

DONT ANSWER! (???)

King Bird (Paimon)

Little Bitch (Vox)

Little Bitches Side Hoe (Valentino)

Gun Toting Ballerina (Carmilla)

Old Spider (Vestial)

(New!) Punk Overlord (Zizi)

******

I look at everything and seeing the contacts makes me sigh as I rub my hands over my face while I look up at my ceiling.

"The fuck is going on?"

—————-

Meanwhile in Heaven.

"The Fuck is Going On?!?!" I shout out as I look at my face while I sit in my bathroom as I reel from the memories that flooded my brain.

Before ending up here me and my brother Danny(Cain) were out partying with some friends for my bachelors party as I was about get married to the girl of my dreams but….

"Now I'm here and I don't know what the fuck happened! But now I'm somehow Adam, the first Man in human history, who is also now an Angel that leads a legion of exorcists down to hell to slaughter the citizens once a year….. Fuck!" I shout out before smashing my fist into my mirror and causing it to break in the process.

"First of all get this shit off me!" I mutter as I rip off this mask that completely covered my entire head before tossing it aside as I look at myself.

"…. Man I look average as fuck, is this what several millennia does to a guy or did I always look like this?" First man of humanity, made in gods image, or at least the angels image, and I don't look like a Greek Adonis with my looks? Either it's because I'm now fucking old or I always looked this mid.

"Not only that but this asshole really let himself go huh?" I look down at my body and know that I'm currently obese from my size alone and this really pisses me off the most.

I was a fit and healthy guy in my life as well me, that is Johnny and not me as Adam, but because I, Adam, let myself go I fucking hate it more than anything.

"Fuck and not only that theirs this dumbass extermination that he fucking loved to do, what the fuck was this guys deal? He's an Angel for G- no can't say that, but Angels really shouldn't be able to do shit like this right? What to stop a possible uprising, please that wasn't ever going to work in the first place, if they don't got the equipment to kill angels, no matter how many bodies someone throws at it, if they don't have weapons it's just chucking them into a meat grinder….." I sigh before I grab my head mask before putting it back on.

"I got no clue the fuck is going on or why I'm here or why I'm now Adam, but I can worry about that later, tomorrow is extermination day, I'll deal with that BS, fix this shitty fat, and go from there." I say to myself as I get out of the bathroom as I prepare for the day.

How things will go from now on is anyone's guess.

******

Unless this gets a lot of traction, don't expect uploads that often, I made this because I got the idea and wanted to put it out their but won't be a main focus of mine unless a lot of people like this.

Also Cain was Bisexual when he was just Cain and not merged with Danny, so their is an old relationship of his that is still there along with two others, and all three are in his contacts.

Romance isn't the focus of this fic and even though I'm known for Harem fics, I don't see a large cast of characters to choose from to go that route so no harems although there probably will be flings going on here and there but nothing serious to remotely call it a harem in any sense of the word.

And yes this story will be taken from two seperate povs of the brothers as they live in heaven, Adam, or Hell, Cain, and yes the front cover is what Cain looks like and you can just look up Adams looks online since he was in the show proper after all.