Chapter 44: For the last time

It was over.

My story with Ema, everything that we faced together until now was destroyed by a single sentence.

She, the girl whom i promised to marry after graduation cheated on me.

She lied all this time, controlling and manipulating my life.

Everything around me seemed dead.

Ema didn't even have the force to look me in the eyes after confessing her what she did to me.

I felt like every word that she was about to say could only make the situation even worse than before.

I didn't know what else to say.

My mind was still realizing what happened.

I found myself there, motionless, while a whirlwind of emotions engulfed me.

The weight of betrayal weighed heavily on my heart, mixed with the lingering threads of love and confusion.

Ema's admission had shattered the delicate balance of trust we had built over time, leaving me adrift in a sea of uncertainty.

I wanted to scream, to lash out at the unfairness of it all.

But beneath the tumult of my emotions, a small voice whispered reason.

I needed clarity, closure, and perhaps a glimmer of understanding amidst the wreckage of our relationship.

"Ema," I said, my voice steady despite the storm raging within me.

"I need to understand. Why did you hide this from me for so long?"

Ema's shoulders slumped, and she let out a heavy sigh.

"I was scared, Fumihiro. Scared of losing you, of tarnishing what we had built together. I thought if I kept it hidden, it would all just go away. But I see now that I was wrong."

Our tone of voice was very loud and i wondered why my mother didn't come to see what was happening.

"Scared of... losing me?" I whispered with an aggressive but furious and angry tone.

"You lost me in the moment you did something like that, ,Ema." I added, while turning my back to her.

I didn't know what else to say.

A loud sound of silence filled the room during that moment.

"D-Do you hate me...?" Ema's voice trembled, each word hanging in the air like a fragile thread.

I didn't turn around. I couldn't. My back felt like a barrier between us, a shield against the torrent of emotions threatening to break through.

"Hate you?" I repeated, more to myself than to her.

I closed my eyes, searching within for the truth.

Anger, betrayal, sorrow—i was feeling too many emotions deep in my soul. "No, Ema. I don't hate you."

She let out a small, shaky breath, as if she had been holding it for an eternity. "Then what do you feel, Fumihiro? Please, I need to know."

I turned slowly, finally meeting her gaze.

Her eyes, once the source of so much joy and comfort, now reflected only pain and regret.

"I feel...lost. Everything I thought I knew about us, about you, is gone. I feel like i was in love with a mask of you. Everything is a lie."

Ema stepped forward, her hands reaching out but stopping just short of touching me.

"I don't know," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I want to try. I want to fix this, if you'll let me."

Her words hung in the air, filled with a desperate hope that I couldn't share. "Fix this?" I echoed. "How do you fix a heart that's been broken, a trust that's been shattered?"

She looked down, her tears falling freely now.

"I don't have all the answers. I just know that I can't let go without trying. You mean everything to me, Fumihiro."

A bitter laugh escaped my lips. "Everything? If I meant everything, you wouldn't have done this." The words felt like acid on my tongue, burning with the truth I couldn't ignore.

Ema flinched, but she didn't back down. "I was weak, I made a terrible mistake. But I never stopped loving you. Please, give me a chance to make it right."

I wanted to believe her, to hold onto the remnants of our past, but the chasm between us seemed insurmountable.

"I need time," I said finally, my voice breaking. "Even if you'll fix a broken glass, you'll always see the cracks."

I saw Ema's body twitching and she let out a soft gasp.

Her face was totally different.

In my eyes, the girl that i loved my whole life wasn't there anymore.

The person in front of me was a stranger, not the one whom i spend my entire childhood.

Every beautiful moment that we shared like our first meeting, our first date, our first time... everything about us seemed to vanish like dust in the wind.

"Fumihiro..." Ema whispered my name.

Her words hit me like a train directly to my heart.

I felt a shiver running trough my spine after hearing her.

I looked into her eyes.

"What?" That was everything that i could say.

"I'm sorry... I promise that i will get some help..." She said with a glimpse of sadness in her voice.

"Help?" I asked in confusion.

Ema said, "I've decided to start seeing a psychologist, I need help."

I looked at her silently, confused.

Then, Ema stood up and completely undressed, showing me her entire body.

The dim light from the lamp on my desk illuminated my room.

I saw Ema's body covered in cut scars.

They were on her legs, arms, and even some on her chest.

Ema looked me straight in the eyes with a gaze full of shame and sadness.

She didn't want to show me all those things, but at the same time, she wanted to be understood.

At the sight of those scars that I had never noticed before, my spirit grew even more agitated.

I was completely shocked by that vision, I couldn't take it anymore, and before I realized it, tears were falling from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Fumi," Ema whispered again.

Her voice was completely broken by sadness and those three words she said conveyed more than a thousand different emotions.

"I've always covered these cuts because I wanted to pretend everything was fine and live normally with you, but... I can't anymore. I need help," Ema added, looking at the floor.

Her tone was a mixture of resignation, shame, and sadness.

I was shocked and couldn't speak, but after a few seconds of noisy silence, I opened my mouth.

"Who have I been with all this time?" I asked in a whisper broken by pain while looking at her with a destroyed smile.

Ema was truly touched by my question and looked at me with a gaze that said more than 1000 words.

She felt sorry for what she's done to me and maybe that was the reason of why she wanted to see a psychologist.

"I don't want to wear masks anymore, Fumi. This is who i am now: A crazy." She said with a broken smile.

I had no other choices.

I felt too much betrayed after her words.

Everything that i could do was ending everything.

Then something just snapped, something inside of me.

I clenched my fist and decided to have my way with Ema for the last time.

"She wanted to make love, didn't she?" I said in my mind, while getting closer to Ema.

She looked at me with puppy eyes, like she wanted to have some comfort, but my soul was feeling too many emotions to think straight.

I grabbed both her arms and i felt her body trembling a little.

I looked deeply into her eyes with a cold gaze.

Then, i kissed her , using my tongue.

Ema was surprised but she kissed me back after one second.

Her soft body was still trembling.

I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about anything.

I was behaving like an animal who needed to satisfy its sexual desires in order to calm down.

I didn't want to make it, but i was forcing my self to like it.

"If that's how it must end, then this will be the last time" that's what i was saying.

"I'm horrible, I'm trash, I'm disgusting, I've done something to make her cheat on me. It's my fault, my fucking fault." I kept repeating to my soul.

I wanted to stop me because what i was doing was totally not right.

My story with Ema was over.

Everything we had like our experiences, shattered like broken glass.

Everything was broken in a single sentence.

She lost me in the same moment she did something like that.

"She wasn't forced, she liked it…" I thought , while my tongue was still moving inside of her mouth, dancing with hers in a languid ballet.

Ema wrapped her arms around me and she pushed me on the bed.

Then, without saying any words, i undressed rapidly.

I was feeling excited, but it was so different from the other times.

There wasn't any single sign of love in what I was doing.

We were like animals in heat.

Ema didn't even try to kiss me after seeing me fully naked.

She got on top of me and started to shake her hips in armony with mine.

I was looking into her eyes and she was so sad.

She was about on the verge of crying, maybe because of her guilt or maybe because our sex that night was our last time together.

She kept forcing a smile but at the same time she couldn't contain her moans and arousal.

She was so wet and she really wanted to do it, but not like that.

And so, while Ema was moving, i decided to take the lead and push her down to get on top of her, being the dominant one.

Ema's legs were spread wide and her arms were on the pillows.

I stayed for some seconds to look at her.

She was breathing heavily and she didn't try to hug me again.

She just gave me a single glare like she wanted to say "don't stop.".

And so i did.

I rapidly entered into her and started to move in a very rough way.

Ema bit her index finger as not to be heard.

She was trying her best to contain her moans but i was being too rough on her.

I was having sex with Ema like i hated her.

I didn't know if she was liking it but I didn't care.

I kept moving and moving and saw some tears falling from Ema's eyes.

She then wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered "I you love you…" while I was still moving inside of her.

I pretended not to hear what she said despite her words literally shattered my heart.

I kept going like this for a while, by using Ema's body at my please.

It wasn't right. I was being a piece of shit.

But I've never been the clever one, I've always been the stupid and sleepy one.

After some time, i was finally done and i released everything i had inside of Ema.

Then, i laid down on my bed and turned my back to her.

"You can sleep if you want, but from tomorrow we'll be totally strangers." That's what i said.

Ema let out a soft gasp and then she talked.

"Just know that I'll love you forever." Ema whispered with a broken tone of voice.

And with that, we fell asleep…