79. Chapter 79

AN: Apparently my AN at the end of the last chapter has sparked some worries and angry reviews. Let me set the record straight: there will be no cheating, no other romantic interests and no other women. Rose will not be part of this story, other than possibly in a 'a nurse gave me crap for not knowing anyone's name' kind of way. No more. Lexie will come in for season four because that's what happened on the show. There will be no conversation at Joe's between her and Derek.

The purpose of writing this story was to explore the differences in the Meredith/Derek relationship had he picked her the first time. Unfortunately this means a lot of crappy things that happened in the show, especially at the end of season three, have to happen here. For those of you who are upset that Derek didn't step in after Thatcher slapped Meredith let me point out two things: Derek wouldn't go after someone who just lost his wife and Meredith was running the other way, so he went after her. And the slap still happened because the Meredith/Thatcher relationship isn't much different than it was on the show. And it will lead to a certain conversation that I have planned in season four.

Lastly, the thing I'll be hated for will be short lived. Everything will be MORE than worked out come the start of 'season 4.' After almost eighty chapters, I'm asking you to have some faith.

Derek stared worriedly across the bedroom at his fiancée. She had barely said two words since the alarm clock had gone off that morning, though he suspected she hadn't slept anyway. Today was going to be hard.

He just hoped it wasn't going to be too hard.

First Susan's funeral and then the intern exam. It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve this.

"I'm fine, Derek," she said quietly, her back turned to him. "You can stop staring."

He smiled. "How did you know I was staring?"

She sighed. "I can feel it." She was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in black, pulling on her panty hose.

He stepped around the bed and sat beside her, one arm snaking around her waist. "I can't help it sometimes. You're beautiful."

The look she gave him nearly broke his heart. Her eyes were so...defeated. She placed a hand on his chest and gently shook her head. "No."

"No?"

"You can't do this. Not today."

He nodded, understanding. She didn't want him to try and make her feel better. "Okay," he agreed, pressing his lips to the side of her head.

"Thank you."

Derek stood and moved back to the other said of the room to fish his black shoes out of the closet.

He and Meredith were going in to the hospital for a few hours before heading over to the funeral. Meredith, hopefully, would be able to study with her friends. He would round on his patients.

After finally finding his second shoe, Derek moved to the mirror and began to tie his black tie. He hated ties; especially black ones. They reminded him of his father's funeral.

"You really don't have to come with me."

His brow furrowed, he turned to see Meredith standing now, facing him, still on the far side of the bed.

He nodded. "Yes, I do. That's what you do when you're in a relationship." They had had this conversation before. Meredith didn't seem to be able to grasp the reason he was coming with her.

"But..."

He sighed and moved away from the mirror, the black tie hanging haphazardly around his neck. "No buts, Meredith. If it were me, you'd come with me, right?"

"But it's not you," she whispered, her eyes on the ground. "It's me. It's always me."

He reached a hand to her chin, forcing her gaze up to meet his. "It's not always you, Meredith. You've been there for me every time I've needed you."

"I don't want to be an obligation." Her voice was so broken it made his chest ache.

"You are not an obligation. I love you. I want to be with you today." He shook his head. "None of this is your fault."

"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered, looking down again.

"That's why I'll be there with you."

Her eyes flickered back to his on their own power, and for a moment he thought she was going to say something.

His brow furrowed as he suddenly wondered if he had misinterpreted her words.

"Meredith..."

She shook her head. "We have to go."

Still worried, he nodded. "Okay." Today was not the day to push any issues. He offered her a smile. "Can you help me with my tie?"

With the barest hint of a smile, Meredith nodded and reached her shaking fingers to his tie.

"I love you."

She nodded, her focus still on his tie. "Okay."

He swallowed hard. He was worried. He had never seen her like this. Even after all the crap that had been heaped on her in the past year, he had never seen her so...shut down. It was like she wasn't there anymore, not entirely. He could only hope and pray he could get them both through the next few days. Then everything would be okay. He would have two weeks to remind her how to smile, how to live, how to sleep.

He fell asleep beside her at night and woke up next to her in the morning, but he didn't think she had slept since Susan had died.

She wouldn't talk about it.

There had been no sex. Barely any kissing or touching. She would let him hold her; that was about all.

She would simply spend hours staring blankly at whatever text book she was holding in her lap.

"There," she said quietly, flatly, when she was done with his tie.

"Thank you." He leaned forward to peck her lips.

Meredith allowed the contact, but didn't participate in it.

"Meredith...are you-"

"I'm fine."

He sighed, wishing her knew what to say to make things better. "Okay."

"We have to go."

"Okay."

She picked up her purse and left the room.

Grabbing his suit jacket from the bed, Derek followed. She wasn't in the front hall when he got to the bottom of the stairs. There were voices in the kitchen, so he headed in that direction.

He pushed open the door right in time to hear her answer an untimely question asked by her friends, who were seated around the kitchen table, as they had presumably been all night, studying fiercely for their exam.

"The most common cause of diarrhoea in hospitalized patients is C. Dif; which can lead to toxic megacolon, perforation, sepsis and death. That's what killed Susan," she answered as she poured two cups of coffee, before shoving the coffee pot back into the holder. She then moved back towards Derek, passing him a travel mug before pushing out of the kitchen.

Derek shared a worried look with her friends before turning and following Meredith to the door.

The ride to the hospital was no less painful than the morning had been.

"You know," he began, when they were half way to the hospital, "Coffee works better if you actually drink it."

She nodded. "Okay." She was clutching to her travel mug.

"Meredith, are you sure you want to go in to the hospital? We can go back home and then just go to the funeral from there."

"No. I need to study." She'd been saying this for four days.

He sighed. "Do you want me to ask you questions?"

"Okay," she said again, flatly, as if she wouldn't notice the difference if he did or didn't ask her anything.

"What are adults with Moyamoya disease at risk for?"

"Stroke," she said flatly.

Derek wondered if she had even processed the question.

"What can major personality change be a symptom of?"

"Frontal lobe damage." Her tone was the same.

"What two areas of the brain are related to aphasia?"

"Broca's area and Wernicke's area."

"And where are these areas normally found?"

"Left hemisphere."

He nodded. "Okay, obviously you've got the brain stuff down," he said, trying to get a reaction out of her. Instead he got nothing. "Let's see what I can remember from my residency... What is a cholecystectomy?"

"Removal of the gallbladder."

Derek made a face. "I guess that was too easy. What percentage of the liver's blood supply comes from the hepatic portal vein?"

"Seventy-five percent."

"Good, I think. Though it's been a while, so you may want to check on that one before the test..."

Her lips curled upwards.

Derek breathed a sigh of relief at having finally gotten a reaction out of her. "Not so helpful, huh?"

She turned her head to face him, meeting his eyes for a moment. "You're helping."

He offered her a smile, knowing she wasn't just talking about the studying. "You're going to kick ass on the exam."

She nodded absently before facing forward once again.

Derek remained silent as he navigated his car into the hospital parking lot. "We're here," he announced as he pulled into a parking space.

"Yeah..." She mumbled, reaching for her seatbelt.

Meredith allowed Derek to take her hand as they walked together to the front doors, and he took that as a good sign. She wasn't pulling away; she was just...distant. Numb, she kept saying. And he understood. Susan was the closest thing to a mom she had ever had. To lose her so suddenly had been a shock to them both. She just needed time, he knew. And in just two more days he could give that to her. Just two more days until they were free of the hospital for two weeks. Just two more days.

As much as he wished he could take her away from all of this right away, he knew he had to let her set the pace, and had to let her decide how she wanted to do things. If she wanted to go to the hospital before the funeral, he would go with her. If she didn't want to ask for permission to write the test another day, he would support her in that. They were already letting her write it a few hours after the other interns, allowing her time to get back from the funeral.

"I'm going to go find Bailey," she told him as they entered the hospital.

He nodded. "Okay. I'm going to check on my patients, and I'll meet you at the Nurses' Station?"

She nodded. "Okay."

He pressed a kiss to her cheek before heading off in the opposite direction.

All of his post-op patients were doing well. He didn't have any pre-op patients, as he was only scheduled to work today and tomorrow, before being off for two weeks. Deciding he may as well get some paperwork done, Derek was on his way to his office when he was paged to the ER.

"Damnit," he muttered, heading back downstairs to the ER. He didn't have time to get roped into a surgery right now.

Mark, Addison, Burke and Callie were already waiting. "Did everyone get paged?"

Burke nodded. "Seems that way."

Addison made a face. "That can't be good."

"Sure it can," Mark spoke up. "Maybe can be letting us know I won the race for Chief."

"Not today he isn't," Bailey called, arriving in the ER. "He's making his recommendation to the Board tomorrow for Chief of Surgery and Chief Resident."

"Then why were we all paged?"

"Search and Rescue found those lost climbers who were up on Mount Rainier."

Richard appeared behind Bailey. "The climbers are on their way in."

"Any specifics?"

"They've got three so far. One's still missing. They're reporting severe dehydration, with traumatic head and chest injuries. It's an all hands on deck situation."

They all nodded and turned to head out and meet the ambulances.

"Derek," Bailey called, causing him to stop.

"Bailey?"

The shorter surgeon hesitated. "How's my intern?"

Derek felt his brow furrow. "Didn't she find you?"

"She found me," Bailey agreed, "But she didn't say much. I'm...worried."

"Me too."

"Wouldn't the Chief let her write the test tomorrow? I'm sure there are rules about extenuating circumstances."

"She doesn't want to ask."

"But-"

He held up a hand. "Trust me, Bailey, I'm as worried as you are. She's practically a shell of herself, and she's not talking. But there's nothing I can do to shake her out of it. She just wants to get everything over with."

"Has she been studying?"

"She's been trying. I'm not sure how much she's been absorbing," he said honestly. "I try to ask her questions and she answers without thinking." He shrugged. "But she's always right. She knows her stuff. I just hope she can stay focussed long enough to get through the exam."

"You're going with her to the funeral?"

He smirked. "No, I just like to wear black suits to work for fun."

She gave him a look. "You take care of that girl, Derek."

"I'm doing my best." And he was. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her.

After helping triage the three climbers brought in from Mount Rainier, Derek assigned doctor Weller to the climber with the spinal injury and glanced at his watch. It was time to leave.

He pulled off his protective coverings, scrubbed his hands and headed upstairs for the Nurses' Station on the surgical floor.

He had caught a glimpse or two of Meredith, staring through the glass windows of the ER with her friends when the climbers had first been brought in, but after that she had been gone. He had no idea how her morning was going.

Meredith was standing at the Nurses' Station with Cristina and George when Derek stepped out of the elevator. Her head turned and her eyes changed for a moment, in what he was pretty sure was relief. That was a good sign.

He offered her a warm smile. "Are you ready?"

"She will be as soon as she tells me what biloma is," Cristina stated before Meredith could say anything.

Meredith sighed. "It's an interperitoneal bile fluid build up."

Derek smiled as he stopped beside them, his hand falling on Meredith's lower back. "Correct."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "That was an easy one."

"They're all easy when you can see the answer," George piped up. Cristina had been hogging his wife's study cards.

"You ready?" Derek asked again, quietly.

Meredith leaned into him ever so slightly and nodded. "Yeah."

"Uh, Mer..."

Meredith turned to George and shook her head. "George, I got to go."

He nodded, motioning behind them. "It's your dad."

Meredith turned quickly, Derek following suit. The moment he laid eyes on Thatcher's face, though, he knew exactly what was about to happen.

Thatcher stumbled towards them from the elevator, dressed in a black suit, but with the appearance of being unkempt. His tie was crooked and his jacket hanging open. From the redness in his eyes, and his smell, Derek could guess the older man had been drinking.

Meredith stammered beside him. "Hey...we were just on our way to..."

With a headshake, he cut her off. "No...no..." He glared at her before swaying before them. "I came here...to tell you you're not wanted. I don't want you at any funeral, Meredith!" He swung his hand in front of them to emphasize his point. His expression was angry, but he couldn't keep his gaze focused.

"Thatcher," Derek started, finding his voice. "You need to calm down."

The older man glared at him, for a moment finding focus. The focus quickly switched back to Meredith. "She trusted you! She came to you for help," he spat. "And you killed her! You did. You killed my wife! You took her from me!" He leaned in close to Meredith, angry and waving his hands.

Unable to allow the close proximity after having watched Thatcher strike his daughter only days before, Derek stepped forward, wedging himself between the two Greys. "Thatcher, you need to calm down," he repeated. "This was not her fault."

Thatcher's eyes flashed at him, and for a moment, Derek thought the older man was going to hit him. "You," he finally spat. "You...should run for the hills. She's not worth it. She'll...take everything good from your life."

Derek grabbed a waving hand and stepped into Thatcher's space. "Stop," he commanded. "You're upset, and you don't know what you're saying. It's okay to be angry about Susan, but it's not okay to come and do this."

Thatcher sneered at him. "I know...exactly what I'm...talking about. You hear me? Get out while you can. She's just like her mother. All they do is ruin things."

"Dad!" A voice cried from the elevators, as Molly Grey-Thompson rushed to the scene.

Calming somewhat at the appearance of his daughter, Thatcher stopped fighting Derek, and with a push back, Derek released his arm.

"I don't...I don't want to see you," Thatcher continued, now looking at Meredith again. "I don't want to hear from you. And I do not want you anywhere near her funeral!" Molly continued prompting him, grabbing his arm and tugging him back towards the elevators.

Derek reached a hand to Meredith's back, trying to show his support. She was frozen, her face white and her eyes empty.

"Do you understand me?" He cried.

"Dad, come on," Molly repeated, pulling on his arm. "Lexie's waiting in the car. We have to go."

Finally conceding to his daughter, Thatcher allowed himself to be pulled back a few steps, but didn't stop his angry ranting. "She meant everything to me! She was all I had!" With one last glare at Meredith, he turned around and followed Molly to the elevators, repeating, "She was all I had!" Until the doors of the elevator closed.

The second his ranting was cut off, all attention was on Meredith. She still wasn't moving.

"Hey," Derek prompted gently, turning towards her.

She shook her head, swallowing hard.

"None of what he said was true."

"Derek's right," Izzy agreed. She had shown up around the same time Thatcher had.

"It's true," Cristina added.

"You didn't do anything wrong." George this time.

Despite the warm support of her 'family,' Meredith didn't seem to hear any of it.

"Meredith?" Derek prompted. "Meredith!"

She almost flinched, finally turning to him, though her eyes didn't seem to be able to meet his. She inhaled shakily. "I..."

Glancing around at all the on-lookers, Derek wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and led her away from the public area. "Come on."

He found an empty conference room, and herded her inside.

Her eyes were red and downcast, her face still pale and her body passive. He pulled out a chair and pushed her to sit, quickly sitting beside her and sliding as close as he could.

"Meredith, none of this was your fault."

She shook her head. "She had the hiccups."

"That doesn't make this your fault."

"I could have stopped it. I was standing right there in the clinic. They looked to me for answers." She sniffed. "I let her down."

He shook his head. "You didn't let anyone down, Meredith. There was no way you could have known this would happen. No way. There isn't anything you should have done differently. You did everything you could for her."

She placed her right hand against his chest, over his heart and whispered, "Maybe he was right."

"He's angry and upset and hurting. And drunk. He wasn't right about anything."

Not seeming to hear him, Meredith placed her left hand beside her right, both flat and pressed into his chest, not pushing; just resting there. "Maybe you should get out while you can," she breathed, a single tear streaking down her cheek.

His heart broke. "Hey," he said sharply, his hands reaching to cup her face as he used his tone and his hands to force her eyes to his. "I'm not going anywhere. Not ever. Do you hear me? I'm in this forever."

"I just...he's right. These things keep happening to me, to the people around me."

"They happen to us," he corrected. "And you better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because you made me a promise."

"I don't want to be an obligation," she whispered, echoing her words from that morning.

"You're not," he assured, his fingers moving along her neck, searching for the thin chain she wore. When he finally found it, he pulled upwards until he found the ring. "Here," he murmured, pulling her left hand off his chest and wrapping her fingers around the ring. "You're stuck with me, okay?"

She released a sob as she nodded, her fist clenched around the ring on her own. The fingers of her right hand followed suit, closing around the fabric of his suit jacket, as she pulled herself into his chest.

The relief he felt at her finally crying after four days wasn't nearly enough to counter the pain in his chest at the how broken she was. He wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could and held her as she cried into his chest. "It's okay," he murmured. "I'm here. I love you."

Eventually she gave up her grip on his shirt and her ring and chose to wrap her arms around his neck. He loosened his grip to allow the change in position, and then closed his arms around her again, his hand running up and down her spine, offering her as much comfort as he could. His chest ached every time she sobbed against him, but there was nowhere else he would rather be right now.

When her tears finally dried up, she lifted her head and offered him a brace smile. "I think I got your shirt wet..."

He released a laughing breath and wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks. "That's part of the job description."

She sucked in a deep breath and inhaled. "Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too," she responded, and then whispered, "Derek?"

"What?"

"I feel like I'm barely hanging on..."

"I know," he murmured, pressing his forehead against hers. "I know, Meredith. And it's not fair. And it's not right. But it is going to be okay."

"I believe you."

He pulled back far enough to meet her eyes. He cocked his head and prompted, "But..."

"These things keep happening. What if...what if it's not enough?"

"What if what isn't enough?" He asked, but one look into her eyes and he knew. "Hey, it's enough," he said quickly. "I love you enough now to last forever. It's never going to be too much to handle." He fingered the cool platinum of the ring that now hung outside her top, before his fingers migrated to the soft skin along the edge of her cheek. "I'm not going anywhere, Meredith. You can count on that."

Her hand reached up to grip her ring again. "Are you sure?"

He slid his hand back down to close around hers. "Absolutely. You're the love of my life, Meredith."

A breath escaped her lungs, and with it the tension that had held her body hostage for the last four days seemed to be expelled as well. "You're the love of my life, too," she whispered, as if almost embarrassed to admit it.

He had to smile at her admission. "I'm always going to be here, Meredith." He squeezed her hand, still closed around the ring. "Anytime you need a reminder of that, just touch your ring." He cocked his head. "You're stuck with me, okay?"

"Okay."

When she was calm and ready, he walked with her to the intern locker room. As she was no longer going to the funeral, she would write the test with the others.

Derek had never been more grateful for her friends then he was the moment he followed Meredith into the locker room to find all four of her friends waiting for her, offering pencils, water and energy bars. She got changed, and Derek followed the group to the test room.

Meredith hesitated at the door, turning her head to him.

He offered her a supportive smile. "It's just two hours. Then you can do whatever you need."

"Thank you, Derek."

Heedless of the interns milling around, Derek stepped forward and kissed her. "You're going to kick ass."

She smiled a small, but genuine, smile. "I believe you."

**

With nothing to do for the next two hours, Derek stormed up to his office to change. The damp patch on his jacket made him sick, because Thatcher Grey didn't deserve the tears Meredith had cried because of him. Susan had been a remarkably kind and wonderful woman, and Derek wondered how she had fallen in love with such a man.

How could he be so horrible to his own daughter?

After pulling on a fresh set of scrubs, Derek slammed his office door shut behind him and made his way angrily down to the OR board to check on his patient, which was where Mark found him twenty minutes later.

"Dude, you're starting to scare the nurses. What the hell did the OR board do to piss you off?"

Derek turned his glare onto his former best friend, who held up his hands.

"Don't shoot the messenger. You're blocking the board and apparently you've been here for some time."

"My patient isn't on the board."

Mark nodded. "Weller finished with him. He's in recovery."

"Good."

"Are you okay?" There was genuine worry in his tone now.

Derek sighed. "I'm supposed to be at a funeral right now. My fiancée is writing a test that could define her career. Her father is a jackass who doesn't deserve to be breathing. And there's nothing I can do about any of it right now. So no, I'm not okay, okay?"

Hooking his hand around Derek's forearm, Mark dragged him away from prying ears. "I heard what happened."

"Yeah, well, everyone's probably heard by now," he spat after he had wrenched his arm away from Mark's grasp.

"She'll do fine on the test," Mark offered. He had obviously been working on the supportive thing. "She's kick ass. There's nothing to worry about."

"I know that."

Mark cocked his head. "Then why are you so tense?"

"Because I'm trying to convince myself not to drive down to the funeral and beat the hell out of Meredith's father."

"Crashing a funeral." Mark shook his head. "That's never a good plan. You'd have a good chance of getting mobbed. But if you're really determined I'll come with. Two against an angry mob is slightly better than one."

Derek released a half frustrated, half laughing breath. "Thanks for the offer," he said sarcastically.

Mark shrugged. "Whatever you need."

He paused. "I do need one thing."

Mark's eyes perked up. After months of fighting to get back into Derek's good graces, this was a turning point. "What?"

"Preston made me his best man. I need you to come to the bachelor party."

"You're inviting me to a party?"

"Bachelor party; if you can even call it a party. Right now it's just me and Preston. And I may not even be able to go. Mer's supposed to be at Cristina's party tonight, but after today...I may not be able to go. So I need you to go, so there's at least one guest."

"Thanks...I think. I can help invite more people, you know. How about the Chief?"

"Party's at Joe's. The Chief doesn't drink. No one else is free." He scoffed. "Except Addison. She said she may be able to make it."

Mark made a face, but nodded. "I'll be there."

Derek sighed. "Thanks."

With slight hesitation, Mark spoke up again. "You're not actually planning on crashing the funeral, right? Because Grey's going to need you. And attacking a man who's burying his wife has the likelihood of you ending up dead or in jail."

He scoffed, but shook his head. "Susan wouldn't want that. She'd be furious to know what Thatcher has been doing; how he's been treating Meredith, but she definitely wouldn't want me risking anything right now. And I'll respect that."

"You really liked her." Mark had always been able to read him.

Derek nodded. "It was really nice to see Meredith around her. I thought she'd really found a family."

"But you liked her too. Not just what she did for your girlfriend."

He sighed and nodded, surprised to feel a sudden stinging behind his eyes. "She was an amazing woman."

Mark, ignoring the change in Derek's eyes, slapped him on the back. "Find yourself something to do for the next hour that isn't sending murderous glares at the OR board, and then be with your girlfriend. If you can't make it tonight, I've got your back."

"Thanks, Mark." He hesitated before he said it, but he missed his friend and just didn't have the energy to fight this anymore, "You're a good friend."

One hour and eighteen minutes later, Derek stood by the door to the testing room, waiting anxiously for Meredith to exit. He heard the proctor announce pencils down, and his heart began to beat a little faster. There was a pause, and then the door opened. Relieved interns exited the room in small groups. One, three, eight... He tried to keep count. None of Bailey's interns yet.

And then Alex and George appeared. George offered him a smile. "She's okay," he said as he and Alex walked by. There was another pause, and then the girls appeared in the doorway.

Having been calmed by George's words, Derek felt his heart lurch at Meredith's appearance. Her face was pale, and her eyes were red and puffy. And she looked exhausted.

"Hey," he murmured, moving towards her, ignoring the other interns. Today was not a day for keeping their personal and professional lives separate; not when Thatcher had forced the two together.

She smiled softly when she saw him, welcoming his hug. "Hi," she whispered into his neck as she buried her face into him. Her voice was dry and throaty.

"Are you okay?"

She released a small laugh and nodded. "I think I cried through the whole thing. My test was wet by the end. But I finished it."

Cristina sighed. "She was a little distracting."

Meredith sent her a look. "You sat beside me."

Derek allowed himself to breath easier. Meredith was okay. She had finished the test. She was facing her feelings. She was in his arms.

"You weren't distracting," Izzy piped up, sending a glare towards Cristina. "We're just worried about you."

"I'm okay," she responded. "The test is over. We have the party tonight and the wedding tomorrow. And then two whole weeks where we don't have to be here."

Derek smiled at her attitude. "Two whole weeks," he echoed.

Izzy stared thoughtfully at him. "Have you been out here the whole time?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Checked on my patients. Did some paperwork." He shrugged. "Got Mark to agree to come to the bachelor party tonight so that it's not just me and Preston."

At that comment, Cristina groaned. "Do you think you could get him so drunk tonight that he'll sleep right through tomorrow, and when he wakes up the next day I can just tell him we got married?"

Derek laughed. "Isn't he scheduled to work tomorrow morning?"

Cristina sighed heavily and nodded. "If you were a really good best man, you'd drug him for me tomorrow right before he's supposed to leave for the church."

"As the best man, I'm supposed to be on the side of the groom."

Cristina scoffed. "Whatever. I'm going to go find myself a surgery. There better be something good enough to get me through the next two weeks..." She muttered as she walked away, Izzy on her heels, ready to fight her for it.

Meredith turned to him. "You're the best man?"

He nodded, a smile fluttering to his lips as he realized he hadn't had a chance to tell her. "Preston asked me this morning. Apparently his first choice bailed and everyone else turned him down..."

She giggled. "Still...best man...maid of honour...pretty okay, huh?"

He pecked her lips. "Pretty perfect."

She smiled. "Thank you...for before..."

"That's what I'm here for," he murmured, cocking his head. "You're sure you're okay? I can stay home tonight if you need me..."

Meredith cut him off by gently shaking her head. "Cristina needs me at this party. You go out, have fun. I'm going to try and do the same."

"But-"

"I'm all cried out, Derek. I've spent almost a week going back and forth between feeling numb and feeling sad. And you know what I realized half way through the test?"

"What?"

"That all I lost here was Susan. I loved her. And she died. And that sucks. And I miss her. But the thing with Thatcher today? That doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. I haven't had a father since I was five years old. It hurt; the things he said. But as long as they're not true, then it's okay."

"They're not true. None of what happened was your fault."

She nodded, though her eyes took on a sudden vulnerability.

"And I'm not going anywhere," he assured, able to read her look.

The vulnerability all but disappeared, and she nodded again. "Then it's okay. It hurt and it was embarrassing, but it's okay. I'm okay."

"Okay." He pecked her lips. "If you're okay, I'm okay."