Chapter 09: Da fuck are these morons planning?!
[Part 01: Meeting the Blacks.]
Kreacher led me through the entirety of Black Manor, seemingly choosing the longest route to test my patience. However, to my surprise, and his obvious annoyance I found myself enjoying the impromptu tour.
'Sucks to be you, you fucking elf!' I mentally curse the little shit.
Black Manor was filled with so many cursed artefacts that it seemed stupid to allow children to roam freely around the place. Among the most bizarre of items on display was a pair of medieval underwear, accompanied by a plaque detailing its purpose: to prevent the wearer from achieving an erection—a magical rendition of a cock cage. Invented by Lady Esmeralda Black.
'Wow! Seriously! These magical folks are leagues ahead of muggles when it comes to anything related to sex,' I mused, making a mental note to always inspect my underwear in the future.
Another quite intriguing exhibit on display was a pendant designed to silence the wearer upon activation by its counterpart. The mere thought of using such an item to shut Lily up brought a diabolical smile to my face. Alternatively, I could hand these pendants outside Hogwarts out to ensure a tranquil and peaceful school year for myself.
'Don't judge me, Bailed! A man is entitled to his fantasies,' I chuckled inwardly, amused by my own wild imagination.
In reality, there likely existed spells or enchanted objects capable of creating a dome of silence—a tremendously useful tool. Not everyone possessed the skill to cast spells silently, and such a barrier would effectively shield me from incoming spells by preventing the minions from throwing jinxes and curses at me.
'Maybe I should look into that?!' I momentarily contemplated.
When we finally reached the door, which looked like all the other doors in this maze-like place, Kreacher said in an annoyed tone, "Wait here!"
The fugly house-elf didn't even try to be polite to me!
'I assume the little shit thinks I'm a half-blood! If you were my house-elf, I'd make you drink out of the toilet for this treatment of my person,' I thought, annoyed.
As I waited alone, growing increasingly bored, I impulsively decided to eavesdrop on the conversation inside the room. In my defence, I was really, really bored, and I waited a whole thirty-two seconds to be invited or called in, but these people were just plain rude.
Who in their right mind calls someone else from an ongoing party just to make him stand outside some room, waiting to eventually be called in?!
So, I transformed one of my ears into a wolf ear and listened in.
"So, what does your Lord want in exchange for helping us with our little problem?" I heard a man ask.
"The Lord is benevolent! He does not want anything impossible. All he wants is to give, and he is willing to arrange marriages with some fine Pure-Blood lads, and only hopes for you to agree to," a voice spoke up, one that I knew all too well because I recognized it as Malfoy Senior.
'Marriages?' I mused, annoyed, because it sounded like something that would piss me off.
"Marriages?" a woman asked, and instantly I hated this bitch because her voice reminds me of my old middle school teacher. She was a fucking bitch, one of the sort that needs a beating to get her head out of her arse.
"Yes, marriages with some loyal pure-blood houses of my lord," Malfoy said.
"And who are these candidates for marriages that your Lord recommends?" the man inquired.
"Lestrange is going to marry Bellatrix. My son Lucius will be marrying Narcissa. And finally, Andromeda will be married to Lord Nott's son. As for your sons, they both must pledge themselves to our Lord. After all this, the Lord is willing to do take care of your problem, Orion." Malfoy declared proudly.
'What the hell is wrong with this son of a bitch?' I cursed internally at the damn noob. He behaves like a damn Yasuo player on a sugar rush despite his negative score of 0 to 10. I mean sure Malfoy is an arse, but he does not have to go around and create trouble just because he is an arse! He could just be an arse in his own home, right?
"I don't think I will be able to agree to such terms, as long as Arcturus is alive!" Orion Black replies.
"Don't worry your little head, Orion! This is all over the same play as with the little Prince girl, and didn't I take care of that one for you too? My Lord will take care of Arcturus, and then you marry your girls off, and become the new Lord Black." Malfoy senior said, chuckling.
'What does my mom have to do with everything now?' I questioned internally.
"Haha, if it's like that, then I think we can come to an agreement," Orion said, quite pleased with himself.
I leaned back and let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. I was angry, angrier than I usually am, and that meant something.
But I couldn't just march in there and break their thin little necks like twigs. Well, I could, but that would be a major mistake. I'd have the whole Ministry on my ass, and even someone as awesome as myself couldn't take on an entire country. At least not yet, but pretty soon I will be able to.
If enough ants banded together, they could theoretically take down an elephant, but practically, most of them would be smashed into paste.
Anyway, the point is I couldn't fight an entire country on my own, and meanwhile, Moldy and Gandalf are gonna build armies to go at each other.
'Seems like I need to help this Arcturus dude to stay alive!' I made a mental memo to myself.
*Sigh*
'I didn't want to start World War III, but these motherfuckers are forcing my hand,' I thought, annoyed.
I looked at the ceiling, contemplating all the bullshit I had to take care of before I could be with Narcissa and have little pups of my own.
'Well, I need to kill Gandalf for the Death Stick. I need to kill Moldy to take him out of the game for some time, but he'll come back like a fucking plague. I don't know where the damn Horcruxes of his are, but I most certainly can and will fuck with him. Not only that, but I will make sweet, sweet love to him! Muhahahah! No homo!' It's totally okay to say gay shit if you add "no homo" at the end.
"Enter," I heard from behind the door, but I ain't no dog you can call and make wait, and then call in.
I leaned back and contemplated how I wanted to play this game with these bastards.
"I said enter!" the man called again.
'Stupid ass moron!' I thought to myself, happy.
"Kreacher!" He called.
"Yes, Master Orion?" I heard the ugly elf's reply.
I saw the door open up a bit, and the fugly elf was peeking out to make sure I was there. Likewise, I pretended to have fallen asleep.
"Master, he's out there, but he's fallen asleep," Kreacher croaked, trying to explain what was going on.
"The dirty half-blood is sleeping?" Orion asked, not believing what he was hearing.
"Yes, Master."
"Wake him up," he commanded, annoyed.
Kreacher came over and woke me up by kicking me.
'Rude little shit.'
"Oh, hey?! What do you want, elf?" I asked him.
"The Master is ready to see you," Kreacher said, with no hidden amount of disgust in his voice.
"Finally! It's quite rude to leave a guest waiting. I expected more from the most noble and ancient House of Black, but it seems I was overestimating the manners of Pure-Bloods," I said to Kreacher, loud enough for the people behind the door to hear me.
I made my way through the door and entered the study.
Well, it looked like a study, the kind of which I had seen in Prince Manor more than enough.
Some magical utensils were working and clicking, doing what they were intended for.
I ignored everything and focused on the two people present in the room, a woman, and a man.
The man looked quite pleasant to the eye, but I knew what a disgusting little piece of shit he was beneath that face.
'Ironic, if I have to call someone else a piece of shit,' I thought happily, considering that I go around pissing on people and beating women.
The woman, on the other hand, standing next to her husband, was ugly and looked as if she'd been constipated for some time.
"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Black. A pleasure to finally meet you after such a long wait. I assumed you'd either forgotten about me or would have left me waiting until Regulus's next birthday," I said with a monotone voice as I further entered the room.
[Part 02: I may have a bad day, but at least I am not a weakling.]
The heavy oak door creaked as it closed behind me, basically caging me in the dimly lit study, the scent of old parchment and burning candle wax lingering in the air.
'Well, I don't like these assholes, but I like the ambiente.' I declared mentally.
Seated behind a large mahogany desk were Orion and Walburga Black, their expressions as cold and unwelcoming as one would expect from people with Eifel Towers stuck up in their asses.
'Come on these two morons manage to single handedly ruin a house that stood for centuries.' I think with disgust at the sheer level of incompetence.
"Ah, Mr. Snape, how nice of you wake up and to join us," Orion said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Indeed, though I must say, we didn't expect to see you dressed like proper wizard," Walburga added, her eyes narrowing with thinly veiled contempt as she is surprised by my attire.
I forced a polite smile, though inside, I admonished myself to not explode and insult these two pieces of wasted living organism.
"Mr. and Mrs. Black, it's a pleasure to finally meet you," I said, keeping my tone carefully neutral.
"Pleasure? That remains to be seen," Orion replied, his lips curling into a sneer.
"We've heard quite a lot about you, Mr. Snape," Walburga chimed in, her voice laced with something I cannot even put my finger on. "Your... association with our son has not gone unnoticed."
I squared my shoulders, refusing to let their disdain get to me. "Regulus and I befriended eachother as fellow housemates, and became friends, nothing more."
"Friends?" Orion scoffed, leaning back in his chair. "Forgive me if I find that hard to believe. You're nothing but a common opportunist, trying to worm your way into our family for your own gain."
I clenched my fists, struggling to keep my temper in check, but then I decided to just fuck it, it does not fit my very being to be a submissive bitch.
"I assure you, that is absolutely the case! It is after all human nature to have aspiration, and Regulus will gain as much as I from this friendship."
"Friendship? Ha!" Walburga laughed derisively, her eyes flashing with malice. "You're nothing but a mudblood, trying to infiltrate our pure-blooded lineage."
I felt a surge of anger at her words, but I forced myself to remain calm. "Blood status is irrelevant if we have aligning interests."
"Aligning interests?" Orion mocked, his voice dripping with scorn. "You're very being is a disgrace to the wizarding world, Snape. A stain on the noble lineage of a once proud Pure-Blood family."
I gritted my teeth, struggling to maintain my composure in the face of their relentless hostility.
'Da fuck is wrong with these two morons?!' I contemplated, I simply couldn't get my head around why the two motherfuckers are so antagonistic to me.
"Is this is all you have wanted to say?!" I ask them.
"You disgusting little Mud-Blood, you're nothing but a lowly worm, slithering in dirt," Walburga spat, as she leaned over the desk, her eyes flashing with contempt upon seeing my non-chalant attitude.
"Enough!" Orion's voice boomed. "Snape, let me make one thing clear: if you value your dirty little life, you'll stay away from our family. We want nothing to do with filth like you."
"Consider yourself warned, Mud-Blood," Walburga said, her voice dripping with malice. "Cross us, and you'll regret it."
"Kreacher, lead our 'GUEST' out of the manor!" Orion commanded, and the next moment I was literally thrown out by the fucking elf.
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Shoutout to Dragon_Rage93 for finding a mistake in the Chapter XD
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