Chapter 18

" Hey, wake up!" 

It was the third time he was trying to get me to wake up. I finally opened my eyes and looked around. At first I was unsure of where I was but I immediately remembered. 

" Time to head back, " he told me and I wondered how fast the time had flown by. I still felt sleepy, probably more than I had been feeling initially. The drowsiness was still wearing me down, making it hard for me to even open my eyes. 

" Austin, " 

Stevens voice was a little reprimanding. I closed my eyes and turned to face the side, deciding to add myself a few more minutes. His hand was on my neck, I could feel it. And something told me it had been there for quite sometime. 

" Just wake up already, " he gently started to shake me awake. I asked him to stop, he did so.

" We'll be late for class. "

" Big deal," I sarcastically remarked. Deciding that I'd be using the next lesson to prolong my nap. Maybe even the one after that. I felt too tired, and I had to be fresh by tonight. 

" Austin I'm serious!"I quietly shushed him. I didn't know whether I was just sleepy or if my body was unwilling to be separated from his. I could feel his thumb flicking over my skin over and over, but the action was soft. 

" What'd you do last night?" He asked, but it was a question directed more to himself. 

" I can't miss class, " he informed me, and he sounded sorry. Like he regretted the fact. Like he wished he was capable of just placing his responsibilities aside without feeling guilty. I once again shifted to lay on my back, deciding to finally let him get to class because I knew how much it meant to him. I wasn't trying to get in the way of his studies. The dim light prevented me from seeing him clearly, all I could see was his silhouette. But I knew for certain that he was staring at me, I still couldn't fully open my eyes because I didn't want the sleep to disappear completely, so I just narrowed them slightly and sighed. 

" Go ahead, " I said, then I started to sit upright, but with a hand on my chest he gently pushed me back down. 

" Ten more minutes, " he said, mirroring my own words from just the other day. I said nothing, feared that if I did then he'd snap out of whatever daze he was in and leave immediately. I was sure there was something about the dark that gave him the courage to do things he normally would not. He liked not being seen, found safety in knowing he was basically invincible to others. 

I kept thinking about that one night all those years ago, about that one particular detail which I still doubted was real. Since it had occured I had kept telling myself that Stevens wouldn't have actually done that, but the more time passed the more I began to question my own beliefs. And as I was lying there, on his lap under the bleachers, it started happening again. My heart started beating faster and I began to think in ways I normally didn't. I started to imagine things I would have otherwise never imagined. It only never happened when I was that close to him. Then I felt his hand fix the collar of my denim before it traced the neckline of my shirt. Each time his skin came into contact with my own I felt a constriction on my ability to breathe normally. He knew what he was doing, this wasn't some meaningless idle touch that meant nothing. There was reason behind it, there was reason behind him cautiously slipping his fingers into my neckline and feeling out the texture of my skin. There a slight moment of indecision when he stopped moving and stayed still, contemplating his next move. Wondering whether or not to stop, but he didn't stop, he slipped his hand deeper into my shirt, then with casual movements he gently caressed every inch of my skin he could come into contact with. 

I didn't want to react, it wasn't a voluntary action, but I couldn't help it. I had no idea whether or not he was doing it on purpose, but either way, I was greatly affected. I forgot how to act normal, my breathing became rugged and audible enough for both of us to hear. It was a safe space, in there he was completely sure that no one would appear, he felt comfortable and at peace. His mind knew that there was no reason for him to worry. 

" I hated that I missed you so much!" He suddenly spoke, the words a forced whisper. Like a confession he wished he could keep to himself but was unable to because his mind refused to keep it a secret. I felt his hand as it slowly creeped lower, and I raised my own with the intention of stopping him. 

" Stevens?" 

I watched the shadowy outline of his features as he leaned down, and I had to ask myself whether he was really in there with me because there was a chance his mind was still stuck in the past. 

" Why couldn't I forget you?" He whispered when he got close enough to my ear. And for once I was grateful that he couldn't see me, Those eyes of his affected me even when he wasn't staring back, if he dared to be the one challenging me to look into them then I knew I would have lost for sure. 

" What's wrong with me?" 

The question suggested that he really did believe there was something wrong with him. I shook my head, thankful for the fact that his hand had stopped moving and now lay flat on my chest. But even that little contact still affected me somehow. 

" Why would there be anything wrong with you? If there is then I'm also a victim of whatever effect that is. "

His other hand was tracing the archs of my eyebrows, one then the other. 

" If only you knew how much I thought about you Stevens..."

He remained quiet, I couldn't even tell whether or not he believed me, or if he thought I was lying. I heard him as he took in a deep breath, then he withdrew both his hands from me and I watched as he reached for his ear for a second and let go. 

" Class.." he curtly stated. I nodded and slowly sat up, then I watched as he picked up his things and stood. He must have stood there for an entire minute without saying a word, and when he did speak, it was to utter a single worded " Bye, "

I couldn't say anything because I had nothing to say. I watched him walk away. Uncertain as to whether we had settled our differences yet or not. He was one of  the most complicated people I had ever come across. I knew him well, but I was still studying him. I wouldn't know for sure where we stood until we met again. Reaching for my backpack, I placed it down to use as a pillow. And when I lay back down I instantly thought of how much better it had felt to lay on his lap, how strange it had felt to feel his hand on my skin. When I did it the same to him, most of the time it was supposed to be a joke. Just casual teasing. But when Kyle did it, it was different. 

There was depth in his actions as well as a very real reason behind them. I always wanted him to feel comfortable whenever he was with me. I had been there each time he had felt like his world was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it. Blowing out a sharp breath, I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. If I chose to think about Kyle the entire time I'd just end up exhausting myself even further. 

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KYLE'S POV

It took me almost tripping to return to reality completely. And the first thing I felt was regret. I wondered what I had been thinking when I led him there in the first place. It was where I went when I wanted no one to either see or bother me. It was my place, but I had easily just taken him there and...

I don't want to remember what I had done. It was nothing great but it was clearly all the proof I needed that he was dangerous for me so I had to stay as far from him as possible. 

I had only taken him there because he had looked really tired. And it wasn't the fist time, even the previous day he had looked worn out. Was there something stressing him out?

I got to class and I was relieved to realize the teacher was get to arrive. I took my seat, giving Kira a curt nod since she had been staring at me when I walked in. 

I understood him a little more though. 

The simple fact that his mom had died pretty much told me all I needed to know. I didn't want to even think about that, I could still recall how strong his bond with his mom had been. I had always envied it so much, and I had been over the moon when she has asked me to think of her as my second mom. She has found out about my own mother and had resulted to taking care of me herself, like I was also her son. And she has been a huge part of my life, in the short time I had known her she had been more of a mother to me than my own mother ever had. 

If I was that hurt by her death then I couldn't even begin to imagine how Austin must have felt. 

And now each time I thought of him I recalled what had just occurred.

I also recalled what had occured years prior. That one stupid action I had done due to curiosity and some other emotion I wasn't aware of. I had been young and definitely stupid, but even now, I felt the same way. Like I hadn't grown up since then because he still made me feel and do things that I had a hard time explaining myself. I had thought I had myself already figured out but he kept proving me wrong. 

He must have affected me with his sleepiness because I suddenly felt tired. I just needed that day to end already, it felt longer than usual somehow. 

And knowing that Austin was somewhere around the school made me uneasy, and not in the normal way. I ought to have been angry, where had all that anger suddenly vanished to? It was literally non-existent. And if you took out the anger, it meant there was no reason to continue being mean to him. I barely concentrated during that entire class. And after it was over I lacked my things and made my way out. Kira fell into step beside me, and the first thing she asked was whether I was avoiding her and Max. But I hadn't heard the question at first since I was busy noticing how everyone was staring at me oddly.

" Hey!" Kira tapped me and I turned to her with raised brows.

" Did we maybe do something wrong? Is that why you're avoiding us?" 

" Who says I'm avoiding you?" 

" It's quite obvious, , "

I told her I just had a lot to deal with at the moment, and because I didn't want her to think I wasn't making an effort, I suggested we hang out during the weekend. It had been ages since we had done so. And I had been so preoccupied since Austin appeared that I hadn't been paying much attention to them. The kind of bond I had with them was completely different from the one I had with Austin, but they were still my friends and I cared for them.