20. Mark's & Thatcher's first appearance

"Invasive non-small cell with history of COPD," an unfamiliar, husky voice said over her shoulder, as its owner read off the computer screen in front of her. She turned to look at the sudden intruder into her personal space. "The guy's pretty much a goner."

She raised an eyebrow, taking in the tall, built, sexy man who now stood beside her. "Sensitivity; I like that in a stranger..." She looked back at her chart. "Are you new here?" She assumed he was a doctor.

"Visiting. I'm confounded by all the rain, and it's only my first day in town..."

She could see exactly where he was going with this little conversation he had initiated. And she had to admit he was very attractive, and exactly what she would have gone for in the past. She wandered down the counter in front of her. "You get used to it," she called over her shoulder, hoping he would get the hint. She had started out the day on a bad note with her mother. She definitely didn't need this now. Her mother had had an affair. She had cheated on Meredith's father; a father Meredith had never seen again after age five.

He didn't get the hint; or rather, he chose to ignore it. He seemed like exactly the kind of guy who would ignore it. He followed her down the counter. "It makes me want to stay in bed all day."

She couldn't help the smile that came to her face. He definitely had balls to say something like that; so outright. She turned to him. "Excuse me?"

He smirked. "I'm just saying..."

"You know, you're not very subtle."

"Subtle has never been my strong suit."

She shook her head, again moving away from him.

"So," he began, continuing to follow her. "Do you ever go out with co-workers?"

He was definitely in need of a stronger hint. She stood up straight and met his eyes. "Only one."

"Ouch; that's a blow off if I've ever seen one." He paused and stared down at her hands, his eyes expertly seeking out one important finger. "But there's no ring, so I still have a shot, right?"

She laughed. There weren't many guys who would keep pushing. He had obviously had lots of practice. He was very engaging, she'd give him that much. "I'd have to say no."

"A real no, or an I'm-playing-hard-to-get no?"

"A real no."

He huffed, and changed his tactics. "So, this boyfriend..."

"What about him?"

"Well, I just want to know that he's good for you."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "And why would you care?"

"I like to think that we've bonded in the past few minutes. I need to know that he's good for you, so that you're happy."

She shook his head. "He's perfect for me."

"Perfect, huh? I guess my chances are getting slimmer."

"I don't think they were all that big to start out."

He smiled approvingly. "Just reassure me he's a good guy, that he wows you, lifts you off your feet, or whatever."

She smirked. "He was obviously more successful than you were..."

His face broke out into a large grin. "I'm impressed. Very impressed. There aren't many like you out there. It's very nice to meet you; I'd like to shake your hand." He stuck his hand out as a peace offering.

Meredith rolled her eyes in good humour and went to shake his hand. "I'm Meredith."

He opened his mouth to respond, but a shadow fell upon them, and then the handsome stranger was on the floor. And Derek was hissing as he unclenched his fist, glaring menacingly down at the crumpled form.

Meredith gaped. "What the hell was that?"

His gaze ticked to her, immediately softening. "That...was Mark." He spat out.

She sucked in a breath. She didn't have to ask who Mark was. "Oh... Derek, I'm sorry. If I had known who he was I..." She shook her head. "I didn't... We were just talking. He wouldn't leave me alone. I told him I was taken..." She was flustered; her heart in her throat, overwhelmed by the need to prove to him that nothing had happened, that she hadn't wanted anything to happen. She couldn't handle any other new issues right now. Of all the people in the freaking hospital, why had Mark Sloan picked her?

"Hey." His left hand released his right to hook onto her elbow. "That had nothing to do with you."

She stuttered. "I promise, Derek, I told him about you... I-"

"I believe you." He squeezed her arm.

Mark staggered to his feet, his chiselled face puffy and bleeding on his left side. His eyes flickered over Meredith and Derek in realization. "I guess I picked the wrong girl..."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek hissed. "You know what? I don't even want to know. Just get the hell out."

"Shepherd!" A loud, booming, angry voice strode into the room, stopping between Derek and Mark. The chief glared angrily at Derek after he took in Mark's mangled face. "Go to the conference room down the hall," he commanded his Head of Neurosurgery. "Now!"

Derek glared at Mark as he stepped around him and disappeared down the hall.

"Everyone else get back to work!" The slack-jawed, staring staff quickly followed orders. But the gossip was sure to spread fast. Watching the calm, friendly, dreamy neurosurgeon sucker punch another man on the surgical floor was not something anyone had seen before. Or had ever expected to see, for that matter.

"Someone take care of this man." He motioned towards Mark, and then he was gone, down the hallway after Derek, muttering under his breath as he so often did.

Meredith sighed and turned, hoping someone else could take care of Mark's face. Cristina appeared at her side, her face full of interest. "What was that about? McDreamy getting McJealous?"

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"McJealous?" Mark asked, his hand tenderly exploring his face.

Meredith ignored him. "This is Mark."

"Mark Mark? As in New York Mark?"

"Ah, you've heard of me, glad to hear it." He stuck out his hand. "Mark Sloan."

Cristina blinked, and then turned her attention back to Meredith, ignoring Mark's hand. "Who knew McDreamy could throw a punch like that?" She whistled. "I was definitely impressed."

Meredith rolled her eyes, and glanced nervously down the hall. She was worried. "Can you deal with this," she motioned at Mark, "While I deal with that?" She motioned down the hall.

"What, we bonded, and now I'm just a this?"

Cristina continued to ignore Mark. "Yeah, I'll take care of it."

"Thanks."

Cristina shrugged. "No problem." She turned her attention back to Mark. "Come on, this, let's get that face to an exam room."

"Oh, no-nonsense, I like it. I've never been to Seattle before. I hate the rain, but I have to say I'm liking the women..."

"Shut up, or we'll get McDreamy to punch you again..."

Meredith couldn't help but shake her head at her best friend's tone. She stopped by the center supply station and pulled an ice pack from the fridge, and then hesitantly stepped into the doorway of the conference room.

"Grey, get in here," the chief called as soon as his eyes landed on her. "And close the door behind you." He had evidently been waiting for Meredith to show up.

Derek turned towards her, his expression apologetic. Addison was sitting at the end of the table. Derek and the Chief were sitting across from each other.

She held out the ice pack. "I got you a..." She trailed off when she caught sight of the icepack already sitting on his hand. "Oh, never mind...you already have one." She went to pull her hand back, but he ripped the icepack sitting on his hand off and tossed it down the table, where it landed in front of Addison in a crumpled pile.

"Thanks," he told her softly, taking the pack out of her grasp and laying it on his hand.

"Uh," Meredith flicked her eyes around the room, not understanding what had just occurred. "You're welcome." She took a step back.

"Sit down, Grey," Richard motioned towards the seat at the end of the table.

She stuttered. "I don't need to... I just wanted to bring the icepack. I can go..."

"No, Grey, sit," he commanded. "This has something to do with you, too. You were there."

"This has nothing to do with her," Derek spoke up, ever protective.

Richard let out an exasperated breath. "Shep, shut up. Grey, sit."

She did.

The chief glared at all three occupants of the room. "Now, someone tell me what the hell had my Head of Neurosurgery punching out people on my surgical floor."

Derek was silent, his angry eyes glued to a random spot across the room. Addison looked near tears. Meredith swallowed when the chief's eyes landed on her. "Grey?" He prompted.

"I..."

"This has nothing to do with her." Derek flicked his gaze to Richard, and then to her, where it softened considerably. "I would have hit Mark if she had been there or not."

"Who's Mark?"

Derek scoffed, his eyes finding his ex-wife, his expression cold. "I think Addison can explain that one."

Addison sighed sadly, and Meredith felt sorry for the woman as she reluctantly proceeded to explain the happenings revolving Mark. It was obvious she was sorry. And it was obvious she had never expected the plastic surgeon to show up in Seattle.

Richard stood when Addison was finished and leaned across the table towards Derek. "Did you put your weight behind it?"

Derek nodded. "Yes, sir."

Richard nodded. "Well, alright then." His sternness dissipated and he exited the room.

In any other situation, Meredith would have laughed. But in this situation nothing was funny. She doubted she had ever been this uncomfortable before.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Derek demanded.

"I have no idea," Addison answered quietly.

"Like hell you don't. What is this, Addison? Huh? Revenge for me actually being happy?"

"Derek, I have no idea why he's here. I didn't even know he was here until you did."

Their eyes locked for several seconds. "Whatever," Derek muttered.

She sighed. "I swear I have no idea," she told him, standing up. "I have patients," she said as a way of goodbye.

And it was just Meredith and Derek left in the room. She swallowed and slid her chair closer. "Derek..." She prompted gently.

He turned to her, his face revealing a sudden vulnerability that had been hidden by his anger. "Promise me, Meredith, promise me nothing would have..." He begged.

A flash of anger welled inside of her, but she quashed it immediately. She had never given him any reason to think she would cheat on him. But he had been hurt before; in a way no one should. And it was hard to remember that sometimes, when he acted so self-assured and confident. "I promise," she whispered, reaching for his good hand. "I promise nothing happened, and nothing was going to happen." She paused. "And nothing will happen, with anyone else, ever. I promise."

He nodded. "I'm sorry..." He looked embarrassed.

"No, it's okay. You get to be a little irrational."

He cracked a smile. "Irrational, huh?"

She smiled back and nodded. "Pretty much." She squeezed his hand. "I'd never do that to you, Derek."

He nodded. "Thank you."

"How's your hand?"

He met her eyes and sighed. "Fucking hurts."

She laughed at his honesty. "Have you ever punched anyone before?"

"Nope."

"Can I see?"

He moved it over to her. She lifted the icepack off and grimaced. The first three knuckles were puffy, and the first two were bleeding a bit. "Do you think you broke anything?"

He hesitantly flexed his fingers, grimacing. "No."

"Good." She replaced the icepack. "Do you want me to get you some ibuprofen or something?"

He nodded. "That's probably a good idea; try to control the swelling." He went to stand up, but she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll get it. Take a moment here to chill."

"Thanks."

She returned a few minutes later with two pills and a small glass of water. He swallowed the pills and drained the water, shooting her a grateful look. He flexed his hand again.

"You okay?" She asked.

He nodded. "I think so."

She paused. "You're not, like, going to do that again, right?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, I'm all for hating Mark for what he did to you, but seriously, Derek, you could hurt your hand..."

He smiled at her. "I won't punch him again, Mer. I promise."

"Good."

He sighed. "How about you, are you okay?"

"I'm not the one with the swollen hand or the bleeding face."

He laughed. "I'm sorry I did that right in front of you, Mer. I just... I saw red."

"It's okay. I get it. He slept with your wife, Derek, that's not something a best friend is supposed to do."

"No. No, it's not." He shook his head and sighed. "I need to get back to me patients."

"Yeah," she said reluctantly. "Me too."

000

She was videotaping the thirteenth hate tape when she finally lost her cool with her patient. He was such a kind man; why would he want to leave these messages for his loved ones?

None of these people, not one of them, knows how I really feel. My whole life, I've kept it all inside. I don't want to carry this with me to my grave.

So she had finished taping for him, but had held onto the tapes, debating whether to send them if her patient died. And Burke had called her a liar because he had discovered that Cristina had kept her old apartment, and Meredith had known. And Cristina was mad at Burke for being mad at her. And Izzy was back with Alex. And George was acting distant. And Derek was distracted. And Meredith just needed to talk to someone.

She had addressed and stuffed envelopes with hate tapes as she listened to Derek rant about how Mark was driving him crazy, how he had involved himself with Derek's patient, and how the only reason the plastic surgeon hadn't ended up on the floor again was because Derek had made a promise to her. Derek was distracted, rightfully so. And he had been amazing for the past week, not leaving her side, helping her get through the aftermath of the bomb. He deserved the same from her now. He didn't need the added stress of her problems right now.

But everyone was distracted. And Meredith needed someone to talk to. Her mother was a filthy whore. She had had an affair. She had cheated on Meredith's father. Who with, she had no idea, but she knew it was someone at work.

I was going at it all night in the on-call room...

My husband wonders why I'm not interested in him anymore...

She had tried talking to the chief, but he hadn't known anything. He was being distant too.

Meredith was confused.

And then the most confusing thing happened. Her patient had survived. He had gone into surgery with very low odds, and he had survived. And he still wanted her to mail the tapes. He was going to live, and he still wanted to get everything out in the open. He had almost died, and he wanted to say his peace.

Meredith had almost died a little more than a week prior. She had had very low odds of surviving. She had watched two people blow up right in front of her. And she was determined that she was not going to be making hate tapes on her death bed. She needed to get everything out in the open now.

That was why she was leafing through the phonebook, searching under G. Her finger stopped. Grey, T. There was only one. If Thatcher Grey still lived in Seattle this was him. She ripped the page out of the book and folded it into her pocket. She was going to go and meet her father. She wasn't going to wonder anymore. She wanted answers.

Derek was still in surgery when she went looking for him. He looked like he had a couple hours left. At least. She craved talking with him, telling him what she was about to do, asking for his opinion. But he wasn't going to be free any time soon. And he was distracted, she reminded herself. He had Mark to deal with. That was much more important. He didn't have time for something that happened over twenty years ago. And if she waited until he did have time, she would lose her nerve. She had to do this today, right now.

Using her new key, she let herself into his office and left a note on his desk, telling him to call her when he was finished, that she'd meet him at Joe's and then they could go home. True to her request, they were spending every night together.

She found herself a free computer at the nurses' station and did a quick search for the address from her stolen page of phone book. Using a scrap piece of paper, she drew herself a simple map. And then she left the hospital without anyone knowing what she was about to do.

000

She rang the doorbell twice and stopped when she heard footsteps approach. It was too late to back out now. A man who she had no clear memory of, and therefore should not recognize at all, appeared through the glass. And yet, there wasn't a doubt in her mind that this man was her father.

He only blinked once before his eyes shown with recognition. He reached for the knob and paused for a long moment as they stared at each other through the glass inserts in the door. She forced herself to remain as stoic as possible. She was here for a reason. She would not let this man hurt her. She would not be caught by surprise if he told her to leave.

She did not have her hopes up.

He opened the door, his eyes never leaving hers, and he looked stunned, not angry. And against her will and determination, she felt a glimmer of hope.

He stuttered and showed a hint of a smile.

Meredith took a breath. She had come here for a reason. "She had an affair."

He looked startled, but nodded. "Yes."

"Why didn't you stay and fight for us?" Why did I grow up without a father?

"I did... I tried..." He stumbled over his words, stepping out onto the porch, pulling the door shut behind him. Her stomach dropped. He obviously wasn't about to invite her in. She didn't have a place in his life, hadn't in over twenty years. He didn't want her in his life.

The tears in her eyes were threatening to spill onto her cheeks. "Why didn't you try harder?" Why was it left to me to track you down after all these years? "You just left." I never saw you again. Do you have any idea how hard it is to trust people now?

He evidently didn't have an answer for her. He avoided her eyes for a moment. "Meredith." The word escaped from his lips awkward and hesitant, but clear.

A single tear streaked down her cheek. She had just heard her father say her name for the first time since she was five years old. She wiped it away quickly. She wasn't going to let this man hurt her again.

"Is there anything that you need?" He continued. "Anything...at all?"

An explanation. A reason... A father. She shook her head. "No. I don't need anything from you." Her cheeks were moist, but she forwent wiping them. Maybe he wouldn't notice. And who cares if he did. She obviously wasn't going to get anything from him. He didn't respond and she couldn't handle the silence anymore.

She turned and ran to her car, wishing now that she had waited for Derek to be out of surgery, wishing he would be waiting in the car for her. She really just needed a hug right now.

000

He still hadn't called when Meredith had parked her car in the hospital parking lot and wandered across the street to Joe's. After frantically leaving her father's house, she had managed to get the vehicle around the corner and out of sight before she pulled it to the curb again and let herself break down. Why had it been necessary she do this tonight? She hadn't seen the man in twenty years, what's another week?

She had sat alone, crying, clutching to her cell, hoping her would call. But he hadn't. His car had still been in the parking lot when she had finally managed to calm herself down enough to drive. She assumed he was still in surgery, but she didn't have the energy to go in and find out. She couldn't face her friends and co-workers right now.

So she was going to Joe's to drown her sorrows and wait for him to call. She wasn't on call and had the following day off. She was free to drink as much as she wanted and planned to take full advantage of that.

Collapsing onto her favourite seat, Meredith motioned Joe for a shot.

"Hey," he greeted as he set down a small shot glass and proceeded to fill it for her. "I haven't seen you around for a while. Alex told me about the bomb. How are you doing?"

She tossed back the shot and set her glass down, pushing it towards him. "I'm fine."

He filled it again. "You don't look fine."

She tossed the second one back. "This has nothing to do with the bomb."

He filled it a third time, and gave her a look of approval when she simply turned the full glass around in her fingers. "Shepherd?"

She shook her head. "No." The effects of the first two shots were beginning to be felt, and a gentle heat swept over her. She sighed and looked at Joe. "I just saw my father for the first time in twenty years."

"Ouch, how did that go?" A now familiar husky voice said over her shoulder.

Joe offered her an apologetic glance as he left to fill some orders down the bar, leaving her to Mark. She sighed and tossed back the third shot.

"Ahh, you're ignoring me."

"I'm trying to."

He sat next to her, placing a half glass of scotch down next to her empty shot glass. "You didn't have a problem talking to me this morning."

"That was before I knew who you were."

"So, you're letting Derek tell you to stay away from me?"

Her eyes flashed as she glared at him. "Derek didn't tell me to do anything."

"And yet, you're not speaking to me."

Meredith turned away from him again, her lithe fingers sliding the empty shot glass around in absent circles. "Can you just go? Please."

"But I want to get to know Derek's lusty intern."

"Excuse me?" She met his eyes again.

He smirked. "I've heard about you all the way in New York. You're famous."

"Yeah, well, I heard about you all the way here in Seattle."

He nodded approvingly. "We're the dirty mistresses."

Meredith closed her eyes. "Whatever."

"Ah, shutting me out again..."

"Trying to."

"Come on, talk to me..." He was obviously settling in.

Meredith sighed and stood, picking up her empty glass as a comfort object and moved nearer the center of the bar. The last thing she needed was Derek walking in and seeing this, or hearing about it through the hospital grapevine.

"He bothering you?" Joe asked, concerned, as he appeared in front of her.

Meredith offered him a weak smile. "Not exactly."

Joe narrowed his eyes. "You need me to ask him to leave?"

Meredith sighed. It was definitely tempting. "No, Joe, but thanks."

He held out a bottle of tequila. "You need a refill?"

It was more tempting, but she shook her head. "Can I just have a glass of water?"

Joe raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realize you knew we served water..."

Meredith let herself laugh at his comment. "Shut up."

He set the glass down in front of her. "So, what's up with the sudden need for water?"

She sighed, motioning towards the dejected plastic surgeon, still sitting down the bar, watching their conversation. "That's Mark; they guy who slept with Addison."

Joe nodded. He heard everything; he knew who Mark was.

"Anyway," she continued. "He showed up this morning. And now he seems to be trying to talk to me, and I can't let Derek see that. He's already got enough on his mind. And I get talky when I'm drunk."

Joe laughed. "So I've noticed." She swept his gaze along the bar, but no one was vying for his attention. "Tell me about your dad..."

She sighed heavily, taking a large gulp of water, trying to imagine it was tequila sliding down her throat. "Not much to tell. I looked him up. He didn't have anything to say. No explanations, nothing."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

He offered her a supportive smile and headed down the bar again.

"So, you'll talk to him, but not to me?"

Meredith groaned and didn't have to glace to her side to know who was sitting next to her. Again. "I like him."

"And you don't like me?"

"Please leave me alone."

"Oh, come on, that's not nice..."

She buried her face in her hands. If he continued to follow her, she'd have to leave. And the only place she had was the hospital. And that was just not a good option for her right now. "Please, Mark, please...just go."

"What's the harm in a few minutes?"

Meredith lifted her head and turned to tell him off, but the look on his face stopped her. He was pleading; looked depressed and hopeful and pained, all at the same time. "Fine. You have three minutes."

He smirked.

"But if you hit on me again, I will take Joe up on his offer to kick you out."

His smirk disappeared and he nodded. "Fair enough. It is funny that I picked you out of the crowd though, Derek and I always did have the same taste in women..."

"You have three minutes, and this is what you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about Derek."

She started. "I don't really think that's a good idea."

"But you gave me three minutes."

Meredith remained silent.

"I don't know how much Derek has told you about me..."

"Pretty much everything."

He sighed. "I didn't mean about me and Addison, I meant me and him."

"That you two grew up together, that you practically lived at his house. You were basically family, all the kids saw you as an uncle."

His face dropped at her use of the past tense.

"You were his best friend," Meredith continued. "And you slept with his wife."

"He did tell you a lot."

"Yeah."

He paused.

"Your time is almost up." She prompted.

"He's my best friend," Mark spoke up.

"I don't think he sees it that way anymore."

"I need him to understand. I love her. I fell in love with her. I...I never wanted to hurt him. He's my best friend. But..." He trailed off. "I love her."

Meredith closed her eyes, turning to face forward. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Waiting for Addison to show up."

"What?"

"I came to Seattle for her and I asked her to meet me here and...I'm hoping she shows."

Meredith sighed. She too had been here, waiting for Derek to show, only a few months ago. "Yeah, that's not easy."

"No." He shook his head.

"So, why are you talking to me?"

"Derek loves you."

She was caught off guard by his remark, and turned to meet his eyes. "So?"

"He values your opinion."

She narrowed her eyes; she could tell where this was going. "You're not seriously trying to get him back?"

Mark sighed and took a sip of his scotch, and Meredith knew she had hit it head on.

"Mark..."

"He's my best friend."

She was silent.

"I need him to understand."

"I don't know what you expect me to do..."

"He'll listen to you."

"I can't tell him to forgive you."

"Look, I screwed up. I get that. I should have talked to him first-"

"No!" She cut him off. "You don't get to sit here and ask me to tell him to forgive you."

"But-"

"Your three minutes are over. It's my turn now. He was your best friend, and you slept with his wife. She cheated on him with you. Cheating is bad...it's bad. It ruins people. It...destroys families..." She trailed off and swallowed hard as her emotions began to get the best of her. She flailed inwardly to keep her voice at a reasonable level. "I grew up without a father because my mother cheated on him. So, no. No. You do not get to come here and ask me for help." She stood, grabbing for her glass so fast she spilled water on the counter. "Now leave me alone."

Meredith stormed back to her original seat, slamming her glass down and not caring when she spilled more water. Silently she stewed, wishing for the umpteenth time she had waited until another night to decide to go and discover her roots, wishing her mother hadn't mistaken her for a co-worker who wanted to know about her adulterous affairs in the on-call rooms, wishing her mother's affair hadn't cost her a father, wishing her mother wasn't sick, and wishing she had a parent.

Tears stung the backs of her eyes, but she blinked them away. Now was not the time to cry. Derek would call soon, and then they would go home.

A presence appeared beside her, not making a move to sit, but still hovering close. "Look, Meredith, I didn't mean to bring anything up. I had a crappy childhood too. And you and me; we have a lot in common."

"No, we don't," she said firmly. Neither of them noticed the figure entering the bar.

"We both fell in love with married people."

"I didn't know he was married."

"Still..."

"Seriously? You still think you're in the right here? Did you not know they were married? Cause I'm pretty sure Derek told me you were his best man."

Mark sighed. "I screwed up, but I love her."

"That's not good enough."

"But-"

"Leave me alone."

"Meredith-"

"Just, Mark, please, leave me alone."

"But-"

"Leave me alone!" She shouted, turning angrily towards him.

Mark's gaze shifted away from her, and he backed away quickly.

Meredith didn't have to wonder who it was when a presence appeared close behind her. She turned and met familiar, weary eyes. Derek. Wonderful.

"What the hell are you doing, Mark?" His hand landed on her shoulder, offering a reassuring squeeze. She wondered how long he had been there.

"I was just talking to her," Mark said quickly, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

"Well, I'm pretty sure she was telling you to leave her alone."

Mark sighed and sent her an apologetic glance before making his way back down the bar, dejected.

Derek sat beside her, his arm immediately around her waist, holding her tightly against him. "Are you okay? I'm sorry about him."

She sighed. "It's okay. He's not that bad."

"What was he doing?" Derek's gaze was dark and unfamiliar, taking on an element she had never seen before; maybe one he did a good job of hiding. He looked vulnerable. And nervous. And very uncertain.

She forced a smile to her lips and kissed him, hard. "Don't worry about him, Derek. He was trying to talk about you."

Derek glanced towards Mark, and then back to her. "He wasn't...hitting on you?"

She shook her head. "No."

He still looked unsure, so she kissed him again. "Hey," she said softly when she pulled away. "It wouldn't matter if he was, Derek. He's not a threat to you anymore. I promise."

He shook his head. "I didn't mean-" He cut himself off and met her eyes. An understanding passed between them. He nodded. "Thank-you. I just...thanks."

She nodded. He definitely needed her support right now. This couldn't be easy on him. "How's your patient?"

His expression fell. "Dead."

"Derek, I'm sorry."

"Fifteen years old."

"You did everything you could."

He sighed. "He went into that surgery knowing he could die. And yet, all he wanted was a new face.

She squeezed his hand. "Derek, there are things in life you just can't do anything about."

"Hey, doc, the usual?" Joe asked, having spotted Derek entering.

Derek nodded and thanked him. He took a sip and Meredith couldn't help but realize he and Mark had the same taste in drinks too.

He put his glass down and glanced at hers, before furrowing his brow. "Water?"

"Yeah. I had a few shots, but Mark was trying to talk to me, and I knew if I had too many I'd get chatty and let him talk. And...I didn't want you to see that and think the wrong thing."

His arm tightened around her waist in response to her honesty. "You do get chatty..."

She smiled. "Did you get my note?"

He nodded. "Yeah, sorry I didn't call, but I definitely needed a drink after today. I didn't know if you were already here, so I thought I'd call if you weren't." He didn't ask where she had been.

She sighed.

"You okay?"

She paused, meeting his pained eyes. He was hurting; a lot. He didn't need anything more. "Yeah."

His eyes narrowed. He didn't believe her. "You look off."

She swallowed and offered him a smile. "I just had a bad day, start to finish."

Derek pursed his lips. "Well, the day's not over yet." He kissed her temple, and his voice fell to a husky whisper. "We could try and think of a way to improve it..."

She couldn't help the smirk that came to her face. "Do you have anything in mind?"

He smiled and kissed her. "One or two things..."

He stood and motioned to Joe to put both of their drinks on his tab. His arm stayed attached to her, and Meredith knew it was in response to the plastic surgeon still sitting along the bar, eyeing them with interest, but she didn't care. She needed to feel close to him right now.

He passed her the keys as they approached his car. "Are you okay to drive to the ferry? And then I'll drive from there?"

She took the keys, fumbling through them for the right one. "You still want to go to the trailer? It's late."

He stopped and met her eyes. "I know. I just..." He sighed and shook his head. "We can stay at yours tonight." They had planned on spending their day off at the trailer.

"No, what were you going to say?"

Derek hesitated for a long moment, his eyes taking on that vulnerability that made her heart clench once again. "I...I feel like he took everything from me. And I moved out here to get away from them. And yet...here I am all the way across the country, and they're both here."

"Okay..."

He took a breath. "I came out here to start over, and I just want to be surrounded by proof of that, by things that are mine, things they can't take from me."

Her heart ached for him in that moment. She reached for his hand. "Am I one of those things?"

A hint of a smile appeared on his lips. "I think so. Not that I think of you as mine, or than I...own you or anything, I just meant..." He started quickly and then trailed off.

For the first time that night, Meredith found herself laughing. "I know what you meant, Derek. You don't own me." She paused. "But I am yours. And they'll never take me from you." She leaned in and kissed him.

When she broke the kiss, Derek wrapped his arms around her. "Thank-you."

000

For the second time that week, Meredith found herself leaning up against the railing of the ferry, Derek's strong arms around her, anchoring them both safely. It was dark, but they were still up on deck, staring out at the black water, the ripples illuminated in the moonlight, surfacing and falling away into to the abyss of the darkness. It was beautiful.

She hadn't been able to drown the effects of the horrible day with alcohol, but she was quickly coming to realize she could do so in Derek. He was so warm behind her, even in the bitter cold of the evening. And his arms were perfect and strong, holding her in place, even though it wasn't nearly as windy as it had been after the memorial service days before.

His chin was resting on her shoulder, and every so often he would sigh, and his hold on her would tighten for several seconds. And even though she knew he was reassuring himself, she was allowing herself to be lulled by it. He was in pain, and she knew he would be there for her at any other time. And it had been her fault to pick today to go and see the father she had grown up without. So she could deal with it on her own for just a little while. She needed to be there for him now. It was her turn. She had to be strong.

"Why do you think she cheated on you?" Meredith found herself asking softly. They had discussed a bit of his experience already, but never the aetiology.

He sighed heavily. "I don't know. I guess...I was a little bit absent. Not that that's an excuse for her."

"No," Meredith agreed. "Do you..." She trailed off, knowing she needed to tread carefully. "Do you think it would have been different if you'd had kids?"

There was silence between them for several moments as he debated his answer. "Do I think she wouldn't have cheated?" He sighed. "I don't know."

She nodded, accepting his answer, glad he hadn't questioned why she had asked.

"Do you...wish you and Addison were still married?"

"No."

"Derek..."

He gently prompted her to turn around and met her eyes evenly. "Our marriage was over before she slept with Mark, at least it should have been. And it...it hurts that she cheated on me, but to be honest, it hurts more that it was Mark. He was my best friend." Derek shook his head. "I trusted him. I trusted both of them. And to have your entire life pulled out from you like that..." He shook his head.

Meredith wrapped her arms around his waist, burrowing into his chest. She had had her life pulled out from under her when she was five years old. Squeezing her eyes shut, she willed herself not to cry.

One of his hands left the railing to land on her back, rubbing in even circles. "I love you, Meredith Grey. I don't regret being here, with you, for one second."

A few tears leaked out of her eyes and she looked up to meet his, grateful he had misinterpreted her emotions. She couldn't help but let him comfort her for a moment, even if he didn't know why. "I love you too." She really did. And she believed he loved her back. And she even believed he was happy with her, and wasn't regretting his choice.

He kissed her, his lips meeting hers lightly at first, and then expertly drawing them in deeper. She let the world fall away from her, all she was left aware of being him. His lips on hers. His arms around her. His strong chest heaving against hers.

She finally broke off, gasping for air. He reached a hand to tenderly brush a few stray strands of hair out of her face. And she found herself pressing her lips against his once again, needing to be closer and closer and closer to him.

000

Meredith lay quietly, basking in the aftermath, clutching to the hands against her abdomen. Derek was still breathing hard behind her. The effects of the day were obviously still catching up to him. He had been more assertive than normal, telling her again and again how much he loved her, how much she meant to him. He had held her tight and kissed her hard and made love to her like he was proving something.

Meredith wasn't sure what he was trying to prove, or who he was trying to prove it to. And maybe he was just reassuring himself that she was in this, and that she knew he was in this. He loved her. She was his; and she would never be Mark's.

"I love you," he whispered. She had lost count of the number of times he had said it.

"I know." She squeezed his hand. "I love you too." He, apparently, needed to hear it. And so did she, she found. It was nice to hear it over and over. He loved her. She knew it. But it was always nice to hear.

He fell silent, and her thoughts drifted back to the day she had had. Her mother had quite brazenly told her she had cheated on Thatcher. And there hadn't been a hint of regret in her voice, in fact, she had seemed rather proud of herself. The man who had destroyed Derek's marriage, the man he had trusted like a brother, had showed up in Seattle. And he expected Meredith to help him fix his friendship. Meredith's father didn't want her...not that she shouldn't have realized that before hand. She was a doctor; she was supposed to be smart. The man had ditched her over twenty years ago; he obviously wanted nothing to do with her. And she deserved the reaction she received. And Derek wasn't himself. She had met a new side of him today. A vulnerable, scared, possessive side; that she hadn't seen coming, but couldn't blame him for having. He needed her right now. She would just silently take her comfort from his closeness. Even though it was late, she was glad they had ventured to the trailer. It was always comforting. And being there had done wonders to calm him.

He shifted behind her, and she could feel his arousal beginning to develop against her. His lips began to move along the back of her neck, gently biting and sucking and kissing. His large hands disengaged themselves from hers and moved upward to her breasts. She moaned.

His lips began to trail across her shoulder, and then towards her clavicle as he gently pulled her onto her back, coming to rest over her, straddling her leg as he ground against her. She closed her eyes and willed her attention back onto Derek and the way he was making her feel. Her eyes pricked, but she blinked back the tears. It wasn't that she didn't want to. In fact, she wanted to very much. She just didn't know what was wrong with herself.

His mouth found the soft skin along the front of her neck and she gasped. He shifted upwards, his lips meeting hers several times in rapid succession before he paused, hovering over her, his breath hot against her mouth, his eyes filled with desire. "You ready for round two?"

She spread her fingers through his hair and forced his lips back to hers, making that her answer. Her body was tingling and ready. He complied without any further encouraging, sliding his other leg between hers and expertly positioning himself.

They had settled into a comfortable rhythm, much more intimate and quiet than the first time, when Meredith felt the tears pricking the backs of her eyes once more. She swallowed hard, willing her mind to shut off and give in to the sensations her body was screaming about. But it seemed her mind was no longer willing to be ignored.

Derek came up from her shoulder, and she pressed her lips against his, hoping he wouldn't see her tears. He only kissed her back for a moment, and then he pulled his lips away and paused, breathing hard as he stared down at her.

"Damn it," she whispered, furiously wiping the tears away. She tried to pull him back down to her, but he resisted.

"What's wrong? Am I hurting you?" It had been barely a week since the bomb had gone off. She was still sore, and he was always worried he was hurting her.

"No. I'm fine. Keep... I'm fine."

"Meredith..."

The reverent way he spoke her name brought a new wave of tears to her eyes. "I'm sorry," she told him as her breathing hitched. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

He brushed hair off her damp forehead. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. This is about you right now..."

He pulled away from her abruptly, coming to rest more beside her, but still close. "Mer, I would never want you do to anything you don't want to-"

"No, I want to, I do," she reassured him, trying to pull him back to her. She was telling the truth, but he wouldn't return to his position.

He paused for a moment, hesitant. "Then what's wrong? Was it Mark? Did he say something?" His tone shifted towards anger.

Meredith quickly shook her head. "No, it wasn't Mark." She cupped his face. "Please, Derek, just let it go. I just had a bad day, and you're hurting right now. You need this. I need this."

He leaned close and kissed her. "I can't make love to you when you're crying," he whispered softly.

"Then I'll stop." She brushed away the dampness on her cheeks and blinked back the next batch.

"Oh, Mer," he sighed. "What happened to you today that you're not telling me? Where did you go before Joe's?"

He had noticed. She squeezed her eyes shut, shuddering as her diaphragm hitched painfully. She wasn't strong enough for him. "I went to see my dad," she admitted through her tears.

"What?"

"I looked him up, showed up on his doorstep."

His arms snaked around her, pulling her into his warmth, into an embrace as intimate, but so different than before. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were in surgery. And I...I didn't want to wait and lose my nerve. My patient, the one with the hate tapes, he survived his surgery, and he still wanted me to send the tapes. So I thought I should..." She broke off with a sob.

"Hey, hey," he comforted, his lips finding purchase against her forehead. "It's okay. Just breathe."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled when she had regained control of her breathing.

"For what?"

"I'm ruining this. I...it's my turn. You were so perfect, and always there, and always saying the right thing after the bomb, and now it's supposed to be my turn...and all I can do is break down and now you have to deal with me..." She couldn't meet his eyes anymore.

"First of all, and most importantly, I don't have to deal with you, Meredith. I love you. I want to be here for everything you go through, all the time, good and bad. I hate to see you in pain." He paused, his grip on her back loosening as one hand began to move in soothing circles. "Second, you're not ruining anything. Addison and Mark hurt me, a lot, and I'll be the first to admit it. But that doesn't mean I can't be there for you too."

"But you were there for me after the bomb."

He nodded, kissing her forehead. "And you were there for me too. I almost lost you, and you were there for me, you comforted me."

"It's not the same." She shook her head. "They hurt you-"

"But you being in pain hurts me far more, Meredith."

"But..."

"No buts. Mark and Addison slept together eight months ago. And Mark showing up here is making me mad. But I have you now, so I'm okay, really Meredith, I'm okay."

"But you're all sad and your eyes...you look so..." She trailed off and finally found the strength to meet his eyes. And all she saw now was concern. "You looked so hurt."

"They hurt me," he admitted. "And it scared me, how easily he took everything from me. But I believe you when you say that will never happen."

"It won't."

He kissed her lightly. "I believe you," he repeated. "And I'm sorry if I was preoccupied with my own issues that I wasn't paying enough attention."

"You weren't preoccupied," she reassured. "I just didn't think you needed my problems."

"Hey," he hooked a finger under her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. "I was absent before, with Addison." He shook his head. "I will never be absent with you."

She swallowed hard and nodded.

He kissed her forehead and returned his hand to her back, pulling her close. "Now, do you want to tell me about it?"

She sighed, breathing in the musky scent from his chest. "My mom had an affair. When I went to see her this morning, she apparently thought I was a co-worker or something. She told me all about it. And it definitely wasn't a one time thing."

He sighed heavily. "So, when you asked about kids..."

She nodded. "I don't know if it would have been enough to stop Addison, but it definitely wasn't for my mom."

"I'm sorry."

She smiled against him. "I guess I wanted to know for sure. I looked up Thatcher and he..." She sighed. "He didn't even invite me in off the porch. Said he knew she had an affair, and when I asked him why he didn't stay and fight, he..." Her torso hitched again. "He didn't have an answer."

"Shhh," he comforted quietly.

"I was five years old," she found herself saying. "Five. And he was my father. He was supposed to...supposed to stay and fight for me...he was supposed to want to fight for me."

"Oh, Mer," his voice was low and she could detect tears in it. "I know."

"It's been more than twenty years, and I show up on his doorstep and...and..." she shuddered. "There was nothing. No apology. No 'good to see you.' Nothing. He didn't even ask me if...anything. He didn't ask anything about me. Isn't he supposed to want to know things?"

"Yeah," he agreed with her. "He is."

"He just left," she whispered.

Derek's arms tightened around her. "I know he did."

"He told me he'd see me again soon," she found herself saying, as if he had opened a vault and now she had to tell him everything that came out. "The day he...the day he left. I remember it. My mother was hiding away in her office. I didn't understand. He packed up so much stuff into his car and I...I think I thought he was going on a trip. I wanted to go with him..." Her voice cracked. "And he told me I couldn't, but that he'd see me soon." She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "But I never saw him again...not until tonight."

Meredith fell silent. There was nothing left to say. Derek was still holding her close and all she had to do was concentrate on taking one breath after the other. He was keeping her safe.

"I will never leave you, Meredith."

"Thank-you."

AN: I really want to thank everyone who left an opinion about this chapter. I ended up going with my gut with the angsty chapter, and I'm glad I did. I loved the idea of Derek standing in the background by the car when Meredith meets Thatcher, but really, that's all I was going on for the happy version. And the angsty version allowed some new issues to be dealt with, so I'm happy with that. Thank-you to everyone who is sticking with this fic!