A Mother's Undying Love

Is there some tradition in this world where I can't look at my own mother's face?

If there is a rule like that, then me and the one who made that rule are going to have a serious problem, as there is no way I am going to avoid looking at the ladies wherever I go. 

You might as well dig my eyes out at that point, since it's no use to me if I can't admire life's most beautiful creations.

"Is there anything wrong with looking at you, mom?" I asked hesitantly and referred to her as my mother for the first time. 

"No, there's nothing wrong with looking at your own mother..." My mother stated while staring at me absentmindedly as if she still hadn't gotten over the suprise of my appearance, which made me breathe a sigh of relief and cancel my plans to throw the person who made the rule into the river.

"...I-It's just that you never usually look straight at me and always avoid my gaze." My mom told me about the behaviour of my previous self, after snapping out of her daze.

"You'd always look at the ground when you speak and never look at my face when you talked with me or anyone else, for a matter of fact..."

Great. Not only is my preview self in this world a gloomy loser who looked like he would always kill the mood with his antics, but he also has social anxiety even in front of his own mother.

What a wonderful setting I have for myself.

"But Kafi, now you're looking at me..." My mom said in awe, as her eyes widened.

"You're looking straight at me without even flinching in the slightest. You're looking right into my eyes without looking away for even a moment...It's the first time I've seen you look right at me like that." My mom said in wonder, as if she never expected this day to ever come. 

"And it's also the first time I've seen your eyes so clearly." She looked up at my eyes. 

"I always thought they were just dark in colour...But only now do I know that not only are they incredibly dark, but they're also so clear, almost as if I can use them like a mirror to see my own reflection." She gazed at my eyes like they were pearls.

She then placed the tools on the stovetop and walked right in front of me.

Although she was quite tall, she was still shorter than me, so I had to look down at her as she placed her hands on my cheeks and pulled me down so that she could get a better look at my face.

Her hands felt soft and warm to touch, and she gave off a pleasant lavendar smell that gave me a very nostalgic feeling.

"What beautiful eyes..." My mom muttered as she looked up at me.

"Even though they're just simple eyes that let you see the world and something that everyone has; there's just something magnetic about yours that drags me in, almost as if looking at them puts a spell on me to make me stare at them forever...How have I never seen these beautiful eyes of yours before?" My mom said in wonder.

"And the boldness and energy your eyes give off, as if they wouldn't ripple even if the whole world started falling apart." She gasped.

"Where did you suddenly get all that confidence from when you didn't even dare to look into the eyes of anyone around you before?" My mom asked, flabbergasted at my sudden change.

She then looked up at my hair and said 

"And not only are your eyes different, you also changed how your hair looks...It was so messy and sloppy before, like you just got up from bed, but now it looks so neat and tidy, making you look so smart and mature." 

My mother brushed my short black hair that I neatly parted around the center and left it a little messy on the sides, like I usually do.

So we're adding horrible hair to my past image. What a mess.

"You also washed your face and took a proper bath like I told you to do so many times...Now look at yourself, after you did what I said. Your skin is super clear, and you smell so good...And honestly, after a little washing up, your skin even looks better than mine." She held up her hand and compared my pasty pale skin, which made me look sickly, to hers, which was lightly tanned, and even looked a little jealous that I had such great skin with no effort.

"And Kafi! I can't believe you didn't wear those dark hoodies and sweaters you love so much, and wore something decent for once. I thought that you would wear those musty clothes for the rest of your life." She took a step back to observe my fit, and looked excited and relieved that I had changed my attire.

"And just look what all these changes have done to you!...You look so handsome now!"

My mom jumped in glee seeing that her son had a glow up, which she seemed to have been waiting for a while.

"And don't misunderstand, Kafi. I wasn't saying that you didn't look good before and I always thought you were a good-looking boy" She quickly said it so that I didn't misunderstand her intentions. 

"But it's just that I always thought you had more potential to your looks like an unpolished gem that needed proper care...And now, after all these years of waiting, for the first time ever, I get to see that gem in its finest form so I can't help but get a little worked up." My mom said it excitedly, as if she had gotten an actual gem as a present.

"I mean, just look at you." She pointed at me like I was an exhibit.

"Dark eyes that are clearer than water, that possess some sort of magnetic charm. Raven black hair has been elegantly styled. Flawless, pale skin that even makes me jealous. And a well-distinguished face with a rather tall figure...The ladies would simply be all over you!"

"There wouldn't a single girl that would be able to resist your looks. And you'd be the crowd-turner wherever you go...Women would fight for you to just glance at them, and there will never be another dull moment in your life." My mom said with absolute confidence, as if she could already imagine it happening. 

"Ahhh! I'm so excited! My son is going to break so many hearts out there! I have to tell this to Olivia, right this moment!" My mom exclaimed in delight that her son was going to leave a bunch of girls crying, and looked like she was going to run off to tell this Olivia person.

But she suddenly stopped herself and raised her head as if a thought had popped up in her mind. She then went closer to me with a slightly worried look on her beautiful face and asked

"But Kafi, why did you suddenly decide to change?"

"Don't get me wrong, as your mom is proud of you for maturing and deciding to change yourself for the better. But I still don't understand why you did it all of a sudden, when you've maintained the status quo for years now.

I heard that boys your age go through a change or transformation to better themselves after a heart break...Is that true, Kafi? Do boys your age do that?...Did you get hurt by a girl you liked?" My mom asked with concern in her eyes, about what I was going through. She then continued saying

"If you are going through a heartbreak, then please tell mommy all your worries. I know you don't like to open up and talk to us about your life, but this is something that you really need to talk to someone about.

It's fine if you're not ready right now...But if there ever comes a time when you want to open up to someone my little Kafi, then know that mommy is right here waiting for you with open arms."

My mom held my hand in her own and looked at me with a caring smile, telling me that I could come to her at any time if life gets rough and she'll be waiting ready with a big hug to comfort me.

Honestly, even though I said that I couldn't see the woman before me as a mother, her words right now touched me deeply and made me wonder if this is what it feels like to have a mother who actually cares about you. 

The genuine concern she shows for me and the love in her words brought out the buried desires of younger me, who always wondered what a mother's love would feel like. 

The feeling of being unconditionally loved, even if you were the ugliest person to ever exist. Or the feeling of comfort of having someone who puts her little one before her needs, and would do anything for the safety and protection of her child.

Towards that love and concern that most children in the world got and never truly appreciated, I always wondered what it felt like and slept every night thinking if I would ever experience that feeling, even if it was for only a single moment in my life.

Those desires and feelings that I had thought I had forgotten a long time ago were coming back to me slowly, and I didn't like the fuzzy feeling it was giving me, like I was going to cry.

"Kafi...Are you crying?"

Shit! I am crying!

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