85. Chapter 85

Clutching to Derek's hand as if it was a lifeline, Meredith followed him down the stairs, trusting him to believe when he told her everything was okay that he truly meant it, but thinking realistically about how differently they had grown up. Derek probably didn't know what it meant to have your family not really be a family.

Meredith didn't know what it felt like to have family be...family-like.

"This house is huge," she commented as they set foot on the ground floor. The stairs ended at the corner of a large living room that was, thankfully, empty of people.

He nodded. "The house I grew up in was about a quarter the size. Mom moved here when she and Brian got married. "I only ever lived here during the summer." Jane and Brian had gotten married in the summer before Derek had left for college.

"Did you miss the old house?" She asked. The concept of forming an emotional attachment was still relatively new to her. A house had only ever been a house to her. It wasn't until she had shared a house with Derek that she had come to understand the concept of having a home.

He offered her a small smile. "Sometimes. I guess I felt like we were leaving my dad behind. But it was good for my mom. She and dad had never planned on staying in that house, especially after having five kids. And there's no way we all would have been able to fit in the old house with all the kids."

She returned his smile, warmed by how much he cared for his mom. "Right. You and your massive family. That I have to meet..."

Derek chuckled and dropped her hand to hook his arm around her waist. "It's going to be fine," he assured her for the umpteenth time. "They're going to love you."

"I still think you're biased."

"I am not," he mumbled, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"You so are."

"Maybe," he relented, pressing a second kiss to her cheek. "But I have very good reasons to be biased."

She rolled her eyes, but silently allowed him to lead her across the living room to the door of the kitchen.

He came to a stop a few feet shy of the door and turned to her. "You ready?"

Despite the fact that her heart was now beating furiously against her chest, her throat was dry and she felt like her hands were on the verge of shaking, she nodded. "As I'll ever be."

"It'll be over soon," he comforted. "And I'll be right beside you."

"Okay; then I'm ready."

With one last reassuring smile, he pushed open the kitchen door and stepped into the room, pulling Meredith behind him.

Meredith sucked in a deep breath as she clutched tightly to Derek's hand and followed him trustingly into the kitchen. If he said it was going to be okay, it was going to be okay. He loved her; that was the most important thing in her world right now. No matter what happened, he would still be there with her tomorrow. And that was all she needed for the strength to get through what had to happen now.

With the hand that wasn't clutched in his shaking ever so slightly, Meredith stepped into the kitchen, prepared for stares and judgmental glances, and questions, questions and more questions.

Instead she was greeted with...

Nothing.

The kitchen was empty. Not one set of questioning eyes looked up to greet them. A few empty plates were scattered around the large kitchen table, surrounded by several empty chairs.

"Hmm," Derek murmured, tugging her towards he counters. "I guess they moved on. Do you want some coffee?"

"I...I...what? No. Where...?"

He dropped her hand as he reached to open the cupboard above the counter. "Are you sure you don't want any coffee?" He asked, holding to one mug, his free hand holding the cupboard open.

She just stared at him.

He furrowed his brow. "What?"

"How can you just... What is the matter with you?" She demanded.

"I, uh...love you?" He stammered as a response, obviously having no idea what it was he had done wrong.

"Well, if you really love me, you should say goodbye, because I think I'm about to have a freaking stroke!"

With an amused sigh, Derek set the mug down and snaked one arm around her waist. His free hand danced along her neck for her pulse. "Mmm," he murmured after several seconds. "Your blood pressure is only border line." He replaced his fingers with his lips, and then whispered, "I've felt it much higher; just last night, even..."

A giggle escaped her lips, and with it some of her nerves dissipated.

He kissed her neck one more time before lifting his head to meet her eyes. His second hand joined the first at the small of her back. "Having some breakfast first might help."

She made a face. "I don't think I could eat right now."

He smirked. "I've never known you to turn down food."

This time she glared at him. "I have a serious problem here, Derek."

He raised an eyebrow. "That you're a perfectly healthy twenty-eight year old woman who is about to have a stroke?"

Her glare continued. "No; that I'm freaking out and the man who is supposed to love and support me is being a moron."

He stepped closer, and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I will always loves and support you. But you're going a little overboard. There's no reason to freak out."

"But...I was supposed to meet them months ago, but couldn't because of Izzy. And then a month after that, but couldn't because of my stupid appendix. And then two days ago, which...okay, was my bad. And I was supposed to meet them yesterday, but the stupid plane was late and I got bad directions and the first cab driver ditched me and I only ended up meeting two people by the time I got here, and who knows what I said..."

She would have continued had he not been looking at her that way. The way half of his mouth would quirk into a smile and he would cock his head and his eyes made her feel like she was his favourite thing to look at.

"What!?"

"If you're going to be like this for the rest of the week, you may actually have a stroke," he told her, biting back a laugh.

She released a sound that was a cross between a cry and a sigh, and dipped her head to rest her forehead against his chest. "I just need to get it over with," she mumbled.

As if her words had some sort of power, the door to the kitchen pushed open. Meredith was upright like a shot at the sound, sucking in a deep breath as she prepared to meet whoever was now in the room, hidden from her view by Derek, who was between her and the door.

"There you are, Derek," said a voice Meredith vaguely recognized from a phone conversation – the one from Christmas when she had been sober. She still had no memory of her morphine induced conversation with Derek's mother. "We were beginning to think you'd disappeared."

Derek offered Meredith a supportive smile before he turned to face his mom. "It's you lot who disappeared. We came down and everyone was gone."

"The kids dragged everyone into a full scale game of...well, I'm not sure what they're playing. A combination of tag, hide-and-seek and rugby would be my guess." Jane responded as she stepped forward, her focus moving away from her son. "You must be Meredith."

She nodded three times before she remembered she could nod and speak at the same time. "Yes. Hi." Derek's hand found the small of her back, and she was able to release a breath. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd. I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner." She reached out her hand.

Jane smiled at her and shook her head. "We hug in this household," she stated, and before Meredith knew it, the older woman, who looked so much like Derek, was hugging her. Very carefully, she returned the gesture. "And call me Jane. I'm so glad you could make it, Meredith, especially after everything that happened with your friend."

"Yeah...I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."

Jane shook her head, dismissing the apology. "The important thing is that you're here now."

"I...thank-you." And then there was this horrible pause where Jane smiled at her and she smiled back at Jane and no one said anything. Why hadn't she thought to come up with topics ahead of time? Why hadn't she asked Derek for suggestions when she had the chance?

Maybe she was going to have a stroke after all...

"Meredith, have you had breakfast yet?"

"We were just getting some coffee," Derek offered, returning his hand to Meredith's back, and rubbing a soothing circle.

"Why don't you get that ready and Meredith can come and sit at the table with me?" Jane suggested, before turning to the table.

Meredith turned her head to Derek, eyes wide.

"Go," he prompted. "I'll be twelve feet away."

"I..."

He pecked her lips and then pushed her towards the table. "Go."

As if on autopilot, Meredith stumbled over to the table and sat kitty corner to Jane. That seemed right. That way they weren't beside each other, but she didn't look like she was avoiding by sitting across the table or something similar.

Jane offered her a smile and reached a hand towards her, low over the table. "May I?"

Confused, Meredith lifted her hands, thinking Jane was reaching for something under them. It took her by surprise when Jane's hand followed her own. Her ring. She wanted to see her ring. "Oh, yeah." She swallowed hard as she released her hand into Jane's. Here it came; the moment of disapproval. The look. The comment. The tone.

But it never came.

"It's beautiful, dear. My son did well, even without any of us to help him."

"You have such little faith in me. It's hurts, Ma," Derek commented as he joined them at he table, setting a mug down in front of Meredith before sitting next to her.

Jane chuckled and released Meredith's hand. "I was so happy to hear you were engaged. Derek has told me so much about you."

"Oh, you too," Meredith responded, offering a small smile. This wasn't as bad as she thought. Either Jane was very good at setting up false sense of security or...there really wasn't any judgement.

"Good things, I hope."

A hint of a laugh escaped Meredith's lips. "Well, mostly."

Jane laughed out loud.

Meredith surprised herself by laughing as well.

"All good things," Derek added, also laughing.

"So, tell me," Jane began, flicking her eyes between them, "Have you set a date yet?"

"Not yet," Derek responded.

"We haven't really had a chance to talk about it yet," Meredith added.

Jane stared at her for a long moment, before glancing to Derek, and then back to Meredith. "Derek's told me a bit of what's gone on in your," she motioned to the two of them, "life lately."

Although such a comment would normally cause a stress response, and likely a ramble, Meredith was calmed by the fact that Jane had clearly accepted that fact that she and Derek had a life together.

"I just wanted to say I'm really sorry to hear you've had such a hard time lately, Meredith," Jane continued. "And that makes me even more glad you could make it this week."

Derek's arm tightened around her waist, and Meredith leaned into his warmth as she met Jane's eyes. "Thank-you."

Jane smiled warmly at her. "You're very welcome, Meredith. And I hope the two of you can come and visit more than once a year from now on."

"We will," Derek responded, with a slight roll of the eyes at how his mother's comment was obviously directed to him.

"Although," Jane continued, after giving her son a wry smile, "Meredith, New York has quite a bit to offer. Great surgical residency programs, from what I hear."

"Ma," Derek warned.

"Much less rain than Seattle. Great quality of life," Jane continued, turning her attention back to her son, "And ferry boats; because apparently that is a main criteria."

"That's not the only reason I live in Seattle," Derek responded dryly.

"I know that, Derek," Jane stated, "I'm trying to convince the other reason."

Although it was obvious that although Jane was hopeful they would move closer but wasn't being serious, it still made Meredith's heart beat a little faster. In a good way. Because Jane didn't seem to be judging her. She seemed to have accepted her place in Derek's life, which was...surprising. She had expected to be questioned and judged, before maybe being somewhat accepted.

"We're happy in Seattle, Ma."

"I'll leave it alone...for now." She said with a laugh.

Meredith smiled, and then joined the laugh, as Derek rolled his eyes beside her.

"Have you always lived in Seattle, Meredith?"

"I was born there," Meredith answered, "But my mom and I moved to Boston when I was five. I didn't go back to Seattle until last year."

"Boston is closer to New York than Seattle."

Meredith laughed again. "There's nothing worth going to Boston for."

"And there's no ferry boats," Derek added.

This time Meredith giggled. "Yes, there are."

He shrugged. "I've never been."

"Where did you go to school, Meredith?"

"Dartmouth," she answered easily. Jane was asking questions, but she seemed genuinely curious, not judgemental. She wasn't waiting for Meredith to say the wrong thing.

"For college and med school?"

Meredith nodded.

"I've heard that's a good school. My kids didn't venture too far for school."

Meredith nodded, as she laid a hand on Derek's knee. She knew how much he had wanted to go somewhere further away for school, but hadn't been able to because of the pull he felt to help his family. "Yeah...it was nice." She took a sip of her coffee.

"And how did you enjoy your internship? I know my kids were glad to be done at the end of it."

Meredith nodded. "Definitely glad it's over. It was...it was a very long year."

"Glad to leave it behind you?" Jane asked knowingly.

She nodded. "Definitely."

"You must be, especially after everything that's happened."

"Yeah, it's been pretty bad," she admitted, feeling a slight tug in her chest.

"Ouch," Derek muttered.

She giggled, the tugging in her chest releasing. He always knew how to make her feel better, regardless of the situation. "It hasn't all been bad," she clarified, rubbing her hand on Derek's knee again. "There's definitely been a lot of good too." And it was true. Regardless of how much bad she had been hit with, and how much pain she had felt, she wouldn't trade the last year of her life for anything. She had found a family in that year. She had found the love of her life in that year. She had learned how to love; how to be loved. She had learned friendship and loyalty and support. She had gotten engaged; secured a forever.

"That's better," Derek murmured, as he leaned close and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Despite the fact that Derek's mother was watching, Meredith smiled and allowed Derek's arms to snake around her from the side, hugging her to him. Maybe this whole family thing wasn't so hard after all.

The kitchen door pushed open, and Meredith joined Derek and Jane in craning her neck towards the sound, forgetting to even be nervous. A kind looking, older man entered, and Meredith could only assume it was Derek's stepfather.

"We were wondering what was keeping you," he said to Jane as he moved toward the table. "But now I understand." He offered Meredith a warm smile.

Derek stood. "Brian, this is Meredith. Mer, this is Brian, my stepdad."

Meredith stood as well, shaking Brian's offered hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too," he responded easily, releasing her hand and sitting beside his wife. "We were glad to hear you made it."

Meredith nodded as she sat back down beside Derek. "I was pretty glad too."

"How's your friend?"

She sighed, before nodding. "She's...okay. Both better and worse than expected." She shrugged. "She said she was fine if I left. I...I hope she's okay." In truth, she felt guilty for leaving Cristina in Hawaii. After sulking for over a day, Cristina had basically kicked her off the island. Apparently, the trip was for 'fun, single women' only, and Meredith was no longer welcome.

"I'm sure she'll be okay," he responded, offering a warm smile.

Meredith returned the smile and took a sip of her coffee, which was now almost empty.

Once she returned the mug to the table, Derek reached for the handle and pulled it towards him. "Want another cup?"

"Sure, thanks."

He nodded and stood, both his and her coffee mug in hand. "Are you hungry? We've still got breakfast foods out."

"I..." She stammered for a moment, unsure. Everyone else had already eaten. But at the same time, she was starving. She hadn't eaten since...well, she couldn't really remember. There had been a meal on one of her flights the day before. "Something small would be great."

"We have frosted flakes," Jane said with a smirk. And then she and Brian laughed together.

Meredith glanced to them, confused, and then to Derek, questioning. He shook his head, motioning that he didn't know why it was funny. It must be some inside joke.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Meredith," Jane said, surprising her. "I just...can't get that out of my head."

Meredith blinked. "I'm sorry, but I don't understand..."

"Just...you and Tony."

Now Meredith was completely lost. Who the hell was Tony? And the worst thing was; now Derek was laughing. What the hell was going on? Obviously she was still asleep, and this was some weird dream her sleep deprived mind had come up with. She should have known the initial meeting with Jane was going far too easily.

"Grrrrreat," Jane prompted, and then shook her head at Meredith's blank expression. "You really don't remember, do you?"

A vague wisp of a memory floated through her subconscious. Tony the Tiger. From the cereal box. Her hands flew up to cover her face, trying to cover the sudden blushing. "Oh, god..." How had she spent so much time talking to Derek's mother this morning without thinking of the horrifying, morphine induced phone call that she still didn't remember making?

Derek chuckled as he sat back down beside her, his hand landing supportively on her back.

"Oh, god," she repeated, still hiding behind her hands. "I talked to you about Tony the Tiger..."

"Yes, you did," Jane said, amusedly. "Although you didn't know his name until I told you. And you thought I was very cool for knowing his name."

"You also didn't know he was a tiger," Derek added. "You thought he was a lion, until Bailey corrected you."

"I said it to Bailey too?" She asked meekly.

"Yup. After you kept trying to get her to say 'grrrreat!'"

The three of them laughed, and Meredith just wanted to crawl into a hole.

"Oh, sweetheart, it's okay," Jane said, as she reached across the table to rest a supportive hand on Meredith's forearm, a gesture that Derek had obviously picked up growing up. "That was far from the most embarrassing thing someone in this family has done."

Meredith very slowly pulled her hands down her face. "I still can't believe I called you..."

"You didn't say anything bad, Meredith." Jane assured her, releasing her arm. "It was actually quite funny; you were insistent that Derek was acting strange and you were perfectly fine."

She allowed herself a small smile. They weren't laughing at her; just wanted to laugh with her. It was part of the family thing. And maybe Jane was telling the truth and she hadn't said anything too damaging.

"You said that quite a few times," Derek added. "That I was acting strange."

She furrowed her brow, trying to remember. "Was that when I called you pathetic?"

"One of the times." He chuckled and leaned in to kiss the side of her cheek.

"I wish I could remember..."

"Maybe it's best that you don't," Jane said.

Meredith furrowed her brow. "Why? What else did I say?"

Jane just smiled. "Nothing damaging."

"But..."

"Don't worry, Meredith. I'm sure I'll tell you everything one day. Let's say in...ten years?"

Despite how much she wanted to know everything she had said, she couldn't help but return Jane's smile, because she had said ten years. Like it was expected. She was here to stay. And Derek's family seemed already to have accepted it.

Suddenly the thing she had been afraid of for so long seemed so much simpler than she had ever expected.