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068c - Wrapping things up (3 of 4)

"Hate to see her leave, but love to watch her go." Someone says in a knowing tone while I'm… temporarily distracted. "Right, Nii-san?"

I turn around to see Haku sitting up in her bed. She's wearing a mischievous grin on her lips and the way the bed covers have fallen down to her waist makes it clear that she's not wearing much else. Have I ever mentioned how beautiful this girl is? Because in spite of all my worry and frustration and anger and relief, I can't help my eyes wandering over her bare skin to give her an appreciative once over.

By the time I manage to look at her face again, her grin is a couple of notches wider.

… Which is something I refuse to acknowledge, so I walk up to her, keeping my expression under control as I arch an eyebrow. "Are you sure you shouldn't be laying down?"

"Pffff—! I'm fine." She snorts, waving a hand dismissively in a way that I'm sure makes her small and perky breasts jiggle in a very enticing fashion. It's almost a shame my iron will keeps them out of my line of sight. "Ecchan is just being a worrywart."

"I'm sure there's absolutely no reason for her to be cross with you and/or take the chance to be harsher than strictly necessary."

"That too." She scratches her cheek sheepishly. "I guess I kinda deserve that."

I let out a long-drawn-out sigh at her casual nonchalance. She's not sorry. Not sorry at all.

And I'm not sure how I should be feeling about it. Sure, 'livid beyond measure' sounds like a good place to start with but… Am I hypocritical enough to get angry at her for this when I would've cheerfully done the same for any of my girls?

On the one hand, conventional morality states that her attitude is unhealthy as all fuck. Her whole being, everything she is, is wrapped around my own existence. I thought I understood what that meant, but that stunt she pulled to just… pop up in front of me when I needed it the most, the way Gilgamesh declared that she had 'never left'... That's a literally reality-defying obsession.

On the other hand, and being strictly egotistical about the whole thing, I don't want Haku to die in front of me. I don't want her to die at all. Not even to save my own life, maybe specially to save my own life. I'd rather die for her than survive her doing the same for me.

Now… Those are the thoughts that come to mind first. That is, while I'm still livid beyond measure and subconsciously reaching for valid reasons to rationalize my feelings. This doesn't mean I don't have a point, but now that I've time to sleep on it…

Things aren't so easy, they are nowhere near that easy.

Haku, like it or not, is a deeply flawed person. A hollowed-out husk whose soul burned down in cursed fire, who survived only by filling the gnawing void with something else. Like a climbing ivy grasping for a firm pillar to lean on, she latched into me to avoid total collapse. Maybe it would've been better for her to latch on to Kiritsugu's dream instead, but that might be an overly optimistic thought.

There's 21 dead ends in the original Fate/Stay Night, and only five 'good' endings, out of which Shirou only survives four and is only somewhat happy in three. Only three timelines out of twenty-six are anything resembling satisfactory. So yeah, I can even justify my egoistic choices from a moral standpoint if I ever feel the need to do it. Because fuck Kiritsugu, fuck Shirou and fuck this fucked up world that chews up on its heroes before swallowing them whole.

Now, if there was a way for me to help Haku grow independent that doesn't mean her immediate collapse, that would neatly solve this shitshow. I'd also very much love to hear it, because I'm drawing a blank.

Which would still leave the matter of the utter hypocrisy that is being enthusiastically willing to die for my girls while I'd rather die than allow them to return the favor, and that's another problem I have no idea how to solve. Maybe I should do some therapy too?

… Naaaaaah.

In any case, there's precious little I can do about this whole mess at the moment. And Haku has started fidgeting in place while I was lost in thought, I should probably say something.

"How did you manage to time your arrival so well, Haku?" I ask, bravely avoiding the elephant in the room. "A second sooner or later, and it would've all been for nothing."

"Well, I couldn't exactly watch the fight for an opening… but I knew there would be one when you pushed that prick far enough, so I used that as the trigger condition instead." She explains with a proud smirk. And without actually explaining anything. "It was a damn cool entry, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, but… what if I didn't manage to push him that far?" Gilgamesh had me dead on rights and no real reason to pull out Ea at all. More than pressuring him, what I did was taunting him into an apoplectic rage. "What if he decided to just… chuck a normal sword at me?"

Haku looks at me as if I was stupid. The silence stretches for long seconds.

It's my turn to fidget in place.

"Don't be silly Nii-san." She finally answers, as if she was pointing out the most obvious thing in the world. "Of course you would push him that far."

And that's that, really. Blind faith is a scary thing, isn't it?

Is this how God feels? Is this what it feels like to have someone else's hopes and expectations pinned on you? It's not as nice a feeling as one would be led to believe. A lot of pressure there. A single misstep and… Yeah, no.

You know what? I can see the episode of broody and edgy introspection I'm working myself towards and fuck that noise. I should focus on what really matters. A small squeak escapes Haku's lips as she suddenly feels herself trapped in a sudden and inescapable bear hug.

"Nii-san?" Her attempts at questioning my actions are barely intelligible, that with her face being now buried into my chest. "What's wrong?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Nii-san."

"Don't scare me like that again."

"Hehe… No promises."

"You're getting the Onion Knight treatment."

"I'll only gain actual stats at the very highest levels?"

"No."

"… You're chopping my fingers before knighting me?"

"Nobody is chopping anything from my girls." I growl into her hair. "But you're not going to escape punishment just because you deserve a reward too."

We remain like that for a while. At some point, Ecchan materializes beside the bed to stare at us in a way I'm not rightly sure is jealousy, exasperation or longing. I'm tempted to just keep doing this until she breaks and does something that clarifies her position, but there are still things to do and I can't spend the whole day here.

As I see myself out, I pretend not to notice the way Ecchan starts fussing over her Master the moment I close the door behind me.

I step out of the building just as Rin and Altera cross the Temple Gates on the other side of the courtyard. A courtyard that looks suspiciously like this entire morning never happened to it. I… probably shouldn't be surprised? If Rin can use that nifty rewind trick to repair small-scale destruction, it only makes sense for a witch of legend to be capable of doing the same at a greater scale.

Instead of making a fool out of myself by staring around wide-eyed, I content myself with leaning against a wooden pillar, cross my arms and smile obnoxiously as Rin walks up to me. Since she's adorably stubborn and proud, she holds my gaze the whole way in rather than show any surprise herself.

"I know I'm stunningly handsome…" Which suits me just fine, that's something else I can tease her with. "But you could make a man blush with that smoking stare of yours."

"You are– I'm not– Don't be a jerk!" She stutters without actually denying anything, my smirk growing wider as her face grows redder. "I was just…"

"Caster does good job, doesn't she?" I ask when she trails off, earning a huff as she crosses her arms and looks away. "How were things on your side?"

There's a series of expressions flashing through her face at my question, too quick to make sense of, before she settles on a neutral and professional mask. That tells me more about what she's trying to hide that she'd probably like. Namely, that she's trying to hide something.

"Everything is handled." She answers with a nod. "Things got a bit more complicated than expected, but—"

"You forgot to ward the place before you nuked it, didn't you?"

"It was an emergency, I didn't think of–!" She retorts on reflex before catching herself and trying to salvage the situation. "I mean, there was no time to ward anything!"

"Sure, sure." I'm sure my face tells all I need to say about how much I believe her words.

"Ungrateful little— Let's get inside." She grumbles out, briefly shoulder-checking my arm as she walks past me. "See if I save your life again next time you need it. You're lucky you're hot."

"Sorry, sorry… That was uncalled for." I apologize, following her back into our wing of the building. "And just for the record? Thank you for saving my life."

"..."

"Rin?"

"Let's just… sit down somewhere, okay? We have things to talk about. You idiot…"

Illya is already in the living room when we get there, humming to herself as she gives her Servant a lap pillow and runs a hand through her hair. That's fine, though, she's probably involved in this too. Still, nobody speaks out as we get comfortable, so I can only guess.

"Sooo… I'm assuming this is about my offer?" I finally speak out once we're all ready for a talk. "About giving up the Grail War, the objectively toxic and self-destroying magus lifestyle and their pointless chase after the Root to follow me in a magical journey through the multiverse?"

"Yes, your… offer." Rin nods with a sigh. "I have to admit, out of all the stupid, unbeliable, unproven, unlikely fascinating stunts you've tried to pull on me, that 'proposal' of yours might be the worst one yet."

I arch an amused eyebrow. "That's a no?"

"That's a 'you'll have to prove to me you can actually do it before I compromise'."

"… I can work with that." Oh, I'll give you some face, you adorable emotional cactus. "That might still take some time, though. What are your plans for the next four years or so?"

"I…" I feel her hesitation. The past days have been packed with action, so planning for the long-term future has probably slipped her mind. But with her properties destroyed and her family fortune squandered… She doesn't really have many options.

"The Emiya Residence has a lot of unused rooms, you know?" I edge carefully.

My offer, of course, causes all her hackles to raise. "I don't need your pity!"

"Eh, Rin, I don't want to be a jerk about this, but… you kinda do."

My brutal honesty makes Rin flinch, but she rallies swiftly, pointing towards Illya with a victorious expression on her face. "I can stay with Illya instead!"

"I want to be a jerk even less about that but…"

"Yeah, sorry Rin, but the moment word spreads out, I'm so disinherited it's not even funny." Illya pipes in, not looking bothered in the least about the possibility. "I should find another name, because I won't be a von Einzbern for much longer."

Which I guess it's my cue, not that I had any intention of leaving her hanging. "How about Emiya?"

Illya makes a show of thinking it over before nodding slowly. "I guess that's Papa's family name…"

"You'll always be welcome here, Little Big Sis."

"Of, for the sake of–" Rin interrupts, throwing her hands in frustration. "If you two are going to be disgustingly sappy, do it somewhere I can't hear it!"

"Why, Rin…" I tease with a smile. "Are you jealous?"

"Yes, Rin…" Illya joins with an identical smile. "Would you like to take the Emiya name too?"

"You two…" Rin growls, trying to overpower the heat of her cheeks through sheer glaring power.

"I mean…" Illya continues, ignoring the implied threat. "I wouldn't mind."

"Yeah, me neither." I happily corroborate.

"Haku might be a bit of a tougher sell, though." Illya muses.

"You two! Stop ignoring me!"

"She'll do it for her Little Big Sister… right?" Illya asks, not even reacting to Rin's words.

"I mean, we can only try…" I nod sagely.

"You two are impossible…" Rin gives up with a sigh, getting up from the couch to leave the room. "Let's go Archer, we'll come back when they stop being insufferable. Or for dinner, whichever happens first."

"Un." Altera nods. "For dinner then."

Illya and I trade amused looks as we watch the two of them leave.

"Ouch?"

"Ouch indeed. Archer-chan can be quite ruthless." I agree. "Let's get back home?"

"Which one?"

"There's only one Emiya residence." I answer, offering her my hand. "Isn't there?"